! Am I a bad mummy? I think I am...


Xueling: I don't think that being impatient with crying kids makes you a bad mummy.. don't say that!!

I think all of us mummies get frustrated with our kids once in a while. Or sometimes too often. But as long as we still do our best to love and nurture them, sometimes these lil slip-ups are forgivable, no?

Ai @ http://sakuraharuka.blogspot.com
 
I think i can join the bad mummy club too. Sigh!!!!!!! I am a FTWM. To be honest i never thought i will be a mother one day as i always dun fancy to have any kids.... My slibling also dun have kids so the moment i know i was preg i was like .........huh?????? I go through the pregnancy as per normal.....but i think i was not prepared to me a mother. I was so surprise that it was so tiring... My hubby side had alot of kids therefore everyone in their family know i dun have experience taking care of kid. My hubby will always comment i should not do this or that everytime....To make things worst he dun share much of the task of taking care. He basically only bath him in the morning on the wkend depend whether he can wake up in the morning. I dun have a maid, everyday after work i must rush to have my dinner, go fetch my boy home. Reach home i need to boil water, sterlise the milk bottles. Wkend I had to bath him and cook porridge for him and clean up the kitchen after cooking on top of 2 tasks which I do on wkday. My boy was a fussy eater. To let him have his milk or porridge is like a very difficult task. Feeding him is really vomit blood. You can image he is only 10.5kg now. To bring him out also a difficult task. He refuse to sit on the car seat and end up we got no choice let him sit beside me if not on my lap. But he can’t sit still. Keep on move forward jump inside the car. It is really horrible. He is now coming 21mths. I was so frustrated that i got beat my boy quite hard whenever i can't get him to do the way i want... I will say if i know life is like that i will never chose to give birth to him. He is closer to the father than me that make me boils too. I am the one that take care of him most of the time end up the moment he saw his father he stick to him real tight rather than look for me. The father is the super good guy will not scold him or beat him. Of course la his job is to play with him only….. I wonder what should I do with my boy….sometime I was so dishearted that wonder why I give birth…Parenting should be a joyful event but to me is like a hate more……………….
 
Mummies, please never, ever "shake" your babies or they may suffer brain injuries... Shaken Baby Syndrome.

Do not belittle your feelings... post-natal depression is very, very real. Get help if you feel teary and helpless. There are several government agencies around, or you could call SOS.

Stay strong, mummies
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I feel quite sad when I read some of this post. I am SAHM..and went through the frustration that all of you went through too. My gal is super difficult to sleep..i have to carry, rock, sing for hours so that she can sleep. Even until now..she is 18 months old now. Initially i was so frustrated..but after that..I decided to spent time and bond with her instead of being frustrated that she can not sleep. I just cuddle and play with her until she is tired.

We are soo soo close. She will come to me and kiss me most of the time. We sing and dance together like silly people at home. So she hardly throw tantrum at all. If we are taking a long mrt ride, I will sing nursery song to her..and she will be very busy dancing happily instead of throwing tantrum.

even my husband wonder why my gal hardly cry..the only time she cry is when she had a night mare. Day time...super happy.

When I think of the old time..when i was soo frustrated with her..I do regret that i scolded her, even smack her, etc. She has grown to be a super cutey angel.

Mummy..just want to share with you...BONDING IS EVERYTHING. When we can bond closely with her..we have much easier time to discipline them. Cos they won't want to make the person they love most unhappy.
 
Annmaria: agree with you.. bonding is so important. actually my girl doesnt sleep well at night too. nowadays she still wakes up 1-2 times but good considering there were some periods she woke up 4-5 times a night. omg!

I don't think kids purposely try to make us angry, or do naughty things to make us mad. And we should probably try to remember that... helps makes us less frustrated when we know they can't help it, or don't know they are making their mummies feel so bad.

Davian: try to get hubby or his family to help u. "force" him if you must.. if not, it really is so stressful to you.. and not good for relations in the family.

Ai @ http://sakuraharuka.blogspot.com
 
yeah..and i will have totally sleepless night again when we travel to somewhere else..
like going to other country, etc. or worst still, when I travel without her daddy. Will still have a hard time to make her sleep. Children have their own way to express their stress feeling..I think.
 
mummy Davian, my girl also have difficulty sitting in the carseat. But I persist..and tried different way like giving her toys in the carseat, or even use portable video to play baby can read DVD for her during our journey. or just sing some nursery rhyme during the trip.
She is now get used to the car seat and will seat there happily.
 
