divorcing soon

samwithonechild

New Member
i am unable to find any active support group for couple going through divorce, especially for men. as a man, there is really no one i can confide in. i hope to seek advice from this forum.

my wife & i are married for 7 years. we have a 3 year old daughter. we live in an apartment that we bought together. we both love our daughter very much.

my wife has decided on a divorce, she will be seeing her lawyer to file next week. meanwhile she wants me to move out of apartment for good.

i do not want a divorce. in fact i tried to dissuade her for last few weeks but it clearly failed.

as last resort, yesterday night i wrote a long email & attach articles for her to consider “parenting marriage”. parents staying together in non-romantic marriage for practical reasons for raising a child. such a concept is practiced among couples in singapore i believe - mummy daddy staying together for the kid.

failing which, i may insist i do not move out of current matrimonial home. i get a common bedroom. wife cannot change door lock.

i am still paying my share of house instalments. house could not be sold for another 2 years w/o incurring seller stamp duties.

1. can “parenting marriage” work?
2. should i inisist not to move out?

thanks

sam
 


i am unable to find any active support group for couple going through divorce, especially for men. as a man, there is really no one i can confide in. i hope to seek advice from this forum.

my wife & i are married for 7 years. we have a 3 year old daughter. we live in an apartment that we bought together. we both love our daughter very much.

my wife has decided on a divorce, she will be seeing her lawyer to file next week. meanwhile she wants me to move out of apartment for good.

i do not want a divorce. in fact i tried to dissuade her for last few weeks but it clearly failed.

as last resort, yesterday night i wrote a long email & attach articles for her to consider “parenting marriage”. parents staying together in non-romantic marriage for practical reasons for raising a child. such a concept is practiced among couples in singapore i believe - mummy daddy staying together for the kid.

failing which, i may insist i do not move out of current matrimonial home. i get a common bedroom. wife cannot change door lock.

i am still paying my share of house instalments. house could not be sold for another 2 years w/o incurring seller stamp duties.

1. can “parenting marriage” work?
2. should i inisist not to move out?

thanks

sam

well a lot of marriages are like that - no feelings just go thru the motion. May i ask her reason for divorce?
 
as a husband, i had strayed. i had already cut off all those r/nships. i want to salvage marriage, buy more time to prove myself, but it may be too late.
 
I don't think you can do anything if your wife would like to divorce you. But you can set together and discuss this issue. I hope she will understand and control the situation.

All the best!
 
Hi samwithonechild

It’s extremely difficult when the trust broke and being betrayed especially from the man that dearly loved with fully trusted.

There’s lot of ground works you need to do to salvage the marriage and to win her back.

And I guess what ya need now is time for your wife to grief.
 
as a husband, i had strayed. i had already cut off all those r/nships. i want to salvage marriage, buy more time to prove myself, but it may be too late.

It’s not easy but it can be done. Cuz trust is gone. Would you be able to surrender all your monthly pay n asset to your wife to win back her trust?
 
As a woman in your wife’s shoes. I think you should move out, since she has already initiated divorce, I don’t think there is turning back. She is a strong woman to have made this decision. I, however, didn’t have this choice back then because I won’t be able to cope financially.

Sorry to be blunt, but I think she already hate you so much that’s why she asking you to move out.
 
as a husband, i had strayed. i had already cut off all those r/nships. i want to salvage marriage, buy more time to prove myself, but it may be too late.

Ok. U toasted once. Truly repent and u deserve a second chance. u think.

However, second chances are earned not assumed.

What's your objective to save this marriage? For your kid? For your wife? Or for yourself?

Why I asked? because your 1st post asked about parenting marriage and stay put in the hse.. I think she (your wife) can't feel your sincerity of wanting HER back. Your lengthy email directed at the welfare of your kid instead of her. You are selling yourself as a good father, not a repented and seeking-for-a-second-chance husband.

It may b your last resort (parenting marriage). She may interpret that you are asking her to stay in a marriage and see u stray agn?(since now no love hence more justifiable to stray?)

Do understand, the wife should b your focus, should u want to salvage this marriage. logic is: no wife no kid.

u hv got to gain bk her trust.

Hence your path to salvage should be: wife, marriage then kid.
 
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The hurt that she have gone thru u will not understand.

Just because u are remorseful n say sorry u wan her to forgive n forget just like this.

