agreed with jane- vows made is like as if a email message and can be deleted off with a click.
this is how my hb used to think like that. he once said to me " as long as i can rem to come home and provide u and the son, and please dont bother me or whatever i am doing outside" and i was speechless and asked him what he thought of our marriage and he replied with this answer " to me marriage is like a piece of paper". that was what he said to me years ago. I was puzzled and bothered by his answers till 2009 he suddenly behaved oddly n i was really starting to suspect he might got woman outside. of cos my hunch was proven two years later.
not easy for me as the wound is still raw now.
i just hope that u all must be brave to face any uncertainity in future whatever u might be facing now. i dun know when or how many more marriages out there are broken; so fragile..
I wish I had not gotten married. Think I will be happier single. My husband likes to blame me for everything. If cook only 2 dishes, he will criticize why did not cook 3 dishes. If cook 3 dishes, he will say 2 is enough, why have 3 dishes? It's very hard to please him, he must pick on everything. I'm sick of hearing his criticisms. He also pick on other people situation too and say they should not do it. But if the same situation happen to him, he will say it's ok for him to do it. Lost my respect for him Liao...
1. Beauty attracts men but wisdom keeps them.
2. Elegance catches men's attention but intelligence convinces them.
3. Nagging irritates men but constructive silence weakens them.
4. The 'boy' in every man pumps out occasionally, your ability to handle this, is a woman's truest maturity.
5. Men have secret struggles and silent pains. Should you ever find them out exhibit the greatest maturity.
6. In the long-run your 'words' matters more to a man than your 'looks'. so invest the right words.
7. Earn a man's respect and he will consider you the yard stick 4 all his action.
8. Learn to mould the moods of your man.
9. Men will naturally give u their futures if they can recall your maturity in yesterday's issues.
10. Women are every where but queens are scarce. Let the queen in you come alive and he will hold you in high esteem.
If you still love your husband, you will have to understand why he behaves this way. Most men when take on the responsibility as the head of the household, it's very natural for them to put their wives down to make themselves look more authoritative. They believe they are in charge but in actual fact it's not. But in actual fact, men are actually very weak in managing the household and often needs their wives to assist them. It's just that the nature of being the "head" puts their pride at heart and gradually they don't know how to appreciate their wives. You will have to remember that as wives you are not there to please your husbands, otherwise is as good as being a maid to your men.
Smart women will learn to observe and think critically in how to control their men's emotions and deal with the situation effectively. You ladies are not the only ones, I do have a husband who is as such but I'm on the upper hand just cos I know when one day I'm not at home managing the household, he's completing handicapped and that's where he started to learn how to appreciate me. If your men puts u down, instead of getting upset over it, y not control ur emotions to a different level and start to learn how to control the situation. Its hard as I've been through that for a good 2 years.
Instead of rebutting your men's criticisms, silence may be the most effective remedy in most situations. What truly attracts men is a women's confidence, never let ur men pull you down on this, whether its intentionally or non-intentionally. Relook into your image, your etiquettes and speech, it makes a lot of difference. Take up courses to brush up these areas and learn to carry yourself well. Men are visual beings, they sense things visually. When they see a difference in you, you can have an upper hand and able change the situation around you. All men has the ability to feel guilty, instead of crying out loud and expect them to feel guilty, you will have to display it out to make them realize it. Actions speak louder than words applies a lot in here. If your men expect you to cook 3 dishes, go an extra mile and make it 4 dishes or prepare his fav food the next time. Real men will start to realize what they have done previously to you is just not right. If you can provide that level of understanding, you will win your men back gradually. It truly takes time, alot of endurances, generosity and effort to see the change in your men if you still love him. Unless you no longer love him, then it's a total different thing. Alot of women wanted a divorce not becos they don't love them, it's always such issues make them wanted to leave them. Hence you have to know very clearly whether is this man the man you want to live with for the rest of the life. If the answer is yes, then you know what to do.
Katie, what a good impression that u actually took a bit of efforts to write out a long post. however, i wonder what if things had changed almost totally and i might no longer able to love my husband the way i could try and try but cannot at all.