Advice on DH not interested in sex

I play with the idea but it helps that the local men are mostly very very unattractive.

Besides after getting married, i think men are all full of shit and not worth it. I'ld rather spend the time, money, affection and energy on shopping and spa with my girlfriends or on my children.
 


RainbowSky, it was what i read in papers some time ago. Cuz u know nowadays work is so stressed and most men get ED as early as 25 or 30 YO like tt. So most of the time is hubby getting PI check on wife and not the other way round.

Pildough, hahahahah! u are funny. ya u are right. men really full of shit. Rather hang out with gals and then just bitch about men! hahahahahahahah!

But be careful what u wished for... It's dangerous! Scarly one handsome man with ferrari come to know u....
 
i continued to have sex weekly while pregnant and still had it uptill 2 days before i gave birth. as long as you don't have rough sex, its safe enough.

but no matter what, best is to always check with your gynae to see if your womb is strong enough to withstand the pressure during intercourse.
 
Hi ladies,

I'm new to this thread.Wow,this is such an interesting thread.I must say this forum helps me keep my sanity coz i can write all i want here and vent my anger/frustration here.

my history: Stillbirth july 2007,tried for 9 mths after stillbirth (including 2 failed IUIs),succeeded by natural conception,m/c at 9 wks,i went thru' op to ressect my uterine septum.now,here i am.

problem is: hubby and i had healthy sex life b4 marriage.not as often as i would like it,but we still did it.after marriage,conceiver no.1 very easily.no.2 was a lot of problem.hubby refused to have sex! i don't know y.i don't know if it's the stillbirth that has affected us,or there are other reasons.he even said he didn't like the way i seduced him.all the blame seems to be on me.it's so frustrating.he's a bad boy,and i love bad boys.i tot i could tame him by giving him kids.WRONG! now i know,a bad boy will never change.he's tall,he's big (i don't mean fat),he's quite attractive (to me,at least).he will go out ends on wks drinking.and the worst part? i didn't even know abt some of these stuff until it leaked out during our conversations.not sure if u ladies know,but at the pubs,there are those filipino ladies who will flirt with men and make men buy them drinks.this is how they earn their commission.so their skin is quite thick.can u imagine those sort of girls,more attractive than us wives (certainly so in a man's mind),seducing our husbands.i feel so uncomfortable.i've voiced my displeasure,but that seems to make things worse.i mean if my hubby comes back 4am in the morn and make love to me,i won't complain he came back so late.but i get angry and frustrated there is no action at all,worst still,we are ttc.i get very stressed over this.i have to plan,i have to scheme,juz to get hubby to BD at the correct time to up my chances of getting preg.it's so frustrating.well,even if it's not for ttc,a gal has her needs too,agree? sometimes i wonder where hubby lets it out.and wat worries me is he always comes back with gifts.he teaches night classes and those adult students,mostly ladies,will ask him to send them home.can u believe it? hubby always say he is firm,he is strong.but i think we ladies know we have the power to seduce and most men will fall for it.and these adult students of his will buy him shirts,t shirts etc.the worse part is he's wearing them though it's a size too small for him.he likes it! and he tells me it's an 'auntie' student who bought it for him.won't anyone of u here feel uneasy if a female keeps showering ur hubby with gifts? today,these ppl had a BBQ at my house.and when i looked at the photos,i got SO MAD! IN MY HOUSE,these girls (i mean they are young sweet things) pose in my balcony,in my living room,like they are models.i would love to scream "SLUT" in their face.i would love to kick up a big fuss in my hubby's face.taken with our camera some more.these ah lians are so good at seducing men.

i don't know wat is happening with my hubby's life anymore.i didn't make a big fuss coz i don't want him to think i'm this unreasonable wife,and that will push him away further fr me.but i'm keeping this all to myself and it's eating into me,and deep down inside,i know it's not healthy.

sigh...
 
i believed there is a strong feeling of insecurity caused by your husband character. You have to work this out, if not it will affect your marriage.

I am not saying that u are at fault but definitely your husband is not able to give u the assurance and he didn't cared for your feeling.
 
Hi,I happened to come into this forum, well my problem is..we didnt have any baby to begin with..

We used to have quite a healthy sex life but when after marriage, I started getting abit turn off having sex and whenever my hubby wants it, mostly I turned him down or 1/2 way, I will put a stop...think thru out the years, my hubby got tired of it and recently I found a change in him, I no longer seeing him wanting a hug, kiss, quickie or anything anymore...one day I initiated it but he can't erect at all, we even went for a holiday and same thing...he can't do it at all.......till yest I opened my mouth and said let's have sex...he said he doesn't want to in a very awkward way.........I really dunno what to do anymore.......I told him to go see doc but think is a man's ego to admit he has problem there...so delayed...nothing has been done yet.....

