Not divorcing but pretend to be in marriage?

To stay in an empty marriage for the kids is a brave act and a great sacrifice. I salute you ladies/ guys.

But do b fully aware of your current situation and the ripple effect that comes w this decision.

First of all, marriage is a legal contract that binds two person. This contract allows the couple to take on contracts that allows shared liability and risk. (eg. Joint ownership of house, etc). Further said, either partner will b implicated of the other partner's lapse. (eg. Credit card debt by one partner will see the bank attempt to repossess the jointly-owned house).

In a healthy marriage, both are willing parties to take over each other's risk and lapse. Otherwise for an unhealthy marriage.

As for empty marriage w add-on verbal abusive, the env in the house will b tensed and unhealthy for the children to grow up in and for yourself to live in. The children will b brought up assuming such env is normal and they may accept it in their life w their partner.


Hence, pls be prudent. While u sacrifice yourself for your kids while 'fighting' a daily 'battle', pls keep in mind the indirect risk that has to be identified and calculated. Coz along the way, the scale may tipped the other way.
 

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Wow. Mongkok... Very chim... =D

Well, there's a saying goes 'take a step at a time'.

I guess most of us whom in such way, have this thought...
'Hopefully that things will get better, and we will back to 'normal couple' once again.
 
I guess most of us whom in such way, have this thought...
'Hopefully that things will get better, and we will back to 'normal couple' once again.

Realistically, there is no such thing as a "normal couple". The guy definition of normal is not normal to a lady. The lady definition of normal is not normal to a guy.
We just have to focus on our own happiness, Not expect others to provide us the happiness.
 
Sorry. I mean to say..
Those whom are 'not divorcing but pretending to be marriage' kind like me, some will hope someday things get better, and become normal again as in, the way we are before all the unhappy happening.
 
Do take calculated steps.

Upon a marriage that went wayward, with the decision to continue in an empty marriage, there's no chance to fail (on your part) again. As said 'he did u in now. He will not seal your fate for life".

The least you hv to do is to protect yourself and your interest (eg. kids) within your means. If a thought is your means, then think.

Everyone wish to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But not forgetting, u are being tossed into this darkness against your choice. Before u see light, do something for yourself during this darkness.

There isn't time to sit back and see how things will b going without do anythg. (You hv already sat bk and things didn't go your way (marriage)).

The partner is no longer in line w u. He/she isn't reliable anymore. As said, you are liable for your partner as long as there's a valid contract (marriage).

Hence, do b prudent. Think for yourself.
 
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I am in similar situation. Sexless marriage after first kid.
Wife's frequent rejecting, maybe once in every ten times, calling me to find prostitutes.
She can spend time doing redundant work, on phone on everything but nt just giving me this small little time.
 
I really do not think of this like that. Saying that 'for the sake of the kids' could even cause more havoc, my husband and I agreed to stay together for the sake of the kids. But he cheated on me multiple times, he didn't know i was monitoring his phones, location and other activities. You can send me a DM for more on this.
 
Hi all
No need for me to pretend now. My in laws have been telling my 12 year old that if we divorce, she has to choose her father for better life (my in laws are financially good). My daughter asked me why they tell her that. Since they have started to prepare my daughter, I have decided to tell my children that their father committed adultery but I stayed on for their sake. My husband is mad at me, he say we promise to pretend, why i break the promise.
So no need to pretend anymore. I have also start to seek for legal advice on divorce and the chances. I understand that for adultery case, divorce need to be filed within 6 months. Beyond that, it is deemed the other party decide to move on.
 
It is really tormenting to stay in the same household. Seeing him just treat the house like hotel and just leave the children to me
 
Hi all
No need for me to pretend now. My in laws have been telling my 12 year old that if we divorce, she has to choose her father for better life (my in laws are financially good). My daughter asked me why they tell her that. Since they have started to prepare my daughter, I have decided to tell my children that their father committed adultery but I stayed on for their sake. My husband is mad at me, he say we promise to pretend, why i break the promise.
So no need to pretend anymore. I have also start to seek for legal advice on divorce and the chances. I understand that for adultery case, divorce need to be filed within 6 months. Beyond that, it is deemed the other party decide to move on.

Angry with you ? He also promised to be faithful to you when he married you.
 
Most mothers' instinct is to have custody od the kids, fight and work so hard to keep the kids, and then take care of them single-handedly. I just want to share that a friend of mine lost custody of her 3 kids - but she is a "never-say-die" person. She soldiered on with life, eventually bought a flat in the same block as the ex...

However, she is the fun and reliable parent. Take the kids for holidays, meals, weekends. It is the ex and the mil who does all the hardwork, while she put 200% at work. A few years later, kids are older, her career is good, financial is good. Relationship with kids also good.
 
Hi all,

I m also in the same situation. Staying together for sake of kids.
My hubbi having another woman outside. Willing to stay just as role of father.
Informing me when he is out with another woman. It’s is a torture for me. I dun know when I can tahan till.
Trying to find support here.
 
Hi all,

I m also in the same situation. Staying together for sake of kids.
My hubbi having another woman outside. Willing to stay just as role of father.
Informing me when he is out with another woman. It’s is a torture for me. I dun know when I can tahan till.
Trying to find support here.

