He have too, ask to file for interim maintenance n divorce/separation papers done together
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He have too, ask to file for interim maintenance n divorce/separation papers done together
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Don't anyhow waste money on lawyer to fight for maintenance. If before divorce or separation he doesn't give maintence go family court, maintenance mediation to make him pay. U only need to pay $10.
Lawyer earn for everything u ask them to fight so choose wisely. Don't everything ask them to do. These u can do yourself u do it yourself
Lawyer earn for everything u ask them to fight so choose wisely. Don't everything ask them to do. These u can do yourself u do it yourself
Wendy, so is true that separation and maintenance are two different things. Even we don’t separate he still needs to give child maintenance right? What do i need to submit at family court to get a court order to make him pay. Also what constitutes a separation, let’s say he moves out, but delay signing the separation papers, how to prove we are separated if he does not give me his new address?
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Yes. Even if there is no separation n he doesn't give maintenece u can go family court to apply against him.
U need to bring receipts of your expenses.
There is 2 kind of separation. If mutual agree then after 3 years can divorce. If either party disagree then have to be 4byears.
Whether he sign or don't sign doesn't matter.
If he leave Home, he can make a police report that he had left home voluntary to make it offiical
Now my concern is how to break the news to my children. Ladies, how do you share this with them and how the children handle it? I have told my 13 year old girl, she took it quite ok as she is not very close to her dad. But now my concern is my 10 and 8 year old boys. They are pretty close to their father and all this time daddy did not come back, they thought he is busy with his work. I wonder how they take it if they realise is because daddy has another family outside.
Don’t have to tell them everything. I didn’t tell my children the whole story, I just said we got to move out cuz you can see daddy keep scolding me n i’m very unhappy. He is still your daddy n i’m still your mummy and we still love you just that we decided not to be a couple anymore. There will be a lot of tantrums n issues, school work will be affected too but after some time they accepted it.
Will i tell them the truth in future, yes but not now.
For your case, you can still quarrel with him over this. For me he does not even comes back to see his children on weekdays. Either he goes to his shop or go meet the woman and only come home late and sleep. Sun he be around to be with the boys. So even he moves out and just come back on Sun, nobody even his parents staying with us will ever know. That’s why he dares to suggest he moves out and we don’t tell anybody because he is seldom at home. In fact my in laws may even think I am a bad daughter in law so their son does not wants to come home. Before I found out, I genuinely thinks he is busy with his work, who would suspect your love one will lie and cheat to you. After I found out, he still continues his vices and expect me to act as if nothing has happen. Claims that he does not want to be unfair to me but what he is doing for the past 2 months does not justify his actions. Asking him for separation and moving out is also my suggestion. Until now he is still so selfish, I am so sick of lying and covering up for him. My girl is asking how can I tolerate all this nonsense, even a 13 year old can tell what is right and wrong. We are going for a family trip next month, he says he moves out after that. We see what happens. If I tell the boys daddy has a new family so he cannot be with mummy anymore so he needs to move out but will still be their daddy and come back time to time to visit them, do you think is appropriate?
Then your in laws still staying with you after he moves out?
If that’s the case then good, I moved out cuz at that time, I lived with MIL too. The avalanche of emotions n everything from everywhere will come soon so take care. I know at this point, money is also impt but my suggestion is if you can try to outsource whatever you need to do to someone else otherwise you will drown.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
The most important is to deal with him.
Don't do too many thing at one go.
Cushion the impact, cos if u change everything at a Go, the children will need time to get use to it
Don't do too many thing at one go.
Cushion the impact, cos if u change everything at a Go, the children will need time to get use to it
I already told him to move out coz I am not comfortable with him staying anymore. We are just holding on till the kids exams and the family trip are over. He says he needs time to find a place to stay so we wait till then. But honestly speaking before he moves, I want him to tell the family, cannot just move out without accounting anything to them. I think that’s the least he could do after all the mess he created.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Man are coward when dealing with this kind of stuff. Since he wan to move out without any cindition that's good. At least he not so stubborn and demand to stay as this hour is still under his name and u all not divorce yet.