I really felt is my problem tat time which lead him to become like this now....scared of rejection etc that makes him dun wan to have sex anymore...........was crying when Im typing this...I felt sad...I really dunno how to carry on this relationship....not that we have to have sex to maintain in a marriage but is seeing the change in him......he used to have high sex drive but becos of me now...he becomes like this...

What am I suppose to do? Anyone has any suggestions?
 
hi, i m new here. I also have the problem that The husband is too busy or probably dont like to have sex or to him, it is a lustful act. And i dont know who i can talk to, so thought i may get some advice here. He is just not interested in sex but he does not mind having a baby. Seriously the only solution i can think of is the scienific way. He said he is tired and has a lot of things to do or on his mind. In our 4 years of marriage, we only managed to make love successfully once after the first year. In the past 2 years, it was probably from one month once to a few times in a year. Back when we were in s'pore this is the case, even when we are overseas, it is the same. Even on trips, we also would just lie on the bed and sleep, no matter how romantic or pretty the place is. So i guess where we live is not important. I gave up my good pay job to follow him overseas thinking that maybe we might have a baby (cos he said we would try but who knows he is so busy that everything becomes lip service) but months passed and my hopes simply became further and further away or non-existence in the first place. So whenever i brought up the topic of IVF, he would be angry and we would quarrel. M just so tired of all these. I dont know what to do. I dont even want to do anything to initate for he might just say it is the wrong time or that he has assignments due. I am thinking of just going to the doc when i come home to S'pore and plan for my own baby with or without him. I know this is extremist and probably would jeopardise my marriage. But now that i am overseas, i m so tempted to just get a sperm donor and have my own baby since time is not on my side. I m responsible for taking care of him and that's about all i feel now. Intimacy doesnt seem to matter anymore to me, sometimes i just dont like it anymore cos it gives me confusing indications. or i would avoid him at lengths. and worst, we can talk about this without upsetting him. SO there is no communication at all. he is just interested in travelling. I used to love to travel and now i simply hate it. Anyone has a gyna that you can recommend to do IVF or IUI so that i can fulfil my dream of becoming a mum? Thanks.
 
Hi Fuzzynale

Your DH so lucky but he doesn't realise it......My case is also similar to yours except that it's my wife who isn't interested in sex. Sometimes i really don't get it. I am an attractive and atheletic 38 year old who's had my fair share of admirers. However my wife doesn't seem interested in me at all. Sometimes i even begin to doubt myself. Things got a lot worse after the birth of my kid 4 years ago. She just lavishes most of her attention on our kid. Whenever i used to approach her for sex, she will simply brush me aside on the grounds of being tired. The thing is i've tried being romantic and sweet but to no avail. If I ask again after she says no, she'll retort that i'm treating her as a sex toy. Funny, we have sex like maybe once a month if i'm lucky. Is it too much to ask??? The last time we did it was probably 4 months ago!!!

I don't even understand why she's always claiming she's tired. She's a full time homemaker and we've got only 1 girl who's at full day childcare! Even with household chores, I help out on weekends. So what could she feel so tired about? tired of me perhaps??? Haha (bitter laugh)

Mind you, i am not the type who insist if my wife said no. I totally respects her opinion and never force her to do anything that she doesn't want to. We communicate very well and I never stopped loving her her even though she's grown a bit (physically) since our courtship days and after childbirth. But i have never minded becuase deep in my heart, i know she had the baby for us, for me. So i try to make up for it by being romantic and affectionate. While she does respond, it is never about sex. Whenever i tactfully bring up the subject of counselling, she will lose her temper. So now, i have given up and just let things be. If she doesn't initiate, i won't bother too. Perhaps I've spoiled her too much during our courtship days....sigh.....and now I am paying for it. We are more like best friends living under the smae roof than husband/wife.

In the past she even used to blackmail me with sex to make me do or agree to things that i don't want to. Sad hor? I don't agree with the idea of commercial sex so sometimes the urge to do something really kills me.....

To all you losers out there with wives who are so willing to accomodate you, you better cherish and love and do your part as a husband.

Cheerio
 
Hi MAR,

I totally agree with u.it takes 2 hands to clap,right?

