(2010/06) June 2010 MTB

jalgal, thank you [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



azureoct... thanks for the info

 


Hi Jalgal,



Pls update for me, mine is a gal.

I am staying in Sengkang. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Thanks.

 
Re: FM & Fish Oil

Joelle, yah i'm kinda surprised why my gynae says no need to take those. she's very liberal when it comes to fruits - she says i can take any fruits to moderation - papaya, del monte bananas, pineapples etc. i'm on other supplements though - multi vit, folic and calcium. are you ladies on those 3 pills too?

Actually i'm not that keen on FM since my baby is quite big size, and i'm hoping not to gain too much weight. I'm not even on pack milk, just drinking Sobe Trim Soy Milk daily. However i do think that Fish Oil is quite necessary.



Re: Red patch

Missbluey, my cheeks are a bit rosy too - only when the aircon is not on. If you're concerned, you can try using Pure Aloe Vera gel - it has natural healing properties and has zero harmful effects on your baby. Go guardian and buy [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] abt $20 per tube i think. Also, i spray lotsa Avene thermal water to cool down the skin.

Actually i have the most sensitive skin, but during preg, my skin actually got a lot better. Now almost flawless...heheh...maybe it's the multi-vit.



Re: Preg Look

I still think it's impt to look good during preg le. I have a colleague who looks very shabby and i heard a lot of complaints from my bosses back then. So i told myself to at least look neat and proper. Only thing is that i use hardly any makeup - Thank God my complexion is mysteriously very good now, or maybe it's due to not using makeup! But dressing-wise i try to maintain stds lor. My only grouse is that maternity wear is soooo ugly (and expensive). Hard to find nice ones - and still look professional and good. End up buying lotsa normal dresses that i can still fit.

--> See it this way, if i look good, i'll be in better spirits and more confident, then i won't have so much mood swings and every nite dream / suspect about my hubby, and it makes him happier that i'm cheerful and it keeps the marriage better too. and the baby will be in better spirits too! isn't that great?



FTWM -> PTWM / SAHM?

Anyone thinking of giving up their full time to take care of the baby? hubby says up to me - after much thoughts i decide to continue working so i don't have to depend on him. but seems very selfish for my poor baby - i hope he doesn't grow up spoilt...

 
Oh Jolene



Dont be stress... your child needs you. Stay strong. Take a while to cry it out if you need to. Don't give up on marriage. Hmm... here's what we did to try to make little Jay drinks. He is 22mths btw, so he almost understand much of what we said.



We will tell him to try to drink his med, we don't want to force it down his throat, cos we knows he doesn't like it. So after that, we drop one smarties into the spoon of med (teaspoon) so that he can see. Or you can use his fave food - eg small biscuits? Pocky sticks bits?? And then he will eat up the med.



But sincerely think that it is better to bring him over to PD again/ hosp if things are not yet well... cos you are falling ill too.. you must take care of yourself. There is this horrid flu bug around... i caught it last week and was down for 4 days from work. My son and my mum caught it too.

 
kaoru, ya.. i went chinatown last night. Not as many pple as i thought. The decors stuff are not great and very very very ex. i din get to see ur post in time before i left the hse. after i log in today and saw that Buangkok ones cheaper, argh... nearly want to bang wall... hahaha... luckily i bought very few... maybe will go buangkok shop shop...



who knows where to get Kam (mandarin oranges) - good and cheap and big?

 
steven..hehe.. that edd was my #1



koaru

Sama Sama, i kept a lot of my pre-pregnancy clothes but like u o have grown 1 size bigger, super upset. See how after #2, #3 will not come so soon ( or maybe not at all) so can work hard on dieting. I am so looking forward to bfeeding to shed the weight!!! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Just to share, a sacred tea for increasing milk ss,http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/581296/3628441.html?1265678476

gals u all may want to take note in the future . Other options:



1) Fenugreek (GNC)

2) Goats Rue ( Lucky vitamins)



I tried both 1 and 2 and goats rue works on me!! Helped to improve my milk ss! Remember to latch on str after delivery , at the delivery ward, they say it helps too!! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Chinatown

Cath and Koaru,I din noe chinatown sell cny decor so expensive, din dare to go there cause wanna avoid crowds. So.. erm.. not crowded at all?



