Cannt Tanhan my MIL

saddistmum

New Member
I have seen so many posts on MIL. I oso cannot tanhan my MIL. At times, i jus wish she passed on faster(I alr reach the max). n i feel that my hub is a mummy boy.

My hub is a single parent family and he has a step brother. After buying our own unit, my hub brought his mum n his bro to stay wif us. I oredi very big hearted to let them have one room by themself. Before reno, my mil 'xian' the toilet door was facing her bedroom.(She believed in Fengshui). Den say everything muz lean against the wall. Last min say wan put up fake wall so that her bedrest can lean against the wall. Fine, i give in. After reno, say wanna put half curtain outside the toilet door coz of fengshui again(OMG). Even since move in, she have been closing the toilet door n nv once open to air the toilet. Everytime i walk pass, i can smell something weird.

There is one time when she came back after medical n had collected her medication which is alot. My hub then requested me to help her cut her medication into small size. I then sit at the dining table and do the cutting. She saw me cutting and nv say anything. The moment i left to pump my milk in the rm, she kept the medication. When i m done, i ask her abt the med, she juz tell me next time don cut medication at the dining table. I was like WTH. I asked where i can cut. She nv say anything. Later my hub questioned me y i nv cut, i told him the truth. She think i complained to my hub.Tot my hub did scolded her but later come and tell me I shld have cut finish den go pp my milk. I was damn fucking pissed off.

There are so many times she left me alone at home during my ML without telling where she go. I have no food and could not bathe. Mu hub still side her.

There is one time she left my baby alone at home when i was away to meet my friends for lunch. When i return home, i realised my bb was crying terribly. I search the whole hse but i cannot find. I cttd my hub who is at work. Later she came bk n told me she go pass umbrella to my bil(for godness sake, my bil is 18yrs alr). Best part is she cant locate my bil n come bk. When i qns her, she told me baby jux fall aslp. I cried n tell her in the face that even tot bb slp, you oso cannot leave her alone. My hub don see her in the wrong somemore. I was damn pissed off..not even one sorry from her. My hub still can tell me what i expect from her. He still say to me how can i expect his mum to apologise.

More to come. My hub insist his mum to take care of my son which i don like. Only when i was abt to go back to work, then she learn to make milk n change diapers. At times, she will bathe my son which i nv see her bathe b4. I knew she nv use the bathtub n the bb shampoo.

Last week, she started her drama again. When i return work for 2 consectively days, i notice she nv wipe clean my son backside coz still got shit stains. So i tell her say: Mother, BB backside got shit stain, can u next time wipe clean abit? i rem my tone was fine. I didnt raise my voice or what. This happend on fri. I nv oso tell my hub abt it. She oso nv tell my hub until sunday when I was at my mum place. She called my hub n complained n say wanna move out. My hub called me n scolded me very vulagrity n demanded me to go back n settle if not divorce. He kept insisting is my tone. I have tried explaining until i cannot tanhan n suck it up myself. My hun still ask her mum to 4give me n say i m being straight n does not have evil thoughts. he even say he cant do w/o me but not his mum. His mum even say he is fair man..deep in my heart, i puked. Deep in my heart, i hate my mil. I straight in the face tell my hub that I m alw the last position in his heart.

So nowaday I don talk much to my mil n hub. I oso don wan to have much interaction wif my hub. I oso don like to eat wif him. I have reach a point that i took leave oso don inform him.Everytime.go out, pls bring along his mum n his bro.. i reallli cannt tanhan..really damn mummy boy. When i ask for a private time wif hi. n baby, he will say y cant my mum n bro follow?? OMG.

I realli long for a family time which only me, my bb n my hub..but i know is impossible.

Haiz..what to do??
 


Your mil sounds like a really horrible person. Your bil is only 18years old.. So your MIL doesnt sounds too old also? Why behave like a nasty old lady..

But i think some hub blindly listen to their mothers and ended up losing big time. It's not like you are being a difficult daughter in law so I think the problem lies with your MIL.. behaves like a queen.
 
I have seen so many posts on MIL. I oso cannot tanhan my MIL. At times, i jus wish she passed on faster(I alr reach the max). n i feel that my hub is a mummy boy.

