Child Adoption

Hey ladies....

i'm not sure whether am i dreaming or what????

yesterday morning, we had our assessor from Touch at home for the home visit & by evening...I browsed through the 'draft copy' of the report that touch has prepared for us....

i never dreamed about stuffs going at such a high speed. Adding to all these happenings..spoke to Alice (lotus adoption agency) to inform about the stuffs that happened yesterday my suprise, she said she knows a family (dint ask her if malaysia or singapore) that's willing to place the baby for adoption & the baby is about to pop out from his mom anytime sooon

i'm seriously dumb struck??? Don;t know what to do?? We've started to bond ourselves with that baby now
even without knowing how he'll be looking like...

I'm going really crazy...

Now.....all senior mummies....

1.pls give me a list of items that i'll require..
2.where to buy (kiddy palace-seems to be a bit expensive..any cheaper place? or is it the normal rates?)
3.some caution on "i shouldn't have bought that..." kind of items..for example "Brand X stroller is better...but i dint know it until I bought brand Y stroller
4. what kind of baby food or infant formula is better for the baby?
5. what diapers are suitable & economical for the babies & parent?

Ladies...i don;t have anyone to turn tooo....pls help ..p..l..e..a..s..e

c u soon

Hi die - will be here for as long as my hubby stays happy in his job. Normally there are 4 seasons but Moscow has got "the Russian Winter" followed by "winter". Although it's offically spring from March, temperature is still in negative zone and it'll only get warm in April. So for now, we need to rug up when we go out. When there's sunshine it's beautiful...the sun on the snow!

I've not started Sophie on cereal yet. I'm thinking when she turns 5 months, ie, end of this month. Feeling nervous and strange about it!

mrs ha - congrats! don't worry, you'll adjust very quickly to being mummy. I've tried Avent, my baby didn't like it - the teats quite hard. She had reflux and a bit of colic so I switched to Dr Brown's and when she passed 3 months and reflux is gone, I've switched again to Nuk. I find Nuk a good brand to start with, my baby is also using Nuk pacifiers

For nappies - I've been buying pampers.

For baby carrier - a friend bought me the babybjorn, both Sophie and I felt uncomfortable in it. I got the Manduka instead - it's more expensive but baby and mum is more comfortable... it gives better support. You can try before you buy and the baby carrier shop at Novena. I think it's called baby and slings

Stroller - i didn't buy it till Sophie is about 1 month (we adopted her 7 days old) and on hindsight was a good idea. With waiting, I had a better idea what I wanted from the stroller. I bought the bugaboo - it's expensive but suited the conditions in Moscow.

Let me know if you need any more help. So excited for you!
Mrs ha
I am excited to read your news! seems like your dream is coming true. How exciting. About your queries, I have asked some "seniors" to stop by as I dont have a list.
Hey Mrs ha, Dream just told me that u need a baby list. I've PM. Revert with your email so that I can send to you.

baby seat, i think maxi cosi is good for infant but the black one in mothercare is abit hot. So, you can go to motherworks for the more colourful ones as the materials are cooler. I've got the same taste as Percy for pram. You can fit the maxi cosi into the bugaboo stroller. Quinny is very heavy and bulky. So, bugaboo BEE is better and lighter and go through one side of the glass door in most shopping centre. It's abit expensive but it's very stable and very comfy for baby to sleep in. They do not get woken up when you tow her around. i used to transport her by myself from malls to home without waking her up. If you don't drive and takes a cab around, the taxi driver might not be able to close the stroller for you. there's the only -ve point. they only know mclaren(which is also a good brand).

i feel that Nan is good for infant as they are closest to breast milk in terms of the consistency.

don't use too much wet wipes on new born. if they poo, better to use cotton and clean them.

for milk bottle, like percy said, i love Nuk for new born as it's flat and the reflex of the tongue will help the new born to drink. actually, i alternate a few milk bottles and she got used to everyone of them. Alice will give you advice on the teats as she likes to use teats with bigger hole so that baby drinks faster and more(and sleep longer). it works for my daughter.

like percy said, pamers is good. I like huggies too. it's thicker so it mask the smell better.

on baby carrier, for new born sarong is the best! SW(social worker) recommended sarong as baby is close to your heart and can bond with you and be familiar with your scent. Awww, you will like having the sarong, I swear. Finally, a mother! So happy for you!