Honestly it's going to take much more than.
 
Why man doesn’t think twice & knowing the consequences when one strays. Is the temptation is so great tt you can’t resist??

I totally agree with Mongkok, it’s so well. Ur main concern is the kids but what about ur wife??!!

What have u done to win her back & proof your sincerity??
 
it’s not very healthy for a family either, to be living in hurt. i think that’s why she wanted a divorce.

if you agree to the divorce, maybe she will agree on co-parenting with you.

means you have equal custody of the child.

take a step back, ending the relationship does not mean it’s the end of it for your girl. neither is it the end of everything.

i know it is easier said than done. other than for the sake of seeing your daughter everyday, consider that your girl will be grateful knowing she has happy parents as she grows up.

good luck !
 
Yeah, you should discuss with your wife in this case. A mutual resolution is needed in order to solve. All the best!
 
I as a woman can feel your wife. Once trust is broken, it's impossible to be the same like the past anymore. Even if she forgive you, the trust level will be an issue

Respect her choice and you might be able to raise your child together with her.
 
Things happened. U have to take responsible for what you done. I would say its difficult to mend the marriage.

Go talk to your wife about the terms nicely and give him to her in very much you can, else contested divorce is worst.
 
I feel you were a selfish man.
You hurt her and still you want to live in the house. Because you do not want to rent a room? Or because is convenience?

If you really think of your child, you wouldn’t has stray outside.

You have destroyed the family she has built by betrayed your wife trust and love for you.
Do you know how pain her heart was?

7 years of marriage in the end , what you have given her was a deep wounded scar left in her heart forever.
You have make her experience tortured, disappointment and hurts.
Luckily she did not has depression or go IMH.

But if you continue to force and stress her, she may get depression soon.
Give her a break, time alone to grief and to heal her heart , if you really love her.

If you have conscious, you should move out of the house since it was your fault.
If Divorce is the only way for her to heal her hurt then let her be.
Trust need time to build ,by action not by words.
Give in whatever conditions she wants.
You are alone can easily rent a room outside.

You can discuss with her, to file for 3 years separation. Give both of you final chance.
If she still can’t forgive you then no choice.

In these 3 years, you live outside ,continue to give her your full support financially and emotionally.
Be a good Father to your child.
And show her you have repent and feel remorseful.
Give her full control of your salary and get your allowance monthly from her (rent and expenses).

If you really want to save your marriage then show your sincere. You should sacrifice your side.

Even if she doesn’t want to file separation but insisted file divorce. Let her be.
Give her the apartment , u rent a room outside continue give financial support for your child.
If you really care for her and your child. (Your child need a stable house to stay and not keep moving)

You are a man, alone, freedom , money can easily earn.
But she has lost everything because of you.
Have to be a single mum, restart her life, take care of a 3 yo alone is not an easy task.
Life will be tough for her and you have ruin her life.

Face your own consequences.
Alway remember there’s karma.
What you can do now is listen to her, help her heal her wound and give in to her conditions as long as her heart can be healed (may need years to heal).
When she can feels you sincere.
You may have a chance to reconcile with her again.
Be patience.
 
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My husband has strayed with a china woman. We just finalised our divorce. He has shifted out and i am left only with my daughter. He said he has ended the relationship with the woman but i can never forgive or forget the hurt n pain he brought to us. He has broken up the family through his selfishness. When i asked why, he said impulse. It has been close to 6 mths but i cannot move on as my mind is occupied each day with the same thoughts going round and round. Nothing you do is ever going to make up for what you have done to destroy a perfect family. I can feel your wife's pain. And its so difficult to get through this cos there is no one we can confide in.
 
My husband has strayed with a china woman. We just finalised our divorce. He has shifted out and i am left only with my daughter. He said he has ended the relationship with the woman but i can never forgive or forget the hurt n pain he brought to us. He has broken up the family through his selfishness. When i asked why, he said impulse. It has been close to 6 mths but i cannot move on as my mind is occupied each day with the same thoughts going round and round. Nothing you do is ever going to make up for what you have done to destroy a perfect family. I can feel your wife's pain. And its so difficult to get through this cos there is no one we can confide in.

