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Any Worse MIL????

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by mommy1009, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. mommy1009

    mommy1009 Member

    I know many of us have problems with MIL. But let me share with you an ultimate one. These have been going on for more than 10 yrs. Only now I have the strength to share this without shedding a single tear .....

    MIL cried the first time my DH brought me home. I was sent upstairs to sleep and there they were FIL and MIL crying to beg my then BF to dump me. Reasons?
    1) I have changed him - he is not offered Honours candidature in U bcoz I disrupted his attention.
    2) I am not good looking enuf for their son

    Fast forward the story, DH insisted to stay on with me, we ROM the very same yr I graduated. Worked like crazy, got ourselves a small flat. On our wedding day, MIL sabotaged by not engaging a makeup person for me despite insisting on doing so. If not for DH and my family, I would have called off the damn thing!

    For 7 yrs, I had been putting up with their cold treatments and yet hiding this from my family. I din wan my family to worry about me.

    We had fertility problem but was very lucky to be successful first trial after IVF. No congrats from them but I am perfectly ok with tat.

    Then I experienced pregnancy complications during my 5th month of pregnancy. Bedridden in hospital for about 3 mths without assurance of baby survival - DH called and informed her. Her reply? Dun force it lah, if the baby is not yours, there's nothing you can do.

    Thereafter, not a single call from her or family for the entire 3 mths stay. Even a casual fren wld have send their regards right? My mom had to take 6 hrs train ride to S'pore thru and fro twice a week to take care of me...

    I was so pissed that I vowed my child will not own greet them as grandparents! Even DH dared not say anything.

    When the child was born, he was in ICU for 2 mths. MIL and FIL came down from M'sia to visit. FIL wanted to offer financial help but was stopped by MIL. I hd to admit, I din welcome their visit. I dun wan to be hypocrite, I am human, I was not happy with the way they treat me or the baby!

    How can anyone with such low EQ existed? My son was in ICU... Every moment is a survival battle for him. He is so small and fragile. His life is so fragile! Everyday DH and I are praying for good news of his progress. And what came out of my MIL mouth was how scary my child looked!!! All these garbage from someone who shares the same status as me - A MOTHER!!!!

    She dotes to her two younger sons. Sort of like gave up on hubby liao. But hubby and I decided let them be. I dun need their love, I dun need their acceptance, I dun need their financial support.

    All my focus is to be a good wife and mom to my DH and child. I am such a happier person now after I changed my focus. Instead of being unhappy by being angry with them, y not show them how happy my life can be. It is their lost for not being included in the happy picture due to their doings.

    Now, I treat them like cordial frens. Once in a while we will visit them, treat them dinners etc. Of course, my son will great them. But they are never close to their only grandchild. Not having the chance to be part of his growing up process. They can only envy the bonding my child has with my family. They can claim no credit of my child's upbringing - all being the result of their doings.

  2. shimmers

    shimmers New Member

    oh man... sounds really bad.. [​IMG] similar experiences. My MIL is scary too. She is someone with 2-faces, she dont genuninely care for me but in front of ppl she will act until very nice to me and dotes on me. This kind of pattern even harder to deal with coz im not someone who will fake myself.

    Really hate her!
  3. mommy1009

    mommy1009 Member

    Haahahah.... me, tired of putting up with her strategies etc. Nowadays, just put on a mask and smiles. Talk less, just smile like an idiot. If can turn a deaf ear too. Just agree with whatever she says eventhough you are boiling inside... one day she'll find it boring to spar wif you.. hahahhah
  4. ethan_mum

    ethan_mum New Member

    am so proud of u!

    "I am such a happier person now after I changed my focus. Instead of being unhappy by being angry with them, y not show them how happy my life can be"

    this is the correct direction to be, they do not deserve any love fm you families!