My hub is a single parent family and he has a step brother. After buying our own unit, my hub brought his mum n his bro to stay wif us. I oredi very big hearted to let them have one room by themself. Before reno, my mil 'xian' the toilet door was facing her bedroom.(She believed in Fengshui). Den say everything muz lean against the wall. Last min say wan put up fake wall so that her bedrest can lean against the wall. Fine, i give in. After reno, say wanna put half curtain outside the toilet door coz of fengshui again(OMG). Even since move in, she have been closing the toilet door n nv once open to air the toilet. Everytime i walk pass, i can smell something weird.

There is one time when she came back after medical n had collected her medication which is alot. My hub then requested me to help her cut her medication into small size. I then sit at the dining table and do the cutting. She saw me cutting and nv say anything. The moment i left to pump my milk in the rm, she kept the medication. When i m done, i ask her abt the med, she juz tell me next time don cut medication at the dining table. I was like WTH. I asked where i can cut. She nv say anything. Later my hub questioned me y i nv cut, i told him the truth. She think i complained to my hub.Tot my hub did scolded her but later come and tell me I shld have cut finish den go pp my milk. I was damn fucking pissed off.

There are so many times she left me alone at home during my ML without telling where she go. I have no food and could not bathe. Mu hub still side her.

There is one time she left my baby alone at home when i was away to meet my friends for lunch. When i return home, i realised my bb was crying terribly. I search the whole hse but i cannot find. I cttd my hub who is at work. Later she came bk n told me she go pass umbrella to my bil(for godness sake, my bil is 18yrs alr). Best part is she cant locate my bil n come bk. When i qns her, she told me baby jux fall aslp. I cried n tell her in the face that even tot bb slp, you oso cannot leave her alone. My hub don see her in the wrong somemore. I was damn pissed off..not even one sorry from her. My hub still can tell me what i expect from her. He still say to me how can i expect his mum to apologise.

More to come. My hub insist his mum to take care of my son which i don like. Only when i was abt to go back to work, then she learn to make milk n change diapers. At times, she will bathe my son which i nv see her bathe b4. I knew she nv use the bathtub n the bb shampoo.

Last week, she started her drama again. When i return work for 2 consectively days, i notice she nv wipe clean my son backside coz still got shit stains. So i tell her say: Mother, BB backside got shit stain, can u next time wipe clean abit? i rem my tone was fine. I didnt raise my voice or what. This happend on fri. I nv oso tell my hub abt it. She oso nv tell my hub until sunday when I was at my mum place. She called my hub n complained n say wanna move out. My hub called me n scolded me very vulagrity n demanded me to go back n settle if not divorce. He kept insisting is my tone. I have tried explaining until i cannot tanhan n suck it up myself. My hun still ask her mum to 4give me n say i m being straight n does not have evil thoughts. he even say he cant do w/o me but not his mum. His mum even say he is fair man..deep in my heart, i puked. Deep in my heart, i hate my mil. I straight in the face tell my hub that I m alw the last position in his heart.

So nowaday I don talk much to my mil n hub. I oso don wan to have much interaction wif my hub. I oso don like to eat wif him. I have reach a point that i took leave oso don inform him.Everytime.go out, pls bring along his mum n his bro.. i reallli cannt tanhan..really damn mummy boy. When i ask for a private time wif hi. n baby, he will say y cant my mum n bro follow?? OMG.

I realli long for a family time which only me, my bb n my hub..but i know is impossible.

Haiz..what to do??
Hi saddistmum, it’s really tough on you to manage your MIL & hub at the same time. Have you ever whether why is she behaving like tt & ur hub is so protective over her? Perhaps it’s her way of wanting to gain her son attention & feeling sad to let go her son to another woman. Is ur MIL a single parent? If so, it’s naturally for ur hub wanting to protect his mom for all the years tt she had sacrificed for the family & painstaking bringing him up.
 
Your mil sounds like a really horrible person. Your bil is only 18years old.. So your MIL doesnt sounds too old also? Why behave like a nasty old lady..

But i think some hub blindly listen to their mothers and ended up losing big time. It's not like you are being a difficult daughter in law so I think the problem lies with your MIL.. behaves like a queen.


Not horrible..is sibei horrible. I feel that infront of my hub, she be a nice person. Behind my back, don know do what. She is 56 yrs this yr. She say like as if she realli take gd care of my boy like tt. I pity my son in terms of hygience at home. When i return to my own house after confinement, she told me i cannot shine my clothes outside during the night.Few weeks later, my hub told me if can don shine the clothes in the day becox my mil cant juggle bet take care of my son n keeping in the clothes. I was like WTF, then when can i shine the clothes? Somemore she does not do any hsework. if she did, she juz mop the floor w/o sweep it. my MIL is a single parents who divorced twice btw.

