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3 kids & more - how do u cope

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by abigail_tan, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. abigail_tan

    abigail_tan New Member

    FTWM with 3 kids or more, how do u cope? do u send the kids to childcare, or u have a maid? I am torn to make a decision between childcare or maid, as I cant get any help from parents (Old aged). Would you chose

    option 1
    put the kisd to childcare, get a part time helper

    Option 2
    get a maid,

  2. annedrew

    annedrew Member

    I have 3 kids and a FTWM... However, I would consider myself lucky with my in laws helping to take care of them during weekdays. I will bring them hm at nite and look after them myself during the weekends.

    If I do not have anybody looking after them and if my income permits, I will send them to childcare instead of hiring a maid bah... coz have some bad encounters with 2 maids and FIL strongly disagree in hiring them now... Morever, kids can learn in the childcare too.
  3. myohmy

    myohmy Active Member

    seriously i wld prefer childcare to maid...but my work is sometime unpredictable...so i hv no choice but to hire a maid...

    how old r ur kids?
  4. abigail_tan

    abigail_tan New Member

    my kids are 8,3.5, 2.5

    i am considering childcare so that kids can be more independent, and i m really afraid of getting maid. but the issues is how to pick them up from the childcare on time. sometime we need to work late.
  5. myohmy

    myohmy Active Member

    Abigail Tan ,

    if u intend to send them to childcare...u need to hv a standby babysitter in case u need to work late.....

    for 8 year olds...its student care
  6. linda_teo

    linda_teo Member

    Hi Abigail,

    You might want to consider to put all of them in a childcare that has student care as well. In that way, u can pick up all in 1 stop.

    I'm a FTWM with a 5 years old son. Dare not have a 2nd baby becuase
    1) don't trust maid.
    2) hb station in KL on weekdays
    3) no help from both side parent because of old age and work commitment

    guess for your case, you will need to work out the ot hours between your hubby and you. If I'm not wrong, some childcare does opertate until 8-830pm. Maybe you can consider them
  7. abigail_tan

    abigail_tan New Member

    hi lina, yeah i must ask around for a babysitter who is willing to help out.

    hi linda teo,
    thanks for ur suggestion, but there is limited childcare cum studentcare at my area. But will look around. thanks.
  8. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    Hi there,

    I'm a mother of 4 without maid
    My eldest one...now 6 yrs plus in Pr 1 this yr (2009)

    My 2nd and 3rd....4 & 5 yrs,I put them in Child care..

    As for my youngest one,22 mths are taking care by either me or my hubby.

    I guess I was lucky when I work as a Engineer in the same company as my hubby and my company are flexible enough to let us working in different shift but off on same days when I was preg wth my 1st child..

    Start to put them into child care from last yr becos want them to be independant and learn how to mix ard with other kids..

    Dont really trust maid so didnt get a maid even though a lot of ppls had been asking why dont get a maid...
  9. icebaby1_98

    icebaby1_98 New Member


    For me, I have 3 kids.
    Stay with my in-laws but they both work.

    Older son goes to student care and then Pri 1.
    2nd son goes to childcare whole day.
    maid take care of baby.

    We have 2 maids at home but 1 is mine, the other is my in-laws' which suppose to take care of the household chores. Both the maids quite lucky cos i put my older kids in student care/childcare cos it is easier for them. Though it is higher expenses, at least the children dun just sit at home watch TV. They learn something in school.
  10. al_mommy

    al_mommy Member

    i just found out that i'm pregnant with no. 4. Frankly i am feeling anxious and depressed. I had wanted to close shop after no. 3 but just didn't have time to get down to it. My kids are 7, 4.5, 2.5.

    Lydia, how do you cope with 4? Can you share?

    I intend to keep the baby, but just cannot help feeling down.
  11. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    al mommy,

    hi hi,dont feel down,we're all here to share with you,dont worry...

    Well,accident do happened...^-^...my 4th one was unplanned for as well...but I just gladly have her and never been regretted even though tat mean I need to be "Cut" again...hehehe..

    So you're the FTWM or SAHM?

    At least dont feel so bad since urs eldest 3 already can do much of the things themself..just try to train up ur elder kids to handle or incharge of their own things,assign some simple jobs to the elder one (Tat normally will make them feel great finally they got the chance to be the "In-charge" instead of everything need to listen to us...^-^...

    Cheers urself up and everyday will be a wonderful and happy day ahead for you...Keep in touch...
  12. dorieme

    dorieme Active Member

    Hi everyone,

    I have 3, now aged 8+, 7+ & 4+.