Seats

Yesterday, i took mrt from bedok to orchard. At bedok, 2 pp volunteered to give up seats at the same time once i boarded the train. At city hall, 3 other pp volunteered their seats for me. It must be my lucky day or my tummy must be super big lor. But pverall i think singaporeans do give up seats from my experience, much better than japanese when i went there recently!



Jolene

*Hugz.. take care of urself.Hope ur boy recover soon as well!

 
Cath,



the cheapest KAM i've seen so far is in Giant - 18 oranges for $3.95. nice looking and cheap. my friend tested it, not v sweet she says. i din sample - but since it's not for my own consumption, looks decent and nice can liao :D

 
NAT,



Lastime i also stay blk 182 near S11... for my 1st marriage.... zzzzzz seem like cannot leave Taman jurong....

 
Thanks for all e support. My boy fever came down le. Thou still gt fever bt juz slight fever.Y I feel lyk givin up on my marriage coz I feel too tired. Hubby is nt supportive at all. He was still scoldin mi for shoutin at his parents. I pretty sure tat they twist n turn words in front of him. Wat hurts mi most is tat after all e support I gave him throughout e times when his mum cheat his money, might cause him to lose his licence, i was there all e way to help him. Remember once he in need of a few K, I went ard lyk a beggar to help him borrow n yet tis is e type of treatment I get. I really feel so hurt. Not even a word of concern to mi now tat I'm sick.



Y I quarrel wif his parents was becoz his mum go around backstabbing mi in front of relatives n tat his dad doesn't give mi e due respect I shd haf as a DIL n my son's mummy. He lyks to say I'm stupid, bodoh, lousy mummy in front of my boy n when he say where gt, I was lyk say u ask ur wife n she dun dare to tok coz she noe really gt. Old man say he meant it as a joke so i say if once or twice, its meant as a joke bt more den tat its definately nt funny.



To mi, I feel lyk I'm juz a stranger in tis family. Hubby concept is he;'s e only son so he haf to stay wif them. How m I goin to survive wif them?

 
jolene,

good to know that the fever is coming down.

what is it that caused your son to have persistent high fever for the past few days?

its really sad to read that your hubby is giving you not-so-nice treatment when you are already preggie & sick. really don't understand what good can your pils get when they are ill-treating you & your son?

jia you for you & your son!

 
Jolene, so sorry to hear that. Think you have a worse IL problem than me - at least we stay apart and my hubby stands by me / logic. I know it is difficult so usually I try not to complain about IL to him - cos he'll feel the worst - being sandwiched in between.

For you, best is have your own place, if not, then I guess try to spend more time in your room or outside, meeting your friends etc. Guess only way is to avoid to lessen conflicts. Try to spend quality time together with just the 3 of you? Yourself, hubby and child?

For me, I guess I won't ever dare to retort my ILs…..they are very domineering and assertive!!

I'm expecting that we will have a lot of conflicts when they take care of my baby [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]

 
Coz of wat they done to everyone, cheating relatives money, got hubby into trouble tis n tat, tats y they r tryin to gain sympathy from anyone n tryin to get into hubby good book. Honestly even till now regardless when I'm havin my #1 or #2, they nv bother to cook for mi at all. Everyday outside food. If I say I wan to cook den they start sayin they dun lyk e kitchen dirty. Now they r tryin to claim credit tat they did everything for my son whereas mi everyday at home good for nth doin nth.



I told hubby I would nt haf done tat if they nv do anythin nasty to mi. Its juz tat they reach my max n I juz erupt. I nv tot tat 1 day I will juz erupt lyk tat.



Later on, I'm goin to haf a tok wif him n if he still think I'm at fault, I really feel no point coz at e end of e day, think I really go crazy if I continue to stay wif them.



