Anyone with a partner/spouse who has anger issues?

[matchachoc]

removed post

 

[matchachoc]

Does your husband has other mental conditions besides anger management?

nope, just this.. but it's bad enough i think. in the past, there was no physical action like kicking doors, throwing things but now have.

 

[Sunnydaysagainz]

Hi, I think that my husband has anger issues too but not as unreasonable as yours... There are more chances for outbursts to occur after we have children... and he has shouted at me in front of the children few times before. I have defended myself but in front of the children, I have told him not to shout at me but tell me behind them... but it is still happening if it's issues which really anger him. I know that he will not use violence against me or the children no matter how angry he is. He has punched the house walls before when he lost his temper...

I don't really have advice for you but you need to share with him your concerns when he is calm. It will really get worse when the children come along due to sleepless issues and frustration over the baby... so work something out between the both of you? I know that my husband's temper is usually triggered by lack of sleep. He has sleeping issues and also impatience... when baby cries at night or my toddler woke up crying at night, he has shouted at them before...end up they cry even louder and I have to clear the mess. Things got better after I lowered my expectations of him to help at night... I will wake up and take care of the baby when he cries... Instead of waking up the husband. It has gotten better to be honest... now when baby or toddler cry at night, he tries to understand them instead of shouting at them in anger... Let me know if you have more questions...

 

[Cloud998]

Mine has too. Wouldn’t go for counselling cause he said it’s useless, plus also embarrassing? Anws, he slapped me before when my child was 8mo. Don’t know why I stayed. Few mths later pushed me quite violently and half a yr later ever put his hands around my neck tho he didn’t put force. Can tell he is trying to contain it and keep asking me to not talk back. But all those things that came out of the mouth, if I don’t defend myself, I can’t imagine living as a being without basic respect for myself. On the last account I push him back and now it’s a yr, he only brandish at me whenever I challenge his unreasonable anger. Tho I don’t even think it’s still acceptable. Also, all these in front of my Todd. I kept quiet in the first 2 yrs of marriage before but he continued. It wouldn’t stop. We are less than 4 yrs married.
Any 过来人 here, pls share your account cause this kind of anger, would divorce even be possible to discuss? Thanks!!

 

[matchachoc]

Hi, I think that my husband has anger issues too but not as unreasonable as yours... There are more chances for outbursts to occur after we have children... and he has shouted at me in front of the children few times before. I have defended myself but in front of the children, I have told him not to shout at me but tell me behind them... but it is still happening if it's issues which really anger him. I know that he will not use violence against me or the children no matter how angry he is. He has punched the house walls before when he lost his temper...

I don't really have advice for you but you need to share with him your concerns when he is calm. It will really get worse when the children come along due to sleepless issues and frustration over the baby... so work something out between the both of you? I know that my husband's temper is usually triggered by lack of sleep. He has sleeping issues and also impatience... when baby cries at night or my toddler woke up crying at night, he has shouted at them before...end up they cry even louder and I have to clear the mess. Things got better after I lowered my expectations of him to help at night... I will wake up and take care of the baby when he cries... Instead of waking up the husband. It has gotten better to be honest... now when baby or toddler cry at night, he tries to understand them instead of shouting at them in anger... Let me know if you have more questions...

i have shared my concerns with him but the issue is that he cannot control himself when he gets angry. most of the time, the trigger is not even me, but something his colleagues or friend said that made him feel inadequate. but i have to bear the brunt of it. even though he said he won't shout when our baby is born, i know he cannot control it. i'm sad that our child will experience his anger outbursts. i'm reading up a bit on hypnotherapy. i find that this is something that i don't want to live with and i still want to find a solution.