Not i being a evil DIL or wife, i wish either one of them die...to tink of this,mean i oredi reach my max.
 
Hi saddistmum, it’s really tough on you to manage your MIL & hub at the same time. Have you ever whether why is she behaving like tt & ur hub is so protective over her? Perhaps it’s her way of wanting to gain her son attention & feeling sad to let go her son to another woman. Is ur MIL a single parent? If so, it’s naturally for ur hub wanting to protect his mom for all the years tt she had sacrificed for the family & painstaking bringing him up.

if he so much wan to protect his mum, then might as well don marry. For godness sake, she divorced twice and she shld understand how a dil feel. I had nv stopped my hub for spending time wif her. I everytime tell my hub to bring her out n etc, and he can leave me at home so he can pay full attention to her but he didnt wan and insist to go as a family. I didnt see him spending time wif my family, where is the fairness as his mum say??
 
if he so much wan to protect his mum, then might as well don marry. For godness sake, she divorced twice and she shld understand how a dil feel. I had nv stopped my hub for spending time wif her. I everytime tell my hub to bring her out n etc, and he can leave me at home so he can pay full attention to her but he didnt wan and insist to go as a family. I didnt see him spending time wif my family, where is the fairness as his mum say??
Wouldn’t u have expect this & knowing your hubby well enough before committed to the marriage?
Please dun get me wrong i’m not siding ur MIL & hub. What’s ur plan & ur intention? Divorce? What abt ur kids?
 
as a hub/dad (mature person), he should assess situation bef pointing finger at you.

first, MIL should b out of hse. if hub fails to see the issue, then he should be out next. coz those profanities is a starting of more verbal abuse to come.

since hub already said Dv, jus prep for it. the only person u owe is your child. period.
 
if he so much wan to protect his mum, then might as well don marry. For godness sake, she divorced twice and she shld understand how a dil feel. I had nv stopped my hub for spending time wif her. I everytime tell my hub to bring her out n etc, and he can leave me at home so he can pay full attention to her but he didnt wan and insist to go as a family. I didnt see him spending time wif my family, where is the fairness as his mum say??

Saddistmum, no point curse her and think negatively.
You have to think how to resolve the situation fairly which both parties can agreed.

First you have to think why your hub was a mummy boy?
Because his mum has money, able to help him in future or did help him before ?
Or because his character was soft?
Or because he has promise his mum he will take care of her?
Or because of financial burden?
Or ....?

The flat you live now are under who’s name?
If under both of you ,you can ask ur mil to apply studio or buy a smaller flat nearby.
You sell yours and buy near her.
If under her name then you buy another flat
with ur hub and near to her.

Maybe put ur child in infant care?
But you will have to do everything by yourself with no help, are you ok?

If your hub really was a filial Son, you should be happy.
Means he was a grateful person.

Yes, your mil was a trouble maker.
But no matter what, still his mum.
If he can be ungrateful to his mum because of you, one day he can be ungrateful to you because of other woman too.

She understand her Son and know how to control him more than you. ( I said this because my mil was worst than yours)
He as a Son, no choice has to give in to his mum.
And whatever you complain to your hub, he can’t believe his mum was such a person.
(To make him believe ,u can only wait, time will tell )
And if since young he doesn’t talk back or argue with his mum, how do you expect him to argue with her or protect you now?

You have to be patience and control your temper. I guess both of you still young.
Think of your child, Don’t argue or divorce because of your mil...

Talk calmly to your hub, I believe he is a man who can talk in a soft way only, not the hard way.
Explain to him in order to have a peaceful live and long term relationships between mil and you, so better to live separately.

Is tough for her to take care baby at her age so better hire a baby sitter or put in infant care.
If need some time to search a place, then buy a dryer. (Dryer is very convenience, no need hang clothes, kill germs, bill less than $100, I use it daily ,very useful).

-Live separately but every weekend all of you will visit her.
-1 weekday allow him to stay overnight at her place or visit her for dinner.

Tell him maybe one day when your mil older, need someone care then live together.
She is 56, she should be enjoying her life or maybe work part time so has some friends and her own activities.
I dun think she likes to stay home take care baby.