Then the next thing will be deciding to file divorce separating. Let him sign whatever he need to sign. Don't push him to tell the family first as it might back fire
I speak to my lawyer to get more info. I doubt I will talk to him until the trip is over. I have already express to him what I wants and sees what he does by then. I agree to slowly make changes but it has to be done. Now my greatest worry is how the family members will react to this, I am more concern about their feelings than his.
You better take care of your own feelings first so you can deal with your children feelings. I think the parents will definitely side their son, then poison the children say it’s all your fault, you are a bad woman chase the 2 old one out, tell the neighbours n etc how bad you are, they may even call your parents, the worst is that they convince your hubby to fight for care n control. So take care of your feelings first is the most impt.
I think I misinterpret what she meant. She asked me not to rush to divorce because she does not want me to rush into making a hasty decision and then regret because she had seen many clients regret divorcing too quickly. It has been less than 2 months since I found out and I am still going through an emotional rollercoaster and telling her different things every week so she reckons I am not ready for this decision which is irreversible. She says there are many things I can do for myself and when I am ready to let go of this marriage then file for divorce. At this point I am thinking of a separation and putting all the terms legally on paper to protect myself. Take one step at a time and see how things go. Most important I hope I can heal over time because only when I heal then can I continue my life with my children.
Maybe try to get your hubby to attend counselling too? In a way, give him the last chance to let you decide your own mind. If he's selfish/coward by not attending, then I suggest you can really give up such marriage, and proceed to divorce.
Let his parents know about his way. Why can't let them know? Although marriage is two person thing. But his behaviour is too much. Even as a guy myself, I feel that he's such a coward...
Let his parents know about his way. Why can't let them know? Although marriage is two person thing. But his behaviour is too much. Even as a guy myself, I feel that he's such a coward...
Don, I suggested counselling previously and he agrees to go. But my counsellor told me based on her experience, marriage counselling is unlikely to be fruitful if the affair has not ended. Many times when I asked him if he still loves me, the answer is from no to unsure and to no and his last point is he finds it hard to let go of everything after 18 years but would like to transit slowly so the answer is obvious. The reason I am not divorcing but asking for separation because I don want to rush into things and want to give myself time to grieve over this marriage. I will propose to tell both his parents and our children the truth together but if he refuse, I tell myself. I cannot live a life like him hiding things like that, I still want to live up to my values and beliefs.
True. Counselling may not be fruitful, if the affair does not end. But at least form counselling, can know/understand why he go for affair. Also probably there's chance that both of you can come to a compromise to keep the marriage on going.
But if you said he already have no love for you, then no point in holding back already. Perhaps it has become a 'habit' rather than love between you both already.
Still, I find that separation serve no purpose. Unless you have faith that one day he will changes his mind. Otherwise, I will strongly suggest to file for divorce instead. End earlier than to end later...
Hi split I can’t PM u
Hi all, pls guide me how to PM u gals tks
Click on the person nick n click start conversation
Hi zuleika83
Based on ur description, I dun mean to frighten you but it seems suspicious. You might want to keep a close monitoring and perhaps engage a PI to gether enough solid evidents then decide what do u want to proceed then.
It useless to confront him now as u do not have any proof & for sure he will denied it. Worst of all, you do not want to trigger an alarm now to alert him tt you are suspending it then he will be on his guards.
Hang in there & be strong
Hi mother 2x
I really salute u for all the sacrifices u hv made for him & the family. Honestly speaking, once the love faded it’s useless to stay on. Moreover, he’s not even remorseful abt it!!! May I ask you... are u happy? R u kid/s happy? Do u feel tt u r being respect?
Please think and take good care of your own well being before u r able to love the others.
Hi Xhar0205,
Possible to share with me how do u did it, tks
Hi Hope88,
There’s this thing call ‘Karma’. The dog man & woman are still in their honeymoon period but won’t be long... what goes round comes round and one who wreck ppl family & cheater will eventually will also suffer thinking tt he found his soulmate
Do be strong for your kids & stays positive
I’ve no one to talk to, so really appreciate if someone can hear me out..... and talk to me that I’m not crazy.....