I feel you. Am in the sumilar situation before. Hb had woman outside which destroy our family. In the end, we divorced and during that time, the times are difficult as there's no one to confide or get console from. Suddenly the world seems to be alone where dunoe how to go about it.
But thanks that these had past...
Well feel free to pm me or any member here if you need a listening ear etc. Take care for now
 
I feel you. Am in the sumilar situation before. Hb had woman outside which destroy our family. In the end, we divorced and during that time, the times are difficult as there's no one to confide or get console from. Suddenly the world seems to be alone where dunoe how to go about it.
But thanks that these had past...
Well feel free to pm me or any member here if you need a listening ear etc. Take care for now
 
Hi !
There is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for children than divorcing. In fact, when parents who are unhappy together and engage in unhealthy relationship habits stay together "for the kids" it can often do more harm than good.


DigitalOceanSiteGroundiPage
 
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Hi !
There is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for children than divorcing. In fact, when parents who are unhappy together and engage in unhealthy relationship habits stay together "for the kids" it can often do more harm than good.
 
I agree with you. But sometimes when the mother is not financially independent and with kids to support then it becomes a struggle to get by on her own if divorced with a different set of problems.
 
Hi Ladies/Mummies,

I am in a delimma now. I need some help and advise. Don't know whether to trust my husband again or not or proceed to D. In Jan 19 I received the 3rd party message. From there I checked and she is actually a Malaysian my husband company ex colleague she has left the company in before CNY 19. she is a divorcee with 2 kids younger than my husband 10 years. At first when I received the message I am very lost I confronted my husband but he deny and say someone sabotage him. But I dont believe and I went to check manage to find this girl fb and instagram. Her instagram mobile no is link to the message phone no. So I confirm is her. than I found out that they have been together since 2017 about 2 years. Because on weekdays I stay at my mum place due to taking care of my girls I only go back my house on fri and weekend. So my husband brought that 3rd party back to our house. Because that bitch took 2 photos 1 at the living room the other at my mastet bedroom. they have sex already for sure. I also found a bus ticket that he secretly went in on 20 Feb 19 to JB to lool for the 3rd party. When I confronted him again he admitted he is having an affair with this girl. I am very angry and really extremly heart broken. Because we have been together for 17 years. I have a 6 yrs old girl. Than I ask him you want the bitch or this family he kept quiet. So I have draft out an divorce terms and condition agreement and he signed & I told him I am going to file for a divorce. But after that he text me to apologise for the cheating and requested me to put on hold for this D. Reason given is he want us to see can this marriage be salvage and also for our girl. But when I ask for edvience on the break up with this bitch he cant show me. He told me he have deleted everything. Which I really have doubt. Now my question is whether I should believe him and give him a chance or to file for divorce?
 
Hi Ladies/Mummies,

I am in a delimma now. I need some help and advise. Don't know whether to trust my husband again or not or proceed to D. In Jan 19 I received the 3rd party message. From there I checked and she is actually a Malaysian my husband company ex colleague she has left the company in before CNY 19. she is a divorcee with 2 kids younger than my husband 10 years. At first when I received the message I am very lost I confronted my husband but he deny and say someone sabotage him. But I dont believe and I went to check manage to find this girl fb and instagram. Her instagram mobile no is link to the message phone no. So I confirm is her. than I found out that they have been together since 2017 about 2 years. Because on weekdays I stay at my mum place due to taking care of my girls I only go back my house on fri and weekend. So my husband brought that 3rd party back to our house. Because that bitch took 2 photos 1 at the living room the other at my mastet bedroom. they have sex already for sure. I also found a bus ticket that he secretly went in on 20 Feb 19 to JB to lool for the 3rd party. When I confronted him again he admitted he is having an affair with this girl. I am very angry and really extremly heart broken. Because we have been together for 17 years. I have a 6 yrs old girl. Than I ask him you want the bitch or this family he kept quiet. So I have draft out an divorce terms and condition agreement and he signed & I told him I am going to file for a divorce. But after that he text me to apologise for the cheating and requested me to put on hold for this D. Reason given is he want us to see can this marriage be salvage and also for our girl. But when I ask for edvience on the break up with this bitch he cant show me. He told me he have deleted everything. Which I really have doubt. Now my question is whether I should believe him and give him a chance or to file for divorce?
is he committed to the family now? does he still come home late and unaccounted where he go?
does he allowed u to see his hp?
 