Pigeon steriliser.

Keep your questions coming!
Hi Mrs Ha, just happened to pop in and saw your great news!!! So happy for you
PM me if you need baby list. FYI, MOthercare at Harbourfront is having a major sale these few days - may be a good place to get all your baby stuff! Taka baby fair also coming up mar 12 - I remember we had 2 weeks to prepare for baby's coming home, and all the joy and excitement we felt
enjoy the ride!
Hi Mrs Ha - Been reading your progress... you are almost there... keep positive and hang in tight with those butterflies in your stomach! Hahaha.

For buying baby stuff, you can always get the list from most baby dept stores. But here is the basic survival list of items which I feel it's good for a start. The rest you can take time to buy them. BB needs most is lots of your love and cuddling!!

- Milk power with min 2 x milk bottle (1 for water), milk powder container for outdoor use.
- Diapers (around 6pcs each day), baby wipes, cotton balls for wet wiping.
- Gripe water, Ruyi oil (both for stomach wind), baby lotion (if you want). I don't recommend baby powder cos' it gets into BB nostrils and "No No" on private parts. Do stand by diaper rash cream (I used Seba Med)
- Baby bath tub, wash cloth, baby body head and body cleanser.
- Clothes; buy those with buttons in front for easy change. Per day I standby 4 x tops + 2 x Rompers (one pc suit covering toes for night esp in aircon) for change.
- Mittens x 4 sets
- Swaddle cloth
- Pacifier x 2 if you want to give.

I am going to share with you some of my own experience which I hope you find my tips useful and avoid mistakes I make. I'm a practical mom so I will recommend places I've shop which helps me to save a few bucks.

1. Milk Powder - Alice started my BB on Enfalac so I just continue, didn't attempt to change since she is doing fine. I didn't want to cause any tummy upset as well. Though I did think it was expensive so I do make a habit to drop by supermarkets / provision shops to compare prices and prices do vary. You can visit Ang Mo Supermarket, it is cheaper by 10-15% for most brands but stocks tend to run out fast.

2. Diapers - Mammy poko after friends highly recommended. And no nappy rash so far. I tried pampers but feel no difference so I go for the cheaper one. I did try huggies but the fit doesn't suit my gal cos' she has small butt. I didn't like drypers. Do stock up if they are on promotion but don't over buy cos' BB size do change quickly.

3. Milk bottles - like percy... my BB reject Avent also (I think Avent is so successful in their marketing). It was too hard for her to suck. I end up buying different brands and let her try and she decided only on Tollyjoy which Alice started on. I was like "okay... that's very economical." From this exp, finding the suitable teats for your BB is crucial esp the fussy ones. Brand is not impt.

4. Sterilizing - I used conventional boiling method cos' I want to save space. I got a new soup pot used mainly for this purpose. After water is boiled, off it and emerge the bottle and teats in and let it soak for like 15 mins or more. Replace them when teats turns yellowish and when bottles turn milky. Use bottle cleanser and not detergent.

5. Car Seat - Maxi Cosi is a good brand but I was not willing to pay for it esp if it is only for infant cos' I will have to get a new one when she outgrows it. Besides, it is usually short journey in the car. I just buy a cheap one but it must be NEW cos' I rejected pass down from friends cos' I think safety comes first. You can consider those car seat that allows you to transform from infant, toddler and bumper seat. My only question is whether can material last so long esp when kid starts to puke, eat and when car is park in the sun? I wonder.

5. Strollers - For me, lightweight is impt cos' never know when I need to carry pram and baby at the same time on public transport. And fully inclined position so baby can sleep better. I decided to go for Maclaren. It collapse well and easy to store. My gal has been using it since infant till now. It certainly makes my money worth
If you are with me on this, Combi is also a good one for light weight and it seems to hug BB nicely.

6. I recommend you to go to Baby Hyperstore and Baby Kingdom (I think) for car seats / strollers / cots / playpen. Anyway they are both next to each other. It is located at Shun Li Industrial Park, Bedok. It's like a warehouse. It has all the brands for comparison and you probably get the same or lower price there. IKEA is also a good place. Do check out Robinson, Isetan, OG sales also. Supermarket is NOT the best place to buy baby items except food. I feel Kiddy palace is good place to buy toys only. They have wide variety and price range to choose. And I do visit a baby store in Ang Mo Kio central opposite the polyclinic. It sells cheap baby necessity only like milk bottles (good range), clothing (4pcs x $10), bibs, wash cloths, bathing items, toys, strollers etc. You feel quite "retro" when you stepped into this store. Clothes quality is ok if you are not fussy but no fancy design.

