How should i start.... Pardon for the long rant. Actually my relationship with my mother in law was ok before the wedding.. Not exactly chummy but it was cordial... Then it started to take a turn when planning for the wedding.. She had comments towards the wedding venue, having a church wedding.. Me and my husband was accommodating on the venue and we decided on the place.. But towards the Guo Da Li, she also started to make remarks such as, "oranges are not necessary" and even told my husband to use leftover Martell in the storeroom.. It seems that she take the Guo Da Li very lightly but it doesnt make sense as she had her Guo Da Li for her own wedding as well. She didnt even "Ti Qing" to my mother while she said that her own wedding, her mother in law went to Ti Qing to her parents. I start to wonder is it because i am a single parent family that i was looked down upon. The unhappiness was building up, i complained a lot to my husband and even told my mother in law over the phone that i didnt feel like getting married anymore. When i told my husband to be that his mother is not respectful over the Guo Da Li, he simply just brush it aside by saying that his mother is not like this.
Things became worse during the actual Guo Da Li. Actually my husband's family are staunch Christians while my family is from Malaysia.. When choosing a date for the Guo Da Li, my father in law simply just choose whichever date they are convenient and not an auspicious date. Then again, i am not too concern about the date but the mentality of convenience. Then during the actual Guo Da Li, the angbao amount was different from the actual amount agreed. Initially, i didnt want to make a big fuss, but i could not take it and blasted at my husband. My husband simply just think that it is his mum mistake.. His mum asked him how should she rectify, and he just say to top up the amount. I told my husband that according to tradition, nobody does that. Then for many days, i felt extremely upset that my family was not respected. As i had an estranged father, my family was looked down upon by relatives in Malaysia as well. Then, i found out from my friend that her betrothal gift was much more and i was even more upset. I am not concerned over the money but rather the respect given. Then, my husband arrange for his parents to approach this issue by coming to my house. My mother in law started crying and said that she isn't like this and christian teaching say that they should give double to compensate. She also said that my father in law scolded her over this cock up.. I felt that when she said double, she was just trying to show off and by crying, she has already won the battle. I am not sure if i was too petty or my mother in law was putting up a show. Then it seems that the conflict died down... But the next day, i started quarrelling with my husband on this matter and my husband shouted at me to stop kicking up a fuss. I feel that my husband didnt stand by me on this matter... My own mother also scolded him to say that i am a "huang hua gui nu" and not a remarried lady, so the family should deserve more respect over the Guo Da Li.. i am not sure if they look down on my family because my Mum and Brother had to move in after the marriage as well. Even when i look at the "Si Dian Jin", i know that the gold quality is not so good (originally she wanted to buy from Meyson, silver jewellery as they had promotion.. but i strongly told her that i wanted gold)
Then my husband tried to resolve the matter by reporting to his mother, and immediately, the mother came with another angbao (probably at the instructions of my husband) with a few thousand dollars. They didnt enter the house, but before they left, i clearly heard my husband dad telling him to think of it clearly before getting married. i was like, usually parents will advice them to patch.. and not break!.
Things became worse during the actual Guo Da Li. Actually my husband's family are staunch Christians while my family is from Malaysia.. When choosing a date for the Guo Da Li, my father in law simply just choose whichever date they are convenient and not an auspicious date. Then again, i am not too concern about the date but the mentality of convenience. Then during the actual Guo Da Li, the angbao amount was different from the actual amount agreed. Initially, i didnt want to make a big fuss, but i could not take it and blasted at my husband. My husband simply just think that it is his mum mistake.. His mum asked him how should she rectify, and he just say to top up the amount. I told my husband that according to tradition, nobody does that. Then for many days, i felt extremely upset that my family was not respected. As i had an estranged father, my family was looked down upon by relatives in Malaysia as well. Then, i found out from my friend that her betrothal gift was much more and i was even more upset. I am not concerned over the money but rather the respect given. Then, my husband arrange for his parents to approach this issue by coming to my house. My mother in law started crying and said that she isn't like this and christian teaching say that they should give double to compensate. She also said that my father in law scolded her over this cock up.. I felt that when she said double, she was just trying to show off and by crying, she has already won the battle. I am not sure if i was too petty or my mother in law was putting up a show. Then it seems that the conflict died down... But the next day, i started quarrelling with my husband on this matter and my husband shouted at me to stop kicking up a fuss. I feel that my husband didnt stand by me on this matter... My own mother also scolded him to say that i am a "huang hua gui nu" and not a remarried lady, so the family should deserve more respect over the Guo Da Li.. i am not sure if they look down on my family because my Mum and Brother had to move in after the marriage as well. Even when i look at the "Si Dian Jin", i know that the gold quality is not so good (originally she wanted to buy from Meyson, silver jewellery as they had promotion.. but i strongly told her that i wanted gold)
Then my husband tried to resolve the matter by reporting to his mother, and immediately, the mother came with another angbao (probably at the instructions of my husband) with a few thousand dollars. They didnt enter the house, but before they left, i clearly heard my husband dad telling him to think of it clearly before getting married. i was like, usually parents will advice them to patch.. and not break!.