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years. I found out his affairs in 2014. It’s hard to say but he cheated on me 2-3 years after our marriage.
1st time was with his colleague. It went on for 3 years. He did not have sex with her.
2nd time was also with colleague. They did have sex because I saw the messages.
Both affairs were initiated by him and I know that he loved them very much.
I managed to find out about the 2nd one and confronted them both. He broke off with her and we went for counseling for about 1 year.
Humans do stupid things when emotional. We had been trying to get pregnant before I found out about his affairs. Well, I got pregnant whilst we were still in counseling. Being pregnant didn’t allow me to completely have emotional outbursts during counseling because I was afraid of affecting my child. I gave birth to my 1st child in 2016.
Things were good because I focused on my child and he loved being a father. Everything seemed normal and I just gave birth to my 2nd one.
When I found out about his affairs, I made him delete everything i.e. phone numbers, messages, pictures, everything. Tonight I found out that he still had their numbers in his phone and saved under a guy’s name. I asked him about it and he said that it was Google who did that when he changed phone. I’m not tech savvy but he said he deleted everything, so how could it be that he still has their numbers and saved under a guy’s name? Is this possible?
He explained that he didn’t contact them and then he said that he’s been trying so hard on our relationship but he’s always kicked back to Square 1 whenever something like this happens. I told him that I acknowledge that he’s been a good father to the kids and a good partner to me. But I honestly have trouble seeing him as my husband, as my love.
The conversation somehow ended up with me asking him what he wants from me to make him feel appreciated. He said he wanted me to be a good wife. I’m totally mind-blown and wondering if I’m living in the 1920s. Good wife?
I’m a FTWM. My salary is on par with his. I work slightly longer hours than him. I am on ML now but will be pumping when I go back to work. I pull my own weight in this family but I need to be a good wife?
So to humor him, I asked him exactly what he expects for me to be a “good wife”. He will be putting together a list for me. Yes, my eyeballs rolled out of their sockets at this point.
After all that has happened, I’m still here, dealing with my emotions, dealing with his emotions and figuring out how to still stay sane in this marriage. I love my children. I appreciate that he’s so hands on with the kids and helps with the running of the house and family. I have difficulty being in love with him as a husband.
Am I being crazy to be humoring him at this point? Honestly, I’ve told him that the version he wants me to be is not the true version of myself. But it seems that this is what he wants.
Am I supposed to suppress “me” to keep this family and marriage? But why is it me and not him? He’s the one who had all the fun and broke me in the process.
I sometimes wish that we had called it quits back then. Then both of us would have had a 2nd chance of finding “true love” instead of being a cup-half-empty version of ourselves now.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years. I found out his affairs in 2014. It’s hard to say but he cheated on me 2-3 years after our marriage.
1st time was with his colleague. It went on for 3 years. He did not have sex with her.
2nd time was also with colleague. They did have sex because I saw the messages.
Both affairs were initiated by him and I know that he loved them very much.
I managed to find out about the 2nd one and confronted them both. He broke off with her and we went for counseling for about 1 year.
Humans do stupid things when emotional. We had been trying to get pregnant before I found out about his affairs. Well, I got pregnant whilst we were still in counseling. Being pregnant didn’t allow me to completely have emotional outbursts during counseling because I was afraid of affecting my child. I gave birth to my 1st child in 2016.
Things were good because I focused on my child and he loved being a father. Everything seemed normal and I just gave birth to my 2nd one.
When I found out about his affairs, I made him delete everything i.e. phone numbers, messages, pictures, everything. Tonight I found out that he still had their numbers in his phone and saved under a guy’s name. I asked him about it and he said that it was Google who did that when he changed phone. I’m not tech savvy but he said he deleted everything, so how could it be that he still has their numbers and saved under a guy’s name? Is this possible?
He explained that he didn’t contact them and then he said that he’s been trying so hard on our relationship but he’s always kicked back to Square 1 whenever something like this happens. I told him that I acknowledge that he’s been a good father to the kids and a good partner to me. But I honestly have trouble seeing him as my husband, as my love.
The conversation somehow ended up with me asking him what he wants from me to make him feel appreciated. He said he wanted me to be a good wife. I’m totally mind-blown and wondering if I’m living in the 1920s. Good wife?