  5. miorei

    miorei Member

    ur mil sounds like mine. haiz. i cannot and never will understand them.
  6. qjh

    qjh New Member

    my MIL cried and say my hub dont wan her lah, got me don wan her liao.. blar blar blar when we were dating. Then after ROM i moved in to stay with them, she always give me face. i call her she also ignored me. then when they are movin house, she told my hub that i cannot move in with them cos the house was bought by his sister. lucky my uncle got one empty house and we move in there. on our wedding day, that stupid MIL and her good fren showed me blacked face! on my weddin day! oh before i forget, mil also show blacked face on my ROM day (got photo to proof!).
    so we have no contact for quite some time until she find out that i am preggie. no call, no tonic, until near my labour day then pretend come my house see when i deliver. Dint go hospital to vist me when delivered saying she don know how to go. (no taxi in this world meh???) then when bb comeback, try to come frequently to see bb but din help me at all!!! nvm, now my boy 2yrs old liao, always pretend kelian and tell my hub she got diabetics, high blood , blar blar blar and lost weight la... etc etc... comeon lah, she is the only wan who got all this meh?? my parents gothigh blood and still need to work as hawker ah... she only laze at home leh... then recently, keep buying fish lah, clothes and wan to come my house to see my boy!! last time durin confinement she dint do anythin and now he grow up liao, easy way out wan to get close to him! my mum and dad are the one who take care of us during all these years. despite their busy schedule. my boy very close to them though [​IMG]

    then today! tat mil told my hubby that she bgt fish for my boy and wan to come my house but don dare to come cos i always not happy when she come. wow!!! she really act kelian infront of him leh.. feel like slappin her men...!!! argghhhh... HATE HER....
  7. maesiew

    maesiew New Member

    wah!! Lyna i tink my PIL will be same as yours lor!!

    they very fake one. preg time no care lar, make birdnest cuz gotta make for son eat so i n bb can eat lor. no tonic soup cuz last time she nv take now also dono lor. pls lor... she got so many auntie frn in market and thinks that she is the most beautiful woman there, how can dono?

    always act blur etc then hubby will jump to their defence leh. super angry. was staying together one, then i confinement at mom's place till now 7 months never go back liao! hahahahahhaa!

    my gal is their first grandchild and never congrats me when preg, first thing was "doc cfm already?" then when announced is gal, they treat as if never hear. never bought a thing for bb, not even mittens. extra room use it for storage and hang clothes also don't wan convert to bb room. house furniture change and redecorate also don't want. say what next time house is ours then give me this kind of shit. not i long for the house, just their attitude like that, they want gimme i also don't want liao!

    bb don't like them too. they carry cry already!

    during confinement came 2x only and bought me 10 apples, i gave it to the neighbour. i give them pussy face then dun dare come say we (including my parents) don't like them. My parents super hot! cuz they never do anything bad to them.

    almost wanted to dirvoce ah lao as i almost died in childbirth and he only thinks of his parents! so pissed off!
  8. janlee

    janlee Member

    MIL Problems...

    When my hubby called my MIL and told her that I have delivered... she still has the cheek to say "CONFIRM IS A BOY?"... I was so angry that I told my hubby to take a pic of my son penis to show her.

    After this incident, I really pissed off with my MIL.
    shearer and Rainbow1510 like this.
  9. miorei

    miorei Member

    ur mil is really 1 kind... ignore her as much as possible.
  10. mtyh

    mtyh Member



    juzsharing likes this.
  11. kaye_de_escape

    kaye_de_escape New Member

    thot tat onli i encounter such monsters in law within my circle frenz.... alot of us sat the same boat here....

    onli can say.....nvr depend on them and live wif them. it's will be big mistake ever!!! hahaha
  12. snow666

    snow666 Member

    wow that's freaky! can't understand these emo old women and their behaviors! Do they want their sons to be alone forever? -_- gotta say I thank god everyday mine is not close and detests his mom.
  13. buyerz

    buyerz New Member

    Mine is both MIL and FIL tag team ok?!