MissBluey- PD was sayin my son haf vr vr bad throat infection.All thanks to those idiots who anyhow give him rubbish.

 
jolene, u must be strong for the sake of both of boys.. try to take things slowly n relax.. we will always support and pray for u..

 
irma, btw, thanks for ur recommendation of the rose syrup.. surprisingly, the first night i took, throughout the night, i don't get the gastrics attacks.. though it come back the next day.. yday, i took again (but without ice coz the first nite i cough maybe due to ice water), yday nite, i oso no more attacks. so far so good.. hopefully i can fully recover within these 2 days.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] thanks alot for ur help..

 
jolene,

they sound very unreasonable ppl. If they so badly want to claim all the credit - then if I were you, I would possibly be a FTWM and leave all the household chores and childcare to them - since anyway they said they are the ones doing that - if they are already so capable, then well, just continue their good work!

haha, but that aside, do think of some solutions/ options first before discussing with your hubby...



sberry,

my mum had used several agencies before - the last one we used is Maid Mgmt - i'm very very pleased with the guy who attended to us(William), the services rendered, and of cos the maid la. here's the contacts:

#01-62 Katong Shopping Centre Tel: 63459978

http://www.maidms.com.sg/maid/

think you need to go down personally to get the good maids, the ones posted online gives me the impression that they are 'leftovers'.

i'm planning to go down next month to engage one for myself too...now still a bit too early, the maid will have nothing to do at home :p

 
hey girls,



im experiencing some annoying pain on my left upper tummy (quite near to my rib cage)... for the past few days...



initially i thought its becoz i ate too much during lunch, but it happen even b4 lunchtime and its getting annoying..



The best thing is, it usually more painful when im sitting down and doing work on my laptop...



I tried to lie back on my chair and still work... But i cant see my keyboard, keep typing the wrong words...



So annoying!!!!



Can anyone advise???

 
jasmini, thanks for the contact.. will check it out.. we intended to get one ASAP 9maybe after CNY) so as to get her familiarise. n oso i want my girl to get used to her too.. :p

 
sharky,

my guess is either 1) indigestion 2) muscle ache

1) if you experience indigestion, the pain is caused by flatulence/bloatedness. You can take some antacid (it's safe from most OTC), or try to take frequent small meals, avoid oily, spicy and dairy pdts meanwhile.

2) if muscle ache - probably you've pulled a muscle when you stretch. It should go away by itself after a week or so. If it's not too near your tummy (ie. Baby), you can still try to apply a heat press. But if too near, then forget it, don't take the risk - if really unbearable, you can take panadol or get some muscle relaxant pills

 
Jolene, dun be too sad.. seriously guy stand still on their parents NO MATTER how evil their parents are.. i choose the facts to ignore it even thought i find it a nuisance for him to treat them as parents..



maybe u like to go ur parents house for a break.. it's better for ur marriage as well as u.. u deserve nice treatment from family right this moment..

 
sberry,

if you're getting fresh maids, you have to wait 3 weeks at least after confirmation (this agency takes slightly longer than usual - they said they need to complete the maid's training). This agency disallows the maid to bring over their hp, and will report to you a list of their belongings they bring over (for transparency). Also their hair comes trimmed.

Unlike the previous agencies where the maids come in their long hair, sexy tops, hp, and we never had any idea what they bring to our house. And worse, we paid 3X of agency fees compare to this current one.



are you getting a filippino / indo / myanmese?

my hubby wanted to get one asap, but my colleagues all suggested that the maid will get lazy if she comes now, and will be displeased with the spike of workload when the baby is born - that happens to them. So I will try to get her in only around end Apr.

 
If I were to leave my kids in their care. I think would haf died in their hands. U noe wat MiL was tellin mi tat day. My FIL can't stand e sight tat my boy is nt eating anything so he keep stuffing him wif sour plum. Can u imagine if I leave my boy in their care, gosh my boy will get killed easily.Nv once I nv c my boy mouthstop movin when he's wif them n bear in mind he's oni 18mths old. Everyday go down eat whip potato where wun kana thraot infection.



