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Advice on starting a family and relationship issue

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by d3bugu, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. d3bugu

    d3bugu New Member

    Hi everyone, my wife and I often have huge quarrel and a few times she want to give up on me, taking out her wedding ring and asking for divorce couple of time. Things normally cool down a little after sometime after I tried to savage the relationship, but I know she is really sick and tired of my attitude.

    So what's wrong with me? well I'm pretty bad in planning for stuff, I always say I marry her is really because I love her, I apply flat with her is because I really want it too, and I also agreed to start a family with a child. But the issue is I always failed to plan for all this thing or not knowing how to plan for such.

    So my wife felt very insecure with me and our future.

    So to all the parents in the forum, can you advice me what are the things I should do or plan for if we want to have a child? ect.. cost and stuff. All I know is having a baby is expensive, so I told my wife that I will change line/job and get better pay and save up together as much as possible but to her is not enough to connivence her.

    Thanks everyone

  2. d3bugu

    d3bugu New Member

  3. heeheesan

    heeheesan Member

    Hi,IMO, the important thing is to sort out the problem between both of you before you start to think of having a kid. Both of you must be stable and ready for a kid as this is going to be a long term commitment. Having a baby is not only finacially, both have to work hand-in-hand to build up. Maybe if you understand that you are having short-coming, you might want to look into them and try your best to change for the better?

    Good luck!
  4. Lambi

    Lambi Well-Known Member

    Actually Love alone is not able to sustain a relationship..Face it..in our everyday life, it takes both couple to plan and work your way to the desired goal..be it buying a piece of new furniture or simple thing as going out for a meal or 2. Talk and communicate over instead of 'i thought you should know' kinda thinking..Talk and discuss over matters and plan together. MY advice is work things out since you both are married now..no point escaping and worse still have a child now..it does not help in fact can make matters worse as you need to take care and be responsible over another life! A child can come later when you both are more steady/mature in your relationships.

    I know sometimes it's difficult/daunting to change whatever characters you have which your wife don't like, but compromise and try as what you said you love her [​IMG] Both have to make it work...good luck yeah! [​IMG]
  5. mtyh

    mtyh Member

    Ga, go read about something if you don't know.

    There are lots of things to read up when you plan to have a baby. For a start, go to http://www.babycentre.co.uk/
  6. mehui

    mehui New Member

    Show her that you will be committed to planning for the future and do so in concrete ways (eg. saving, spending more time together etc)? Hope things are better now...
  7. ai_sakura

    ai_sakura Member

    Ga: has she told you what in particular she wants you to do? for example, if I think my hubby is pissing me off in certain ways, I will tell him exactly what's the prob. Sometimes proactively, sometimes after he probes...

    Marriage and parenting are experience-based learnings. Nobody knows exactly what to do from the beginning. The couple needs to communicate and grow together.. that's my thoughts anyway. Hope things work out for the both of you.

    Ai @ http://www.sakuraharuka.com

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