I understand how you feel, but please NEVER SHAKE YOUR BABY. That is very dangerous and may cause permanent brain damage, and even death. I guess you should talk to your husband with this, or your parents. You may need some help in taking care of your baby.
 
The further I could bring myself to is spanking my baby's pipi. I think of my other half when I find anger building, think of how to explain to him if something went wrong
 
My 15 mth old can be a terror at bedtime too. If she doesnt want to sleep, she too will cry and want to leave the room. At times we cannot blame our kids... imagine you are not sleepy and someone force u to lie on the bed and do nothing, of course we wouldn't want, right?

As parents, I know we tend to get very mad with the kids and lose our patience but I will constantly remind myself to stay calm because the kids don't understand. The louder you scold, the harder u beat, the louder they cry. Then it becomes a cycle.

I learnt to train my girl to sleep in the following ways:

- Monitor her nap. Don't expect her to sleep early when she woke up from her nap near evening time.
- If possible, drag milk time to near her bedtime hours. Sometimes my girl will want to sleep after finishing her milk.
- 1 to 1.5 hours before bedtime, i will start putting her in the room with only night light on. Then we play with some toys on the bed, read a book, or watch her favourite videos which i downloaded onto my phone/ipad. Usually by then my girl will start to get sleepy.

If after all these and they are still crying to go out of the room, let them. But switch off the lights in the rest of the house and tell them it's dark and everyone is asleep. Let them linger there if they want. I will keep all toys away so there is nothing to do if my girl wanna stay outside the room. Then she will get bored and want to go back.
 
hi!
as a mother you should extend your patience esp with your child. You should control your anger before something that you will surely regret happen.

just take a deep breath and smile,. look at your child and just smile at him.
 
i just discover and find it works to let your girl lean on your tummy or hold her like in a "kangaroo pouch"..it works to soothe her moody temperamental crying vs all other methods that i tried on her. i read the kangaroo pouch method from a newspaper article months ago..
 
<font color="ff0000"><font size="+2">父母真伟大
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GAMBATEH to ALL PARENTS!!

1st year is the toughest but when they are older, you will think back, how u managed to past those days
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It's all LOVE!!! JIAYOU!!! Thumbs up to ALL parents!! GOOD JOB!!

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Dear Mothers,

I just saw this thread &amp; I'm not alone being impatience &amp; lously mother...after reading all your experiences, I felt guilty...

This morning, my gal cried when woke her up for school, she started crying for no reason, started jumping, want me to "sayang her" "want me to kiss her" "she'll be kuai kuai"...hub came out with a cane &amp; also slapped her...she came &amp; hugged me &amp; she put my hands around her shoulder again &amp; I shoved her away &amp; screamed to her "SHUT UP"...

I cant stand my gal cranky &amp; give me nonsences....

I really don't know how to handle my temper &amp; impatience towards her...

Can someone advise...

Thank you
 
oh poor little girl. JK,a child will grow up confidently and feeling secured knowing that she is worth all the love is by having lots of love from her parent. I can understand how u feel sometime. As a SAHM, i face my toddler in and out everyday with all her nonsense too. But I will distract her with something else when she start to get cranky or when her needs is not been made. Whatever I do, I will make sure she know that we love her unconditionally. Everytime I feel like I am going to loose my patience with her, I think of someday few more years down the road..she won't need me that much anymore. She will leave the house for study or getting married or to live on her own, etc..and I can't imagine what my life would be without seeing her everyday like now. I will enjoy as much as possible the time when I am the only hero to protect her from this big scary world.

I also know some mothers who has lost their baby because of terminal illness..and everyday..I told myself I am already soo soo lucky that I can enjoy another day cuddling and playing with her.

The tantrum is just part of her growing up. Its a phase they all have to go through to recognise their own emotion.

Borrow some books from the library about positive parenting..maybe it can help. It does help for me. Being first time parent is not easy for me too. We learn again and again about being patient and that makes us grow as a person too.
Take care mummy..I know it's not easy.
 