    When i was in long labour, FIL can tell hb,
    "What r u doing there...no point what...go home and rest first."

    F*** head or not?

    WHen i was blleding in 1st trimester, rushed to hospital from work, hb couldnt rush, asked his stupid mum t go with me, she said she dont know how to go. Good right?

    And she's such a great actress ok, in front of hb, MIL and FIL talk to me nicely, when hes not ard, they ignore me.

    But must say, my HB is really lousy. He backs them up no matter how wrong they are. Dont know what poison they fed him la. Everything they do is good.

    Now they always trying to take my child form me. Always tell hb to bring baby to their house. I know their intention is for us to break up and then if joint custody, they can see her, wihtout me there.

    Sorry to say this but MIL is a staunch christian. Goes to church every Sunday...such a shame...praying for sins to be washed off on sunday then rest of the week create drama...
  14. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    I nearly fall off my chair when I read this,
    "take a pic of my son penis to show her"... haha...
  15. bluemarinesg

    bluemarinesg New Member

    What's more important is that your hubby is still in love with u. The best 'revenge' u can ever belt out is this - your hubby will always stand by u (albeit quietly).
  16. mama_g

    mama_g New Member

    Lost of direction in life recently. Pissed of everything especially my PIL.DH is youngest in the family, He has elder sis and bro. Typical Chinese family, favors elder son more. Recently he just got married (wife is a bitch) while my DH is married with 2 kids already. Our wedding was 7th yrs ago. I commented to my DH that our wedding tradition practices 7 yrs ago and now are so different, mil is so excited, big feast for prayer etc….. I said cos he is the elder son or (more favour son), my DH say I should not compare as our wedding is 7 yrs ago. Shortly after wedding, is bil’s bdae. As mentioned earlier, they are super tradition family where don even buy any cakes for birthday (at least not for my DH, DS, DD or me!!) but my bil got a cake from them!! Asked why he has a cake , reason given is becos is his first bdae after wedding, parents should celebrate for the child. Bullsh*t. Why my DH never got any cake tat yr we got married? Ok, never mind. After dinner, BIL and wife sitting at the sofa, shaking legs. We hire a maid for mil as she is helping to take care of our kids. Maid is in the kitchen and the moment we step in mil’s home, she instructed us to ‘prepare’ the cake for cake cutting. Damn her. Bil’s wife is shaking legs, I got a maid for her… why us?? Why expect me and my hubby to serve her son???? BIL is those typically type, b4 wedding, mil will fill up water bottle for him like primary schools kids. Feel that she is bootlicking the BIL’s wife cos her dad is a ‘businessman’ (sadly when dad is businessman, mum is in coffee shop making kopi). Feel like putting my kids to childcare and cut down my visit to her place. Now, we are going there everyday for dinner and to pick up the kids.
  17. anny

    anny New Member

    well well, me hv been staying wif IL since 2009 cos waiting for house to be ready.
    DH is only child... so worse lor...
    she always want outside pple to see her very nice but her behaviours behind scene... haiz..only i know lor [​IMG]
    1) During wedding preparation, she wants everything to her likings! reli EVERYTHING lor...
    2) She wanted to reno the house abit for our wedding so that relatives come will look nice but PIL insist dun wana spend money! so...she demand me n& DH to paint the whole house! I didnt dare to tell my parents lor! think they will faint ah!
    3) Came back from 12 days honeymoon, step into the house 'welcome' by her scoldings!
    4) I suffered from jetlag which she dun believe got such thing! so scolded me for not waking up early morning to do house chores! I explained to her but she insisted no such thing!
    3) Everytime we go for holiday, come back sure kena her black face and "suan" de lor
    4) always compare me wif other pple's DIL...
    5) Buy shoes buy clothes oso kena scold
    6) Spent many hours rebond hair, come back greeted by "wah, do wat die pple hair? so long!" (in mandarin)
    haiz...if reli wana write...tink take 3 days 3 nites duno can finish or not...
    everyone told me to endure once my house ready, I will hv peace... but i can tell u all...NEVER de...she will hv more things to find fault wif me even we move out..
    we hv been TTC for past one yr... I hv blocked tube...seeing TCM and gynae same time but wif her behaviours...reli torturing me mentally...
  18. BlueKoala