Rainelle- I agree wif u. He noes his parents how evil yet he choose to stick to them. Juz dun understand.

 
Jolene> I not sure whether is it wise for me to ask you to go back to your parents place with your son... Dun leave your son with inlaws..



How can they keep stuffing things to your son.. Kids are young and their stomach quite small..



Agree with Rainelle, no matter how evil parents are, they will always think theirs are angels..



Dun get too upset abt those 2 crazy ppl... if not you will be the one who suffer more cos now u preggy and baby will get all our mood change and baby will be emo ...



Only way is to move to your parents place for the time being if your hubby still blame you etc..



How abt looking for a middle man whom both of you are closer with and he might sit down and listen? If not a marriage counselor but I know not all guys are willing to go for the session.

 
Raleigh,

me stay opp the open field where lotsa people fly their kites every now and then [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Jolene,

can't comment on yr IL so they r really one of a kind man... in fact i do hv frenz who break up/divorce cos cant get along with IL. But as preggie woman tend to be even more sensitive, suggest u want to hv a good talk wif yr hubby.



Cath,

Buangkok selection altho not much, but enuf for me since i just need 1 or 2. Surprisingly not many Tiggers to be found, or either that very ex for 1, since only going to be hung for a few wks, din want to spend those $$. Rather spend on myself/baby! Tmr Chinatown shld be superpack liao since its a Fri and CNY juz around the corner.



I bought my Kam fr Giant last yr too - really cheap! But i din eat them cos i never like kam, prefer oranges anytime.



Genice,

i heard abt fenugreek, but when u say improve milk supply, which day onwards do u notice? Cos previously my milk came in late too, but i heard for #2, it shld be easier.. anyway my CL has some stuffs that she claims will help to boost my milk supply, so i ask her to standby liao..



RE : Cordblood

Wanted to donate to the SCBB for #2 but too bad hubby has G6PD so i am not a suitable doner. In case anyone not storing with private bank but dun mind donating it out, may check out more info on SCBB.

 
Jolene, cos he's still their son no matter wat.. and to him, nth will endanger ur son cos he's still alive till now.. get the meaning?



so if u really can't tolerate them, go and have a vacation at ur parent's hse for a short period, take a breathe for urself.. if u aren't carrying a baby, i will say send ur boy to childcare and u go out work.. life is much easier to face them for a few hours in the nite than seeing them 24/7..

 
Jolene,

sour plums and potato chips! Gosh these 2 are high in salt.. very bad for 18-mth old. I rather u give him more milk if he doesnt take solids well.. but how little is little? Kids r not adults n their portion looks pathetic to us, but if he is gaining weight, then it shows its suffice! These ignorant idiots!!

 
jasmini, i leave the option open either new or transfer maids.. 3-4weeks wait is ok.. no big issue.. we oso open to indonesian n philippines.. may i know how much u pay for the agency fees? [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

haha.. u can get the maid to clean up ur hse thoroughly to welcome ur little one in Jun.. so just nice to get one by Apr.

 
qqq, so far i bought the herbal chicken (those sold in food court) n eat.. my mum said can wor.. she also cook herbal soup with danggui, but nv put alot. u buy the herbal soup ingredient and cook yourself? if so, u can check with the shop whether suitable for preggers anot.