Hi s_piggy & helplessme,

*HUGS* I tot i was the only crazy bitch on this earth who has this problem.but now it seems like i'm not so crazy afterall.my hubby is exactly likes urs.he will even tell me outright he doesn't like the way i seduce him.so wat to do? and he wants a baby.who knows sex life will have such a great impact on marriage.i've always viewed sex as an impt part of a rlnshp.but my sex life is spiralling downwards,so is my marriage.i'm toying with the idea of ending it,since it's getting nowhere.we have lost 2 babies,and all the blame is on me.now i'm trying for no.3,i go thru' the same shit all over again.i'm willingly to put in the effort,but having a child requires input fr my hubby too.u know,to give him a baby,i even put up with insults liks how he doesn't like the way i seduce him.imagine that! here i am,trying to give him a child he's been longing for,and i have to put up with the insults,i have to 'beg' for sex.and when we lose the child,it's always my fault.sigh...he wasn't like that b4 marriage.or maybe he was,it's juz that i didn't see thru' that.the topic of divorce was even brought up when i was 1st preg,2 mths after marriage.i told him i will carry on myself for the next 7 mths w/o him.well,guess neither of us has the courage to actually go thru' it,,for fear of the pain/change of losing a partner and starting all over again.but in these yrs of marriage,as much as i had my fair share of fun & good moments,the bad times seem to be dominating a lot more these days and i seem to be losing myself in all these.
 
finding the right person to live with is very difficult. we all have our own little insecurities. perhaps we are just destined to cruise along and not expect any too much happiness. lesser expectations, lesser feelings of loss
 
Wow... so interesting.. to think I was driving myself nuts thinking I was the only one having this problem... my baby is now 4 months and DH and I have not had sex for over a year since I got pregnant... I have tried to be intimate but he always brushed me aside saying he was very tired.. sometimes I thik I may fall into depression thinking bout how unloving my DH can be... I even ask him point blank if he still find me attractive, if he still wanna do it with me... he just brushed me off saying that I was crazy to ask such questions.. sighsss..
 
Girls, as a guy and after read ur story, i am really in a lost stage on how to define ur hubby...
absolutely weird...their behavior!!!

my opinion is there is not right for ur to ask for sex from them, it is part of the marriage and responsibility as a husband!! Gosh, i really don know what to say about them...

God bless!!
 
hai.. seem like i am not the only one that encounter such a case.. i found out a lot of things also after and during my prenancy.. that after my birth we did have sex till like 6mth ago he just suddently lost the interest. so sometime i initiate it he wil say tired or doing something. i duno what wrong.. cox also piss off that he doesnt even know how to really take cafe his son.. once i leave him a lone for like an hr or two. he wil just on tv put son inside the play pen. or put him on the bed and he can just doze off.
 
it takes e girl or e wife a strong courage to initiate it.....from their husband and if they still giving excuses..more or less something is oredi happening...
 
Hi divineleia and koras,
I am not exactly sure what is happening to your hubby but I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him so you can assess your marriage. It's quite difficult to just keep on guessing what is in the mind of your hubby and it's not also proper to jump into conclusions. Though your hubby's behaviour is really strange, you just have to talk it out with him.
 
My friend told me if a man is not doin it with his wife,it means he's doin it with someone else. True enuf her hb was cheating on her. Divorcing now.
 
very true...man cannot live without sex formore than a month...unless due to health reasons..he have someone elsewhere doing it with him...be careful!
 
alternatively,may be yr appearance after giving birth really turn him down??

body shape? hygiene?? odour??fashin sense??
 
I have a so call broken r/s with hubbi,
Last sex was in feb.
No sex for 5mths le..
He requested for it. But i feel that im like a sex toy for him only.
So NO. pls settle it yrself.
If u want to go out, then u go. Dont bother me..
I really dont care ..
Even now when i need to pump, i ask him to get out of the room first.
We still joke ard sometime..but
We are more like room-mate now..
 
hi.. i duno that there are so many women whose hubby not interested in sex.. all along i tot is a man's problem, in that their wives not interested anymore after giving birth..
 
kungfu ger,
r u breastfeeding? if you are, it will lessen your sex driven. however it is also not healthy to turn down your partner.
 
Totally agree with sky mum, if hubby is not getting sex at home he's obviously getting it from somewhere else. Since too many cases of this therefore always have to try and satisfy hubby's needs.
 
kungfu.ger

i tink i am also in the same situation with u.

last sex jan 2009.
he nvr initate it. i also nvr initate.
both get irritated easily.
really machiam room-mate loh.
he slp his i slp mine...

and recently he mentioned he has no heart to save the marriage. pushing the blame on me.

and he is leaving things as it is nw.
 
hey cheryl

yr situation is similar to mine now..

now both of us do our own things and talk even less than 10 sentence a month..

i dont have an affair out there but the sparks is lost between us.

sometimes, we dont even talk while at home ..

sound terrible? but ok since the other party also leave things as it is...
 
ken

maybe need to have some talk with each other. i think communication is important. yes it does sound terrible.. i have been thru too...

now thing is ok on my side. we are even trying for no2... he was much better too.

hope thing goes well for u
 
thanks cheryl,

i have spoke to her a few times and things get back to square one..

i think we probably get used to each other and took each other for granted already that is why the sparks are lost and now we r just together in name.
 
back here again...