I’m a FTWM. My salary is on par with his. I work slightly longer hours than him. I am on ML now but will be pumping when I go back to work. I pull my own weight in this family but I need to be a good wife?
So to humor him, I asked him exactly what he expects for me to be a “good wife”. He will be putting together a list for me. Yes, my eyeballs rolled out of their sockets at this point.
After all that has happened, I’m still here, dealing with my emotions, dealing with his emotions and figuring out how to still stay sane in this marriage. I love my children. I appreciate that he’s so hands on with the kids and helps with the running of the house and family. I have difficulty being in love with him as a husband.
Am I being crazy to be humoring him at this point? Honestly, I’ve told him that the version he wants me to be is not the true version of myself. But it seems that this is what he wants.
Am I supposed to suppress “me” to keep this family and marriage? But why is it me and not him? He’s the one who had all the fun and broke me in the process.
I sometimes wish that we had called it quits back then. Then both of us would have had a 2nd chance of finding “true love” instead of being a cup-half-empty version of ourselves now.
What are the 'list' of being a 'good' wife?
Shouldn't such be taken care of before marriage? Like honesty, loyalty etc?
He want you to be a 'good' wife, then is he being a 'good' husband?
'A Leopard never change its spots'. Once a man had an affair especially, it's very difficult for one to turn over a new leaf. Just be mentally prepared that 3rd time affair may occurred again.
As for the 'save under male's name', it's not even a tech issue. I bet he's hiding something away from you. Since you said both are colleague, means they still in a way still in contact. Be it previous company or current one. So deleting contact/pictures etc will not work especially if both are working in the same company. Is the female married? Asked him back, what if you are the one whom had affair, what is his thoughts about it?
Shouldn't such be taken care of before marriage? Like honesty, loyalty etc?
He want you to be a 'good' wife, then is he being a 'good' husband?
'A Leopard never change its spots'. Once a man had an affair especially, it's very difficult for one to turn over a new leaf. Just be mentally prepared that 3rd time affair may occurred again.
As for the 'save under male's name', it's not even a tech issue. I bet he's hiding something away from you. Since you said both are colleague, means they still in a way still in contact. Be it previous company or current one. So deleting contact/pictures etc will not work especially if both are working in the same company. Is the female married? Asked him back, what if you are the one whom had affair, what is his thoughts about it?
Hi acibcs,
I’m so sorry that u r in this forum. Totally empathize u it’s definitely shitty place to be in.
Whatever is it, u know ur hubby best for your next course of action. Most importantly, it’s ur own well beginning & self worthy.
However, in my honest opinion with after a year counseling that both of u went thru it doesn’t seems to work & in fact he cheats again without showing any remorseful. So what he is a good father.
The qtn here is are you able to condone to this? You know best.
Meanwhile, do take care & feel free to PM me if you want to
Hi acibcs,
I’m so sorry that u r in this forum. Totally empathize u it’s definitely shitty place to be in.
Whatever is it, u know ur hubby best for your next course of action. Most importantly, it’s ur own well beginning & self worthy.
However, in my honest opinion with after a year counseling that both of u went thru it doesn’t seems to work & in fact he cheats again without showing any remorseful. So what he is a good father.
The qtn here is are you able to condone to this? You know best.
Meanwhile, do take care & feel free to PM me if you want to
Yeah, I’m asking him also - what’s the list of a “good” wife. Still waiting for it.
He’s trying to be a good husband but maybe I’m no longer wanting to see all his efforts. It’s like, why do something 1st than apologize? How about not doing something that needs an apology later.
He is trying to be a good father and i appreciate that. I also do tell him that.
I agree that a leopard never changes its spots. Maybe I’m now cautious about not investing too much of my emotions with him and into our relationship, which is causing this “good” wife issue. But it’s to protect myself to still be strong for my kids in case the 3rd affair happens. I hope that in the event our marriage doesn’t survive, at least the kids will still have a father.
Yes, the female is married. The sick thing is that he introduced her to me as a colleague and friend so that we could hang out together. I feel sick just thinking about it. I try to cut out any emotions when I do. She has left the company already.