 
Jolene,

ya...tok nicely with yr hubby and try to work things out...of course yr tone mus be soft mode aso..so things can be settled more easily...breathe in n out....jia you..



re: maids

honestly, 2 mths u cannot train the maid well...cos for indonesians they nd time to adapt and sm may hv langauge prob....and wat if the maid is not suitable?? then u gt no choice bt to keep her or change her until the next maid comes..u will hv no time to train the maid already as the bb may hv pop already...i tink it depends on the priorties tat u wan the maid to do..to take care of bb or household chores..my key is to hv the maid early, tell her tat bb is cmin n hv to look after bb aso whn time comes..at least they gt time to handle household 1st n then after the bb...one step at a time...cos u will nt be able to juggle your maid's wrk n bb whn both comes concurrently..

 
kelly, thanks for ur advise.. initially i thought of gettin my auntie's ex maid.. she is good n work for her for 5yrs.. but currently she is working under another employer n cannot be discharged until end of the year.. is there such maid who helps only for half a year? [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
sberry122,

i hv not heard of tat though...cos wat i knw, new maids contract is 2 yrs...n if renew maybe 1 yr, half yr..is it extension for another haf yr??



Personally, i wouldnt take transfer maid..prefer someone who is new from overseas but who has working experience in other countries..cos for sm maids whom have worked in sg before..i find tat they will be smart already..they may steal things fm u and pass to their frens.....bt of couse maids who have wrked in sg before they more or less will knw the expectations of the sporeans employers which is gd...so depends wat u wan....i will neber allow my maid to hv hp or money by herself...tis is wat i told agent and her on the 1st day of wrk....

 
hi mummies im a Apr MTB...me very stressed with the clearing of the guest room to convert it to a nursery room...need to let go of a Ikea TV bench and a standing steam iron. i tried to post under the marketplace but becoz im not yet a member for a year i cant post it there at all...sigh!



pls pm me if u're interested coz im not selling the things too expensively and i'll email u the pics first..thanks!

 
sberry: *thumbs up* great to know it works for you! at the coughing..sorry, but u didnt develop cough right?

yeay! hope you're gonna fully recover soon enough! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif][IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



ladies.. just now had bad constipation..wanted to let go (sorry for being gross), but cant..so i "pushed". then i remembered, mom said dun push.. else other "things" come out.. aiyo! v v scared.. at last, i drank a glass of water.. managed to poo.. *phew*



but then! now, frequent visit to the toilet.. to pee.. like every 5min.



jolene: so sorry to know abt what happen... really hope for a miracle to happen so that they'll stop doing what they currently doing to you 1 family.. -.-

 
irma - try to take more vegetables and fruits. Will help to aid in the constipation as pregnant women r pone to that.



I dont take extra multi-vitamin and calcium pills as they r more heaty which in turn cause constipation. So i take normal food intake which i believe it is sufficient for the bb's growth. It is up to you guys.

 
jolene,

ic. wah your inlaws really nothing to describe them. their thinking are so .......... $@%#@#!&#. haiyo!! hope your son is doing better now. like what other mummies have mentioned, best is to have a really good talk with your hubby else move back to your parents' house for the time being. i remembered you ever said your parents' house is doing some painting works? or is there anywhere you can go? please do take care of yourself & be strong!

pearl powder from chinese medical hall is good for bad throat infection. but 1 small pkt is slightly costly.



sberry,

i got pm you about my maid's agency before right? you got call the agency? my indonesian maid so far so good, a first-timer in singapore but ever worked in other countries before. she picked up certain mandarin words pretty fast but sometimes quite forgetful lor. just have to keep reminding her at times, though she does get on my nerves. my son is pretty close to her. of cuz there is this saying, if you treat ppl well, ppl will return your appreciation. i truly believe in all these. =)

 
Re:maids



yup agree with kelly abt the preference on fresh maids. they tend to be more obedient, but the tradeoff is they are less experienced. for me, i don't mind, cos i have grown up with a history of problematic maids, and seen maids syndicates more than often. they have their clique and will pass stolen items ard so that the employers won't find out.



my additional advice is:

1) to get a maid with no off days ( i used to think it's human cruelty, but i think otherwise now. we always tot my mum's ex-maids will go church on sundays - but instead they dress up sexily on sundays, go do haircut in orchard etc. and my things often gets stolen, and she has $ to take cab home somemore. then we get funny phonecalls from wives of some husbands also)



