(2009/01) January 2009 MTBs

happy mummy day to all great and weida mummies!!!
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Hello mummies, Kelly, EmQ, Ni, Piyo, Samval!!

Need ur advice, I've been offered a good job at a good place when I go back to SG. Should I go back to work? I enjoy taking care of Caleb as SAHM, and hubby supports my decision, though we have to be more careful with our spending. On the other hand, I wonder if I should try how working mum is like.. cos my parents are keen to help take care of Caleb..
Im in quite a big dilemna.. esp working mums, would like your opinion and advice.. am I silly?
SAHMs, can also help advise?
Thanks so much!!

Happy Mother's Day!
 
Yo sus! I'm contemplating to quit my job soon. hahaha! Reason: i'm not spending enough time with leAnn. I will reach home @ 7pm at least 3 days per week. LeAnn sleeps @ 9pm so I only spent 2 hours with her every day. Sometimes, I'm so drained after work that I won't have the energy to play with her. Sigh. Sometimes i feel very guilty. She's always left with the caregiver (the maid). However, financially, we would be very very very tight. I have not sat down with my hubby to work the finances out. I guess many families in Singapore face this problem.
 
Sus, I think you have to measure the pros and cons. If you have very good family support like parents who are able to help, then you should be able to manage both work and family. Its important to make sure they know what it takes by helping as its really quite tough on them to chase after an active toddler unless you also have a helper and they are supervising the helper.

Of course, once you become FTWM, you will have to be contented with the shorter amount of time that you have with the child. On weekdays, I hardly have time for the kids but my son and I do try to read a book together before we sleep, hb will brush his teeth etc. But for my gal, as she is younger, our time with her is mainly on weekends. I am thankful for my inlaws who are able to help us, at least there is peace of mind when I am at work. If its just the maid, I would not be able to focus as well on my job.

my 2 cents worth, hope you can find a good solution.
 
Hey Kelly.. thanks!! Hmm really ah.. if I work probably will have same problem.. cos I knock off about 6pm.. then Caleb also sleeps about 9pm.. If you don't work will you still keep the maid?
I dunno of what kind of part time opportunities there are for home mums..
Really thanks for ur help!
 
kelly, you are lucky already, cos i am still in office at 7 everyday. and like leann, jh ko at 9+, so i actually spend very little time with him. good thing i still bring him back at night so at least a bit of time in the morning.

sus, you must be sure your parents can take care of caleb cos it's not easy running after our tod now. i'm actually planning to send jh to half day cc when he turns 18 mths, partly for him to socialise and learn some stuff, partly to relieve my mom so that she can get a bit of rest and housework done before the monster is back. contemplating maid but seems that it's not likely to happen cos hb is against it.
 
sus: i also spend very little time with kyler during weekdays...i reached home at 7pm, sometimes i got to leave him alone entertaining himself cos i got to do some house chores. i am bad la, cos i let him sleep at 10pm, so that i have some time with him, and also let him wait for his daddy to come back.
u must let your parents and yourself try it out 1st. cos their style and our style might be different leh..and its not easy now esp they are so active.
for me, i definitely need to work, so that i have my own $ to spend and also for the benefits like cpf, medisave etc. dont think i cant survive on hb pay alone lor.
 
Sus: You are NOT silly. That is a very good question and something I think most mummies think about at some point in time.

It's funny, just about an hour ago, a very senior female colleague was having lunch with us & her parting words to me was, 'Don't even quit. Does not matter even if you are rich, or your HB is rich, just dun ever quit your job!'

Well, she went on with loads of reason, I ended 'late for work'... and among her very practical reasons are 2 key points:
1. You never know what might happen to your HB one day... touch wood, but if something happens, you don't want to be lost.
2. It is just different spending 'other people's money'.

Well, I'm sure this will be a difficult decision for you... Caleb is now at a very fun age. (I love seeing Yen's delighted face when she welcomes us home in the evening) Yes, I love all 3, but Yen is just at a stage that is so lovely & I can't wait to see her at the end of my work day. She's cheeky & fun at the same time.

However, work stimulation & satisfaction is very important to me too.

If I were you, I'd probably grab the work opportunity... at least try out (since you haven't tried working after having Caleb). If you have strong family support & is able to get great satisfaction at work, why not have your cake & eat it?

Of course you need to make sure you spend quality time with Caleb once you are off work. Then if after trying for a few months and you really do not like the idea of being a FTWM, there is no harm leaving after that. I mean at least you've tried & you know for yourself what works best.

If you do not take this up, you'll forever be wondering whether things might work out.

Even if you should decide to remain as a SAHM, I'd think it's good to consider going back to the workforce at some point later on.

Sorry, I think our situation is very different from the generations before us. We are living longer lives & cost & standards of living are higher than before.

