uglyduckling
New Member
Reading this thread really makes my blood boiled...
missylan
Active Member
If woman or man cannot resist temptations then don't get married. I do not believe in sexual temptation which cannot be resisted! There are alway temptation, it is only a matter whether you will resist it or to submit. Even some beasts will resist temptation not to mention us human.
Your lifetime partner will not be the best, will not be the world's wealthiest man, most handsome, most caring, most intelligent. So if you encounter anyone better than your husband, do you start an affair? Starting an affair by filling up certain emptyness in your life is just plain selfishness. No excuses and I don't think anyone can be that understanding.
Your lifetime partner will not be the best, will not be the world's wealthiest man, most handsome, most caring, most intelligent. So if you encounter anyone better than your husband, do you start an affair? Starting an affair by filling up certain emptyness in your life is just plain selfishness. No excuses and I don't think anyone can be that understanding.
After reading this thread, I realise how us woman will go to lengths to save our marriage while men think only themselves.
My hat off to all of you that did.
I come from divorce parents, do not wish it will happened to me, yet I am realistic, what I have might not be forever, for some reason I will not tolerate affair, seeing my mum had to for sometime, dad didn't change.
Once trust is broken is hard to mend, life is hard as it is, lets not make it any harder.
My hat off to all of you that did.
I come from divorce parents, do not wish it will happened to me, yet I am realistic, what I have might not be forever, for some reason I will not tolerate affair, seeing my mum had to for sometime, dad didn't change.
Once trust is broken is hard to mend, life is hard as it is, lets not make it any harder.
inlimbonow
New Member
Lia, I have been reading on how divorce affect children, and that is partly holding me off from divorcing my cheating hb for now.
Can you share how old you are when your parents divorce and how it affect your life? Does it make you sad? Some books I read paint a doom and gloom picture for kids from divorce family. V worry for my son.
Can you share how old you are when your parents divorce and how it affect your life? Does it make you sad? Some books I read paint a doom and gloom picture for kids from divorce family. V worry for my son.
Hi Lin Lin,
My Dad and Mum, I know always fighting, they never hit each other, just mom throw things.
When u little u don't understand, especially back then my mom never tell me why, I have to overhear it from my auntie, and cousin conversation to know my mom getting a divorce (maid gossiping I am sure).
I think getting the news firsthand probably will help the misunderstanding, eventhough I was sure I would have against it at the time.
I was 12 years old then, my bros 15 and little one 7 yrs old.
My impression of my dad always good, as long as he treat us nice as a kid I don't know otherwise.
Although I hardly see most times.
Thats the reason I think I blame the divorce a lot on my mum.
Other than knowing my dad had gambling problem and was lazy to work, I do not know any other reason. Later I know it was other women too.
Apparently my mom faced with the problem since she had my older brother, then me and 5 yrs later my younger bro.
During the time it was up and downs, as kids we often only see the ups, bcause when they together normally during family get together and holiday.
My mom soon after have another man and my dad get married again.
To cut the long story short, my brother and I was rebellious out of hate of the other man in my mom's life, which we blamed to cause the divorce.
My brother always out, and I was a bitch to my mom and now my step dad.
Only time and life experience change me, I became appreciative of what he has done for my mom, and later understand the reason for her divorce later on.
Would I wished they were divorced sooner, I don't know.
We are still lucky that none of us gone into drugs or worse.
My Dad and Mum, I know always fighting, they never hit each other, just mom throw things.
When u little u don't understand, especially back then my mom never tell me why, I have to overhear it from my auntie, and cousin conversation to know my mom getting a divorce (maid gossiping I am sure).
I think getting the news firsthand probably will help the misunderstanding, eventhough I was sure I would have against it at the time.
I was 12 years old then, my bros 15 and little one 7 yrs old.
My impression of my dad always good, as long as he treat us nice as a kid I don't know otherwise.
Although I hardly see most times.
Thats the reason I think I blame the divorce a lot on my mum.
Other than knowing my dad had gambling problem and was lazy to work, I do not know any other reason. Later I know it was other women too.
Apparently my mom faced with the problem since she had my older brother, then me and 5 yrs later my younger bro.
During the time it was up and downs, as kids we often only see the ups, bcause when they together normally during family get together and holiday.
My mom soon after have another man and my dad get married again.
To cut the long story short, my brother and I was rebellious out of hate of the other man in my mom's life, which we blamed to cause the divorce.
My brother always out, and I was a bitch to my mom and now my step dad.
Only time and life experience change me, I became appreciative of what he has done for my mom, and later understand the reason for her divorce later on.
Would I wished they were divorced sooner, I don't know.
We are still lucky that none of us gone into drugs or worse.
Anyway, if u are contemplating it, always think of it as last resort, but if you are going to, talk honestly to your son, if he is already that age that he can.
Accept and listen to his response whatever it is, you might not b able to make him accept.
But I am sure soon enough he will see what your hubby up to.
Just dont turn him against his father, cause he will think otherwise we kids have that tendency.
My mom is civilised with my dad to this day, My dad even prefer to live at my mom house when he attended my wedding, now that we are living in another country.
I think to keep that intact quite important, don't worry about he will love daddy more etc, as we grow we can tell the difference between good and bad soon enough.
Accept and listen to his response whatever it is, you might not b able to make him accept.
But I am sure soon enough he will see what your hubby up to.
Just dont turn him against his father, cause he will think otherwise we kids have that tendency.
My mom is civilised with my dad to this day, My dad even prefer to live at my mom house when he attended my wedding, now that we are living in another country.
I think to keep that intact quite important, don't worry about he will love daddy more etc, as we grow we can tell the difference between good and bad soon enough.
Sorry keep adding stuff here, i don't know how kids at school attitude towards divorce, now that it is common, I was embarassed, only until lately I find it is ok to talk abt it, bcause I find more and more of friend with divorced parents. Those have the perfect family though sometimes the cruelest, my hubby lately using my parents divorce to retaliate against me asking him for divorce. Saying " is that what ur mum teach u, no wonder she divorced".
His parents still together but grandfather has 2 wives? Hypocrite.
So make sure ur son have someone he can talk to abt his feeling towards it, as he grow, friend helped for my bro, my little one talked to church friend.
One time my little bro just realise other people's parents are worse of.
I had no one, but mayb be cause I am a girl easier to reason, boy would be harder.
His parents still together but grandfather has 2 wives? Hypocrite.
So make sure ur son have someone he can talk to abt his feeling towards it, as he grow, friend helped for my bro, my little one talked to church friend.
One time my little bro just realise other people's parents are worse of.
I had no one, but mayb be cause I am a girl easier to reason, boy would be harder.
My brother divorced his wife after he found out that she was cheating on him.Left two wonderful kids with him.It 's has been more than 6 yrs not once the mother came and visit them.What i m trying to say is that now they ve grow up little do me and my mum know that deep in their heartsit change their character.sometimes when my husband bought expensive things for my 3yr old they will ask me how come they don't ve....sometimes the love and care we showered our son they question me why aren't they treated the same way.....every now and then i ve to be careful with the way i talk to them and try to treat all of them equally....but frankly it is heart.....being a selfish person...i tend to treat my son son better.....
So being a single parent one really ve to spend time with your kids and constantly assure them that they are being love...in my brother case ,he has to work thus less time for his children....
inlimbonow
New Member
Thanks Lia and Lazymummy for sharing. I think I will try very hard to spent time and pay attention to my son. But looks like there will be lots of sacrifies and hurt for my son is inevitable.
young_mummy83
New Member
could u plse read my forums... PLSE B PATIENT AND READ ON... I nid some advice realy urgently... Dun noe wat 2 do man.... PLSE...
shermaine_chn
New Member
hi linda
u have the link?
u have the link?
hi all
i am new to this thread. i have seen many cases of divorce too. the thing i dun understand here, is Why do the men look for OW? is there anything wrong with their wife? How come they hv the time to look for OW too?
If they do marry the OW, and they live happily ever after, does it mean, there's something not right with their wife ??
Can anyone enlighten ... though i may sound straight?
i am new to this thread. i have seen many cases of divorce too. the thing i dun understand here, is Why do the men look for OW? is there anything wrong with their wife? How come they hv the time to look for OW too?
If they do marry the OW, and they live happily ever after, does it mean, there's something not right with their wife ??
Can anyone enlighten ... though i may sound straight?
singlemomof3
Member
Why men look for other OW? I doubt they seriously go out determined to find another women. Things happen and they let themselves believe that they are happier with the OW to the extent that they are willing to abandon their wife and children for the OW and "happy" life.
Some men DO live happily ever after with the OW and these are the few who do learn from their relationship mistakes of their previous marriage(s).
Some men DO live happily ever after with the OW and these are the few who do learn from their relationship mistakes of their previous marriage(s).
singlemomof3
Member
Remember too that a relationship involves two people working together for a common goal: their combined happiness.
If a man can live happily ever after with one woman but not another does not mean that the second woman is "bad" - just that they did not manage to come to an agreement of how they can contribute to one another's happiness.
If a man can live happily ever after with one woman but not another does not mean that the second woman is "bad" - just that they did not manage to come to an agreement of how they can contribute to one another's happiness.