    BlueKoala New Member

    DILs unite!
  19. Mum_gx

    Mum_gx Member

    Seeing all the replies kinda cheer me up. Dun get me wrong. I m not gloating but coz I m also suffering

    My mil in front of my hub will treat me very nice
    But behind his back...sigh. Will say things to suan me.
    My hub doesn't believe me. He believes her
    Every small thing can lead to her complain abt me. My hub will come back n pt fingers at me
    So I learnt to complain first, then he will go n sayang his mum. So diff treatment. One is scold n the other is sayang.
    I jus gave birth to my no2. She dun even visit me after I left hospital. Show my parents black face at hospital while my mum smile n greet her. Wtf
    The reason she gave is that she is still recovering fr her cataract ops which was like two mths ago. I joke to my fren, her cataract recover on the day my confinement ends!
    A lot of things happen,I dun even know where to start.
    My no2 only 8 weeks old but the no of times she has seen my hub is almost ..... Other than confinement time, my hub only see her a few times
    I feel like a single parent nowadays. My hub refuse to come to my mum place. N if I go back, he says his mum can help me to juggle, but subject to her t&c
    Sometimes wonder why do I marry him.
  20. shearer

    shearer Active Member

    you ladies are considered lucky lo... my hubby gives his mom (aka. my MIL) S$800 per month, and yet is still the lowest of all allowances received from his siblings (to his mom)!
    imagine, my kids going without that money and yet still cant get the "1st" treatment from their grandparents... sad case

    i keep telling him, cut down on the allowance, just give $400, the other $400 can be utilized to offset costs of a helper.. since $400 or $800 is still the lowest among all his siblings...
  21. fairytale1982

    fairytale1982 Active Member

    Ya. Thou 400 or 800 is still lowest among his sibling, but if is a big gap may invite his sibling or mil 'comments' ..

    Of course if mil is leading a ok life, can get ur hubby to give lesser.

    His other siblings no kids or earning more???
  22. shearer

    shearer Active Member

    all have kids, but not sure how much they earn... dun think anybody knows how much their in-law siblings earn hor... but stress leh, MIL keeps saying his S$800 is the lowest... WTH... MIL is a retiree while FIL is a businessman... so duh... oh one more detail to share with you to make you all go - WTF...

    my SIL is a regional head of financial reporting and guess what, half of the month she can knock off in time and reach home by 6.30pm... song bo? The other half? latest by 8pm, 8.30pm... basket!
  23. shoppixe

    shoppixe Member

    When I had my miscarriage my mil came to hospital ask "is it becos of ur diet?" After that I told my husband his parents stay vry far dun nd to mafan come see me... (-.-). I think those full time housewife type watch too much drama. Say things nvr think also. Best policy to just to have them far far away.
  24. Mum_gx

    Mum_gx Member

    Not jus sahm
    My mil was working, n in her own words, a career woman (working as a kitchen helper) also say damn things
    And she has the cheek to say that she is understanding n won't behave like those brainless sahm
  25. tired_rainbow

    tired_rainbow Member

    just need to rant abit..

    i dun understand some MIL. does the pregnancy belly size mean so much?
    gynae said baby has grown slightly above avg weight n size. and everything is looking good.
    but becoz my build is small, my belly doesn't look like it is "suppose to be". I'm 6months preg btw.

    if the older generations do not understand the dynamics, i'm more than glad to explain. BUT i've said all i can, to her (MIL), as long as my belly doesn't look like the "expected" size, something isnt right.
    i mean.. if u have nothing nice to say, stfu? how does harping on a daily basis that she cannot see my belly makes anything beta? like something is wrong wif my child leh.. wtf?