    When #3 was 10mths old, I went back to work full-time... so #3 went to infantcare then graduated to childcare when turn 18mths, the other two at that time K1 and K2, both go to MIL's after school. before starting kindy, both went childcare.

    I always say if I have #4, even though now I'm a SAHM, I will still put #4 into infant care at around 1, then childcare until time to go Nursery 2. This is because even now, I am so busy teaching the two pri sch kids, once they are home, no time to tackle the little one, so she is left to her own thing while I help with homework in the afternoon (both pri sch kids in morning - single session schs).

    I think childcare/infantcare, altho can be costly, is better than maid/MIL cos most of the time, they will plonk the child in front of the TV. Lately newspaper got article say baby from small watch TV will have shorter attention span... it's very true. My #1 and #2 baby until 18mths, look after by MIL, whole life watch TV only... that was how MIL coped. So both got very short attention span. When #3 came along, I took longer leave, so she was with me first 10mths of her life... I make sure she don't watch much tv. afterthat, sent to infantcare, no TV to watch at all... then went to a childcare, the TV time started around the time I pick her up (later than the other childcare I used for my elder two) so wah, her attention span very very very good. Can sit down and look at books quietly, can sit down pay attention to flashcards and so on. She learnt all her letter sounds before she turned two, also could fix jigsaw puzzle before she turned two, the 6 piece, 9 piece kind... could read some chinese words and english words by sight at around 2... so different. same mommy, same daddy, same genes, but the children so different. Only difference is the TV and style of care when small.... haha.

    Now stay home, I try to limit tv time... but when I have to take 1 or two out for class, my mom will babysit the others, also kena watch TV. But good thing my kids all sleep at 8pm, so make sure it's quite limited lah.

    I hope this is helpful to you....
  13. kohjsj

    kohjsj New Member

    yes, if u send them to childcare, at least u have maid in case u need to work late
  14. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Al mommy and Lydia, it is assuring to know that there are moms with 4 kids in this thread. I am preggie with my #4 now and I hope I can cope in spite of what pple around are telling me about how scary it is. This one is unplanned like your cases but the whole family is very excited about the coming baby. My eldest is 7yo, #2 is turning 6yo and #3 is 2yo. Hopefully #3 will be more independant by the time the baby is born at end of this year. I m telling myself to be strong and be positive!
  15. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    m&m, Congrat!! and welcome to our mother of 4 group...^-^

    There is nothing to be scare of or scary..hahaha.My youngest one now 2 yrs plus already,running and talking alot..

    My 1st 3 are 1 yr apart..th 4th one is 2 yrs apart from my 3rd one..at least ur eldest two kids already 6,7 yrs old,when I was preg with my 4th,mine only 4,3,2yrs old...hahaha...can maybe involve your eldest kids in helping u over some smal matters,I;m sure they will be feel great when they can help in one way or other.

    Jia you!!!....Do Keep in touch..maybe one day we can organise a gathering so tat can sit down and chit chat abt mother's talk...
  16. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Lydia, thanks for your encouragement. It took a while for the news to sink in. I m currently living in Taipei and moving to Shanghai next month, so I m feeling a bit jittery about it all. Coincidentally, I knew about the move 2 days before I tested positive. The fact that I have been having bad MS the past 1 month plus depressed me even further.(I am in my 13th wk now) I sure hope it will subside fast. For now, my mil has come over to help me look after my #3 who is 2yo now since I dun have any helper. She will return to Sgp just before I move to SH... so I will be on my own then again. I hope to get a helper when I get there. Of course, the next qn will be: Where to deliver the baby? I heard it may be better to give birth to Singapore coz it will be winter in Nov/Dec when I deliver... so I am leaving that qn till I move there and find out more... A lot of people exclaimed at my situation and sighed... so I am super hesitant about disclosing my pregnancy this time round... haha... did you get a lot of comments when people around you knew that you were pregnant with #4?

    I will love to meet up with you mothers when I go back to Singapore for hols. Let's hope we can stay in touch!
  17. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    Nice to hear from you again.

    Normally the 1st 3 mths will be the difficult period,unstable,your body are adjusting to the preg,homo changes +++++,after the 5th month should be better..Lucky for me,my 4 preg didnt make be having morning sickness or discomfort,maybe becos my mom advice me to drink some lemon juice every day so tat it'll settle down my stomach..

    If you give birth in Singapore,at least ur mil will be there to do confinement for you and having a more cooling weather during Nov/DEC...furthermore,you can apply for you baby bonus..hehehe..