2) never give them a HP. they'll sms and call on the HP all day long esp if you're not ard. somemore will ask us to buy topup cards for them [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]



kelly, i'm still torn between choosing a filipina and indonesian. it's mostly communication - otherwise i'll choose indonesian cos they are slightly more down to earth and hardworking. my house condition is very neat such that we don't need much maintenance, and it's quite small and easy to take care of. the maid will have 2 mths with nothing much to do. honestly if i have a choice, i don't like to have a maid (stranger) ard in the house. just have to cross my fingers and trust that the agency guy recommends a good maid to me - the last my mum hired was personally recommended by him ( he knows them personally) and it turned out to be what he described to be.



sberry,

agency fees are listed on the website i think. for indo maids only $288, but he charged us only $250 - cos we left our previous agency that cheated us of $700 agency fees.

you can get part time maid for 6mths, not fulltime - but think carefully, do you want to re-train the maid again after 6 mths? it's very tiring.

for full-time the contract is 2yrs, if you renew, it's also for 2 yrs.

 
missybluey, oh yes.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] i m gathering a few agencies for comparison. have not call yet..

keepin my fingers crossed to get a reliable one..



btw, have u confirmed ur bb gender? [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
jolene,



i suggest you talk to a family counselor - more of fishing for ideas/ solutions. they have handled many of such cases and hopefully can provide you a good solution.



can you maybe warn PIL not to feed the boy anything unless with your permission? take full possession of your boy and make sure they know you mean it. tell them this is your son and you have 100% charge over him. then grit your teeth and play deaf to all the grumbles they will tell to the relatives. i wouldn't care a dime. so long as my child grows up the way i want and is healthy.



but most imptly, do communicate nicely with your hubby and make sure he stands by you.



an alternative would be to find a nanny that can take care of your boy and baby for <$1k,>$1K.

 
sberry,

bb's gender still not yet confirmed. gotta wait after cny week then can know. heh.

oh ya, like what jasmini had said, better get a maid with no off days & no hp. i'd rather she buy top up cards & use house telephone, so that i know whom she call.

 
btw, i realised i can't seem to cross my legs properly anymore, as if i have alot of fats on my big thighs. any of you have this problem?

 
Ytd tat idiot pissed mi off again. Already 9+pm, he wait till i go n bathe den brought my boy downstair. Come back omg purposely dun wipe his mouth, full of food stains for m i to c. He's really vr wicked.



Aft CNY, most probably goin back to my mum place for e time being. Confinement doin at my mum's place if nt they definately gt lots to say bout mi. Anyway when I had #1, she didn't help mi to do my confinement properly, dun even bother to buy mi buy herbs to bathe. No proper food, da pao from downstair. No pampers ownself go down buy.



Ytd even if I'm so sick oso dun wan stay at home brng boy go out wif my mum. Hubby wif MIL e whole day so I think she sure say till so bad in front of hubby. Coz from hubby tone, it seems lyk she twist n turn her words. Whether a nt hubby wil stand by mi, nt important le. Most important is my child.



Jasmini- I warned them so many umpteem times le bt they juz turn to deaf ears. Hubby oso say le bt they juz do things as they lyk. Dun treat us seriously. Most of e relatives noe wat happen so they noe my MIL accused mi. Lucky a few times they came up, I was at home lookin aft my boy, doin housework while shes nt at home.



Bt still e same I will say. If hubby still so insistant bout his I'm e oni son concept, haf to stay wif them den think ending of tis marriage might b a good way out. He oni think bout himself bt nt his kids future n health. Stayin in tis type of environment is definately nt wat I wan for my kids.

 
Hi gals, just joined your thread as it looks so interesting to hear all these pretty voices going on about your life and coming babies!



Good to know there's a few East Coasters around here as everyone else seems to be in the North East area! Think I'm the oldest around here and definitely have another child who is also the oldest amongst your little ones too! So my 2nd one 12 years later is quite a surprise and joy but also a little scary for my age! :)



Jasmini, Aven and Jojo, believe you guys are all in East Coast? It'll be nice to perhaps hook up together one day and exchange notes and also have a network where the babies can play together once we have them!