Hi everyone,
after reading what all of you have posted. I really really feel very sad, why so many of us have to go thru such things. What happen to the marriage vow, commitment and promise that the husband once gave us?
i'm glad tt i found this thread cos i hve been trying to find support group and people who have been thru similar situations to talk to.but i cant find any.
my hb has an affair also.n i oni found out a couple of months ago.
beginning this yr, my hb n i hve very terrible quarrels cos he said tt he does not have much feelings for mi and after those quarrels, all feelings for mi gone,n we dun talk to each other anymore and it seems tt D is the only option during that time.
after tt,i managed to get him to go for counselling,but after 2 sessions,he felt tt it is better that we D.so the counselling failed.then i managed to get him to attend a marriage course.After that things improved,cos we starting to talk and he told mi tt he is trying for the marriage.
actually during the period when we are on bad terms,i already suspected that he has another woman, he has a brand new belt, found some sms in his hp,he went out downstairs to buy kopi everynight n oni return home one hr plus later, then one day found a woman's photo in his hp..all these yrs with him,he does not even have a single photo on mi in his hp..but after tt he deleted the photo..n when i asked if he has another woman,he denied.
the woman is his colleague..n someone i knew who is closed to him but i never met. all these yrs,he told mi tt he just treat her as a xiao mei mei..but things like tt happen..
all these while i realli believed and trusted him. until he went on a biz trip a couple of mths ago.i feel so stupid n naive.i really believed tt he went on biz trip.then i found out tt he went actually went on a trip with her.
i was devastated and heartbroken. he cant sleep in the same room with me, cant go overseas with mi,but he can go with the woman and sleep with her in the same room. he cant hug mi,hold my hands n kiss mi..but he can do tt to the woman..he can treat the woman so nice..talk to her everyday, go movies with her,buy small gifts for her but he cant treat mi nice..reason beingbeing cos he has no feelings for mi..but has feelings for her..
he claimed tt there is no sex bet them..but who will believe right.
he claimed tt it just happened like tt..which i differ..n i cant accept..how can he start the affair so fast..tt is one two mths later after our quarrels..n how can he not control himself.
i met the woman..n both him and her told mi tt they have broken up..the woman initiated it..cos during the trip, she saw how much he cares for the family..keep buying things for his mum, sis, nieces n of cos his children.n they oso have small small quarrels..
he is now back in the family.now his priority is the children.i hve 2 young children, one is 2 and another one is 1.frankly i dunno what he wants.but he is not making effort to make it work.previously we tried going out,watching movies and having dinners..but he find tt all these does not help in getting back the feelings at all.
he noes he has to make effort,but he just cant initiate to do things..he find it very difficult,n no matter how he force himself..he still cant lor..
he appreciate what i have done for him,the kids and the family..n said he can adjust n treat mi as good fren but cant treat mi as wife..n we cant go back to the past..at least tt's how he feels now..but do not know if feelings will come back in the future or not.
well..i oso dunno to leave or stay.it is very stress and tormenting cos i cant seems to make the right decisions. it seems tt every decision i made, will hve an effect.the last time tt i wan to hurt is both my kids..
by staying,they have both the parents..but is this type of lifestyle good for them, seeing parents not loving,sleeping in separate rooms..n who noes,daddy may hve another woman again.
but staying like this,looking at this man everyday,i feel very miserable.i wan to get out cos i'm miserable but i may also be miserable when i already D..cos i noe tt i still love him..i still hope tt our marriage can be saved..but it takes two hands to clap..it seems tt i'm the one clapping oni.
frankly,the future is bleak.i do not know to leave or stay..if he is repenting n wanted to work on the marriage..maybe things will not be so bad.
my sil,my mil, my mum..told mi..feelings will come back..ask mi to give him more time..n wait..
i'm the one waiting and making effort.i'm very very tired emotionally,physically....i dunno if by waiting will he realli hve feelings back for mi or not..haiz
can anyone advises mi?
after reading what all of you have posted. I really really feel very sad, why so many of us have to go thru such things. What happen to the marriage vow, commitment and promise that the husband once gave us?
i'm glad tt i found this thread cos i hve been trying to find support group and people who have been thru similar situations to talk to.but i cant find any.
my hb has an affair also.n i oni found out a couple of months ago.
beginning this yr, my hb n i hve very terrible quarrels cos he said tt he does not have much feelings for mi and after those quarrels, all feelings for mi gone,n we dun talk to each other anymore and it seems tt D is the only option during that time.
after tt,i managed to get him to go for counselling,but after 2 sessions,he felt tt it is better that we D.so the counselling failed.then i managed to get him to attend a marriage course.After that things improved,cos we starting to talk and he told mi tt he is trying for the marriage.
actually during the period when we are on bad terms,i already suspected that he has another woman, he has a brand new belt, found some sms in his hp,he went out downstairs to buy kopi everynight n oni return home one hr plus later, then one day found a woman's photo in his hp..all these yrs with him,he does not even have a single photo on mi in his hp..but after tt he deleted the photo..n when i asked if he has another woman,he denied.
the woman is his colleague..n someone i knew who is closed to him but i never met. all these yrs,he told mi tt he just treat her as a xiao mei mei..but things like tt happen..
all these while i realli believed and trusted him. until he went on a biz trip a couple of mths ago.i feel so stupid n naive.i really believed tt he went on biz trip.then i found out tt he went actually went on a trip with her.
i was devastated and heartbroken. he cant sleep in the same room with me, cant go overseas with mi,but he can go with the woman and sleep with her in the same room. he cant hug mi,hold my hands n kiss mi..but he can do tt to the woman..he can treat the woman so nice..talk to her everyday, go movies with her,buy small gifts for her but he cant treat mi nice..reason beingbeing cos he has no feelings for mi..but has feelings for her..
he claimed tt there is no sex bet them..but who will believe right.
he claimed tt it just happened like tt..which i differ..n i cant accept..how can he start the affair so fast..tt is one two mths later after our quarrels..n how can he not control himself.
i met the woman..n both him and her told mi tt they have broken up..the woman initiated it..cos during the trip, she saw how much he cares for the family..keep buying things for his mum, sis, nieces n of cos his children.n they oso have small small quarrels..
he is now back in the family.now his priority is the children.i hve 2 young children, one is 2 and another one is 1.frankly i dunno what he wants.but he is not making effort to make it work.previously we tried going out,watching movies and having dinners..but he find tt all these does not help in getting back the feelings at all.
he noes he has to make effort,but he just cant initiate to do things..he find it very difficult,n no matter how he force himself..he still cant lor..
he appreciate what i have done for him,the kids and the family..n said he can adjust n treat mi as good fren but cant treat mi as wife..n we cant go back to the past..at least tt's how he feels now..but do not know if feelings will come back in the future or not.
well..i oso dunno to leave or stay.it is very stress and tormenting cos i cant seems to make the right decisions. it seems tt every decision i made, will hve an effect.the last time tt i wan to hurt is both my kids..
by staying,they have both the parents..but is this type of lifestyle good for them, seeing parents not loving,sleeping in separate rooms..n who noes,daddy may hve another woman again.
but staying like this,looking at this man everyday,i feel very miserable.i wan to get out cos i'm miserable but i may also be miserable when i already D..cos i noe tt i still love him..i still hope tt our marriage can be saved..but it takes two hands to clap..it seems tt i'm the one clapping oni.
frankly,the future is bleak.i do not know to leave or stay..if he is repenting n wanted to work on the marriage..maybe things will not be so bad.
my sil,my mil, my mum..told mi..feelings will come back..ask mi to give him more time..n wait..
i'm the one waiting and making effort.i'm very very tired emotionally,physically....i dunno if by waiting will he realli hve feelings back for mi or not..haiz
can anyone advises mi?
dying_heart
New Member
realise tat i m not alone...i just found out recently tat my hb is having affair...i check his hp & saw an sms he wrote to the other woman...i was shock becos i trusted him...i couldn't take it...i ask myself...why m i so foolish to let him break my heart twice...during our courtship...he betray me & i 4give him...i thot he will chgn...but he hurt me again...& this times...i feel 10 times worst than the 1st times he did it...
u know...my bb is only 1 yr old...i hv a talk with him & frm the way he say...it all my fault...he says she can give him a listening hear...she tell him not to divorce me...else, he would hv done it long times ago....
i m feeling very lost now...if not becos of my bb...i dun thk i hv the will to live on...how can he do tat to me ? why he never thk abt my bb when he betray me...
he never give me a chance to understd him & he just send me to hell...he says he can't talk to me in the past becos i always cry...
i ask him will he continue with her...he ask me wat if he will or wat if he not ? i told him i dun like to share...i will choose divorce...he is the one who shattered this suppose to be happy family...he should know the consequences...deep inside...i thk there r no more hope btw us...cos i know he will never stop seeing her...if we were to quarrel in future...the history will repeat again...he will still go back to her...i m feeling very dishearted...
u know...my bb is only 1 yr old...i hv a talk with him & frm the way he say...it all my fault...he says she can give him a listening hear...she tell him not to divorce me...else, he would hv done it long times ago....
i m feeling very lost now...if not becos of my bb...i dun thk i hv the will to live on...how can he do tat to me ? why he never thk abt my bb when he betray me...
he never give me a chance to understd him & he just send me to hell...he says he can't talk to me in the past becos i always cry...
i ask him will he continue with her...he ask me wat if he will or wat if he not ? i told him i dun like to share...i will choose divorce...he is the one who shattered this suppose to be happy family...he should know the consequences...deep inside...i thk there r no more hope btw us...cos i know he will never stop seeing her...if we were to quarrel in future...the history will repeat again...he will still go back to her...i m feeling very dishearted...
dying_heart
New Member
dilemma,
we are on the same boat...i know exactly how u feel now cos i m oso feeling very very depressed...
we are on the same boat...i know exactly how u feel now cos i m oso feeling very very depressed...
dying heart,
me too..can understand the pain tt you are going thru.those qns tt u are thinking..i hve been thinking too..but.....my frens told mi..so wat if i keep thinking..n so wat if i go n ask him..he will never give mi an ans.