My child doesnt listen to me . Got so pissed off till i whack her damn hard. i feel that im a lousy mum. if her dad would take responsiblity and not run away. i would be so depressed.
 
hi jergonia,
i'm a mum (full time preschool help)/ guidance with
emotio-social/ academic / behaviour for your young child. I provide babysitter help, if need, email
me at [email protected] and leave yr contact tel /sms / email)
that i can reply and advise you.
Best regards
you need to be strong and hang on
sharon
 
Hang on, Jergonia and JK! Cool down before deciding how to handle your child. The thing I've learnt is not to get personal with the child (and their mistakes/tantrums they throw).
 
After reading this.. I am having mummy jitters... I never really had much patience to start with... Wonder if I will be able to cope. To all mothers... hang in there.
 
@ Shoppixe: If you're thinking of your patience as a new mother, don't think you need to worry as I feel that your maternal instinct will take over and you'll find that you have much more patience regarding your child than other people around you. But do remember to save your patience for your husband too. You can view him as a baby too if you want especially if he is to get jealous of the new baby for taking much of your attention.
 
Yes, maternal instincts are very strong and will help a lot in guiding us how to soothe the little bundle of joy.

No one is perfect and we may all have some moments sometimes when we feel .....

Know that you will have family, loved ones and friends around who will help, especially when we ask.
 
hi mummies here...
seem that this thread is quiet for some time.
I am FTWM with a 18m old girl and i often feel very useless, helpless overtired and very low morale too. We have no helper, only send my girl to baby sitter and after work rush to pick her up. What make me feel very tired is my girl dun like to eat and sleep well...also she is very very active and that i worried if she have hyper disorder. The only time she ever quiet down is when i on the ipad or her fav tv program. But she still can pace up and down even so.
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Then recently she can't sleep well too..keep waking up around 3-4am and refuse to sleep..keep flipping and turning or climb up and down refuse to sleep. She used to sleep in yao lan but now I tried put her back in Yao Lan she will wanna sit up in yao lan which is so dangerous, yet she can't sleep on the bed. I hardly close my eyes i can tell you cos even she is asleep she also keep flipping and i am so worried she will fall off the bed. My room is so small if not i dun mind to put tilam on the floor to sleep with her. Next is feeding..she seem to have problem eating textured food...and she likes to spide out her food when she doesn;t like to eat..so i have very limited food to feed her and its a vacious cycle...i m really vv lost!!!
 
not to worry.this is passing stages. i endured with great suffering too. now my girl is 4yr old. she finally learn to sleeo by herself at night although she doesn't take afternoon nap. she vomits since young but now has outgrew finally . she is active but not hyper..this i can finally be sure after having seen some hyperactives in her playgroup.
 
Hi Victoria, lose heart.

I've been on the side of both coins, FTWM as well as SAHM, I know it is never easy, whichever side you are on.

The blessing in this is that your child is active and happy. There are children who want to play and be active but yet they can't.

I know how sleep deprived moms can get when their kids don't sleep well. Know that all these are passing phases, and you'll be surprised that it will pass, and especially once you let go of the issue to God.

Speak gentle long words to your child before as as she is falling asleep, pronounce good deep sleep sleep over her, speak that she will sleep till dawn, etc.

Children at like sponges, they soak up our tension, our fears, our worries, and so imagine, when we do it the other way.
 
Whatever happen to my first line! iPad overwrote again! Kekeke... My iPad has a mind of its own sometimes...

It should be :

DON'T lose heart.

Means: be encouraged! Take heart!

JIA YOU!!!!
 
On eating, well, there are many young children who don't seem to be too food-motivated when they are very young, but they do all grow up to be fantastic healthy people later on.

Passing stages, really, as they get a little older, one day, suddenly, they might take a deep interest in food and you find yourself trying to stop them from gobbling down the entire Peking Duck!!!

Stay optimistic and lovely! Happy mommy, happy child!!!
 
Yes, no matter wad, Don keep the frustration to yourself. Speak to others or let out in forums. You will be surprise that you are not alone
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Don worry, no matter wad, time will pass n they will grow up day by day. Jiayou... when u pass that stage, you will be the one to share your experience
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Cheers
 

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