Let's face it, our kids will become independent of us eventually. If I do not keep up with society, who is going to keep me later on? I won't want my kids stuck on me forever & when they stop wanting to be 'stuck on me', what do I do next? I also do not expect to become a burden to them later on. So I'd prefer to earn & save as much as I can now... & when the time comes, I hope to be able to retire, then help look after my grand kids.... kekeke..

Go for it gal... try out at least... if it doesn't work out, you know your HB will support you...
 
Kelly: I think that's because your work place is very far from home. Although Sg is very small, it still sucks having to travel 'cross island'... imagine if you shave 30mins off each way, you have 1 extra hour with LeAnn!

My 2 cents la... I'm enjoying my new place cos I really save time travelling & work is just 10mins drive away... I can't wait to grab Ben, rush off to fetch Bel from CC & return to Yen every evening. I'm thankful, most days I'm home by about 7pm now, compared to previously 8+/9 at times (if we have to run errands)... even if I make a trip to the supermarket, I still get home by 7.45pm since NTUC is between Bel's CC & home.
 
emq: yes, agree, i used to spend 3hours commuting to and fro work in my last last job. and that passion only lasted 12 months cos i am only left with 2 hours for myself everyday. and that time, got no baby leh.. now with babes, time is in greater demand lor.
 
hi sus! hows life in states for you? for your qns, about coming back to the workforce again...

i will be turning Part time on my job in coming june, reason is bcos i want to spend more time with Kyan, watch his growing up stages, like most working mums, by the time i reach home, i only have 2 hours or so to spend with him, and more often i will be too tired to play with him. I will only be watching him play, and not engaging with him. cos work has drained all our energy away. Thats why i want to work from home.

BUT, why i chose to work Part time instead of being a SAHM. main reason of cos is $$$ lah. I want to be financially independent, i dun like having to reach out to hb for my shopping expenses. and also work part time can keep yourself abreast with the workforce.

when are u coming back to sg?? or u will be intending to work in states?
 
EMQ/SUS: Yeah! Distance is a factor but my main factor is that I do not have a reliable caregiver. My main caregiver is a maid. My mil are just around to be the "eyes" only cos her health isn't very good. My parents refuse to take care as they want to work. It's true that most of us are facing this issue. So sus, if your parents are the caregiver, you will be more at ease.

Sus: i think the car will have to go or at least change to a weekend car. I may get a part time maid. Will see how.. But i will get a part time job. hee! will scout around and see my options.
 
Jan: At least you did it for 12 mths! I had a very good offer, which included entry to a good school for my girls... but I cannot imagine the 3hr journey, so I passed it... though my director felt I should have taken it up & relocate if necc...
 
Kelly: If you are really going to quit, I suggest dun even bother about the car. It is a liability. Take the cab instead. I think it should be cheaper than keeping the car, unless you are planning to take LeAnn out a lot.

For me, I think I'd definitely need a maid still... cannot imagine the cleaning up... washing, ironing & cooking. If I were to stay home to do these chores, I'm better off out-sourcing & keeping my job.

Ideally, I get to keep my maid who'd take care of all the chores & I may then choose to home school my kids.... nice dream...
 
EMQ: agree... if commuting tire you out, then no matter how good the offer is, it will still drain you out. worse, no energy to play with the little ones. cos its not just us that we have to consider, how abt our caregivers? relocate is easy to say, but very troublesome to do.

I am coping well being car-less and maid-less.agree w u that car is a liability.Even if we take the kids out alot, its still cheaper to go by taxi and mrt :D my mum started helping with the ironing this month, and we do the housework ourselves. thankfully for her. kudos to mother!
 
Jan: You are really lucky lol. Your mum is really capable. I think our parents may be around the same age, but my mum has poor health while my MIL cannot handle lol. MIL adds to the mess in my house - the main reason why we cannot do without a maid, as long as my PILs stay with us.

& it's precisely because my MIL cannot handle, HB insisted 3 kids is enough. He doesn't want any more as he does not wish to prolong the agony of having to 'rely' on MIL's help to watch over the kids. Yen will start CC as soon as they have a vacancy for her. We have been promised a vacancy by Jan 2011 (or earlier).

Many wonder why we still send our kids to full day CC when we have a maid & grand at home. Well, let's just say, the kids need to be educated (by someone else since mummy has to work) & someone has to help me stay sane by ensuring a basic standard of cleanliness when I get home from work.
 