it is hard to move one..cos no one can really understand unless they hve been thru it..
did ur hb make decision as in what he wans to do?
i hope he will turn back,ask for ur forgiveness..n realli repent..will u accept him if he comes back?
for mine,so what if he is back..but he is not doing anything..oso no use..
me too..can understand the pain tt you are going thru.those qns tt u are thinking..i hve been thinking too..but.....my frens told mi..so wat if i keep thinking..n so wat if i go n ask him..he will never give mi an ans.
it is hard to move one..cos no one can really understand unless they hve been thru it..
did ur hb make decision as in what he wans to do?
i hope he will turn back,ask for ur forgiveness..n realli repent..will u accept him if he comes back?
for mine,so what if he is back..but he is not doing anything..oso no use..
dying_heart
New Member
dilemma,
i really duno wat he intends to do...he says he nd to cool down & thk over...
for me, i m very lost now...so wat if he really turn back...can i trust him anymore?...this is a qns i ask myself...wat if we quarrel & he not happy with me again...he might just go & look for her...cos the OW dun nd any status frm him...
there r simply too many thgs tat was accumulate over the years & he cannot take it anymore...he feel very stress with me...for me, can i ever change my way of thinking ? we seems to think so differently...so far apart now...
seriously, i duno whether he still luv me...cos when i ask him the qns...he got no answer for me...i will b miserable if he dun luv me anymore...wat for staying tog just becos of my bb? i feel very sorry for my bb tat she has to go thru this at so young age...her daddy dun wan this family...
i totally agree with u tat frenz will oni lent u a listening ears cos they themselves will never be able to understd the pain we are goin thru....it very hurting...i feel tat this is a nightmare....my heart is bleeding...
but i thk we hv to stay strong for our kids...i always believe tat if he is meant to be yours, he will be back by your side...if he is not meant to be...just let him go...no point keeping his person...the heart is no longer with us...
i told my hb tat i won't hold him up if he got no more feeling for me...i will let him go...but he says he dun wan to talk abt this...he want to cool down...i duno whether he will sort out his thots...really duno...
i really duno wat he intends to do...he says he nd to cool down & thk over...
for me, i m very lost now...so wat if he really turn back...can i trust him anymore?...this is a qns i ask myself...wat if we quarrel & he not happy with me again...he might just go & look for her...cos the OW dun nd any status frm him...
there r simply too many thgs tat was accumulate over the years & he cannot take it anymore...he feel very stress with me...for me, can i ever change my way of thinking ? we seems to think so differently...so far apart now...
seriously, i duno whether he still luv me...cos when i ask him the qns...he got no answer for me...i will b miserable if he dun luv me anymore...wat for staying tog just becos of my bb? i feel very sorry for my bb tat she has to go thru this at so young age...her daddy dun wan this family...
i totally agree with u tat frenz will oni lent u a listening ears cos they themselves will never be able to understd the pain we are goin thru....it very hurting...i feel tat this is a nightmare....my heart is bleeding...
but i thk we hv to stay strong for our kids...i always believe tat if he is meant to be yours, he will be back by your side...if he is not meant to be...just let him go...no point keeping his person...the heart is no longer with us...
i told my hb tat i won't hold him up if he got no more feeling for me...i will let him go...but he says he dun wan to talk abt this...he want to cool down...i duno whether he will sort out his thots...really duno...
Hi dying heart and flower,
how both of u face him everyday?
i find it vv hard esp i received such negative responses...
when i first discover the affair..i feel like dying with my kids..cos i cant bear to leave them alone in the world, while i die..
i noe is a coward way..but the pain is too much to bear n i really trusted him alot..i trust him even more than i trust my parents..
n i cant face the kids..they are so young..i feel tt i hve let them down..i bring them to this world to suffer,bring them to a uncomplete family.
tt's y i feel tt dying is a better solution
there is a support group organised by care corner..i'm thinking of joining..
u can take a look at it.
http://www.carecorner.org.sg/events/upcoming_newrainbow.htm
how both of u face him everyday?
i find it vv hard esp i received such negative responses...
when i first discover the affair..i feel like dying with my kids..cos i cant bear to leave them alone in the world, while i die..
i noe is a coward way..but the pain is too much to bear n i really trusted him alot..i trust him even more than i trust my parents..
n i cant face the kids..they are so young..i feel tt i hve let them down..i bring them to this world to suffer,bring them to a uncomplete family.
tt's y i feel tt dying is a better solution
there is a support group organised by care corner..i'm thinking of joining..
u can take a look at it.
http://www.carecorner.org.sg/events/upcoming_newrainbow.htm
dying heart,
i can understand ur feelings now..cos i oso feel the same.
can i really take him back n forget everything?
part of mi, still bu gan xin lor..i cant swallow this..as if something has been stuck in my chest n i'm unable to get it out.
trust part,he has to help mi to build it up too..but i dun think he is lor.
but i do noe tt i wan my kids to be happy..n i wan them to get as little harm as possible..tt's y i'm still hanging on
i can understand ur feelings now..cos i oso feel the same.
can i really take him back n forget everything?
part of mi, still bu gan xin lor..i cant swallow this..as if something has been stuck in my chest n i'm unable to get it out.
trust part,he has to help mi to build it up too..but i dun think he is lor.
but i do noe tt i wan my kids to be happy..n i wan them to get as little harm as possible..tt's y i'm still hanging on
hi dying heart & dilemma33
funny but seems that mine said the same things and reacted the same as well..when ask him things he will choose to keep quiet no answer and say he needs time to think....guess its the same for us mummies...we just want our kid to be happy and to be able to be with both parents... my issue has been dragging on since august tis year....will give it time till i get my bonus either in dec or june where i will have to make my decision as well... i been giving him chances time and again.. lies after lies...change for awhile then back to lies again...sigh.... worst is i am guarantor for his car loan which has been dragging me down cos he lost his job subsequently after he got caught drink and drive in july dats when the affair got exposed cos dat woman bailed him out and i asked to see the charge slip..he even lied tat its a guy who bailed him out...really think he tot we woman stupid wont check...siao....
funny but seems that mine said the same things and reacted the same as well..when ask him things he will choose to keep quiet no answer and say he needs time to think....guess its the same for us mummies...we just want our kid to be happy and to be able to be with both parents... my issue has been dragging on since august tis year....will give it time till i get my bonus either in dec or june where i will have to make my decision as well... i been giving him chances time and again.. lies after lies...change for awhile then back to lies again...sigh.... worst is i am guarantor for his car loan which has been dragging me down cos he lost his job subsequently after he got caught drink and drive in july dats when the affair got exposed cos dat woman bailed him out and i asked to see the charge slip..he even lied tat its a guy who bailed him out...really think he tot we woman stupid wont check...siao....
i think they will nv change.. i caught my husband more them 10times having affair wif diff women.. have been giving him chances but no use.. i oso wanted my gal to live in complete family enviroment so i keep forgiving n forgiving.. all his salary spend on those women nv bring a single cent hm n his credit card bill everymth i still have to help him pay but i keep quiet but keep telling myself he will change 1 day but reali no use.. this time i nv give in anymore.. i think me n gal will have a better life w/o him. if ur kids noe tat their father is tis kind of person do u think they will be hapi or proud?? i personally dun think they will be hapi if the person who love them n care for them (their own mummies) is suffering n crying every single day.. i have already got a lawyer to settle my divorce asap..
dying_heart
New Member
hi dilemma33 & flower77
it's a tough decision...divorce is very easy but to sustain a marriage with a scar is very very difficult...we nd to deal with our own dilemma...can we trust them? wat if it happens again...i m very scare very scare now...
marriage is a very big gamble for us...guess those of us to end up here lost the stake...sigh...we must b strong for our kid...i believe our kid will b able to sense who actually sacrifice for them...
there r simply too many slut & bitch ard who dun mind sleeping ard & breaking up ppl family...
it's a tough decision...divorce is very easy but to sustain a marriage with a scar is very very difficult...we nd to deal with our own dilemma...can we trust them? wat if it happens again...i m very scare very scare now...
marriage is a very big gamble for us...guess those of us to end up here lost the stake...sigh...we must b strong for our kid...i believe our kid will b able to sense who actually sacrifice for them...
there r simply too many slut & bitch ard who dun mind sleeping ard & breaking up ppl family...
dying_heart
New Member
Hi dodo
ur hb really too much...how can he cheat on u more than 10 times...how u manage to find out everytimes ? i agree no pt sustaining the marriage if he dun show any remorse...u & ur kids will be better off without him...i thk ur hb wan new excitement...it's his character...won't change one...
ur hb really too much...how can he cheat on u more than 10 times...how u manage to find out everytimes ? i agree no pt sustaining the marriage if he dun show any remorse...u & ur kids will be better off without him...i thk ur hb wan new excitement...it's his character...won't change one...
he like to go clubbing n pub.. my younger sis n sm cousins like to go too.. they saw him a few times but i kept quiet.. check his sms when he's slping.. he always keep his hp under the pillow but he slp like a log cant wake up even the hp ring or sms.. i always pick up or see the sms so i found out.. fight a few times but no use.. i dun wan my gal to live in such a family.. it's very heartbreaking.. nw he even bar or lock his hp when @ hm so i cant check anymore.. think we r better off w/o him..
hi
anyone can advise the cost of hiring a lawyer and hiring a PI? I dont think i can endure further as the images of my hubby cheating me cannot be erased even though he says he has changed.
Those of you whose hubby work in SAF (esp MINDEF) beware there is a slut there, pm me for more info of her.
anyone can advise the cost of hiring a lawyer and hiring a PI? I dont think i can endure further as the images of my hubby cheating me cannot be erased even though he says he has changed.
