Child not Accepted in Childcare

[mummy201114]

Hi Mummies,

I am new to this forum. So please endure with me.

I am a mother to 2 children. My older one is 2 1/2 year old and my second is 3 months. Since day one my older son has been looked after at home by my mum. Hardly socialise as we have no other children in our family. Occasionally, we would bring him out to the play ground and all but mostly he was at home. And being at home he will occupy him time be playing the I PAD. Must say he is pretty good at it too.

About 6 months back I noticed that he doesn't like to communicate with people. Prefers to be left alone withhis Ipad. Also his speech was getting delayed. Doesn't even respond to us calling him. Also he was in the habit of putting things in his mouth. This worried me and my husband, unfortunately at that time I was expecting my second one and we were moving out from my mum's place to my own.

My hubby and I intended to put my son in half day childcare as we thought it would open him up and he would be more sociable. So last week he started his childcare. But even after the first day we had a lot of complaints from his teachers. They said that he was always crying, doesn't listen to instructions. Don't want to socialise with the other children, etc... and the list can go on. Mind you my son was only in the 1/2 day programme.

On his 3rd day he caught the cold and the school said it was better if I kept him at home after seeing the doc. I did so. So last Monday I brought him to school as per normal and this time after I left about an hour he vomited and the school asked me to bring him back. I did so. This time I went to the class itself to pick my son. Was surprised to see that my son was sitting on a chair, whereas the rest of the kids in his class was sitting on the floor having circle time. Probably due to my facial reaction was told immediately by the teacher that my son doesn't like mixing with the other kids and prefer to be left alone. Also i was asked why did he drool so much. I didn't know what to do or say just took my son and left. Brought him immediately to see a doc.

i asked the doc regarding my son's behaviour, she asked me with regards to his motor skills. He doesn't have a problem with that. She then told me he is probably a bit slow in speech and just encourage him to speak more that home. Other than that nothing seems to be wrong with him.

The next day I did not send him to childcare cause I was worried that he might vomit once again and would be sent back home. Cause he hasn't recovered from his cold throughly yet. Today when I brought him to school I was told by the school that they have a hard time looking after my son. As he needs a lot of attention. The teachers are not able to cope up with him around. The other students are very independent and my son is very "needy".

They advised me to send him to another school with a 2 hour programme instead. Told me once he started to interact and get along with others then bring him back and they can take him in.

I have no idea what to do now. Confused and upset if my son is autistic? Is the childcare fair by giving up on him after just 3 half days or does he just more time to adjust? I am so confused. I have made any appt with the child development specialist at kkh. But they can only see him on the 15th. If indeed my son has been diagnosed as autistic what should I do? Can he attend normal school?

Can Mummies out there guide me. I am feeling so lost. Please help.

 

[ecym]

IMHO, I feel the school write off your child too soon, its only three half days. Why dont you try to enrol into another school? When my girl first started child care, she also took about two weeks to settle down nicely...

 

[rinairfan]

The problem with parents these days that they think when the child knows how to use iPad they are pretty smart and then they will let the iPad babysit the child for the rest of the day. Take away the iPad from him forever. He will have withdrawal symptom after that for few days or even a week or 2. Replace iPad with blank papers, magic pens, twistable crayons and pencils from crayola.. Let his motor skill improve. Replace iPad with toys such as cars sets such as the Japanese Tomy set which has car lift, tunnels and sheds or Thomas trains where he could use his imagination. Play with him so that he will know how to play with it. i used to mimic Thomas voice and the other trains to my son. That was how he learns how to use words and improve his grammar. My son only starts talking at 3. Tried everything but he was just not ready. I did not want to push him and enrol him to weekly phonics class at leapschoolhouse. Less than 2 months he spoke one sentence after he came out from the school door. As for socializing with other kids, playground is the best place. You can let him participate with other kids there. He will gradually enjoy these moments, infact u will too. I was sick of my husband letting my son used the iPad all the time. We always had big arguments because of this until one day after an eye checkup at school, he had astig and had to be referred to KK. That to my husband refused to budge until after 3rd visit the doctor advised to stop iPad that he finally listened to me. It is really hard when one parent tries to do the right thing and the other oppose. But I am glad that he finally do not even care if he actually watched the ipad for that 30mins once a week that was allowed by the eye specialist.

 

[little_mouse]

we never agree on using Ipad or Iphone or any electronic gadgets for kids esp young kids, both my kids are not explored to all these electronics gadget, they dare not touch our phones and we do not have a Ipad, not due to budget issue, but we don't see the need to have one esp with young kids at home.