7. Baby Talk Monitor - Don't bother to buy one first until baby is with you and you feel the need for one. I used it for few days then realized I don't need it all. PM me if you need it

8. Baby carrier - I agree Sarong is very good for bonding and it keeps your hands free. I got the peanut shell brand which is a sling with no adjustable strap. Design is great and can holds baby up to 14-16 Kg (I think). It has a few ways of carrying as baby grows include piggy back. BUT I don't recommend it. You need to watch a training video and keep practicing until you and baby are comfortable. I almost gave up halfway but I persist. As baby grows taller, it gets harder to put her in. And it tends to weigh down on one shoulder due to the weight distribution.

Ok...I guess that's enough for you to digest for now. Haha. You will learn as you go along as every baby is different and has their own unique pattern. If you have any questions, feel free to shoot. We are all here to support one another.

Happy Shopping!!
Mrs Ha - Oh ya...thought I should also prepare you mentally cos' it can be heart breaking if it happens. I have heard of cases that birth mothers changing their mind after birth. I personally had one similar experience with a pregnant woman but she later decided to keep baby (while still pregnant) and get married. I was a bit disappointed but I felt really happy for her cos' this is the best outcome for her and baby. So, please do not get your hopes too high up until it is all affirmative. Stay positive and have faith! Your baby will come eventually.
Hey "senior" Ladies

Seriously tears run down...U all are soooooo sweet
A BIG HUG from me...muaaaah!!!!!

I din't expect such an overwhelming response...

Thanks a lot ladies

@SAHM - thanks for the list & U sound more like my mind to save some $. Also I got ur caution. All my family & friends are cautioning about this aspects. I'm getting cold shoulders from him as well on this
. Do people really change their mind on this?? I'm sorry to hear that u had been through such an ordeal. I can't even imagine such events...

@iwantitmuch - hope u got my reply to ur PM. thanks a lot
Hey "senior" Mummies

for those who had got baby through Alice, how did u all met ur baby? did she take you to her home/ agency or do you travel across the border to their home/ hospital to meet ur baby?

Well, this is a very basic Q...since i have gone lil too crazy, my mind has stopped thinking...hehehe

How did u feel...when u first met ur baby? did bell ring around u...b'cos mostly babies normally sleep during the first couple of weeks/days when we visit them ? they wouldn't be so active to play around..(this is my imagination...pls correct me seniors here)


Thanks for the help...
You are most welcome! The shopping part is really fun and I guarantee you that you will still end up buying things you don't need. Hahaha. Babies are highly adaptable. They don't know what they are missing so it's really up to our comfort level. I've been to overseas orphanage and condition is real bad but they survived with bare minimal. The experience humbled me on the things my BB needs.

And yes, I was told mothers do often change their mind after giving birth to their BB. For my case, I actually felt relieved cos' I was only talking to her on the phone. I cannot imagine how to face her and take BB away from her. That's why I'm always grateful to my BB birth mother. Though never met but without her willingness, I will not be a mother.

I met my BB at Alice's home. Once BB is here, your chance is good. I won't advice you to travel across the border unless you are convinced it is necessary. Child trafficking issue is real and you won't want to be caught in between fire if something happens over there when you are there or BB cannot come out of country last minute. Your emotions are at stake. Again, personal experience. Yup...I've weird encounters in this adoption journey. So... blessed are those who didn't have go through what I've been through.