Those of you whose hubby work in SAF (esp MINDEF) beware there is a slut there, pm me for more info of her.
Gals
so sorry to know wat happened to you. i went thr similar incidents in yr 2005. that time ROMed but not yet customary. Ultimately we reconciled , go on with customary and had our baby gal (now 10 mths)
The road to recovery is very tough and there is a few times i regretted on my choice. During bad times i asked myself, why i choose to carry on and what if it happen the second time?
I have been thr the stages when i am so undecisive. I decided to give my marriage another chance. If it happens another time, i am sure i have done my best and have no regrets on moving on.
Conicidently, my hb is also in uniform group. Maybe their nature of work gives them more freedom and time?
so sorry to know wat happened to you. i went thr similar incidents in yr 2005. that time ROMed but not yet customary. Ultimately we reconciled , go on with customary and had our baby gal (now 10 mths)
The road to recovery is very tough and there is a few times i regretted on my choice. During bad times i asked myself, why i choose to carry on and what if it happen the second time?
I have been thr the stages when i am so undecisive. I decided to give my marriage another chance. If it happens another time, i am sure i have done my best and have no regrets on moving on.
Conicidently, my hb is also in uniform group. Maybe their nature of work gives them more freedom and time?
dying_heart
New Member
Ladies,
I still luv him alot...after some talk with my frenz...they tell me to try to give our marriage another chance...but that is also provided he is giving us another chance...i m giving him times to thk thru...
i oso hv to sort out my thots...dun thk he likes it if i always question him in future...so i guess we must hv another good talk face to face if he repent and want our marriage to work out...
Wish me luck and the strength to carry on if we end up have to divorce.
I still luv him alot...after some talk with my frenz...they tell me to try to give our marriage another chance...but that is also provided he is giving us another chance...i m giving him times to thk thru...
i oso hv to sort out my thots...dun thk he likes it if i always question him in future...so i guess we must hv another good talk face to face if he repent and want our marriage to work out...
Wish me luck and the strength to carry on if we end up have to divorce.
singlemomof3
Member
Reading through the recent posts, I would like to remind the ladies that it is not just the OW's fault. Yes, they are promiscuous bitches with no morals but your man also plays an active role in their "relationship".
Keeping that in mind, along with the general knowledge that it is very difficult for a person to change, think about what is best for you and your children.
What was acceptable for our mother's and grandmother's generations is not necessarily acceptable to us. We are stronger and more willing to take charge of our own lives. Women are the fairer sex, NOT the weaker sex.
If your spouse is apologetic, remorseful and willing to try to change, please forgive and work together for your marriage, for your family.
I am not encouraging divorce because children should be raised in a family with two parents (one male and one female). But it is up to you to decide between two evils - raising your children alone with a possibly acrimonious relationship with their father or living your current life where nothing your spouse says or does can be trusted.
Keeping that in mind, along with the general knowledge that it is very difficult for a person to change, think about what is best for you and your children.
What was acceptable for our mother's and grandmother's generations is not necessarily acceptable to us. We are stronger and more willing to take charge of our own lives. Women are the fairer sex, NOT the weaker sex.
If your spouse is apologetic, remorseful and willing to try to change, please forgive and work together for your marriage, for your family.
I am not encouraging divorce because children should be raised in a family with two parents (one male and one female). But it is up to you to decide between two evils - raising your children alone with a possibly acrimonious relationship with their father or living your current life where nothing your spouse says or does can be trusted.
dying heart:
dont just ask him what he wants.
tell him this:
"in every relationship, there will be a time, there will come a time when we get "bored" with each other, we might even find each other irritating (surprisingly, when we were dating, these same things were "cute"). but the way to solve th problem, is not to end the relationship with the wife / husband.
it doesnt matter how many wives / husbands we will go through, we will experience the same things again. and are we going to jump to another person again? there will be no end to this madness!
the sensible thing to do is, work things out with the spouse.
only we ourselves can change things. we cant expect the other person to change. once we change our mind sets, our thinking, we can get a response from our spouse. if we react to a situation positively, its only a matter of thing before the other party reacts in a positive manner."
its easy to hit back at someone who has been mean to us, but to be nice and let that person realise that he/she has been mean, thats the real task.
we can continue to cry, or scream or say nasty things to him or we can do the opposite. people think better with a calm mind and i am sure, over time, your husband will come to his senses.
it is very difficult to be nice, to remain calm in a situation like this. but i have been down this road. and i am still living in night mare that history will repeat itself. it is very very painful and at times, i just want to scream in his face, want to hurt him for hurting me. but whats the use, it will just make the other woman appear more approachable and he or the other woman will just say "see, i cant live with a crazy woman"
Be smart!
dont just ask him what he wants.
tell him this:
"in every relationship, there will be a time, there will come a time when we get "bored" with each other, we might even find each other irritating (surprisingly, when we were dating, these same things were "cute"). but the way to solve th problem, is not to end the relationship with the wife / husband.
it doesnt matter how many wives / husbands we will go through, we will experience the same things again. and are we going to jump to another person again? there will be no end to this madness!
the sensible thing to do is, work things out with the spouse.
only we ourselves can change things. we cant expect the other person to change. once we change our mind sets, our thinking, we can get a response from our spouse. if we react to a situation positively, its only a matter of thing before the other party reacts in a positive manner."
its easy to hit back at someone who has been mean to us, but to be nice and let that person realise that he/she has been mean, thats the real task.
we can continue to cry, or scream or say nasty things to him or we can do the opposite. people think better with a calm mind and i am sure, over time, your husband will come to his senses.
it is very difficult to be nice, to remain calm in a situation like this. but i have been down this road. and i am still living in night mare that history will repeat itself. it is very very painful and at times, i just want to scream in his face, want to hurt him for hurting me. but whats the use, it will just make the other woman appear more approachable and he or the other woman will just say "see, i cant live with a crazy woman"
Be smart!
dying_heart
New Member
Hi Staff,
Thanks for your advise. I agree that it's indeed very scary that history repeat itself...i dun thk i can take it anymore...
I am prepare to work things out so i guess the rest is up to him on whether he still want our family complete.
Thanks for your advise. I agree that it's indeed very scary that history repeat itself...i dun thk i can take it anymore...
I am prepare to work things out so i guess the rest is up to him on whether he still want our family complete.
dying heart:
i am sure your husband will come to his senses but the question is "when"
the road ahead can be very tedious and even more painful. and there will be times when you feel like you can't take it any more. you will feel like you are the one who has been cheated on, so why are you still putting up with his temper, or nonsense, etc. there will be such times and you really feel that you want to end it all and just move on with your life with your little one. and your husband and the slut can just burn in hell for what they have done.
.....
this is the time, when you must take a break. calm down and think and remember your resolutions in the first place. you will find the strength in yourself to see this through. women are very very very resilient creatures; we are made this way.
Emma:
No, it is not easy at all to forgive. If you ask me have i forgiven my husband for putting me through hell? for almost causing our little girl to end up with a broken family?
I would like to say NO. but for my own sanity, i did.
if you ask me, have i forgotten how painful it was, how hurt i suffered, how much sleep and weight i lost? The answer is no. I will never be able to forget.
There are times now still.. when I am doing my own things, and all these memories will flow back and i find myself angry! sometimes, i find myself tearing even. but i tell myself, i am on the road to recovery.
it is not easy to rebuild trust but the one thing i am very sure of is, i love my husband and i was not prepared to lose him at all. Although at that time, i couldn't say the same for him. the allure of the other woman was so strong, too strong. she played her cards very well and she knew exactly what to say to him to make him weak in his knees.
i didn't just say i want to work things out with him, i did it. and i did it over a long period of time. from the time i found out till now, its been 2 years. i moved away for a good 3 1/2 months and in these months, my husband was really gathering courage to tell me he wants to leave me and our girl. the other woman had him round her finger.
i do not know what happened but my husband asked us to move back. and i did but the weeks that followed were hell. initially, he did make a conscious effort to be nice to me but soon, the contacts between and the other woman became more obvious; they msn each other and their chats were intimate. i was hurting inside and then one day, i told him "why did you ask me back?" he of course denied that there were anything between them.
i kept my cool from then on.
