Relationship stained by sister-in-law

Jel1992

Member
I feel that my sister-in-law has been affecting my relationship with my husband. Take last week for example, my son bit her son on the face and straight after that, I scolded my son and beat him for doing that and he even apologized. As my memory has been falling me, I forgot about it and never tell my husband about it. Few days later, my sister-in-law complained to him, saying she got to know it from her son and commented that I'm an irresponsible parents and because of this, my husband scolded me in front of his parents and when I told him that I've forgotten about it, he told me there's no excuse. Next he told me that my sister-in-law also told him that there was once when my son nearly bumped into his brother who is an infant while riding his toy car and instead of scolding him, I asked him to slow down which she think was wrong. And there was once when her son lied, saying that I scolded her daughter and she almost cry which was not true. And she even commented that I should attend parenting course and my husband agree. I feel so insulted and I feel like an outsider and feel alone alot of times
 


nowadays, children are gem as family size gets smaller. if u notice some parent can go 'hysterical' if they find a light scratch when the kid come back from school...

you have a few issues here.

1st, you should inform the parent of the kid immediately (right after you discover the issue) regardless who's at fault. coz, out of respect, at least the kid's parent, when immediately informed, can witness in real time and discuss with you on how to manage the issue. thereafter both of you can have a chance either play the magnanimous role to forgive or educate the kids 'fairly'.

when you passed judgement without informing (regardless forgetfulness), from her (sis in-law) pov, you took matters into your own hand by concluding on the event. that, in her pov, her kid maybe judged unfairly in her absence. regardless the fact you sided her kid, but to her is 'who knows what actually happens?'. not all kid relay events accordingly to their parents. so, it will end up their words against yours. my qn: "you will listen to your kid or her words if it happens to u?"

hence this act (not forthcoming) presented u as a person that is not truthful, unhonest, unreliable, not credible. ok, abit exaggerating here. but it's a line of thought by others.

2nd; as for your hubby, seek his understanding that dirty linen shouldn't be washed in public.

3rd; as for you and your sis in-law, have a heart-to-heart talk w her. she just wanted respect. thereafter keep her informed since she is actually the 'problem child'.
 
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nowadays, children are gem as family size gets smaller. if u notice some parent can go 'hysterical' if they find a light scratch when the kid come back from school...

you have a few issues here.

1st, you should inform the parent of the kid immediately (right after you discover the issue) regardless who's at fault. coz, out of respect, at least the kid's parent, when immediately informed, can witness in real time and discuss with you on how to manage the issue. thereafter both of you can have a chance either play the magnanimous role to forgive or educate the kids 'fairly'.

when you passed judgement without informing (regardless forgetfulness), from her (sis in-law) pov, you took matters into your own hand by concluding on the event. that, in her pov, her kid maybe judged unfairly in her absence. regardless the fact you sided her kid, but to her is 'who knows what actually happens?'. not all kid relay events accordingly to their parents. so, it will end up their words against yours. my qn: "you will listen to your kid or her words if it happens to u?"

hence this act (not forthcoming) presented u as a person that is not truthful, unhonest, unreliable, not credible. ok, abit exaggerating here. but it's a line of thought by others.

2nd; as for your hubby, seek his understanding that dirty linen shouldn't be washed in public.

3rd; as for you and your sis in-law, have a heart-to-heart talk w her. she just wanted respect. thereafter keep her informed since she is actually the 'problem child'.
My sister-in-law has been badmouthing me prior to this and I have been giving in to her previously. She even created a scene on my wedding day but I choose to ignore. Now, she even want to interfere my way parenting and even asked me to go for courses. She even condemn my family in front of my husband and expect my mum to talk to her first. I had spoken to my husband on this and he choose to side his sister.
 
Hmm. Do you stay with your SIL?
Well, when accident occurred (ie the case of your son bites her son), you should/need to inform your hubby, as well as the other party family first.
If you tends to forget, can just drop a message to them, or even take a note down in your hp.
As for parenting, I agreed with you that each family have their own way of handling the children. She shouldn't probe into your family matters, or even suggest to ask you go for courses. Am surprisingly your husband chose to side his sister instead of you. Probably he's very very close with his sister. But still, his focus should be on you/kids.
Even you have wrong/fault, he should talk to you nicely rather than shouting/scolding you infront of others.

You need to talk to your husband about this, and tell him your feeling...
 