Becoz' of these encounters, I tell myself to stay calm and don't get too close to BB in case it fails again. When I saw BB, she was waking up for milk, so I saw her eyes open. Honestly, she was just another BB to me but she looks pleasant and calm. Then baby was fed and went back sleeping. Alice asked me to carry her but I refused. So, my hubby did. I was more concerned on how and why BB was given up... busy verifying documents to see if they are real. Yes, I was paranoid. She slept calmly in my hubby's arm and he was the one that feels she is the one. We were there about 2 hours and left. I just wanted to wait for her medical check to be cleared b4 I commit my feelings. We had the weekend b4 results were out on Mon and I didn't even want to visit her. We took that time to just buy some very basic baby essentials for her. I didn't want to commit more stuff in case. But that weekend was nerve wrecking for me. I was nervous, confused, stomach butterflies, hard to focus on anything and we didn't want to break news to anyone not include our parents. I kept my faith and prayed. So, when results were out on Mon AM, BB was back at my place that same day PM. It was that quick! And my tears rolled when I carried her in my arms cos' finally it's my turn! And I truly cherish her with my whole heart.
It's really a wonderful story.

hi Ladies

Did u use playpen or crib/ cot from ikea for ur BB? where did u buy the playpen. I'm planning to have the baby just besides our bed in our bedroom. Have anyone bought a small cradle kind of stuff, so that it'll be space saving & easy for mom to rock the baby in the bedroom?

Actually, I'm not a big fan of aircon sleeping. did u swaddle ur BB? for such a hot climate like you think won't it look like 'Bake my BB'?

More Q to come...thanks for all the help
as SAHM mentioned that masi cosi is expensive, I now recall why i was willing to pay for it after comparing with other designs. You can use the masi cosi up to 1 yr old or as long as possible if you can.
When you use masi cosi, the baby will face the rear of the car. A bit frustrating cos you can't see your baby.
However, masi cosi has alot of safety features. It is better to face the rear because if you brake the car, the neck of the new born will not SURGE forward, unlike a front facing car seat.
The masi cosi also has energy absorbing foam and side impact protection. If you don't need to have the infant seat, you can buy the car seat which can be used from Birth to 4 yrs old and can be rear and front facing. But buy the one which can be turned to face you as you put the child in the seat and then, turn the seat to the front or rear of the car again.

so, don't have to buy masi cosi but try to get a rear facing infant seat.

Me too, I felt the same as SAHM about going to the other country to see the BB. It's better to just wait here and stay neutral, calm until the baby clear medical and comes home. The birth mum might change her mind. So, we are crossing fingers for you.

I saw alot of pre-loved cribs for sale at WTB thread in this SHM forum. If you don't mind, better to buy 2nd hand and pre-loved. save the environment. small cradle will be too small too soon. if you rock often, the child will be used to it and can't sleep if you don't rock.

what SAHM is right, buy only the essentials and after the baby arrives, you will know what are the things to buy or not.
Mrs Ha,

I stopped swaddling baby ace when he was 3 mths cuz he has mild ezema so jus applied cream then dress in warm clothing, mittens m booties to sleep in air-con room between 26-28 degrees. I used a playpen with bassinet type to place next to my own bed at night. During the day, he sleeps in a carseat type rocker or automated sarong yaolan in the hall.

Before we were due to visit any babies at all, I was pretty nervous abt 'choosing' the right baby, whether hubby and i could agree on the right, healthy one for us etc..the anticipation was nerve-wrecking.

However when we saw baby ace, we didnt need a private moment to consult with each other at all..we instantly knew that he was the one and that both of us felt the same way about him..'ding' it was love at first sight..Before seeing baby ace i was adamant about baby clearing the medical check before bringing him home etc.. but guess wat... even before the blood test results came out, he had been home with us alrdy for 3 days. And when the results were normal, we breathed a sigh of relief because in fact we knew we would keep baby ace in spite of anything that came up in the medical!

Gd luck! I am so excited for u. Keep us posted!
Mrs Ha
It is really nice to read all postings and the sharings of all the sisters here. It is really heartwarming and it is certainly a journey that all of us would cherish.

Like Die, I fell in love with my boy the second I saw him but dont worry if you do not feel the same. Every person reacts differently and sometimes it could be "self preservation" like SAHM. If you have time, you can read some old posts as we had discussed this subject before. Just wanted to prepare you mentally in case you have different feelings.

About your question about playpen, I actually have one and found it very useful. I like the flexibility of moving it around and packing it up when we travel. Make sure you buy one with two positions.

Keep us updated on your journey.

I love your story! And I think we must be quite alike. Had also lots of worries before meeting Bb but all vanished when we saw him!

Good to hear from you! Winter must be very cold.
Mrs Ha - Am not a big fan of sleeping aircon as well. I got the playpen w bassinet too (from Baby Hyperstore) but the big size one and BB is still sleeping in it till now. And yes, the small cradle is not going to last for long. Do get a baby rocker chair that can you use during the day.