3 weeks after i moved back, i saw a sms from her to him. it read "i love you too". the only thing i could think of was, he must have said it to her for her to reply "too". but i still kept my cool.
he would stay out late once a week for 3 months. all that while, he was telling me that he was meeting this friend and that.. (all sounded too familiar; same excuses given) did my alarm bell go off? yes, but i still kept my cool.
then i also see that he wore the shirt she bought for him on a particular day of the week. i didn't like it but i didn't say a word. what i did was, i went shopping for shirts and i bought him like 10 in 2 months! but still he wore that dreaded shirt. there were times i felt like pouring bleaching lotion on it! or tearing his buttons out and throwing them away...
i kept quiet all these while. but i was not just keeping my hurt inside. i turned them into constructive things. i learned to treat his parents better, i bought supper for them. i told my mil occasionally not to cook dinner cuz i was buying something nice back. i learned to not be so possessive of my little girl.
i learned to show appreciation to him very blatantly even though he didn't do much. but i said "thank you" all the same. i smiled more, i told him silly jokes although he didn't laugh nor reciprocate. it was very tiring and painful for me cuz i felt that it was going no where. but i held on.
slowly i found that his weekly late nights stopped. i found that he held my hand more often. i felt that i was not the only one talking and blabbling endless in the car on the way to work. that was when i knew that i could talk to him about the other woman.
and i did on several occasions. each time, i address one issue. i did it calmly and in a non accusative manner. i told him i saw the sms msg she wrote "i love you too". he pretended and said he couldn't remember. i told him i was very hurt but i told him. i understand that its difficult to just let go. but i wish her happiness with her boyfriend. my husband's response to what i said. he hugged me.
several months later, when he came back from work wearing that shirt, i told him that i know that its a shirt she got him. he denied of course and said he bought it himself although she chose it. and i said in a calm manner again that he has so many other shirts, why wear this?
and you know what? he never wore that shirt again.
i got my way... but it didn't happen overnight. it took more than 1 1/2 years.
in those times, i gave myself a complete overhaul. i did my hair, i wore better clothes, i smile more. i told myself, i am an attractive woman and i will not myself go to waste over my husband.
i have come to realise that men are shallow creatures. they see with their eyes. when i was living apart from my husband, he was officially dating the other woman and i remembered how proud he sounded when he told me that she looked stunning for their company D&D and how other men kept looking/ staring at her. so i told myself, i am not ugly. and i should not my assets go to waste. i took the trouble to dress up and others notice. soon, my husband notices me and he also notices that others notice me.
but all these take a lot of effort and patience.
i was in a pitiful situation; losing husband, losing family... potential divorcee.. and i plotted and schemed and wanted to ruin both my husband and the other woman ... i had all the evidence. i could just send an email to their boss and the chinese tabloid newspapers and make them lose their credibility.
i would have gained instant gratification. but i would have lost the war and i would have lost myself.
i had every right to be mad, to get even. but i did it in a different manner.
now i can feel that my husband loves me more. he holds my hand even when he is sleeping. he will sudenly grab me by the waist and kiss me. but i worked damn hard for this.
the other woman is still his colleague. am i worried, yes. we are all women and we know that if we really want a man, we CAN get him.
but i am doing my best here. if my husband falters another time, i will give up. because there is really nothing more i can give or make better already. but until then, i owe it to myself to make our lives better.
i am sorry this is such a long post. and i don't mean for this to be a self-glorifying post.
i want to tell you, dying heart, that it is possible. very very painful and tedious and it takes mammoth amount of patience to do this. but ultimately, there is a light at the end. it can be done.
i am sure your husband will come to his senses but the question is "when"
the road ahead can be very tedious and even more painful. and there will be times when you feel like you can't take it any more. you will feel like you are the one who has been cheated on, so why are you still putting up with his temper, or nonsense, etc. there will be such times and you really feel that you want to end it all and just move on with your life with your little one. and your husband and the slut can just burn in hell for what they have done.
.....
this is the time, when you must take a break. calm down and think and remember your resolutions in the first place. you will find the strength in yourself to see this through. women are very very very resilient creatures; we are made this way.
Emma:
No, it is not easy at all to forgive. If you ask me have i forgiven my husband for putting me through hell? for almost causing our little girl to end up with a broken family?
I would like to say NO. but for my own sanity, i did.
if you ask me, have i forgotten how painful it was, how hurt i suffered, how much sleep and weight i lost? The answer is no. I will never be able to forget.
There are times now still.. when I am doing my own things, and all these memories will flow back and i find myself angry! sometimes, i find myself tearing even. but i tell myself, i am on the road to recovery.
it is not easy to rebuild trust but the one thing i am very sure of is, i love my husband and i was not prepared to lose him at all. Although at that time, i couldn't say the same for him. the allure of the other woman was so strong, too strong. she played her cards very well and she knew exactly what to say to him to make him weak in his knees.
i didn't just say i want to work things out with him, i did it. and i did it over a long period of time. from the time i found out till now, its been 2 years. i moved away for a good 3 1/2 months and in these months, my husband was really gathering courage to tell me he wants to leave me and our girl. the other woman had him round her finger.
i do not know what happened but my husband asked us to move back. and i did but the weeks that followed were hell. initially, he did make a conscious effort to be nice to me but soon, the contacts between and the other woman became more obvious; they msn each other and their chats were intimate. i was hurting inside and then one day, i told him "why did you ask me back?" he of course denied that there were anything between them.
i kept my cool from then on.
3 weeks after i moved back, i saw a sms from her to him. it read "i love you too". the only thing i could think of was, he must have said it to her for her to reply "too". but i still kept my cool.
he would stay out late once a week for 3 months. all that while, he was telling me that he was meeting this friend and that.. (all sounded too familiar; same excuses given) did my alarm bell go off? yes, but i still kept my cool.
then i also see that he wore the shirt she bought for him on a particular day of the week. i didn't like it but i didn't say a word. what i did was, i went shopping for shirts and i bought him like 10 in 2 months! but still he wore that dreaded shirt. there were times i felt like pouring bleaching lotion on it! or tearing his buttons out and throwing them away...
i kept quiet all these while. but i was not just keeping my hurt inside. i turned them into constructive things. i learned to treat his parents better, i bought supper for them. i told my mil occasionally not to cook dinner cuz i was buying something nice back. i learned to not be so possessive of my little girl.
i learned to show appreciation to him very blatantly even though he didn't do much. but i said "thank you" all the same. i smiled more, i told him silly jokes although he didn't laugh nor reciprocate. it was very tiring and painful for me cuz i felt that it was going no where. but i held on.
slowly i found that his weekly late nights stopped. i found that he held my hand more often. i felt that i was not the only one talking and blabbling endless in the car on the way to work. that was when i knew that i could talk to him about the other woman.
and i did on several occasions. each time, i address one issue. i did it calmly and in a non accusative manner. i told him i saw the sms msg she wrote "i love you too". he pretended and said he couldn't remember. i told him i was very hurt but i told him. i understand that its difficult to just let go. but i wish her happiness with her boyfriend. my husband's response to what i said. he hugged me.
several months later, when he came back from work wearing that shirt, i told him that i know that its a shirt she got him. he denied of course and said he bought it himself although she chose it. and i said in a calm manner again that he has so many other shirts, why wear this?
and you know what? he never wore that shirt again.
i got my way... but it didn't happen overnight. it took more than 1 1/2 years.
in those times, i gave myself a complete overhaul. i did my hair, i wore better clothes, i smile more. i told myself, i am an attractive woman and i will not myself go to waste over my husband.
i have come to realise that men are shallow creatures. they see with their eyes. when i was living apart from my husband, he was officially dating the other woman and i remembered how proud he sounded when he told me that she looked stunning for their company D&D and how other men kept looking/ staring at her. so i told myself, i am not ugly. and i should not my assets go to waste. i took the trouble to dress up and others notice. soon, my husband notices me and he also notices that others notice me.
but all these take a lot of effort and patience.
i was in a pitiful situation; losing husband, losing family... potential divorcee.. and i plotted and schemed and wanted to ruin both my husband and the other woman ... i had all the evidence. i could just send an email to their boss and the chinese tabloid newspapers and make them lose their credibility.
i would have gained instant gratification. but i would have lost the war and i would have lost myself.
i had every right to be mad, to get even. but i did it in a different manner.
now i can feel that my husband loves me more. he holds my hand even when he is sleeping. he will sudenly grab me by the waist and kiss me. but i worked damn hard for this.
the other woman is still his colleague. am i worried, yes. we are all women and we know that if we really want a man, we CAN get him.
but i am doing my best here. if my husband falters another time, i will give up. because there is really nothing more i can give or make better already. but until then, i owe it to myself to make our lives better.
i am sorry this is such a long post. and i don't mean for this to be a self-glorifying post.
i want to tell you, dying heart, that it is possible. very very painful and tedious and it takes mammoth amount of patience to do this. but ultimately, there is a light at the end. it can be done.
Hi staff,
I really admire you..for all the these that you have..n it is paid off.i'm glad that he is now back at your side.
i can understand the pain that you felt when u did all those things.
for mi,i do not know if i can do it or not..many times,i feel like giving up.
can i ask u a qns?can feelings come back? my situation is tt my hb does not have any more feelings for me.n tt's the biggest prob bet us..
he is back but staying cos of the kids. as for feelings part, he does not know if it will come back or not. cos no one knows the future.but if it did not come back..then we can just remain like frens..
i find it quite absurd lor.remain as frens..then does tt mean tt he can still go n hve feeligns with another woman?
is it easier for ur hb to come back cos he still loves you?
for mi..i oso found it tough cos the woman is his colleague..n sometimes cant thinking tt maybe both of them will still meet..
how u find the strength to move on n make a plan to get him back?
n still hve this reserve. he may not come back even if i make effort..cos feelings thing is quite subjective.it may or may not come back
I really admire you..for all the these that you have..n it is paid off.i'm glad that he is now back at your side.
i can understand the pain that you felt when u did all those things.
for mi,i do not know if i can do it or not..many times,i feel like giving up.
can i ask u a qns?can feelings come back? my situation is tt my hb does not have any more feelings for me.n tt's the biggest prob bet us..
he is back but staying cos of the kids. as for feelings part, he does not know if it will come back or not. cos no one knows the future.but if it did not come back..then we can just remain like frens..
i find it quite absurd lor.remain as frens..then does tt mean tt he can still go n hve feeligns with another woman?
is it easier for ur hb to come back cos he still loves you?
for mi..i oso found it tough cos the woman is his colleague..n sometimes cant thinking tt maybe both of them will still meet..
how u find the strength to move on n make a plan to get him back?
n still hve this reserve. he may not come back even if i make effort..cos feelings thing is quite subjective.it may or may not come back
dilemma33:
don't admire me because you have the same strength in yourself to do the same things.
i learned to accept a lot of things. i still have my demons; i still hate his parents (haha) but i don't show it now. i keep inside myself and occasionally, let off steam here in the forum.