    Well,my gynae always say I'm very fertile,so I can be preg very easily then other woman..hahah..
    My mom always tell me to be careful when I already got 3 but always supporting me when I am preg...friends whom we know,admire us and always say we're very capable and always want to see how we're going to deal when we got more kids..so lucky for me again,when I got my 4th,ppls never signed or any negitive comments..^-^....anyway,I had done up my ligation on the same day when I give birth to my 4th one so no more liao...hahaha

    We can always Msn chat to share our views till you come back..
  18. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    hi Lydia,

    thanks for your msgs... it is great talking to someone who is going thru what I am about to experience. I have PMed you my msn account. Hope we can chat more then.

    Lucky you who has so much support! My mom is not too supportive of me having more kids and it took me weeks before I asked my sister to break the news to her (I din even tell her personally). When I was preggie the 3rd time and I called her, she said, "2 already such a headache. You not scared ah?" She was very negative about it and the most ironical thing is, she has never taken care of my kids before. She only saw my kids once or twice a mth when I was living in Singapore and even when I am at her house, she would busy herself with other stuff like hiding in the kitchen coz she is terrified of looking after them. Friends on the other hand, kept telling us how brave we are to go for #4. They said they are scared of going thru baby stage again. For me, I dun mind coz I enjoy babies a lot, esp raising them myself. I thot it is satisfying to witness my child's milestones.

    I plan to ligate on the day I deliver this #4 too. I just wonder if it is going hurt a lot since there is already a wound from natural delivery?
  19. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    Well well,Sound like your mom just like my mil...hehehe...my mil also behave the same way,everytime will claimed she is not free,she very busy..blar blar...when I got the 4th one she also grumble say how are we going to cope?...blar blar blar,as if tat going to add on burden to his son...hahahha...but well as usual,in her heart she know I can handle it myself without her help..^-^

    I love babies as well,love growing up with them,seeing them from crawling till walking shaking till can walk by themself bring me lots of joys..

    Frankly,if mine delivery is by natural I think I wont even mind to have my 5th one..but my 4 preg all by c-section becos due to my hb's gene (Always get blame from us..hahah)..our babies are BIG and I am having a small build...so I guess cutting me 4 times are enough for what my body can take it liao...hahaha

    Normally if it's natural delivery,they wont do the ligation for you on the same day becos you will be totally tire out after the delivery,they will do it for you on the next day,for c-section,they will do it on the same day so tat need not operate again..
  20. lulu38

    lulu38 New Member

    Hi Lydia & M&M,
    i really envied ur courage to bring the 4th bb into this world. I don't have the courage and I aborted my bb, last week. Now, regretted wat I have done. I love children too and I have 3 'devils'. They are always fun to watch. Hoped all mother will not be the same of me.
  21. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    Sad to hear tat but I'm sure you got ur reason when you decide to do it.

    For my case,I lost 3 before I finally preg with my eldest one so I treasure every god's gift who come to me,I never plan for them,they just come to me natural.

    You take care and remember you still got 3 of your little sweet devils to take care of..
  22. mummywannabe

    mummywannabe Active Member

    wow.. its so rare of singaporeans to have 4 kids nowadays.. i wanted only 1 kid and ended up triplets.. hmmm guess its really god's gift.


    Im taking care of my babies all by myself. I try to schedule myself for feeding, bathing them, play with them and some house chores.. Its tiring but since im a FTSAHM now, got no choice save $ also. Imagine $500 a mth for maid, 1 yr i save $6K. If incl their food etc.. i think i save another $1k per annum.
  23. jas55

    jas55 New Member

    kudos to you! triplets! got any other help fm yr family? how u plan yr time?
  24. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    Wawawa...cant imagine 3 at one time...
  25. omceileen

    omceileen New Member


    I am new here.
    I have four kids : 9, 8 , 4 and 2 .
    Working at home as a piano teacher currently with a maid to assist. But I am going to be maid less soon [​IMG]

    Hope to get to know you all better .
  26. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    welcome Eileen..
  27. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Hi Eileen,

    think my 4 kids' age gap will be exactly like yours... My kids are 7, 6, 2 and another one coming in Dec. What a coincidence! Lydia, we shld probably organise a gathering the next time I am back in Singapore! Haha....
  28. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member


    just look ahead and don't let your regrets get the better of you. Focus on your 3 kids now and give them your best. Take care and let's share our experiences with so many kids and grow together!
  29. omceileen

    omceileen New Member

    Hi M&m ,

    Having 4 will be interesting ! and fun too !
  30. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