I trained BB to sleep alone next room since day 1 cos' I'm a very light sleeper. And she is able and used to sleeping all by herself. No aircon unless it gets really warmth and her sleep is disturbed. I've installed ceiling fan and her room is well ventilated. I swaddle her only for 2 months. During night feeds, if I feel BB is feeling warm or fidgeting, I will loosen up the swaddle. Yes, please use your discretion cos' every BB is different.
Hi all!

I'd like to get some advice on the cost of adopting a child locally as my sister has decided on adopting one in the near future.

There doesn't seem to be many websites around that are very helpful so have to ask the experienced ones here :)

She will be securing the little one through her friend so no need for agency fees. How much would she need to set aside in total then, legal fees and all?

Thanks so much in advance!
mrs ha - don't worry too much about not being prepared. We were not ready when Alice rang with the news. We had a couple of hours to decide if we wanted to go ahead with the adoption. We realised that we were never going to be ready so we said yes (of course)....made immediate plans to head back Singapore - it was the best decision we've ever made. Baby Sophie has made our life complete. You'll realise that being mum will come naturally and really it's a on-the-job process, and you'll also need to trust your own instincts (we did not have the chance to read any baby books prior to adoption).

We met bub at Alice's flat and we swaddled her only till she was 2 weeks old (we took her home at 7 days). She was struggling and was using a lot of enery trying to get out of the swaddle... so we gave up swaddling.

Good luck with everything and hope to hear good news soon!
Hi ladies

Its gonna be a week, I haven't heard any news from her

May be I need to be more calm as SAHM rightly says..

Also there has been a couple of turn of events in my side. As a result of which my family members now, propose that it would be better that we adopt our baby after our overseas trip (that'll be in June), so that baby also doesn't travel overseas at an early stage.

Thanks for all those wonderful messages...I owe a lot to u
Hi Sarah,

Welcome to our thread.
Most of us adopt thru agency and the agent fees form the bulk of the cost of child adoption.

If ur sis secures the baby on her own thru frens or relatives, she needs to factor in the cost of medical checks for the baby and any compensation to the biological mum.

Legal fees is abt 2-3k. Do find a lawyer experienced in child adoption.
Baby medical check is abt 300-1000+ depending on how detailed and which clinic/hospital.

Any other questions u can post here. I agree that there isnt any local website providing more info on child adoption. When I was going thru the process, this forum was my best resource and the experienced mummies were very helpful to me.

Gd luck.
Hi die,

Thanks for much for the info! Very helpful :)

Turns out my sis has to go through an agency for adoption instead, so I think she'll possibly be looking at Tanjong Pagar FSC (as recommended by one of the members here).

I remember reading somewhere that divorcees can adopt but would like to double check here, is it legally allowed?

Thanks again die, and congrats on your little guy!
@ Mrs Ha - If you have already done whatever you need to do, just relax by knowing the day will surely come! Cos' very soon you will have no time for yourself when BB is here. Hahaha. I hope you agree with me that many things in life often do not always happen the way we want it to be even with all our careful planning. In this journey, I learned that timing is really not on our side. It can be a long dry wait for that call but yet it can happen the next minute. We were set for holidays in 10 days time when we received that faithful call from Alice. We even hang on to our tickets until BB comes home that day b4 we cancel the trip which is only few days away. It's funny that I was feeling happy despite cursing from agent and paying up all the penalty. Am telling you this so you can be mentally prepared to keep your plans fluid at this stage of "conceiving". You do need to set your priority.

@Sarah - Yes, I believe singles are allowed to adopt so are divorcees. Single parenting alone is already tough. Do think twice.
Agreed with u SAHM. But this trip is not a just another vacation trip. I'm going to meet my parents overseas. I really wanted to get the baby earlier, so that we could take the baby with us overseas when we meet our parents., it looks like more & more people are cautioning about the difference in the nationality among us & baby might affect the thrill of our trip & also, since the baby is gonaa be very tender, I decided to pause the button for a couple of months..In my heart, I'm still crying & cursing myself for my luck & not being able to go on with a baby
event though its all set & ready!!!