Well, first
Hi Ladies/Mummies,

I am in a delimma now. I need some help and advise. Don't know whether to trust my husband again or not or proceed to D. In Jan 19 I received the 3rd party message. From there I checked and she is actually a Malaysian my husband company ex colleague she has left the company in before CNY 19. she is a divorcee with 2 kids younger than my husband 10 years. At first when I received the message I am very lost I confronted my husband but he deny and say someone sabotage him. But I dont believe and I went to check manage to find this girl fb and instagram. Her instagram mobile no is link to the message phone no. So I confirm is her. than I found out that they have been together since 2017 about 2 years. Because on weekdays I stay at my mum place due to taking care of my girls I only go back my house on fri and weekend. So my husband brought that 3rd party back to our house. Because that bitch took 2 photos 1 at the living room the other at my mastet bedroom. they have sex already for sure. I also found a bus ticket that he secretly went in on 20 Feb 19 to JB to lool for the 3rd party. When I confronted him again he admitted he is having an affair with this girl. I am very angry and really extremly heart broken. Because we have been together for 17 years. I have a 6 yrs old girl. Than I ask him you want the bitch or this family he kept quiet. So I have draft out an divorce terms and condition agreement and he signed & I told him I am going to file for a divorce. But after that he text me to apologise for the cheating and requested me to put on hold for this D. Reason given is he want us to see can this marriage be salvage and also for our girl. But when I ask for edvience on the break up with this bitch he cant show me. He told me he have deleted everything. Which I really have doubt. Now my question is whether I should believe him and give him a chance or to file for divorce?

Well, first you have to ask yourself if you still love him?
Secondly, are you willing to give him another chance?
Thirdly, do you still trust him?
If answer is no, then it's better to file for divorce.

Just my pov. If I'm you, I will file for divorced. He not only have woman outside, and still dare to bring home, and even lead her to the masterbed room. Seriously, don't know if they both have sex on the bed itself!

Moreover he have signed the draft, meaning he's accepting already. Probably he want the best of both world, hence asking you to hold the D. But he didn't say not to D.. Holding means he consider between you and the woman. Also can mean that his heart is not with you already. He maybe a good father, as he still think of your child. But not a good husband for sure... Where he's still considering of whether to D or not...
 
Well, first


Well, first you have to ask yourself if you still love him?
Secondly, are you willing to give him another chance?
Thirdly, do you still trust him?
If answer is no, then it's better to file for divorce.

Just my pov. If I'm you, I will file for divorced. He not only have woman outside, and still dare to bring home, and even lead her to the masterbed room. Seriously, don't know if they both have sex on the bed itself!

Moreover he have signed the draft, meaning he's accepting already. Probably he want the best of both world, hence asking you to hold the D. But he didn't say not to D.. Holding means he consider between you and the woman. Also can mean that his heart is not with you already. He maybe a good father, as he still think of your child. But not a good husband for sure... Where he's still considering of whether to D or not...


I still love him. For the sake of my girl I am willing to give him 1 more chance. But I dont think I can trust him.

He told me he have no intention of D. But I did ask him I want to sell away the house and start fresh he say too many things need to do so he has no intention to sell the house.
 
is he committed to the family now? does he still come home late and unaccounted where he go?
does he allowed u to see his hp?

he did try to make abit of changes like not working overtime come over my mum's house and stay and spend more time with my daughter. As for us we now are trying to see can slowly patch things up or not. But I am still uncomfortable of him not showing me any evidence of both of them breaking up. Recently, this bitch has blocked me on fb after I msg her to meet up and talk face to face.
 
I still love him. For the sake of my girl I am willing to give him 1 more chance. But I dont think I can trust him.

He told me he have no intention of D. But I did ask him I want to sell away the house and start fresh he say too many things need to do so he has no intention to sell the house.

Well, since you still love him, and willing to give him one more chance, then don't divorce lor.
 
I am thinking of going for counselling. Any recommends where we can go?

counselling is not a miracle cure.
If he is not truthful even go counselling there is no use.

I feel u should get a PI to check on him. at least see he really stop seening that women when he is not with u. whether he really remorseful n change for good.
 
counselling is not a miracle cure.
If he is not truthful even go counselling there is no use.

I feel u should get a PI to check on him. at least see he really stop seening that women when he is not with u. whether he really remorseful n change for good.

but i heard that PI is very expensive and i have a budget constrain that is the reason why till date I did not engage a PI
 
but i heard that PI is very expensive and i have a budget constrain that is the reason why till date I did not engage a PI
what u wan is a answer yes or not.
look for a experience PI. focus on these important days only. it's will not be expensive.
 