  26. shoppixe

    shoppixe Member

    See open le, my pil declared their unlimited love for my daughter... Then when she was born they dropped by twice to visit us. One of which was full mth and non of my pil relatives came. Now my daughter is 1.5yrs old, if we dun go over to their place they will never come to our place themselves. My FIL is retired and drives, my place is 12mins drive away. My mil is a housewife... Their so called love is a one way street. My most 'face palm' thing is my hubby still thinks they love our daughter a lot a lot ah... I also sian of pointing these things out le. At e end of the day plan for urselves. If u rely too much on external it becomes vry stressful at the very last min. tired_rainbow > somehow they nvr have anything gd to say it seems. Just take it as their way of showing concern and ignore. Taking good care of ur own mental being is more impt than trying to change ppl.
    butterfly_l0v3r> wah I must say the toothbrush - vry gross leh.... How abt buying him a swanky toilet scrub with blinking lights and plays music. My mil also always say cook soup for me in the end just pass me 1 box essence of chicken drink for 10mths. When cook bird nest Machiam cook for FIL SHun bian give me one bowl nia. Count as if got is bonus Loh!!! Ur mil still bake one whole cake for u leh! My mil gave me 1 chicken pie for dinner when I'm pregnant. On some days ask me how many nuggets and Taiwan sausage I wan for dinner. That's all for dinner hor no rice no veg. And she's a housewife for 30+yrs...
    Actually see open la, pil dun do is a given. Anything they do is a bonus.
  27. butterfly_l0v3r

    butterfly_l0v3r New Member

    @shoppixie hehe comparing ma. At least their behavior make me realized my parents are the best. My mom once she know I'm pregnant she keep asking how are you, cook bird nest and tonic soup for me every week. Then if I complain here pain there pain she ask me rest more. When my tummy became too big that I can't bend down to bath my dogs, my mom also help me without complain. Funny some PIL they just anyhow cook for DIL can already. Got 1 time, I'm feeling super tired so I rested at home while hubby is out working. Then PIL suddenly knock on room door and ask me if I ok to eat Maggie mee for dinner cause they busy (lol) then I also just woke up so abit shag and just reply ok.. Lol when I fully wake up, I tod hubby and he flared up Lo. Why like this! Eat Maggie mee not good for baby what..
  28. shoppixe

    shoppixe Member

    butterfly_l0v3r> I just told mil nvm dun cook lah so leh chey. But ah She everyday watch drama, HK, Korean, Taiwan. U name it she watched it. In e end we went to food court for dinners. sometimes I think last time mil also anyhow eat de, so they dun have a concept that we eat well for our babies. I think it's what they know and how they were themselves. Mil wld complain last time her mil bo chap her so I think she's just following what she was given.
    I think pil liddat vry standard.
  29. bbabyblue

    bbabyblue Active Member

    My mil never cooked for me when I'm pregnant but like to suggest things that are insensible things, e.g. when i' m having got viral fever during pregnant tell me to take Chicken essence or tonic black chicken soup so that baby can be healthy inside even thou mother is sick.... like butterfly_l0v3r, always said her mil last time bo chap one. What her mil cooks she will eat.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2015
  30. karoosel

    karoosel Active Member

    I wish my mil would leave me alone. Seriously. I'd rather be ignored.
  31. nicoletan78

    nicoletan78 New Member

    I think adopting this mindset will help. Look at things from a positive perspective, and be content with what you have!
  32. nosTan

    nosTan New Member

    i tell you this thread can go many pages when come to MIL. They say relationship change when there is a marriage cert involve. somehow a mother change to the moment they are upgraded to MOTHER in LAW. GOODNESS, i also got my fair share of bad experience. In fact i am luckier...cos i only seen her less than 10 time in 9 years time. By the way I just started this Whatsapp group chat with a few mommies... to chit chat, to rant and to KEEEP OUR SANITY. feel free to join. PM me your number if you are keen.

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