You might want to call MCYS to get more details. I remember, one of the ladies, who wanted to adopt a baby was asked go through counselling sessions as she was a single parent...
mrs ha, I think it's not advisable to travel with baby when the infant is still young. Please think twice, thrice if required. It will be good if you can postpone. Why don't u ask your parents to come?

While I often see people traveling with very young babies, I read that it's still not advisable. I did not want to travel with my child in her first year. We are only making our first trip after 18 months.
wowow!!! after not checking in here for some time, what wonderful progress have been taking place!

@mrs ha, YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!! now that what you need to do has been done, just as SAHM rightly said, just sit back and relax - your baby will find you very soon! i think most of the mommies and daddies in here will say that caring for your baby esp at the beginning is an OJT (on-the-job-training) experience. you will know as mommy whether your baby still likes to be swaddled or not. just gotta take the cue from him/her. meantime, just enjoy shopping in the baby dept - it's a whole new world! i'm soooo happy for you and just like die, it is so inspiring to see the both of you sharing your journey in here. it is just so special.

@die: i'm really sorry to hear of the etopic pregnancy and thank God you are alright. it must have been quite a scare esp since baby Ace is in your lives now. please do rest well. it really makes me happy to know how much you both are enjoying having Ace. it really doesn't matter whether he came from your tummy or not, right? : )

@sarah, welcome to our thread : ) if your sis is having her baby privately, you might encourage her child's birthmom to be go through counseling before and after she delivers to help her through. some of us contacted adoption lawyer, josephine tay 67349096, she's very experienced and efficient.
mrs ha - my experience on travelling with babies. We did a week holiday when my little girl was 10 weeks old - it was only to Bali, 2.5 hour plane ride, very manageable. We stayed at one place all that time. It was a great way for my husband's family to meet our little addition. My little one has also done a 11 hour trip just before she turned 4 months to Moscow. So really, it's do-able, you just need to be properly prepared and packed.
SAHM & mrs_ha,

Appreciate the advice! My sister wld definitely be considering adopting only when she settles down with her (hopefully) husband-to-be.


Thank you for the contact! Will get her to check it out. :)
Dear all,
Last yr, i was here... With my form ready to be sent out but my mum strongly objected.... So in the end, we decided to gv ivf a try....but i guess i just don't belong to the lucky grp so now im back here with my hubby's full support.
All along we wanted my mum to agree to it as she will be the one helping to take care of the baby when we are at work. However, if her mindset still remained the same as year back, we will hv to either get a helper or a baby sitter...
Anyone can share with me what is the waiting time now?

Percy, i was reading thru the past thread and i understand that your mum was also against adoption. However now she is helping you with the baby. Can share with me how you manage to convince your mum to accept baby sophie?

Also, i hope to join in the fb group Our Miracles.. Can i?
@Mrs Ha - The difference in nationality will be an issue if you decide to adopt. Instead of avoiding it, perhaps you should face it and overcome it. Altho it seems really unwise to travel with young babies BUT I totally agree with Percy that it is doable IF you want the best of both world. I too had my reservations and our first holiday came when BB was 18 months old... thinking it will be much easier to handle but I still struggled the entire trip. She was like a mini-stewardess!! Then I saw the couple next to me with a young baby... relaxed and enjoying cos' BB was sleeping all the way. I hope all of our sharing here helps to give you more options to consider. You really do not have to beat yourself up for it.

@Die - I believe God will not allow your past hurt to be wasted. Your sharing is going to impact and encourage many women out there searching for hope! Enjoy your bonding time with Ace and please rest well