Jolene, so sorry to hear of your predicament. It's important that you stay strong and try to relax and remain calm in your condition and when with the ILs. What you need is love and support from the person closest to you, which is the man you married. However, that said, no matter how, your hubby is still their son and thus he is sandwiched in between, regardless of how his parents have treated him. Perhaps you and him can sit down outside the home to have a chat about how best to have a heart to heart talk (gently) about this and also ask HOW he feels about it as well? Remember, it's not all about ourselves too, perhaps, hearing his side of the story and trying to put yourself in his shoes may help you both strengthen your marriage first, which I believe is more important than what the ILs are going about. If your marriage and relationship with your hubby remains strong, then whatever your ILs say or do, you can brush aside as dust in the wind and let go. If I were you, I would let HIM be the one who handles his parents and also be the one telling his parents that your son is yours and his responsibility and thus I agree with Jasmini, that you have 100% charge over him. However, I would suggest that instead of you confronting your ILs, you should have your hubby agree to talk to them as they are HIS parents and you wish to remain non aggressive towards them. The fact is that you are living with them, unless you and your hubby move out on your own or live with your parents, there's no way out and if that is the case, why have confrontations with them? Better to ease out by having your hubby deal with them. That way, you are not seen as the confrontational DIL. Sometimes, that helps and will then not put you in the limelight and direct confrontation with them. It is really your hubby's responsibility to deal with his parents anyway but you have to ask him to do that, nicely.



A marriage counsellor is a good thing to consider as well. But I realize also that if you have a very supportive gynae, you can sometimes have a private session to consult your gynae who will also refer you and your husband to an in-house counsellor from the hospital that you are seeing. My Gynae at KKH is very good at that. I have issues with emotions and diagnos with Bi-polar disorder, so that makes my mood swings go on the extreme. It's hard for me as well as my hubby to cope, and our gynae is very supportive and sometimes gives counselling and also advice my hubby on matters and if he can't handle me, my gynae ends up as a middle man! Not all gynaes are like that of course, but you can ask the support of your gynae as they will then recommend you to someone who can help both you and your hubby come to some kind of compromise. It's hard to be in the line of fire all the time, especially when you are pregnant and should be relax and stress free. So having a middle man helps.



Sberry, I just sent my last maid home as she was extremely "blur" and lazy. I'm due on 7 June, very close to Jasmini and Aven, and decided to re-employ one immediately as we live in a 3 storey house and I have an older daughter who is now 11 going 12 this year! So I prefer to remain stress free, I'm a FTWM but have a lot of flexibility to work at home a lot as well. I chose to have the maid earlier so that they can settle down and get into a routine and familiarize themselves for at least the next 3 to 4 mths before the baby arrives. Just imagine ourselves in a new job, we are given 3 mths probation to get into the swing of things too, so let alone a new maid or even a transfer maid, your home is new to them and there are new instructions and your way of doings things that they have to adapt to. At the end of the day, it's also a bit of luck but really the selection process is very important. You must firstly make sure you set your own priority as to what you want from the maid. Is it child caring, housekeeping or cooking, etc. and what kind of experience you expect from the maid. With a young baby, I do prefer to have an experience maid who has looked after babies from newborn before as I feel safer when I have to go to work. An inexperience maid and fresh one means you have a lot of teaching to do, no doubt they will then have to do things your way, but they will also take months to adapt and if you end up getting your maid much later, they may not be able to cope when the baby comes. Again, it also depends on whether you have any support from your ILs or Parents in helping to look after your baby on the first 2 to 3 mths of arrival. All these makes a difference. I chose an Indonesia/Filipina (she's half half) maid so she can speak both languages. Had experience with 3 boys (one of whom she tended to since newborn) and one who can cook and have worked in Singapore for 3 yrs. She gets every Sunday off as well. There are risks but with experience in having many maids before, it's also the selection process and inteviews that will help you get the one whom you are comfortable with. At the end of the day, if this is a first maid for you, and you have no experience handling a maid, then you may still want to consider a fresh maid with some experience overseas (though dont believe them all if they say they have experience and also remember, their experience in their hometown may be different in terms of operable machines and functionality and modern equipment that you may use in your household etc). Being a first time employer, it's probably important for you to have more "control" over the maid rather than "free will", if you know what I mean. I'm pretty relax with them maid and do have a list of To Dos and Not To Dos etc, and instructions that I print out so that she can refer to them and there are no miscommunication. There's still some reminders every now and then, but once she gets into a routine, you are free. I believe strongly in "treat people well and you will be treated the same in return" and after all, maids are human too, they can have their lifes and lead them the way they one, outside your home. The fundamental rule is that they have to earn your trust, don't get pregnant and be honest about everything. It's the ideal world which of course you may not find all the time or even most of the time, but I have met one or two who are pretty good before, who have erred, but seriously, to err is human right?