  31. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Eileen & Lydia, I m on my way to my adventure with 4 and everything seems a bit scary right now. I am trying to imagine how it is like to lug 4 kids out for dinner next time. I love going out. In Taiwan, I travel quite a bit within the country even when my #3 was a baby. It was managable but tiring, esp when it is meal times or shower times. I realised something, I get stares in most places (Sgp,Taipei & SH!) even with 3 kids and strangers will come up to me and ask if all the kids are really mine.... hahha...
    I feel like a circus troop when we go out sometimes. Do you ladies encounter that, esp with 4?
  32. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    Well,I already used to ppls looking at us when we push the double stroller out,as we're not staying with elderly or family members we got no choice to bring our 4 kids out and we enjoy bringing them out as well.

    Most of the time,ppls will ask are they all ours as well even when we're boarding the lift,trains or anywhere and becos my #2 & #3 are just 13mths different,they will ask are they twin?..hehehe..

    It's a god's gift and blessing,so just enjoy the surprise & stares becos you derserve it and u will slowly get used to it and proud of urself...^-^..
  33. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Lydia, I have similar experiences as u. Both my elder ones are almost the same height and people always ask if they are twins... hahaa.. then pple will ask how old we are. :p They always wonder at what age did we start hving kids. Then we will tell them that we are not as young as they thought.

    I can't wait to deliver... I am in my 5th month now and my ligaments hurt like crazy at night. When I was preggie with #3, the sonographer told me to expect worse pains with subsequent kids... and sometimes, it is so bad that I can't stand w/o experiencing extreme pains in the middle of the night when I visit the loo. I pray that this will be another smooth and fast delivery!
  34. choc06

    choc06 New Member

    Hi ladies,
    This is an interesting thread! I ve got 4 kids too;)
    9,7,3 and 9 months.I'm an SAHM too

    m&m, i share your sentiments too, bringing the 4 of them out often gets me stared at.
    Do take care of this pregnancy and rest your back well.I was so busy that I didn't rest during my 4th one and baby didn't gain enough weight.

    Agree with you lydia, these kids are precious gifts from God.. And it's so nice to put up their pictures everywhere in the house..
  35. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Welcome, Choc06! It is so nice to know another mom with 4 kids... we seemed like a rarity these days, don't we? Hahaha... indeed we are very blessed.

    I sure hope I will cope well with the 4th one. It is very tiring to take care of #3 now who is in his terrible twos. He kept asking me to carry him n he will cry if I don't. The other most exhausting part is also to shower him. It is hard to bend with a big tummy... I can't wait to deliver!
  36. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    Welcome Choc06...Great to see SOoooooo Many mommy of 4 here...

    m&m,get urself a small chair or stool when u need to do anything,dont bend urself as our womb not so tight as prev anymore & you will hurt ur back when doing so...hahaha...
  37. choc06

    choc06 New Member

    Hey m&m, ya,. 5th month and on, bathing no. 3 was the most challenging. So, like what lydia suggested, i used a stool and quickly showered him. And the hot weather also made me wanted to give birth to no.4 faster.. haha.. so when the 2 older ones have their swim lessons, I dip in the pool with no.3 as long as i can..

    Thought i couldn't cope too, but looking back, no.4 has been 9 months already.. time flies..I just take things very slowly.. house messy messy, just close 2 eyes:0..
    Last time, when i had 2, would mop the floor daily, now can't.. And i'm very thankful if I can fold the mountainous clothes and keep them.. LOL
    Cooking has to be super fast kind too

    So, don't worry, you sure can cope.When you see the 4 of them growing up, it's a joy..Eating together is fun too, they always say "yao4 qiang3 cai2 hao3 chi1" and it's really true
    Now, most importantly get as much rest esp when your ligaments hurt..
    Got to prepare dinner now, ciao..
  38. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member


    During the process of preg,really tough here and there but always think postive and enjoy every moments and looking forward to see the "fruit"..hehehe..

    m&m,must start to take good care of yourself liao,rest well,eat well...elderly say,first 5 mths is for the baby & last 5 mths is for the mother..
  39. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    hi Lydia, Choc06,

    I just did my detailed scan today and found out the gender of my baby. I have boy, gal, boy already and this one is... a GAL! So happy! Suddenly, all the sufferings seem worthwhile :p. Haaa...

    I am feeling especially tired and short tempered lately. Very very hard to chase after #3 and he is always so fast, esp. when he is making a getaway from a bad deed.