@ineedmiracle - Sorry about your failed ivf. I know it hurts when you do not get your mum's blessing over adoption. Frankly, I doubt you can convince her cos' it is her own perception and mindset. Instead of trying to change it, just accept it as a fact for now. Like you rightly said it, you can hire helper or you can put in infant care or even quit your job to look after baby. A friend of mine once said it... our parents have no obligations to look after our kids on our behalf. It is a blessing if they do but we should not expect it from them. I totally agree with her cos' this is indeed our parenthood journey. Our parents have already done theirs by bringing us up. I am sure your mom loves you enough to eventually accept it when the time comes. Who can resist these cute little babies?! I've heard many sharing that often the one family member that rejects the idea most would end up adores the kid most! So, stay strong and keep your faith. Yes, it might be a bumpy ride ahead but it will all end up well
I've no idea about the waiting time cos' no one can tell you for sure. You just have to do the needful application and wait patiently for your turn. Hope to hear your progress report here.
ineedmiracle - I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can totally understand and relate to how you're feeling right now. My mum especially was against adoption and made snide remarks about giving up on really hurt. The reason I wanted her approval was so that she'll be fair to my adopted child and love her as her own biological grandchild. If she's unable to do so, I was prepared to "protect" my child and isolate my mum from her. Like what SAHM mentioned - it's our own parenthood we went ahead. But when baby Sophie arrived, my mum fell in love with her. My theory is - it's hard not to love an innocent child. I believe your mum will come around when the time comes and she'll realise it's no difference biological or not.
SAHM, percy
I agree. It is difficult to change mum's perception and mindset on adoption. But i like what percy stated "It's hard not to love an innocent child."
I told hubby, will I be too old if I wanna give myself till 35 then adopt? I thought to give myself few years to save up and also be prepared for the adoption. Just wondering, if I start to attend seminars of adoption now, but decided to proceed with the HSR and adoption in about 2-3 years time, will those seminars I've attended be still valid? Or do I have to re-attend them again?
@ineedmiracle - If am not wrong, you cannot be 45 years older than your child when you adopt (according to one of mcys requirement). As such, you do have plenty of time to think about it. My advice is to take your time. If 35 comes and you two still have unresolved issues then don't do it. We too gave ourselves an absolute time line to decide if we shd proceed with adoption. In between, we did talk about it but never want to face it. So, when our time line draws nearer, we "forced" ourselves to think it through as if giving ourselves one last chance. It was now or never type of attitude cos' age is indeed catching up. Am glad we went ahead eventually despite we were still not feeling ready. It does take faith embarking on this journey. For now, your first step is to attend the pre-adoption workshop. It does give you some insight what to expect and assess your own readiness. Thereafter, you can decide on your next steps.
Hi ineedmiracle...
A big hug to must hav been an extremely emotional time for urself and hubby. I felt like writing to you,not to tell you tt ur mum might change her mind after she sees ur baby but tt having a lil one whether naturally or thru adoption will change ur life forever.

I remember when my hubby and I decided to adopt, we had already met our lil boy. Then we told our parents and in-laws. For both sides, there were some objection but we pushed ahead.
This decision is yours to make and it's really depends on how much u want to hav one. Because then it's up to u and hubby to make it happen. I am surprised tt ur mum is so against the idea as i'd thought she would feel ur pain of not being able to hav one of ur own.

Take ur time and think thru...but don't wait long cos once that bundle of joy is in ur arms, you would be wishing u had made the decision ealier:).

Whatever the decision...good luck....

Does anyone know how much is it roughly to adopt through MCYS? Is it cheaper than through agency but wait longer/cannot choose baby?

Have read the MCYS website but they aren't too clear about it, so thought abt checking here first before my sis calls/goes down :)

Thanks in advance!
SAHM, babylove
recently just failed my FET taking a break. hubby feels that we should talk about this months later cos he doesn't want me to rush into adoption straight after a failed cycle. Emotionally and financially we have to plan well.
All the cost have to plan well cos we wouldn't want to be 'poor' after adoption.

But I understand that part of HSR, they will interview parents. If they are against it, won't we be 'penalised' and not stand a good chance?

So the pre-adoption workshop, I can start attending now even though i plan to adopt say in 1-2 years time?
Sarah, I think you need to learn more about adoption language. your questions on how much, is it cheaper, can choose,etc, can be so irritating!
@ineedmiracle - It is always sensible not to rush into it. The adoption journey itself has its challenges as well. Thus, it is best you take time to recuperate b4 you take the next plunge. HSR does not require to interview your parents not unless they are caregivers of the child but I am 100% sure on this cos' I'm the main caregiver. Perhaps other APs with similar situation can better advice you on this. Pre-adoption workshop is mainly for couples considering adoption. It is a useful workshop so you know what to do next when you are ready even if years later. This is not mandated by mcys. But once you start your HSR, then it is mandatory for you to attend the Disclosure Talk workshop.
Hi ineedmiracle, truly understand how u feel now. Think we r at the same point of journey now coz i m also giving myself abt one or two years' time before adopting. I feel we need to prepare mentally and finanically to make sure we r able to provide the best for the baby we gtg to adopt. Maybe u shld take a break from all these coz ivf is juz so stressful...Hugs

Sorry if i offended anyone in any way. I was reading the back posts in this thread, and saw other ppl talking in this manner (e.g. how much do agencies charge, viewing the baby first) so didn't think that it would be annoying.