like you, i also felt like giving up. weeks after i moved back to live with my husband, he was still seeing the other woman. he will drop me off at work and drive her to go to work together.
they have coffee breaks together at work. they eat lunch together. they do a lot of things together in fact. but thats what normal colleagues and friends do too; eat lunch or have coffee breaks together.
ideally i want them to have ZERO contact with each other but i have to be realistic and know that as colleagues, there are bound to be some form of contact. i also find it impossible for male and female ex lovers esp to be "friends" but my husband says it is possible.
i don't like the contact they have, but it is "better" than them going out on dates like the past. i learned that technically, they are doing nothing wrong. and i have to "accept" this. else i will risk another explosion and then push him right into the spot where i don't want him to be; he will start to confide in her about how miserable his life is with me not believing him and how unreasonable i am and he can't live with me anymore.
the reason why i wrote my earlier post, i want to show that our patience will pay off.
to ans your questions,
i believe feelings can come back. it may not be in the same form but they will come back. this time, its because you are not just a wife, but a mother to his child.
my husband wanted to leave me outright. he told me to just "end it". he also told me that he had no more feelings for me. when i moved out, he said he felt happy cuz now he could do the things he wanted to do and not fear being screamed at.
those months when i was back with him, i cried a lot; toilet, bed room, in front of my then 15 month old girl who has no idea what was going on. but all these crying was done out of his sight.
i didn't want him to feel that i was using my tears ( i was not. i cry because i was hurt) but it wouldn't make a difference to him. he would feel sick and tired of me. and that was not what i wanted him to feel. i wanted him to feel happy being with me and our little girl. and i make it a conscious effort to make him feel that way.
if you care for him truly, he can feel it. the thing is, when he is distracted with the other woman, your kindness will be regarded as entrapment to him. he feels guilty and he doesn't know how to deal with it so he rather not be home to deal with it.
but there is only so much fighting he can put up with; its an endurance test for you and him. will you outlast him?
the evidence i had, i still keep them. i keep them with my lawyer. all my lawyer needs is a word from me and he will proceed. this is how i protect myself now. i mean, you can say i am manipulative and scheming but i told myself, i give my all for this man. if he does this one more time to me and my daughter, i will take everything away; his $ (not that he has much), his name, his credibility. if ever it happens again, i will not be soft hearted.
but if you do your part; be sweet and nice to his friends, his parents, him, you stroke his ego and make him feel good and useful and appreciated. he has no reasons to be upset with you. if he still is, then he is a real ass!
you know yourself; you are a good person. you love your husband. of course, you are fearful that he will turn around and spit in your face for all that you have done, but its a risk we have to take, right?
you said "he MAY not come back." but you don't know for sure that he won't. how do you live with this thought that you haven't really given the opportunity to salvage your marriage? instead of blaming him, you will turn the blame on yourself and believe me, women are very very capable of doing these things (no wonder women are more susceptible to depression)
you owe it to yourself! but if you know you gave your very best shot (you wont ever say to yourself, i should have done this... i should have been nicer... i should have not scream...)then if the marriage fails, you know its NOT your fault.
and you can live out your life with a clear conscience.
the human spirit is a marvelous thing; we thrive on positive behaviour. his positive response to my actions spurs me on to do better things, things that i found hard doing; like saying "thank you" even when he hasn't done much, or it's his duty to do will soon become a habit. you will do it naturally and then it becomes easier.
you know, until last december (only last dec) they were still addressing each other in intimate terms (dear, darling and all) but i guess, my husband saw that i am not the "crazy" woman he said i was.
make your husband proud of you again. you know your man. play his game. let him re-discover his love for you, let him see that you are still capable of surprising him in positive ways.
i always tell myself this; i have worked so hard.. dun let it go to waste by screaming at him.
don't admire me because you have the same strength in yourself to do the same things.
i learned to accept a lot of things. i still have my demons; i still hate his parents (haha) but i don't show it now. i keep inside myself and occasionally, let off steam here in the forum.
like you, i also felt like giving up. weeks after i moved back to live with my husband, he was still seeing the other woman. he will drop me off at work and drive her to go to work together.
they have coffee breaks together at work. they eat lunch together. they do a lot of things together in fact. but thats what normal colleagues and friends do too; eat lunch or have coffee breaks together.
ideally i want them to have ZERO contact with each other but i have to be realistic and know that as colleagues, there are bound to be some form of contact. i also find it impossible for male and female ex lovers esp to be "friends" but my husband says it is possible.
i don't like the contact they have, but it is "better" than them going out on dates like the past. i learned that technically, they are doing nothing wrong. and i have to "accept" this. else i will risk another explosion and then push him right into the spot where i don't want him to be; he will start to confide in her about how miserable his life is with me not believing him and how unreasonable i am and he can't live with me anymore.
the reason why i wrote my earlier post, i want to show that our patience will pay off.
to ans your questions,
i believe feelings can come back. it may not be in the same form but they will come back. this time, its because you are not just a wife, but a mother to his child.
my husband wanted to leave me outright. he told me to just "end it". he also told me that he had no more feelings for me. when i moved out, he said he felt happy cuz now he could do the things he wanted to do and not fear being screamed at.
those months when i was back with him, i cried a lot; toilet, bed room, in front of my then 15 month old girl who has no idea what was going on. but all these crying was done out of his sight.
i didn't want him to feel that i was using my tears ( i was not. i cry because i was hurt) but it wouldn't make a difference to him. he would feel sick and tired of me. and that was not what i wanted him to feel. i wanted him to feel happy being with me and our little girl. and i make it a conscious effort to make him feel that way.
if you care for him truly, he can feel it. the thing is, when he is distracted with the other woman, your kindness will be regarded as entrapment to him. he feels guilty and he doesn't know how to deal with it so he rather not be home to deal with it.
but there is only so much fighting he can put up with; its an endurance test for you and him. will you outlast him?
the evidence i had, i still keep them. i keep them with my lawyer. all my lawyer needs is a word from me and he will proceed. this is how i protect myself now. i mean, you can say i am manipulative and scheming but i told myself, i give my all for this man. if he does this one more time to me and my daughter, i will take everything away; his $ (not that he has much), his name, his credibility. if ever it happens again, i will not be soft hearted.
but if you do your part; be sweet and nice to his friends, his parents, him, you stroke his ego and make him feel good and useful and appreciated. he has no reasons to be upset with you. if he still is, then he is a real ass!
you know yourself; you are a good person. you love your husband. of course, you are fearful that he will turn around and spit in your face for all that you have done, but its a risk we have to take, right?
you said "he MAY not come back." but you don't know for sure that he won't. how do you live with this thought that you haven't really given the opportunity to salvage your marriage? instead of blaming him, you will turn the blame on yourself and believe me, women are very very capable of doing these things (no wonder women are more susceptible to depression)
you owe it to yourself! but if you know you gave your very best shot (you wont ever say to yourself, i should have done this... i should have been nicer... i should have not scream...)then if the marriage fails, you know its NOT your fault.
and you can live out your life with a clear conscience.
the human spirit is a marvelous thing; we thrive on positive behaviour. his positive response to my actions spurs me on to do better things, things that i found hard doing; like saying "thank you" even when he hasn't done much, or it's his duty to do will soon become a habit. you will do it naturally and then it becomes easier.
you know, until last december (only last dec) they were still addressing each other in intimate terms (dear, darling and all) but i guess, my husband saw that i am not the "crazy" woman he said i was.
make your husband proud of you again. you know your man. play his game. let him re-discover his love for you, let him see that you are still capable of surprising him in positive ways.
i always tell myself this; i have worked so hard.. dun let it go to waste by screaming at him.
hi dilemma33,
i hope u remember mi.. u shd see my posting on top.. mi n hb juz went to the law firm yest but he refused to sign on the paper n keep saying sori for hurting mi n he's willing to change.. i have decided to give him another chance.. i reali hope tis time he reali change.. he cheated mi countless of times in our 4yrs marriage but i still giving him chances.. i think ur hubby will wake up 1 day n realise tis family is impt to him..
i hope u remember mi.. u shd see my posting on top.. mi n hb juz went to the law firm yest but he refused to sign on the paper n keep saying sori for hurting mi n he's willing to change.. i have decided to give him another chance.. i reali hope tis time he reali change.. he cheated mi countless of times in our 4yrs marriage but i still giving him chances.. i think ur hubby will wake up 1 day n realise tis family is impt to him..
reading all the above posts has again reminded me that i have to quote "i gave myself a complete overhaul. i did my hair, i wore better clothes, i smile more. i told myself, i am an attractive woman and i will not myself go to waste over my husband." unquote
I tried to put on makeup even when we were merely going to the supermarket...and now he openly tells me not to wear a particular suit of clothing cos i look like aunty...sigh...but cos dats nt my usual self..so i do find abt tedious...just have to jia you abit more...watching the 7pm korean show really reflects alot on what i am feeling..an obasan and a young attractive chick..dat other woman is merely 25yrs old..my younger sister's age..sigh.... frankly..when i met up with her the other time to confront my hubby together cos he been lying to both sides etc... i didnt find she dressed well.. in fact her clothings were a mismatch...but just dat she is young, slim, tall, vixen eyes and wears white just as he likes to wear full white too...sigh...
for my case, still hoping that his heart will turn back to me truely and not with a fake heart treating me nicely and then suddenly tell me he is back just for the sake of my son only again......