My #2 is less than 2 years old, but he can talk a lot, in short sentences.
The purpose of me writing this is not to boost on how smart he is, but there is effort that each parents have to put in to teach & nurture the kids. We spent a lot of time, reading, playing together. We only allowed tv on weekend, and only 30 mins show, most of the time, we let them play, learn, draw etc.

We are on shichida methods for both of my kids, we spent a lot of money & time teaching them, preparing home practice etc. When they start learning to talk, we spent much time couching them, keep on repeating the words to them, read to them. I am reading to them almost every night, about 2 - 4 books each time...

Do your kids have cousins to play with? or neighbor? or your best friends' children?
it is time to take away those electronics gadget & start to let him learn, socialize before it is too late!

 

[rykgirl]

I agree with the ipad/iphone addiction.. U will notice it's an addiction when your child behaves very badly once his gadget is taken away. I first noticed this behavior in my son when he was about 2yrs old. He would ask me for ipad/iphone first thing every morning and cry when I keep before sending him to bed.

That's when I realized he got addicted. Immediately, I took away from him all the gadgets, cold turkey style. He was very difficult to handle for the 1st few days but gradually, he got better and forgot about the ipad/iphone.. He started playing with his elder sister, sharing and even fighting over the toys.. Now, I keep my gadgets away from them for fear of seeing that ugly side of his addiction.. Only use it when it's absolutely necessary..

I would suggest to put your child in full day childcare from the start so that he can get used to it asap. Because it will take time, u have to start early. Don't continue with 2hrs program. The earlier he adapts to it, the easier it will be for him when he moves up the classes in future..

As for vomiting in childcare, my girl had that problem when she started cc since 17mths.. Cry too much then vomit.. As long as it's not caused by virus and the cause is known to teachers (eg, crying), your child should be able to stay in school. My girl stayed in school even though she did this for a long time (took about 1yr for her to be able to wave byebye happily to us without crying).. Her speech also was delayed.. She started speaking at 3.5yo.. Now at 5yo, still practicing her talk.. But at the end of the day, she's able to adapt and is happy attending school..

As long as the doctor says your child is fine, then it's the childcare who doesn't want to nurture the child.. If that's the case, better to switch childcare..

Jia you mummy! It's a passing phrase, unless the doctor says otherwise..

 

[friends78]

Hi mummy201114, pls switch your boy to another CC. The current CC just want to take shortcut and blame it on your boy. My boy took a year to get used to CC. For the first 6 mths, we really carried him horizontally inside as he was screaming and struggling badly. He can cry for hrs!! The first CC he went too behaved like what u mentioned. Left him in a corner, blamed this and that and even blame my Inlaws. Said becos they peeped too much, that's y he was like that. We pulled him out after 4 mths. Put him into 3-hr playgroup, cried for another 3-4mths then slightly better. Then when the CC we q for few years finally got place for him, we put him there and no issue after a week. Now he cry when we told him not to go to CC. Lol.

 

[jovialz]

Dear Mummy201114,

I feel your anxiety. It is a good move to seek professional advise. Hope by now, your should have seen the PD at KKH DCD. They would be able to help you whether its just speech delay or autism or none at all. At this age, might not be able to fully determine if it's Autism. However, do try to take whatever intervention they offer. If it turns out that your son is just a bit different in developement, nothing of major concern, good ! If Autism, as least you'd tried to give him the best chance to improve.

As for ipad (actually even tv cartoons), do limit the usage time and be very selective on what are the apps he is playing. Personal both my kids do play with ipad. However its their personal ipad. As in all the apps in each ipad as selected according to their age and help with their learning. Sharing a ipad with adult is not such a good idea as there bond to have games and apps meant for the adults. Try out the apps before you it to him. Try not to choose apps that change scene in fast pace (like movies, scene changes at fast rate). You can restrict apps installation / deletion / no youtube / safari under "restriction" inside "general settings".

 

[jovialz]

As gor the childcare, go to another one. If this childcare rules out a kid within a few days, its not a good one.

 

[micloeh]

Hi mummy, First of all, you should go for another childcare centre as the one that your son was attending was not professional enough and i would suggest you put your son in full day childcare instead of half day. I think most of the childcare operates this way..first half curriculum session and second half play and bonding session. If your son was so attached to ipad, he would not enjoy the dry morning half session. I strongly agree in taking the ipad away from him as my elder son was an example. He cant live without ipads and tv programmes and he was being diagnose with dyslexia and attention deficiency. Doctor claimed that gadgets will prevent the kid from exploring and learn and they will be in their own world.