Don't get me wrong, i understand fully that its not about buying a child. I'll try to rephrase it better next time.

Thanks for letting me know!
Thanks for your understanding, SarahWee. Alot of people reads this thread, journalist,agent etc. So, we must not sound like child trafficking. Baby is a precious resource and is priceless. It's really great that you are helping your sister. I wish that I have a sister who helps me. Maybe you can ask your sister to speak to the social worker so that they can assist. They can tell your sister the difference between adoption through MCYS/Touch and through agents.
so if my parents are not going to be the caregiver, then the HSR home interview will not include them.....
Say, if i'm going to have a helper when the baby comes. I just need to inform the home interviewer will do. No need any documentation proof..? Thanks for the info. There are so many questions in my mind....I really finding solution for everything...though it is not possible...realli thanks for the valuable advise.

In my heart, I ask myself, should I give IVF one more chance. But after every round, it hurts. Ladies here went through so many cycles to decide on this. My hubby is not stressing me and I've let my parents know that I've went thru ivfs and adoption will be my next choice. Are you going to consider more rounds of IVF?
Hello everyone,

I am glad to see this thread is still very active. I was here two years ago, now enjoying every precious moment with my son. As I read some of the postings, I think the worries and concerns that most of you have are normal and valid. My little advise to all future and hopeful parents is that your basic understanding and communication with your spouse must be strong and you must get your family support totally. I have seen couples who facing problem in trying to disclose their adoption and end up distance themselves from family and friends as they are not sure how the family will take the new and worry about how the child will be treated.
I hope that all of you are ready and excited about the adoption.And keep the good news coming.
ineedmiracle and Lyn - you'll know when the time comes, ie, about when to stop IVF. For me, it's when I've done my best and have no more excuses for it not working. My hubby too couldn't bear the pain I was going through. And to clear my head and as part of closure, I went to talk to a counsellor which really helps. It could be a good idea doing that before moving on to the next steps.

Yes i have read ur previous postings together with other 'seniors' which were v informative and exciting when i began my adoption journey. Are u thinking of #2?
Miracle: yes it really hurt and no one can comprehend the pain... I went thru the same as what you did, just one wk later then you. I didn't continue the last 3 inserts... I am seriously considering into adoption.
Hi indeedmiracle, sorry to reply u after so many days. I m also giving myself till 35 then adopt.I guess we shld be around the same age right? As for me i m not keen on more rounds of ivf coz its so stressful and when things dnt turn out the way we expect its really hurts!! But after lots of 'counselling', encouragement n support from hubby we decided it will only be fair for ourselves n call it quit after one more round of ivf. We also dun wan to regret later on in life. So if everything turns out well i will go for another round of ivf.

As for the home study n HSR can only last for two years? The seniors pls correct me if i m wrong. Yes i m also like u, try to save up for my future princess (coz hubby likes a girl girl so much) that we hope to adopt a girl!!!

Sunstillshine, sorry to hear wat u been thru too. My heart suddenly hurts while i m typing to u. Hugz. Perhaps adoption is wat God had planned for us coz lots of children needs a good home. Perhaps a child is waiting to call u mummy one day. Dun despair!

Percy, its been sometime since we met. Sophie had grown? Must be so cute!

AH, yes u r right. As husband n wife we must have a very strong foundation n even a stronger one if we wan a child, be it biological or not.
HI Gorgeous ones,


This ecitizen site did some updates on "Adoption" last year. It covers almost all the necessary paperwork required in the adoption journey here.
It has been a rather useful site for us when we are in the process of getting the paper work done. It does contain good articles on "Raising an Adopted Child" too

2) kudos to iwantitverymuch who reminded us about PAL - Positive Adoptive Language. Indeed, if we dont start doing it, than it is hard to expect the world to understand and start using the right language. So lets start by setting the example from this Forum (Speaking Positively: Using Respectful Adoption Language) :-D here is a link to some of the site

@Sarah, Thanks, Wishing your sister all the best in her adoption journey, it is not going to be a easy one but worth every of my breath