I did ask him before, if the roles are reversed. He said he wouldn’t know what to do and how to carry on.
Since I found out in 2014, we’ve been working to repair our relationship. There has been no more affairs on his end. I think counseling helped.
I told him that if it ever happens again, dun need to counsel anymore, just divorce. More straightforward.
Thank you, Stansy.
He hasn’t cheated since I found out. But last night after I found their numbers still saved in his phone made me question again.
I really dunwan our family to break up for the kids. Our journey to start a family has been a long one. I had to go for surgery to remove some cysts and polyps. When I found out about his 1st affair and did the maths, it was during that period that we were trying and I went for surgery. This knowledge really broke me.
Yes, during counseling, it was apparent that the problem is him. But it was also because he said I wasn’t giving him the attention he wants. More specifically, his type love language. Turns out that his type of love language is totally opposite of mine and doesn’t come naturally to me.
I’ve tried to do more of his love language and sometimes I forget. He’s been quite good at doing my type of love language but it comes naturally to him.
You need to learn to fight for your rights, whether you want to divorce or not start by keeping the receipts of all the things you paid for the family, pdf all. it will help you in a long way.
Yeah, I think perhaps I should start. I do most of my purchases online, like groceries and stuff for the kids. I pay via my credit card to earn miles, then claim back from our joint expenses account.
It's not about doing things and apology later. If partner had affair, and say 'sorry', can you accept that?
Like Eppy mentioned, you need to learn to fight for your rights. Yes. You have put in effort to this family. But if he doesn't appreciate, there's nothing much you can do. Like you said, you need to protect yourself and be strong for your kids. Be it if the marriage is still there, or lead to an end, he is still the kids' father. This can never be change.
If you think you can still hold on to the marriage, and open/close one eyes about it, then do hold on to the marriage. Otherwise, it's time to really consider about this marriage. Likewise, keep the receipts etc and in case it lead to divorce, you can still claim your rights
Hey acibcs,
I know it’s really hard... & even harder when times we are a denial. Whatever it is, you still need to face the reality & deal w him once & for all. So what if he deleted the nos. there’s always other means & ways if the dick wants to cheat.
Stays strong & do what’s right for your own being.
Thanks, JL8118.
When I was young(er), I probably would not have accepted and walked out after announcing all our friends and family what type of a person he is.
Now, after what I’ve been through and so much of me has died emotionally when it comes to him + with kids also, I dun think I will be that affected anymore. I won’t accept but will probably just shrug it off as “I knew it”. Life will continue....
Am i being a defeatist in my marriage? I’m just so tired.
No one can force you. No one can judge you. It’s how you want the rest of your life be
Thanks Stansy.
I hope I’m not in denial. I know the facts and I have come to terms that he cheated outside of marriage with 2 separate women. Both of whom I know. I even attended the wedding reception of #1. I’m such an idiot.
I guess I’m at a stage that I dun care enough about him to let whatever he does affect me. Does this make sense?
It’s like, towards a person that I really care about, I want to always be involved. But towards an acquaintance, they can go do whatever they like and whilst I may frown on what they are doing, I do not care enough to be involved.
I’m like that now towards him when it comes to our relationship.
But it’s again different when it concerns the kids. I am always involved and make sure that he is too.
Guess it’s a waiting game then, Eppy. Ü
See if he cheats again or I throw in the towel.
There’s never a happy ending for this type of life. And it sucks more when I certainly did not choose this for myself.
Well. Then like you said, can only just shrug it off.
Life is in your hands. If you don't want do anything about it, no one can force you either
PinkSparkle
New Member
I think my spouse may be cheating on me..it has been on my mind for months but while I was typing on my hubby's laptop the list of search history pops up and to my shock the search string reads " Best Places to Make Out in singapore"...
With this, doesn't mean he cheated... I sometimes does google for such as well
Like what JL8118 mentioned, surfing such site doesn't mean he's cheating on you.
Maybe he's trying to find way to spice up relationship/sex life with you.
To be honest, sometimes I too surf such site as well. Sort of to spice up our sex life too