Finally i know why almost no sex few years ago btw myself and my hubby.. the reason was he was having an affair for the few years without me knowing. sigh.. now we are separated.
 
perhaps hvg child does affected our marriage. i dun know where or why but he did told me that things did get stale after some years. so he "left" me for another woman whose marriage on the rock too.. for now, this woman finally got divorced last month but i dun know why this husband of mine still refused to agree to divorce.. he wanted a "pause" and re-evaluate his whole life for the time being. yes still in touch with the woman for the money.. i still hv no idea if they do meet up or not although he claimed no more together with this woman. I already proposed divorce to him but he refused.
 
i disagree with u on the part on the child, as having a child makes a family complete.

Child can bring endless joy to the family ( not only to yourself but to our parents as well) and so in my own personal view, it should not be seen as a factor causing the breakdown of a marriage.

Nevertheless, with new member in the family, attention will be diverted and divided and hence for some married couples, the intimacy and the sparks in the marriage will gradually fade.

Having said that, it is to the efforts of both parties to continue spice up the relationship but if the efforts is only one sided, then the result is often futile.
 
hi helplessme,

i chanced upon your post and i hope you still reads this

my situation is exactly the same as you. im married for 5 years and im with him for almost 20 years, but we dun have sex at all, but our relationship is very good, every one envy us as the happy couple, but no one really knows that we are not that intimate in bed, he used to ask for it and i reject all the time, as i was really tired or not interested, now i want and i tried asking for it, but i m rejected.

but i dun think i will stop asking, we are also childless, i am going to plan for a baby and i will do all i can to make him interested in sex with me again, go for a holiday and whatevers and so on....

just dun give up....if u still want this relationship
 
Why don't u sign up for a fitness class workout not only makes u fit and slim , younger , more attractive and it also burns out your energy & desire.
 
My HB not interested in having sex with me cuz he told me that men will get tired of having sex with the same woman after so many years.

Men need variety to keep them excited
 
I came from conservative family and my hb was my 1st man, I was very new to sex so didn’t know how to achieve orgasm during intercourse and can only come by fingering, didn’t want to hurt my hb ego, I sometimes fake to have orgasm during our intercourse.
Sex is getting lesser and lesser after the birth of our baby even though I didn’t suffer much change in shape and hb said he still feel the same tightness. Baby is well taken care of by in laws and we still enjoyed dating, movies, sticking to each other just like new couples which everyone envy but no one knows we are having intimate issues…. I have high sex drives and have quarrel almost alternate months with hb on it. I asked him if he is not giving to me then where else I can get it? His reason was he is busy and stress at work so he don’t have sex drives. I get frustration because everytime I have to seduce him to have sex with me. I fake orgasm so not to give him pressure(thinking if I don’t come during ML, he might not want to ML to me the next time). I can see he thoroughly enjoyed ML till he comes, satisfy and go to sleep smiley and wake up with nice mood but wonder why even though he enjoys it but he never want it? I know he DIY at least once a week in the bath room, just wondering why he don’t give it to me instead? Recently when I seduce him, he don’t even touch me on sensitive parts and only wants a quickie and he comes and sleep. I made myself busy to stop thinking about sex and DIY fingering when I need it so I will not go pester him. I am even angry that if he don’t come to me then I will DIY and will not go to him, maybe when I don’t go to him, he will feel it and come to me. Whenever in public, I envy those wifes’ with hb hugging them and hands around them. I am not getting these from my hb and I told him repeatedly that I need these affections!!! I am confident he is not cheating on me. Everyone around me said he is good to me but they didn’t know we are hvg this issue, every time I quarrel with my hb, I am assumed the bad person by my frens and relatives. Even though he is busy with work, we don’t have to work on wkends and why is it so difficult to be intimate? I am not asking for sex every time, I am just asking hb to hold me, hug and feel me.. I am lost… no sex marriage, I don’t know how long I can endure with it and will our relationship fad with all the frustrations I hv…. …Anyone who had these issue before went for marriage counseling and does it helps…?
 
<font color="#000099">丈夫不与妻子行房有很多因素,不排除有小三的可能性。However, husband may not be interested in woman, but man!
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I've contributed a post in a similar discussion thread below:
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/4344167.html?1353575076
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