kokokrunch
Member
Hi everyone, need some advise here.
I am with my husband for 13 years (married for 5 years) and we have 2 lovely children. My boy is 2 years old and girl 3 months. We are usually a happy family only if I don't expect anything from my husband. Here's why....
Since the arrival of my 2nd child, I begin to notice a difference in my husband. He gets very frustrated when I 'expect' him to help around the house now that we have 2 kids. He says that we should leave it to the maid to do it. However, my son is not in school until Jan hence taking care of 2 kids can be a lot of work. Plus, my son is still going through an emotional phase trying to accept the baby- throw tantrums, being naughty, etc. So I believe in giving him care and attention, explaining things to him slowly.
Yet amidst all that chaos , my husband still expects the maid to cook his meals, do laundry, clean toilet. In his mind, he still wants to live like nothing has changed even though things changed with a baby. And I talk to him to reason with him about cutting back some work for the maid, we end up quarreling. Therefore, to make things calmer at home, I decide to quit my job to look after the kids. My maid look after 1, and I will take care of the other. In between, it gives the maid some time to catchup on her housework.
However, lately I fell very ill and couldn't get out of bed for 2 days. And as usual, expecting my husband to chip in to help was a mistake. He got very angry ( at dunno what) and even got drunk at night when he is suppose to help monitor my temperature. When I woke up in the morning and we argued, he say it's not in his character to do such things.
Even at lunch time, he went to kitchen to cook himself some noodles but didn't bother to ask me if I need to eat.
At the end of the day, I'm grateful to have such a helpful maid. And I learned to not expect anything from my husband. It's really sad to arrive at such a thought but I'm really disappointed with him. Can't help but question our marriage and his contribution. If there are no more expectations, no partnership in this marriage,
then I don't see a point in staying married.
Anyone has a similar situation? Any advise?
I am with my husband for 13 years (married for 5 years) and we have 2 lovely children. My boy is 2 years old and girl 3 months. We are usually a happy family only if I don't expect anything from my husband. Here's why....
Since the arrival of my 2nd child, I begin to notice a difference in my husband. He gets very frustrated when I 'expect' him to help around the house now that we have 2 kids. He says that we should leave it to the maid to do it. However, my son is not in school until Jan hence taking care of 2 kids can be a lot of work. Plus, my son is still going through an emotional phase trying to accept the baby- throw tantrums, being naughty, etc. So I believe in giving him care and attention, explaining things to him slowly.
Yet amidst all that chaos , my husband still expects the maid to cook his meals, do laundry, clean toilet. In his mind, he still wants to live like nothing has changed even though things changed with a baby. And I talk to him to reason with him about cutting back some work for the maid, we end up quarreling. Therefore, to make things calmer at home, I decide to quit my job to look after the kids. My maid look after 1, and I will take care of the other. In between, it gives the maid some time to catchup on her housework.
However, lately I fell very ill and couldn't get out of bed for 2 days. And as usual, expecting my husband to chip in to help was a mistake. He got very angry ( at dunno what) and even got drunk at night when he is suppose to help monitor my temperature. When I woke up in the morning and we argued, he say it's not in his character to do such things.
Even at lunch time, he went to kitchen to cook himself some noodles but didn't bother to ask me if I need to eat.
At the end of the day, I'm grateful to have such a helpful maid. And I learned to not expect anything from my husband. It's really sad to arrive at such a thought but I'm really disappointed with him. Can't help but question our marriage and his contribution. If there are no more expectations, no partnership in this marriage,
then I don't see a point in staying married.
Anyone has a similar situation? Any advise?