Are you ok to stay home take care baby and do everything?

If really no choice then hire a maid help with housework and cook. So you can work and she can just focus on caring the baby.
Is not easy to do housework and care for baby maybe she was upset inside too but didn’t want to say to your hub?


Do you want to take care of your grandchild when you were 56?
I told my children, I have been caring for them since they were born. I’m not going to take care their children.
When I old, I want my freedom.
 
Could u put your baby in infantcare.? I cannot stand irresponsible caretaking. What kind of dimwit thinks its ok to leave a baby unattended and alone at home?

I wont care to maintain peace especially when it comes to protecting my baby. If e husband dare to threaten divorce then i'll say go ahead. If he cant put our baby as his priority he can go back and suckle at his mum's chest.

(Sorry for being blunt in my words)
 
Could u put your baby in infantcare.? I cannot stand irresponsible caretaking. What kind of dimwit thinks its ok to leave a baby unattended and alone at home?

I wont care to maintain peace especially when it comes to protecting my baby. If e husband dare to threaten divorce then i'll say go ahead. If he cant put our baby as his priority he can go back and suckle at his mum's chest.

(Sorry for being blunt in my words)
my hus doesnt wan to put in infant care.
 
Saddistmum, no point curse her and think negatively.
You have to think how to resolve the situation fairly which both parties can agreed.

First you have to think why your hub was a mummy boy?
Because his mum has money, able to help him in future or did help him before ?
Or because his character was soft?
Or because he has promise his mum he will take care of her?
Or because of financial burden?
Or ....?

The flat you live now are under who’s name?
If under both of you ,you can ask ur mil to apply studio or buy a smaller flat nearby.
You sell yours and buy near her.
If under her name then you buy another flat
with ur hub and near to her.

Maybe put ur child in infant care?
But you will have to do everything by yourself with no help, are you ok?

If your hub really was a filial Son, you should be happy.
Means he was a grateful person.

Yes, your mil was a trouble maker.
But no matter what, still his mum.
If he can be ungrateful to his mum because of you, one day he can be ungrateful to you because of other woman too.

She understand her Son and know how to control him more than you. ( I said this because my mil was worst than yours)
He as a Son, no choice has to give in to his mum.
And whatever you complain to your hub, he can’t believe his mum was such a person.
(To make him believe ,u can only wait, time will tell )
And if since young he doesn’t talk back or argue with his mum, how do you expect him to argue with her or protect you now?

You have to be patience and control your temper. I guess both of you still young.
Think of your child, Don’t argue or divorce because of your mil...

Talk calmly to your hub, I believe he is a man who can talk in a soft way only, not the hard way.
Explain to him in order to have a peaceful live and long term relationships between mil and you, so better to live separately.

Is tough for her to take care baby at her age so better hire a baby sitter or put in infant care.
If need some time to search a place, then buy a dryer. (Dryer is very convenience, no need hang clothes, kill germs, bill less than $100, I use it daily ,very useful).

-Live separately but every weekend all of you will visit her.
-1 weekday allow him to stay overnight at her place or visit her for dinner.

Tell him maybe one day when your mil older, need someone care then live together.
She is 56, she should be enjoying her life or maybe work part time so has some friends and her own activities.
I dun think she likes to stay home take care baby.

Are you ok to stay home take care baby and do everything?

If really no choice then hire a maid help with housework and cook. So you can work and she can just focus on caring the baby.
Is not easy to do housework and care for baby maybe she was upset inside too but didn’t want to say to your hub?


Do you want to take care of your grandchild when you were 56?
I told my children, I have been caring for them since they were born. I’m not going to take care their children.
When I old, I want my freedom.

The hse is under my name n my husband..My hub doesnt wan them to move out. she complain so much things to my hub until i keep quiet. Now, i will bring bk my clothes to my mum place. Most of the time, our dispute is all bcoz of his mum.
Keep complain that she is sianz la..etc. idk if she is complaining to me or to my hus
 
as a hub/dad (mature person), he should assess situation bef pointing finger at you.

first, MIL should b out of hse. if hub fails to see the issue, then he should be out next. coz those profanities is a starting of more verbal abuse to come.

since hub already said Dv, jus prep for it. the only person u owe is your child. period.

He wun see the issue that my MIL shld move out. he alw think his mum is correct n i m alw in the wrong.
 

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