Well, first


Well, first you have to ask yourself if you still love him?
Secondly, are you willing to give him another chance?
Thirdly, do you still trust him?
If answer is no, then it's better to file for divorce.

Just my pov. If I'm you, I will file for divorced. He not only have woman outside, and still dare to bring home, and even lead her to the masterbed room. Seriously, don't know if they both have sex on the bed itself!

Moreover he have signed the draft, meaning he's accepting already. Probably he want the best of both world, hence asking you to hold the D. But he didn't say not to D.. Holding means he consider between you and the woman. Also can mean that his heart is not with you already. He maybe a good father, as he still think of your child. But not a good husband for sure... Where he's still considering of whether to D or not...

Well, if I were u, I will ask for half of his pay to be given to me monthly. I’m a firm believer if a guy is broke, no woman wanna stay with him. N I will have more financial freedom.

If he continue to stray, I will still not divorce him. I wouldnt let e other lady be given a chance so easily.
 
When men have affair. They will slowly cut down on money given to the family and slowly spend more and more on the other women outside.
The more u delay the stress will be on you instead of him as he can enjoy with the women and u will be stress knowing he is with that women and sharing him with someone
 
If he really not in contact with that women then he wouldn’t lock his hand phone or he would have give u the password for the hand phone
 
Well, if I were u, I will ask for half of his pay to be given to me monthly. I’m a firm believer if a guy is broke, no woman wanna stay with him. N I will have more financial freedom.

If he continue to stray, I will still not divorce him. I wouldnt let e other lady be given a chance so easily.

monthly his salary is given to me. i only give him afew hundred dollars. but it is still the same end up he still stray.
 
If he really not in contact with that women then he wouldn’t lock his hand phone or he would have give u the password for the hand phone

i have confronted him again yesterday to show proof he show me all the watsapp, wechat etc. i found one watsapp that he is in this bitch family group. i suspect he have deleted most of the msg because the last few are in dec18.
 
I have decided to engage a PI. Anyone has a good PI with reasonable cost to recommend. If I will to file for divorce under reasonable behaviour and he doesnt sign on the divorce paper what should I do?
 
once he acknowledged the divorce paper, if he wan to contest then he need to replry with 21 days. but if he doesn't replry the it's mean he doesn't wan to contest.

I have PM you.
 
i have confronted him again yesterday to show proof he show me all the watsapp, wechat etc. i found one watsapp that he is in this bitch family group. i suspect he have deleted most of the msg because the last few are in dec18.
To be able to be added into her family group show the degree of their relationship
 
Hi Librababy,

My 2cents worth.... so what even if he will to show u his HP, who knows tt he might hv another HP to be in touched w the bitch.

By what u had shared, I dun see u mentioned any his remorseful .... pardon me for being frank... he definitely want to have the best of both world.

Pls dun procrastinate any further, take immediate action to prevent further damage. Quickly take all the solid evidence for ur immediate next of actions. As u had also mentioned tt they have been together for 2 years and him in her family group picture which it tells you the sort of relationship they are having. Do be prepared what would you do of there’s already family set up?

Anyway, remember you are not alone do feel free to air your grief in this forum for listening ears and support.

Jia you and all the best!
 
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Hi Librababy,

My 2cents worth.... so what even if he will to show u his HP, who knows tt he might hv another HP to be in touched w the bitch.

By what u had shared, I dun see u mentioned any his remorseful .... pardon me for being frank... he definitely want to have the best of both world.

Pls dun procrastinate any further, take immediate action to prevent further damage. Quickly take all the solid evidence for ur immediate next of actions. As u had also mentioned tt they have been together for 2 years and him in her family group picture which it tells you the sort of relationship they are having. Do be prepared what would you do of there’s already family set up?

Anyway, remember you are not alone do feel free to air your grief in this forum for listening ears and support.

Jia you and all the best!

thanks I am going to engage a PI to get more edvience to support my divorce case. I am really glad to know all of you. thank you all for the advise and listening ear. May we all stand stronger after all this shit.
 

If he knows u filing divorce, will sure try to bring down his earning. Make sure you can pin him down before u send letter to him
 

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