I tried to put on makeup even when we were merely going to the supermarket...and now he openly tells me not to wear a particular suit of clothing cos i look like aunty...sigh...but cos dats nt my usual self..so i do find abt tedious...just have to jia you abit more...watching the 7pm korean show really reflects alot on what i am feeling..an obasan and a young attractive chick..dat other woman is merely 25yrs old..my younger sister's age..sigh.... frankly..when i met up with her the other time to confront my hubby together cos he been lying to both sides etc... i didnt find she dressed well.. in fact her clothings were a mismatch...but just dat she is young, slim, tall, vixen eyes and wears white just as he likes to wear full white too...sigh...
for my case, still hoping that his heart will turn back to me truely and not with a fake heart treating me nicely and then suddenly tell me he is back just for the sake of my son only again......
dying_heart
New Member
Hi Staff,
Thanks for your encouragement. I am feeling very very down...hv a talk with my hb...he says he has no answer when i ask him abt his choices...he told me that he cannot let go...i ask him whether he love tat woman...he says he did...i ask whether he still love me...he says he do as well...he asks me can I just close one eyes & live with the fact tat he got the OW....i says no, i never like to share...
i m very lost...& sometimes i really hate it tat he is so fickle-minded...he always nd somethgs to trigger him...for this case...the other woman does not want any status with him...guess wat, the OW is married with no kid...she is separated from her hb...i can't help but wonder whether is it becos of her failure in her marriage tat she is now becoming a 3rd parties?...mayb, her hb betray her & thus, she is now taking revenge...i duno...just let my imagination run wild...
my hb told me tat he knows tat i won't b able to trust him anymore cos he himself also can't help it...he will still carry on seeing her...he can't promise me anythgs...he wants me to be independent...he keeps asking whether i can manage my bb without him cos i always rely on him....
i cry every single day & night...lost my appetite...thk will lost weight which i thk it's also good cos after my pregnancy i gain so much...my figure now is so aunty...i wan to go back to the past...u r right...we should doll ourselves up...
i feel like giving up but i duno how to let go...simply becos i still hv feeling for him & i really hate the ideas of not being able to give my bb a complete family...but i duno for how long can i endure this ? Cos he cannot give me an answer...i find it tough to fight with the OW...becos he feels very stress when talking to me & facing us....but he feels relax & free from problem when he is with her....i duno how to take it when he is out with her...cos he told me he dun wan to lie to me...so he will tell me if he is out with her...isn't it very torturing for me to go thru this ?
he keeps asking me can he see my bb if we r divorce & can he still care for me ? but he still haven't make up his mind...he says he can take care of my bb if i can't...i tell him no, cos my bb is my only heart & soul now cos i dun hv him anymore....i m scare tat he will want to fight with me on my bb custody...if i lost my bb...i dun thk i will ever hv the courage to stand up from this fall...might choose to end my life....cos it's very suffering for me now...
Thanks for your encouragement. I am feeling very very down...hv a talk with my hb...he says he has no answer when i ask him abt his choices...he told me that he cannot let go...i ask him whether he love tat woman...he says he did...i ask whether he still love me...he says he do as well...he asks me can I just close one eyes & live with the fact tat he got the OW....i says no, i never like to share...
i m very lost...& sometimes i really hate it tat he is so fickle-minded...he always nd somethgs to trigger him...for this case...the other woman does not want any status with him...guess wat, the OW is married with no kid...she is separated from her hb...i can't help but wonder whether is it becos of her failure in her marriage tat she is now becoming a 3rd parties?...mayb, her hb betray her & thus, she is now taking revenge...i duno...just let my imagination run wild...
my hb told me tat he knows tat i won't b able to trust him anymore cos he himself also can't help it...he will still carry on seeing her...he can't promise me anythgs...he wants me to be independent...he keeps asking whether i can manage my bb without him cos i always rely on him....
i cry every single day & night...lost my appetite...thk will lost weight which i thk it's also good cos after my pregnancy i gain so much...my figure now is so aunty...i wan to go back to the past...u r right...we should doll ourselves up...
i feel like giving up but i duno how to let go...simply becos i still hv feeling for him & i really hate the ideas of not being able to give my bb a complete family...but i duno for how long can i endure this ? Cos he cannot give me an answer...i find it tough to fight with the OW...becos he feels very stress when talking to me & facing us....but he feels relax & free from problem when he is with her....i duno how to take it when he is out with her...cos he told me he dun wan to lie to me...so he will tell me if he is out with her...isn't it very torturing for me to go thru this ?
he keeps asking me can he see my bb if we r divorce & can he still care for me ? but he still haven't make up his mind...he says he can take care of my bb if i can't...i tell him no, cos my bb is my only heart & soul now cos i dun hv him anymore....i m scare tat he will want to fight with me on my bb custody...if i lost my bb...i dun thk i will ever hv the courage to stand up from this fall...might choose to end my life....cos it's very suffering for me now...
hi dying heart,
please take care of urself n ur baby. dun think so much.. y dun u juz move out n let ur hb be alone n think. maybe it's better tat way.. let urself have a break fm him. how old is ur bb? normally the custody of the bb will go to the mummy if the mummy have no records of drug or watsoever. pls pls take care of urself u still have to take care of ur little one..
please take care of urself n ur baby. dun think so much.. y dun u juz move out n let ur hb be alone n think. maybe it's better tat way.. let urself have a break fm him. how old is ur bb? normally the custody of the bb will go to the mummy if the mummy have no records of drug or watsoever. pls pls take care of urself u still have to take care of ur little one..
dying_heart
New Member
Hi Dodo,
I can't move out cos i feel very stress facing my parents...they keeps asking me to divorce him...they always ask me how thgs btw me & my hb ? It's not easy to settle...if he ask me for forgiveness & want this family...i wouldn't b feeling so hurt & upset now...but he just dun wan 2 let go the OW...i duno how long they hv been tog...but i just feel tat as times go by...their relationship might just b stronger & stronger...isn't it tougher for them to end it ? My bb is 15 mths now...so i hope i will hv the custody of my bb...
Sometimes, i ask myself...wat hv i done to deserve all these?
I can't move out cos i feel very stress facing my parents...they keeps asking me to divorce him...they always ask me how thgs btw me & my hb ? It's not easy to settle...if he ask me for forgiveness & want this family...i wouldn't b feeling so hurt & upset now...but he just dun wan 2 let go the OW...i duno how long they hv been tog...but i just feel tat as times go by...their relationship might just b stronger & stronger...isn't it tougher for them to end it ? My bb is 15 mths now...so i hope i will hv the custody of my bb...
Sometimes, i ask myself...wat hv i done to deserve all these?
inlimbonow
New Member
I feel stuff have a very inspiring story for mummys that decide they still love their husbands and want to preserve the marriage.
my experience and out come is quite different and hope sharing it here will help those trying to decide what to do. 1 year ago when I found out about my husband's affair. It lead me to discover/figure out other affairs and an aspect of him which I have never dreamt of. He had been cheating on me before and after our marriage on and off. My son was less than 1 years old then.
I was in plenty of pain and dilemma on whether to stay or go too. He claimed to have stop the affair and do not want me to pursue divorce. It turns out that he lied about not continuing with the affair many many times.
During this year, I have done a lot of thinking and searching for answers. Different people/school of thoughts have different advise and there are plenty of things to consider. In the end, every marriage is different and each of us are different so there is really no right or wrong which way we choose.
What do you believe in for marriage, family, divorce, divorce's impact on the children vs the current situation, what you want in life, your values, the values you want your children to grow up with and plenty of other things. Is having a complete family an absolute must? Some of these are issues that I have not think deeply on or explore about in the past. Questions like whether a philandering husband is completely unacceptable, is it okay if he comes home to you and provide for the family, questions like is it better for your husband, you and your kid if the marriage continues, questions like whether you can due with the status as a divorcee, raising your kid alone, questions like what do you want from a relationship and what you want from life.
All this is different for everyone and only you yourself can determine what is the right decision for you, your children and even your husband.
Today, I am waiting for the Lawyer to sent the divorce papers to my husband. I think the relationship between my hb and that particular OW might have stop recently but intimacy and trust between us cannot be restore. I no longer believe that staying in the marriage is good for any one of us. I believe that we can all live a more fruitful and honest life that way. He is my son's father and in my eyes he will always be family. But I believe what I want in a husband is some one I can trust and be in sync with. I want my kid to grow up with the right moral compass and values. That is just my own believe and values that lead me to decide that way.
I know the road is long and I still don't know how my decision will turn out but today, I have much more peace of mind than 1 year ago.
my experience and out come is quite different and hope sharing it here will help those trying to decide what to do. 1 year ago when I found out about my husband's affair. It lead me to discover/figure out other affairs and an aspect of him which I have never dreamt of. He had been cheating on me before and after our marriage on and off. My son was less than 1 years old then.
I was in plenty of pain and dilemma on whether to stay or go too. He claimed to have stop the affair and do not want me to pursue divorce. It turns out that he lied about not continuing with the affair many many times.
During this year, I have done a lot of thinking and searching for answers. Different people/school of thoughts have different advise and there are plenty of things to consider. In the end, every marriage is different and each of us are different so there is really no right or wrong which way we choose.
What do you believe in for marriage, family, divorce, divorce's impact on the children vs the current situation, what you want in life, your values, the values you want your children to grow up with and plenty of other things. Is having a complete family an absolute must? Some of these are issues that I have not think deeply on or explore about in the past. Questions like whether a philandering husband is completely unacceptable, is it okay if he comes home to you and provide for the family, questions like is it better for your husband, you and your kid if the marriage continues, questions like whether you can due with the status as a divorcee, raising your kid alone, questions like what do you want from a relationship and what you want from life.
All this is different for everyone and only you yourself can determine what is the right decision for you, your children and even your husband.