    Thanks for all your encouragements. It really makes a lot of difference for me. I kept telling myself that I am not alone coz there are ladies like you who are coping great with 4 kids.

    I just hope to be able to tide thru this time now till after confinement. There seems a lot more considerations about how the kids will be taken care of after I have given birth but for now, I don't want to think too much. Just take a step at a time. Thanks again... you ladies are super!
  40. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    Hi m&m,

    Sooooo happy for you..just like mine time,I always hope to have a gal becos same situation as you do and always worry if it's a boy then how to let 3 boys squeeze into one room..hehehe..

    Maybe you can attract your #3 with some nice books or some colouring..I'm doing it for my #4 who also 2 yrs plus,tat's the only way to keep her curiousity and active down..^-^

    Of course you'e not alone,we're all here with you along the way till you come back to gather with us mah...^-^

    My mom always say...children are like wild grass whereby even they are in the wild they still can grow...so dont worry too much la..
  41. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    Having many children is good, at least when all of them grow up, u will have good life
    with plenty of grandchildren to look after as well or even great grandchildren as well!
    Like our grannies time, my grandmum in law, she have 10 children! My hb used to exclaimed to me, " my grandmum
    is so capable to take care of so many children and then her grandchildren and nw her great grandchildren!
    Heehee.."zi soon man tang"! noble mummies!
  42. mho_ng

    mho_ng New Member

    Thanks so much, Lydia... must really try to meet the next time I am bk... it will be quite a sight to see so many kids together! Hahaha...

    Susanna, my grandma also had 9 kids and it is always very noisy n fun when everyone gather together, esp now with 4 generations! It won't be easy but I believe it will be rewarding.
  43. mummywannabe

    mummywannabe Active Member

    Hi Jas, Lydia...

    Indeed not easy taking care of babies.. 2 of my triplets are back with me and am taking care of them myself. Another sibling will be coming back soon and am also taking care of him myself.. Basically gotta forego plenty of sleep..cause basically the whole day is likt attending to the babies only occasionally when they are asleep.
  44. houseofpink

    houseofpink Member

    Hello Abigail,
    I would prefer Childcare. Partly I also scare and worry about maid issus arise. Unless I have someone elderly around to supervise the maid. If not i rather send to childcare. Maybe can get someone to standby fetching your kids?

    Wow lydia,
    Mother of 4. FTWM or SAHM? I have 2 gals. We are thinking of whether should try for 1 more.. I am a SAHM. My 2 princess each aged 3 and 15mths. So #1 is going to 3hrs prog daily, whilst 15mths is home. Was planning to go back work if possible sometime year 2011. So was kinda thinking should have one more in yr 2010 haha cos i am already not working. But scare cannot handle. Financially i don wan to have a maid to burden HB too.

    How you manage ur 4? Peifu [​IMG] My hb love kids. But 3 is the max we can go haha
  45. omceileen

    omceileen New Member

    Hi mummies,

    I am currently managing my 4 children age 9 , 8 , 4 and 23 mths tot without a maid and teaching piano from home.

    Anyone staying around jurong west st 81 and would like to baby sit part time on an hourly basis ? Kindly let me know . Thanks !
  46. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    Hi Cynthia,

    I'm a FTWM,lucky for me,I work as a shift Engineer(same as my hb) so we manage to work different shift timing but off on the same day to take care of our kids but still sometimes feel quite tiring also..hehehe

    My 1st three kids are 1 yr apart whereby my #4 is 2 yrs apart from my #3.

    If you at this moment is not working and thought of having another one then it's the right time for you rather then preg when you're working. ^-^

    Eileen Ong,welcome to the BIG family here.. ^-^
  47. alsee

    alsee Member

    i m also a mummy of 4. aged 9,7,4 n 4mths. So happy to see many mummies of 4 here. It nt common now. pple keep looking wen we r out wif so many kids.. But am enjoying myself. Sometimes, i think.. if I hav no. 5, will I become 'alien' cos i m sure pple will be pointing n talking if we r out. haha
  48. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    Welcome Alice..

    If you really having #5,you will really break record liao....hehe
  49. alsee

    alsee Member

    haha.. jus thinkin only .. Thought of ligation but drop the idea cos still young mah..N also I love children a lot..
    but come to think of it again. quite tiring mentally n financially to hav so many.
  50. lydia_lee

    lydia_lee Member

    LOL LOL @ Alice..

    True enough la,giving birth is one issue,how to teach them,bring them up are another issue..esp now different from our time,education itself already need lots of attention.

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