 

[matchachoc]

Mine has too. Wouldn’t go for counselling cause he said it’s useless, plus also embarrassing? Anws, he slapped me before when my child was 8mo. Don’t know why I stayed. Few mths later pushed me quite violently and half a yr later ever put his hands around my neck tho he didn’t put force. Can tell he is trying to contain it and keep asking me to not talk back. But all those things that came out of the mouth, if I don’t defend myself, I can’t imagine living as a being without basic respect for myself. On the last account I push him back and now it’s a yr, he only brandish at me whenever I challenge his unreasonable anger. Tho I don’t even think it’s still acceptable. Also, all these in front of my Todd. I kept quiet in the first 2 yrs of marriage before but he continued. It wouldn’t stop. We are less than 4 yrs married.
Any 过来人 here, pls share your account cause this kind of anger, would divorce even be possible to discuss? Thanks!!

i understand. i can't stay silent too as i feel that he is disrespecting me and that i dun deserve to be treated this way.

 

[wendy_reborn]

i have shared my concerns with him but the issue is that he cannot control himself when he gets angry. most of the time, the trigger is not even me, but something his colleagues or friend said that made him feel inadequate. but i have to bear the brunt of it. even though he said he won't shout when our baby is born, i know he cannot control it. i'm sad that our child will experience his anger outbursts. i'm reading up a bit on hypnotherapy. i find that this is something that i don't want to live with and i still want to find a solution.

Go get a PPO. If this continue worse thing will happen

 

[matchachoc]

Go get a PPO. If this continue worse thing will happen

but he has not been physically violent with me yet. just verbally violent though that's bad enough. if i really decide it's over, i will get a divorce. but right now, i still want to work things out.

 

[Cloud998]

but he has not been physically violent with me yet. just verbally violent though that's bad enough. if i really decide it's over, i will get a divorce. but right now, i still want to work things out.

Do you think he would agree? I meant he went for counselling and all already. Showed effort but still the same. And do you understand why he’s like that? Childhood issue or what which u may sympathies with.

 

[matchachoc]

Do you think he would agree? I meant he went for counselling and all already. Showed effort but still the same. And do you understand why he’s like that? Childhood issue or what which u may sympathies with.

yes most likely he will stay the same. but i already know that he's bad tempered and i still married him (though it has gotten a bit worse over the years), i feel i need to give a number of chances to make this marriage work. if i leave him now, he will become an even more broken person. i know why he's like that, it's because of his childhood, he is always being put down by people, even his parents, so when people put him down now, he flies into a rage. he grew up with a lot of hurt and i do sympathise with him. he's willing to give therapy another chance and i'm trying to look at my options now..

we did talk about divorce before..cos you know when you're feeling hurt, it is the easiest option? he didnt agree.. but if really no choice, guess i will pack up and disappear. i think it will be very tough that's why i'm not going there yet.

 

[axioms]

This type of situation often but not always you dig under the surface both sides all got a bit of temper.

At least the cases I've seen

 

[Cloud998]

This type of situation often but not always you dig under the surface both sides all got a bit of temper.

At least the cases I've seen

I think I know what you mean, but can elaborate? Is it one rage then the other one fuel the rage? @matchachoc ’s hubby still acknowledged his problems and will to seek help.

I didn’t talk back for 2 yrs,1st yr generally cause I was pregger so was afraid. But it didnt get better and you communicate that you’re reaching your tipping point but he doesn’t seem to care. Then at some point you gotta fight for yourself alr because if you don’t do it then maybe he didnt get it. After you expressed yourself and he rages on more... I don’t know, it’s just sad. Soft and hard ways, whisper and shouting all used before alr.

 

[Sunnydaysagainz]

i have shared my concerns with him but the issue is that he cannot control himself when he gets angry. most of the time, the trigger is not even me, but something his colleagues or friend said that made him feel inadequate. but i have to bear the brunt of it. even though he said he won't shout when our baby is born, i know he cannot control it. i'm sad that our child will experience his anger outbursts. i'm reading up a bit on hypnotherapy. i find that this is something that i don't want to live with and i still want to find a solution.

Hmm, if you have solutions you can try. For my husband, I know he will NEVER go for any course or counselling... He's been improving though, after I try to tell him how stressed I am over his temper etc. HE also love the children a lot and if he did lose it, it's because he cannot control it. He did realise that the boys are more resistant to him and prefer mummy after his outbursts... so he made the effort to correct... He will explain to the child why he is angry after his temper cools off... I see all these as him trying to improve ba. I will never be able to change him 100%... and it's something we have to learn to live.