Today, I am waiting for the Lawyer to sent the divorce papers to my husband. I think the relationship between my hb and that particular OW might have stop recently but intimacy and trust between us cannot be restore. I no longer believe that staying in the marriage is good for any one of us. I believe that we can all live a more fruitful and honest life that way. He is my son's father and in my eyes he will always be family. But I believe what I want in a husband is some one I can trust and be in sync with. I want my kid to grow up with the right moral compass and values. That is just my own believe and values that lead me to decide that way.
I know the road is long and I still don't know how my decision will turn out but today, I have much more peace of mind than 1 year ago.
dying heart:
you remind me of me ... during those times not so long ago. and your husband, believe you me, he said exactly the same things.
he asked me if i could live with the fact that he is my husband, but he continued to see that woman. It is THE SAME. like your husband, mine also said to give him time to think things through, blah blah blah. my husband accused me of being dependent on him cuz he said i need him to be around all the time. he also accused me of being too independent (that he felt left out and useless ) so he found his own activities outside. whatever, the way i saw it, he was desperate and just said whatever he could to get out of the situation. he even at one point in time, told me to find myself a new man.
He felt happy, carefree when he was with her but miserable when he went home to face his parents and when he received a shelling fr his parents again, he would text me and say how fortunate i was to have the support of everyone while he has no one.
he also accused me of stopping him from seeing his daughter. when i moved out, i lived with a relative who happened to live just 5 min away from the other woman.
if he had really wanted to see our little girl, he could but he didn't. he sent the other woman home every evening but he made no effort to just another 5 min down the road to see me or my girl. my credit card bills, were sent to his home (i didn't make any changes to the mailing add) he could use the excuse of delivering mails to me to come every weekend but no, he only saw me once a month and he would bring a big bag of mails to pass to me.
like you, my parents were hurting inside. my mum could not stand to see me crying day and night and losing weight like no tomorrow. (i was a 44kg but during those months, 1 became a very underweight of 36kg)
I broke down at work. and some of my colleagues who were none the wiser thought i was anorexic. my work piled sky high but my head was very understanding. he knew of my problems and he gave me lots of leeway much to the annoyance of my other colleagues who gossiped mercilessly behind my back.
my parents, relatives told me to divorce him. to move on. they told me he was hopeless. if he was willing to date the other woman (she was currently seeing 3 men; my husband being the 3rd. and he knew abt it but he was convinced that she would give up all for him)
Flower77, the other woman is 28 yrs old. i am 31 coming to 32. i can't compete with age but i have other things that i believe i am better.
despite what my parents told me, i held on. i was very upset and i told them that its easy for them to say, "dun worry, unlike the past, divorcees are not as ostracized now.... ." but i am the one living that life. i appreciated their concern for me, their tears for me and my girl. but i could not deal with it. more importantly, i didn't believe i was as terrible a monster my husband said i was, that he could not live his life with me.
i know i am not a terrible person.
like your husband, mine gave a lot of excuses too and said he knew i would never trust him. he was not willing to come back and face the music; my parents my relatives, their criticisms... etc. he rather throw all these problems and live a life untainted with the other woman.
his life with me is filled with heartache, distrust, screaming, quarrels... all the negative stuff.
but what i am about to tell you will be difficult to do.
you continue to live your life. Not just live your life but live it well. Go ahead and doll yourself up. You have NOT done anything to deserve these. Please don't start blaming yourself already! Remember what i said earlier, do NOT start blaming yourself! i see it this way, GOD has plans for us and it is a test we have to go through although i do not know the large picture. But i also know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
you said yourself, you want him back. then tell your parents that and let them help you. my parents didn't scold my husband. in fact, none of my relatives or my parents gave my husband a tough time at all.
your husband has to go through this himself. he has to really search his heart and soul. You have to live your life to the fullest and if he has eyes to see, he will know what good things he is missing out on.
you cant go on crying and then losing weight and be a pitiful figure. I asked myself, do you think he wants to be with you(me) if he sees that you are always miserable? always crying? always lost in your own thoughts?
i did a lot of talking to myself. i tell myself to do a lot of things in my head. That was how i survived those times. thats why i am telling you here that the only person we have full control over and can completely change is OURSELVES.
i never expected my husband to change. initially, i did. i said unless he doesn't do this, doesn't do that, i am going to divorce him. it resulted in a lot of misery, a lot of quarrels and fights and nasty words being exchanged.
then i realised that it was getting no where and in fact, making him feel frustrated with me and want out all the more.
Lin Lin:
i understand what you mean. my sister the other day told me the same things. she said, if i had chosen to divorce my husband last year, my life now (2 yrs on) would have been a lot more settled and i would not have to grapple with some issues like his parents and so on.
yes i agree. but i do not look back. i have chosen this path and i will work on it. we should keep ourselves updated with our progress even later on. the things we have shared here, we probably would have brought them to our graves otherwise.
i am crying as i am writing this... crying because we have to go through all these heartache and pain to find what we are made of, what we are capable of, how ugly some people in our lives can be and how strong we are.
do we want to wallow in self-pity or do we stand up and take charge!
i believe in retribution. i believe there is justice in the world. sometimes, we may not live long enough to see the justice being done but i believe it will be served.
you remind me of me ... during those times not so long ago. and your husband, believe you me, he said exactly the same things.
he asked me if i could live with the fact that he is my husband, but he continued to see that woman. It is THE SAME. like your husband, mine also said to give him time to think things through, blah blah blah. my husband accused me of being dependent on him cuz he said i need him to be around all the time. he also accused me of being too independent (that he felt left out and useless ) so he found his own activities outside. whatever, the way i saw it, he was desperate and just said whatever he could to get out of the situation. he even at one point in time, told me to find myself a new man.
He felt happy, carefree when he was with her but miserable when he went home to face his parents and when he received a shelling fr his parents again, he would text me and say how fortunate i was to have the support of everyone while he has no one.
he also accused me of stopping him from seeing his daughter. when i moved out, i lived with a relative who happened to live just 5 min away from the other woman.
if he had really wanted to see our little girl, he could but he didn't. he sent the other woman home every evening but he made no effort to just another 5 min down the road to see me or my girl. my credit card bills, were sent to his home (i didn't make any changes to the mailing add) he could use the excuse of delivering mails to me to come every weekend but no, he only saw me once a month and he would bring a big bag of mails to pass to me.
like you, my parents were hurting inside. my mum could not stand to see me crying day and night and losing weight like no tomorrow. (i was a 44kg but during those months, 1 became a very underweight of 36kg)
I broke down at work. and some of my colleagues who were none the wiser thought i was anorexic. my work piled sky high but my head was very understanding. he knew of my problems and he gave me lots of leeway much to the annoyance of my other colleagues who gossiped mercilessly behind my back.
my parents, relatives told me to divorce him. to move on. they told me he was hopeless. if he was willing to date the other woman (she was currently seeing 3 men; my husband being the 3rd. and he knew abt it but he was convinced that she would give up all for him)
Flower77, the other woman is 28 yrs old. i am 31 coming to 32. i can't compete with age but i have other things that i believe i am better.
despite what my parents told me, i held on. i was very upset and i told them that its easy for them to say, "dun worry, unlike the past, divorcees are not as ostracized now.... ." but i am the one living that life. i appreciated their concern for me, their tears for me and my girl. but i could not deal with it. more importantly, i didn't believe i was as terrible a monster my husband said i was, that he could not live his life with me.
i know i am not a terrible person.
like your husband, mine gave a lot of excuses too and said he knew i would never trust him. he was not willing to come back and face the music; my parents my relatives, their criticisms... etc. he rather throw all these problems and live a life untainted with the other woman.
his life with me is filled with heartache, distrust, screaming, quarrels... all the negative stuff.
but what i am about to tell you will be difficult to do.
you continue to live your life. Not just live your life but live it well. Go ahead and doll yourself up. You have NOT done anything to deserve these. Please don't start blaming yourself already! Remember what i said earlier, do NOT start blaming yourself! i see it this way, GOD has plans for us and it is a test we have to go through although i do not know the large picture. But i also know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
you said yourself, you want him back. then tell your parents that and let them help you. my parents didn't scold my husband. in fact, none of my relatives or my parents gave my husband a tough time at all.
your husband has to go through this himself. he has to really search his heart and soul. You have to live your life to the fullest and if he has eyes to see, he will know what good things he is missing out on.
you cant go on crying and then losing weight and be a pitiful figure. I asked myself, do you think he wants to be with you(me) if he sees that you are always miserable? always crying? always lost in your own thoughts?
i did a lot of talking to myself. i tell myself to do a lot of things in my head. That was how i survived those times. thats why i am telling you here that the only person we have full control over and can completely change is OURSELVES.
i never expected my husband to change. initially, i did. i said unless he doesn't do this, doesn't do that, i am going to divorce him. it resulted in a lot of misery, a lot of quarrels and fights and nasty words being exchanged.
then i realised that it was getting no where and in fact, making him feel frustrated with me and want out all the more.
Lin Lin:
i understand what you mean. my sister the other day told me the same things. she said, if i had chosen to divorce my husband last year, my life now (2 yrs on) would have been a lot more settled and i would not have to grapple with some issues like his parents and so on.
yes i agree. but i do not look back. i have chosen this path and i will work on it. we should keep ourselves updated with our progress even later on. the things we have shared here, we probably would have brought them to our graves otherwise.
i am crying as i am writing this... crying because we have to go through all these heartache and pain to find what we are made of, what we are capable of, how ugly some people in our lives can be and how strong we are.
do we want to wallow in self-pity or do we stand up and take charge!
i believe in retribution. i believe there is justice in the world. sometimes, we may not live long enough to see the justice being done but i believe it will be served.