In finding a maid, I did try to go online and was more successful in getting the right one than walking into the shop. That's only because I had the criterias in mind and know exactly what I am looking for in the maid. That means I am not confined to one agency but have a few other options as well. At the end of the day, all agencies are about the same but you just have to READ their T & Cs carefully and make sure you ask questions if you don't understand their fees, replacement, tranfer and pre-termination terms etc as these are the most important portions of the T & Cs that you should take note of. You can't really be certain of which agency is the best one out there and the cheapest agency may not be the best nor will they have the best selection of maids and vise versa. Otherwise, the fees are not far off depending on whether you are choosing an indonesian or filipino maid.



As such, instead of confusing yourself as to which agency to pick, I would prefer to choose the maid that meets your critria, interview them first and be satified and then review the T & Cs of the agency that they come from because the MAID is the person who work and live with you, not the agency. If you are satisfied with the T & Cs then it's a done deal!



However, if you stick on to one agency, you may end up with only the choices of maids they throw at you and even though they may be the cheapest, you may not have enough selection to make a decision and then the waiting game starts and that can be quite frustrating. If you have all the time in the world, that's fine too, but maid choices and selections comes and goes very quickly. If you don't have many choices, and even if you do, you will find that at least 75% of what you have selected may already be taken by the next day or two if you are slow in making a decision and those that are sitting there waiting and waiting for you are probably the ones you won't consider anyways! Hope that helps and good luck! :))

 


Jolene, sorry, only just saw your last thread after I sent out mine. Wondering if you have voiced out your idea about wanting a divorce to your hubby at all? Instead of doing that, perhaps you may wish to subtlely tell him that he is pushing you away from your marriage and that you are unable to live in this kind of conditions? Ask him if he is prepared to see the marriage ends because of the situation or he prefers to find ways between yourselves to resolve the issues that you have brought up? Do you know what are his views about divorce?



Maybe he doesn't see how grave the situation is and have miscalculated your grievances. So best to raise it sooner than when it becomes to late and you end up just giving up without even knowing if he saw the divorce coming his way.



Highlight to him that you are pushed towards that direction because of the situation and hear what he says about it.



If he is all deaf ears and brush you off, best you go to your mom's place and enjoy your pregnancy there and relax and let him have a thought about what you told him. Don't make drastic decisions, bearing in mind you have two young ones to take care of. If your hubby truly loves you and your kids (after all, he married you and he has sworn to take care of you for life!), then you going to your mom's may give him time to THINK carefully what is happening and reality will set in, no doubt for most men, very slowly. When in confrontational situations, most men shuts off and blank out. So if your issues are unheard of by him (do not threaten him though, as threats do not work with men. Just highlight gently that you are pushed towards that direction because you are hurt and injured by this situation and needs his support as your husband), move to your mom's and tell him you just need some time to rest and your mom is cooking stuffs to help you build your inner strength and health to prepare for the arrival of the baby and remember to bring your older boy along with you, don't leave him behind.

 

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