Thanks Kelly, cherryale, EmQ, dazed, ni, mercs, janjan. Really food for thought for me.
I will be coming back late June already!! Excited but sad at the same time. The job offer is nicely in mid July too..
I think I do have reliable caregivers.. cos my mum and dad have stayed over with us for 2 mths in the States and my mum was a homemaker herself.. super capable and knows Caleb's routines pretty well..
But I also cannot imagine so little time with Caleb.. as of now.. I don't get sick of looking after him, even all day yet.. they are at such a cute age lor.. like learning so many things suddenly and changing so much.
That said, I dunno when such a good job opportunity will come again, esp when it came looking for me.. and while I don't really think work satisfaction is important to me, I think socializing out of home will be important in the long run.. like I dun want to become those out of date ah soh in the future who cant find work.. and I dun noe if I will get sick of SAHM eventually in the future.. such a dilemna lor
Ni/Kelly: What kind of part time job opportunities are there? Im not familiar with it. Can Ni recommend me any since last time u were with employment job?
Thanks dears again!! Ive got lots to learn from you all =)
 
sus....wow....fast isn't it...you are returning soon!

agree wif the ladies that since u have ur parents as caregivers, definitely Caleb is in good hands and can see that they love caleb lots! since that is the case then go all out to accept the offer and try it out cos you neber know unless you try. If things dun work out, u can reverse the situation at any one time. perhaps what you need is just some time for adjustment with the various roles you need to play esp that of the 1st few days when you have to leave Caleb to work, personally find that it's the toughest period of time to cope with!

hope to catch up soon!
 
EmQ....CS is sure whole load of rubbish la, cant imagine their service standard as opposed to others. anyway they shd all b under one management which is Dairy Farm.
 
sus, there are not many options for part-time in singapore but more companies are looking into creating such opportunities. For me, I do not think I can be a SAHM although I admire mummies who can.They can do so much more with their children.
 
Halo Mummies, I have a focus group discussion looking for 3 growing on milk brands user, they are Nestle Nespray, Abbott Grow and Dumex Dugro. You will be paid $100.00 cash after the session. Any one keen? Kindly sms me your details e.g. brand use, age of babies or kids (1 year old to <6 years old), your name etc..
 
hello everyone, guess where I am reporting from... hee hee hee... Canada ! It's very cold here (4 degrees) and lots of work to do... so I have not seen anything or done any shopping... now so frustrated cos the colleague here don't seem to agree with me on many many things !!! Btw, it's 10pm plus now, exactly 12hours earlier...
 
I am on urgent leave today too cos my son fell and the back of his head hit the glass table at my inlaws plc last night. Was bleeding so brought to gp who told us he needed stitches so asked us to go Kk. Was a tiring night. Today got to monitor him as the doc was worried that there's concussion. Luckily he is still behaving normally.
 
sperzz, hope u feeling better!

cherry, oh dear, hope ashton is feeling better. it must be really painful! u also rest more, must be very tiring for u
 
Sus: about SAHM, i think it really depends on the individual. For me, even if I stay at home, I will still send Leon to pre-school or maybe even childcare and have another source of income for myself. Otherwise, I will go for a job that is 'family-friendly' - no need to travel so much and no need to overtime all the time...

I agree with Dazed about the bringing-baby-home everynight really makes a lot of difference. I let leon sleep more in the day, so he now only sleep about 10pm. I have a good 2 hours with him and I think it's enough for me. When I play with him, I'm just having fun so I dun really find it tiring.
 
cherryale: oh dear ! Are you at the hospital with him ? I fell into a canal when I was 5 years old, my head also bleed quite badly but thankfully I was ok. I still remember my mum cried like mad.
 
sperzz: hugs hope ure feeling better too!

cherryale: oh dear.. how did he fall?? take care!!

ann01jan: hey thanks.. yah after all the wonderful advice from you all, I think Ive decided to try out working.. either full time or part time.. at least Im rather convinced to try it out! =)
 
Ni, ann, sus, thanks Ashton is fine now. No concussion cos he is super active. Making me really tired. He lost balance and hit the glass table. My fil said to throw the table away. It's really scary cos the cloth that we used to hold onto the wound was full of blood even though it wasn't a very big cut as the back of the head has a lot of blood vessels. So scary thank God he is ok. His head is going to stink cos 5 days cannot wash hair.
 
Dazed: Carrefour, Everyday cardmember discount is back! 14-16 May. See, I told you it'd be up soon... yipee, can stock up on FM &amp; diaper pants.
 
Sperzz: You take care. Last rites are tiring both physically and psychologically. Take the chance to rest. *Hugs*
 
emq, really? good! those i bought the other day is for my mom's place, and yesterday just opened, my last tin, so need top up liao...
 
yesterday brought jh to pd too, the insect bites a month a go are not healing and new spots popping out. dr says is impetigo, bactirial infection of skin and can spread on open wounds. given a wash and cream. hope will heal soon if not next week got to be on antibiotics.
 
Dazed: Oh my... that sounds complicated. How do we tell it is impetigo &amp; not insect bites? My kids get insect bites all the time.
 

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