I found some comfort here.
I am not gloating over your stories but i have suffered badly and found that at least i am not alone.
Bemybaby & stshaw:
- be glad you don't have a baby yet;
- yours is already a very unhappy marriage, it is much easier to walk away without a baby. Be strong.
devil_pinky:
- you sounded so sad in your current marriage, would you ever consider walking out of it?
I met my hubby 3 years ago; i had broke up with my ex-boyfriend (Mr V) for few months then. Hubby is most gentle and sweet towards me during courtship...
I did not want to start a relationship with hub initially as he is younger than me. But hubby was very persistent and i was touched and we got together.
But Mr V (my ex-boyfriend) was very emotional, clingy and tried to make me feel guilty as the girlfriend that left him when he needed me most, etc(he has a bad temper and got into serious argument with customer so his company was going to sack him... and he said my leaving him got him into depression that he had to seek medical help, etc.. calling me everyday to haunt me..) Peer pressure with our common friends chiding me for giving up coz we had been together for 6 years & such a waste to give up, etc... I got soft-hearted and decided to give Mr V another chance.
I enjoyed being with my husband better but he is so much younger than me that i felt insecure. Plus, we just started out, i do not know if he is serious about me. So i tried to break up with hub to be with Mr V again.
It got my hubby into a suicide move and an ugly confrontation for 3 of us... yes, very traumatic experience for me as i almost fell off from the 12th floor trying to save my hubby...
I finally broke up with Mr V and got with my hubby. I got pregnant before we can save up for marriage so we just had a simple ROM.
Since we got married, we moved to stay with hubby's parents. His mum was a MIL from hell.
My hubby had then just lost his job (just before our ROM) and i was going to deliver in few months.
She insisted that i handwash my clothes and don't mix it with my hubby's clothes in washing machine.
I was about 6 months pregnant and i had to squat in the toilet to handwash my clothes every night after work...
Just 2 weeks before i am to deliver, MIL asked me who is going to help take care of my baby and my 'dirty' confinement clothes? My hub thought she would help, thats why we opt to stay with her.
I was mad; MIL don't allow me to employ a confinement lady as she don't like strangers staying in her house and yet she don't want to help. Then what you want me to do?! Finally, i realised it is all $$$ - hub offered to give her a good sum of $ to help with my confinement cooking and washing of baby's and my clothes (washing machine of course). I use disposable panties anyway - why did she have to keep emphasising my 'dirty' clothes?!
We had lots of quarrel with MIL and FIL as they kept asking for money from my hubby and i. But look, my hubby was out of job for 3 months after we ROM and moved in with them. I was the sole bread-winner, very pregnant and had to save for my hospital bill (in case medisave not enough) and still try to contribute to my hubby's family. I had to even allow my hubby to sell away the jewellery my mum left me before she passed away...
Fast-forward. Major quarrels with MIL so we moved out and stayed at my sister's place. I was very happy and thought we would have good days ahead.
Alas, the happiness was short-lived. My hubby had a good job but he was greedy - he wanted shortcut to big money. He gambled - serious soccer betting. He lost around $8K in 2wks and forced me to go to GE money for loan to help him pay off... (Hubby is on commission so he could not loan from GE). I loaned from GE & gave him the money, he paid off the debt.
He lay low for few months and then started soccer betting again - this time, he lost around $7-8K again. He went to GE money for a loan this time (he had worked at his company long enough with proof to show GE money his earnings now).
Two months later nearing Xmas, he got into another debt; i had to use partial of my bonus to help him and the rest i used up for CNY preparation. Every month, i lead the life of a mice - poor.
I bear the babysitter's fee, i bear the household expenses, i bear our utility bills, phone bills, baby's expenses, my GE money repayment, my expenses. I have zero with every month, having to draft from my credit line to the maximum limit to get by...
At home, hubby became a different man. He was hostile, full of vulgarity at me and never ever helped with even washing a cup or taking care of baby.. He blamed me for all this saying i brought bad luck to him!
I cried, i begged him to give up soccer betting and give in to him all the time. But he would just call me a slut, and insulted i should suffer all these for trying to walk out on him in the early days of our courtship...
I asked him did he then marry me only to take revenge? He said he had this in mind and even doubted the baby is his! I was very very hurt...
and cried through many many nights.
Last night was what prompted me to write here.
He hit me.
My baby was crying and i asked him to come into the room to help me pacify him awhile as i want to get out to wash my baby's pacifier. He shouted at me and started pushing me and tried to strangle me... By then, my baby was in a shock and stopped crying, looking at us all this while..
Now, can you imagine how i feel? At that point, i don't care about my death, i just wanted to protect my baby (2-year old so he is sort of aware) and not let him witness all these bad images... I want to believe my husband was trying to give me and baby a better life all these while but look at this mess...
My heart is broken till i can hardly feel any more... I weep with tears rolling down without a sound.
And i had to bring my baby to my babysitter this morning and bring on a smile to go to work. Yes, i still have to work after enduring all these sufferings last night...
I have so much to hide and suppress... I just had to write these here to let off steam.
I am not letting my family know because i do not want them to worry; i can't let my colleagues know (-its a snobbish environment i work in, everyone here seems to come from some rich family and would not ever sympathise or hang out with you if your house is not in district 9 or 10)...
The only reason i am hanging on is because of my baby.
So for those that wanted a baby despite your hubby not wanting it, please consider again. Would you want to bring an innocent life to let him or her suffer?
Like devil_pinky, i still love my husband but all these... i really don't know what to do next.