In this kind of situation, i think regardless of what happen, the husband side need to standby the wife and defend regardless whether right or wrong in the first place. If it's wrong, can always go back to your own home to have a chat about it and resolved amicably then move on. If you feel that currently as a result of this, there is a problem then have a word with him rather than bottle it within. It won't do good in long time. For example telling him on how you feel and what way can be done better in the future if the same occurs. I had my own shares when my parents/wife's family try to interfere with my marriage arrangement and my other family matters. Me and my wife usually will talk about it and have a common stand on this.
 
The only thing I can say is that you have a useless husband.. sorry to say that.

As husband, we must know how to handle the relationship between wife and my side family members. It is very common to have crashes as wife grow up in diff family and of course have diff view on certain things.

I think there won’t any changes regardless what you do as long as ur hubby doesn’t change. If I were you, I will tell your husband that what he need to change in this situation. So ether he change his way of handling thing or you change the husband.
 
Hmm. Do you stay with your SIL?
Well, when accident occurred (ie the case of your son bites her son), you should/need to inform your hubby, as well as the other party family first.
If you tends to forget, can just drop a message to them, or even take a note down in your hp.
As for parenting, I agreed with you that each family have their own way of handling the children. She shouldn't probe into your family matters, or even suggest to ask you go for courses. Am surprisingly your husband chose to side his sister instead of you. Probably he's very very close with his sister. But still, his focus should be on you/kids.
Even you have wrong/fault, he should talk to you nicely rather than shouting/scolding you infront of others.

You need to talk to your husband about this, and tell him your feeling...
I don't stay with her but she visit us very often as I stay with my pil. She will even condemn and make remark when I'm talking to my maid and she even told my husband my mum scolded my maid when she did not. She had make alot of nasty remarks about me but I just bear with it but now, asking me to go for parenting class is an insult. I told my husband but he just feel that she's more experience in taking care of kids... what more can i say?
 
My sister-in-law has been badmouthing me prior to this and I have been giving in to her previously. She even created a scene on my wedding day but I choose to ignore. Now, she even want to interfere my way parenting and even asked me to go for courses. She even condemn my family in front of my husband and expect my mum to talk to her first. I had spoken to my husband on this and he choose to side his sister.

ok.. so, she is the problem child. seems like she can't breath w/o finding fault w u. your hub, instead of getting involved, choose to watch a show and stay bias.

first, go for the course. When you will have HIGHER parenting skill than her, you will speak louder with theory to back you up.

2nd, ask hubby to settle kids' issue and you withdraw TOTALLY. no comment nothing. stay away, far away (literally). jus inform hub on the issue and let him deal w her. if he chooses to take her sides, be it. coz one fine day, either he realised he is always getting the bad end of the stick or your kid will tell the dad off for being unfair.

whenever you hear anyone condemning your parents, leave the space if you can ta-han.

if can't ta-han and it's an accusation, call all the parties in IMMEDIATELY to verify her claim with your hub as a witness. YES, I mean no matter whr u are what you are doing, the very moment u hear it, pause what you are doing and seek verification. coz, if it's a BIG deal to them then it will be a BIG deal to u to verify ON-THE-SPOT.

Remember, no 1 to 1.. if it involves your parents, call everyone in (either in person or on speaker phone. demand for clarification immediately. stay fair. if really your parents are wrong, then let them know that who has spoken abt their behaviour and how it's not acceptable. if your sis in-law is wrong... then tell her off on the spot and ask for apologies.)
(note: pre-mpt your parents first.)

thereafter, see if she still have BALLS to start this again.

lastly, regarding nasty remarks she made. when she start talking nasty abt u or anyone (parents) in-front of you, jot it down right in front of her. input date, time and plc. by jotting down, you unknowingly 3rd-partied yourself and at least you can stay rational and not emotional. with this record, everyone will see the growing list and it may be useful down the road.
 
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Thanks all for the advice. I have gave in and initial to talk to my sil and things look fine on the surface. However I realized that she has been talking behind my back to my parents-in-laws and create an impression that I have been asking my helper to spy on them and she also comment that I have not been taking care of my twins and that I have not been a good dutiful wife too. When my husband heard this, he asked all of them to stop and also if they want us to divorce and also, he mentioned to them that I'm not what they mention and he did side me. He also mentioned that since I married to their family, they should be treating me well instead of "bullying me" and want then to stop what they are doing. At this point, i really wish to know what should i do because I do not want my parents-in-laws to take care of my twins anymore as they always say they want to take care but told others that I do not care for my twins and now my toddler daughter has been taken care by my mother. I'm starting a new job soon so am confused now too
 

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