Caught between own mother and hb. Can anyone advise me how to handle?

bubbleblue1

Active Member
Ladies, I need some help & advise to handle both my closest kins. Ever since I have my boy, my mum had been criticising about my hb behaviour, warning how my hb spoilt my boy blah blah.... My boy is turning 4 this year. By right, I expect things are better off but turned out my mum now complained about my hb stuck up look and the "unwilling" face to greet her!!!

I m staying near my mum & everyday we go over for dinner as my mum had offered. Both parties felt stressed & burnt out now (actually me also). My hb complained we dont have tog time esp my boy is vy sticky to him. We tried to put my boy at my mum place every Friday but my mum complained after 3 wks. We always have errands instructed by my mum to run esp wkends since we have an OPC car. My hb dislikes almost everyday we are occupied with my errands. My mum dislike my hb who gave a stuck up attitude when my auntie came for a visit at my mum place last wk. It's agonising!!! Plus I had problems at work & trying to conceive 2nd for nearly a year. I m totally drained out.

How should I handle such situation? I would be thankful if someone can give me guidance... Thank you for lending me listening ears...
 


vosiez

Member
Have u tried talking to them both? Sometimes when two parties cannot stand each other, it's better to keep a distance. When u meet less often it is easier to be nicer to each other for the limited occassions that u hv to b together.
 

rykgirl

Member
Is there any reason that u have to eat dinner at your mom's everyday? If not, maybe u can arrange once a week instead? I agree with vosiez that some distance might be better to ease the tension..

I had that problem with my mom as well so we steered clear of her for a long time, until she decided that she misses her grandkids enough that she's willing to be more accommodating towards us.. Even if it meant babysitting them while we sneaked some couple time.. :) So it's a twice or thrice yearly thing now but at least i know there's peace when we go over..

I will always put my spouse first as he's the one who lives with me, shares my life with.. Your hb sounds quite nice since he tolerates the tension.. Tbh, i wouldn't be able to as i pride myself as fiercely independent..

Cheer up mummy!
 

bubbleblue1

Active Member
Have u tried talking to them both? Sometimes when two parties cannot stand each other, it's better to keep a distance. When u meet less often it is easier to be nicer to each other for the limited occassions that u hv to b together.
Vosiez, thank you for your advise. Looks like I should have my own family life and move on. I probably think too much for my mum's family and neglected a lot of things....
 

bubbleblue1

Active Member
Is there any reason that u have to eat dinner at your mom's everyday? If not, maybe u can arrange once a week instead? I agree with vosiez that some distance might be better to ease the tension..

I had that problem with my mom as well so we steered clear of her for a long time, until she decided that she misses her grandkids enough that she's willing to be more accommodating towards us.. Even if it meant babysitting them while we sneaked some couple time.. :) So it's a twice or thrice yearly thing now but at least i know there's peace when we go over..

I will always put my spouse first as he's the one who lives with me, shares my life with.. Your hb sounds quite nice since he tolerates the tension.. Tbh, i wouldn't be able to as i pride myself as fiercely independent..

Cheer up mummy!
rykgirl, thank you so much! The main reason is we always bunked tog for meals because my boy gets very hungry that he needs his dinner almost quite immediately once we picked him from childcare centre. I do not like the idea of taupauing or let my boy have too much outside food. Secondly, my boy dislike my cooking and he refuse to eat during weekends when I cook at home. Of cos, people will say I am a lucky woman who has a mother to help me out and take care of my family meals which economically sounds more worthy since I also dont need to rush home to cook or have to wake up early to prepare. After reading all your replies, I realised I should have my own family life and stay young rather than keep accompanying my mum all day long until we all got "burnt out".

Yes, my hb is the best but both are my closest kin to me. When I wrote this thread, I was really exhausted as I had been careless at work, trying to conceive and I felt chest tightness until I really felt like crying out cos dont know why all of the sudden all these nonsense are coming to me. Thank you for your advise! I must learn to be independent and try to improve my cooking again for the sake of my family. I just spoke to a friend who gave me precious advise also.

Really thankful to you ladies for "hearing" me out and giving me precious advice. Parenting is already frustrating enough. Not to mentioned, our relationship problems.
 

rykgirl

Member
Hope everything will be easier for u from now on.. :)

For cooking, perhaps u can try to get some "cooking lessons" through youtube tutorials? That's what I have been doing recently.. Pasta, sweet & sour pork, steam fish, even cookies and cakes! Some are really surprisingly easy to follow..

I recommend watching runnyrunny999's cooking videos.. He's so funny yet the dishes look amazing and simple to cook!

Hope to hear more updates! Jia you!!
 

assamjam

Member
You are lucky that your mother does not stay under same roof with you..else,relationship worsens more disastrously..it is real hard to be sandwiched in between and maddening..
 

bubbleblue1

Active Member
Things went extremely wrong. Think I didnt organise mother's day dinner in advance. My mum got upset. I just asked my mum to go for dinner & my sis is rushing from malaysia back to meet us. My mum is so mad now & hit the roof!!! Sigh~ I should have asked my younger bro & sis earlier. All along I thought my mum doesnt bother about such celebrations, I didnt know she mind so much....
 

py09

Member
wow.. the running errands is abit too time consuming hor... i think maybe u need to start to reject such request alittle. maybe just say need to bring kid for lesson or wat.. but never say is due to hubby or watsoever..
 

iqzero

Member
hmm.. i think if i'm your hb, i would show black face too cos i wouldn't like my mil to interfere or be part of my life to that much extent. Yr hb is better than me in many ways cos can tahan 4 yrs. *thumbs up for gd hb* Imagine see everyday, den all errands also revolve around her every weekend.. i will ask him why he marry me if he can't leave the mum. Just carry on his own life with the mum lah. But that's me lah...

Prolly your mum also buay zi dong, took you guys for granted and demanded too much from you that she didn't realise she's the cause of stress. I totally agree with rykgirl. Prolly will be taxing in the beginning to have few days in a week to pre-prepare dinner or make alternative arrangement, but i guess once you get the hang of it, it's better than dealing the tension and straining the marriage.

Wish you all the best!
 

bubbleblue1

Active Member
rykgirl, iqzero, thks for yr advise. I realised it was ME to be the root of problem. I didnt manage it well. Bringing stress to everyone.... now I let them see each other less. I took up other sisters advise & keep them a distance apart. It seems to work... Dedicate whole of sun to be my family day & let my mum rest. Fridays is dine out time. Less errands by my mum now after I also told her & ask my brother for help for some of the errands. Things seem better now. I hve more quality time for my own family but staying near my parents allow me to look after them more easily. That was my main purpose but I admit I didnt manage it well. Hopefully we can be back to the usual harmonious & peaceful days
 

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