I feel you... I have just divorced with my hubby... As found out about his affair again...
This time round, I cannot tolerate any further, hence filed for divorced.
For your case, I think you should divorce with him too. It's really too much...
Nasty saying... Go Fxxx with another, still inform partner? Damn ridiculous...
 
Hi all,

I just wonder whether is it really good that both partners stay together just because of the kids, trying to maintain the family image for the kids.

For myself, my soon to be ex-husband grow up in such environment & I feel the coldness in the family & worse he is the only child. More or less, it affect the way he handle the marriage because he saw how his parents get along, communicate & to him it's seem normal to him.
 
It varies on individual I guess.
Previously when I'm in that stage, our marriage is more like a 'room/house mate' than husband and wife.
We communicate basically only about kids, and nothing else. Not much intimacy or sweet talk. We don't go out as couple as well except with kids. Infront of our family, we both are still 'husband and wife'. Infront of kids, we are daddy and mummy.. but in between us, we are like 'friends'...
 
It varies on individual I guess.
Previously when I'm in that stage, our marriage is more like a 'room/house mate' than husband and wife.
We communicate basically only about kids, and nothing else. Not much intimacy or sweet talk. We don't go out as couple as well except with kids. Infront of our family, we both are still 'husband and wife'. Infront of kids, we are daddy and mummy.. but in between us, we are like 'friends'...

The main point is I can’t let go. I still love him. Tat y I m feeling miserable...
I been asking myself. 10+ years cannot compare to another woman whom he just get to know for a few months...
mayb unless he is lying n I failed to notice.
 
The main point is I can’t let go. I still love him. Tat y I m feeling miserable...
I been asking myself. 10+ years cannot compare to another woman whom he just get to know for a few months...
mayb unless he is lying n I failed to notice.

Sometime you need to be determine and let go when this lead to no where...
People often said when one have affair, no matter how he/she said won't commit, he/she will commit again.
It's like a type of 'addiction' or Leopard never change its spots.
Do you think he will dump the woman and come back to you? Will you still accept him? What if he does it again?
 
Agreed with JL8118
Sometimes you need to learn to let go, and move on, rather than to stay on in an unhappy relationship, especially when things don't work out...
Even if he gave up the woman now, doesn't mean he won't find another thereafter.
Then by then you will be 'hurt' once again.
Chang Tong Bu Ru Duan Tong.
Give it up and seek your happiness elsewhere
 
Thanks all... but I dun know how to let go. My heart aches a lot.
Tat is y I find it miserable every single day to pass.
 
Thanks all...
The last straw. Yesterday was suppose to be family day. Yet he informing me tat he is going with for dinner n ask me n my kids to settle ourself.
I ask y are you meeting whereby u had just met her on Tuesday. Yet he replied. Y can’t? N say he almost with the us the whole week.
This time I can’t tahan.
On mouth u say u love the kids. Wan me to respect you as only coming as a role as a father. Yet u r not doing ur role.
This woke up me tat this man no longer need to hold back. I m thinking to leave with my kids n move back to my mum hse this weekend.

And can I ask , if he refuse to admit adultery wat should I do?

Thank you.
 
Thanks all...
The last straw. Yesterday was suppose to be family day. Yet he informing me tat he is going with for dinner n ask me n my kids to settle ourself.
I ask y are you meeting whereby u had just met her on Tuesday. Yet he replied. Y can’t? N say he almost with the us the whole week.
This time I can’t tahan.
On mouth u say u love the kids. Wan me to respect you as only coming as a role as a father. Yet u r not doing ur role.
This woke up me tat this man no longer need to hold back. I m thinking to leave with my kids n move back to my mum hse this weekend.

And can I ask , if he refuse to admit adultery wat should I do?

Thank you.

Why u need him to admit adultery
 
Why u need him to admit adultery
Thanks all...
The last straw. Yesterday was suppose to be family day. Yet he informing me tat he is going with for dinner n ask me n my kids to settle ourself.
I ask y are you meeting whereby u had just met her on Tuesday. Yet he replied. Y can’t? N say he almost with the us the whole week.
This time I can’t tahan.
On mouth u say u love the kids. Wan me to respect you as only coming as a role as a father. Yet u r not doing ur role.
This woke up me tat this man no longer need to hold back. I m thinking to leave with my kids n move back to my mum hse this weekend.

And can I ask , if he refuse to admit adultery wat should I do?

Thank you.

He won’t admit. He will just roti prata. Get a PI.
 
Get a lawyer. Woman, you can do better without such a lousy guy.

Staying in a bad marriage will not make the children any happier. The children want their mom to be happy.
 
Thanks all...
The last straw. Yesterday was suppose to be family day. Yet he informing me tat he is going with for dinner n ask me n my kids to settle ourself.
I ask y are you meeting whereby u had just met her on Tuesday. Yet he replied. Y can’t? N say he almost with the us the whole week.
This time I can’t tahan.
On mouth u say u love the kids. Wan me to respect you as only coming as a role as a father. Yet u r not doing ur role.
This woke up me tat this man no longer need to hold back. I m thinking to leave with my kids n move back to my mum hse this weekend.

And can I ask , if he refuse to admit adultery wat should I do?

Thank you.
U shouldn't let him decide anymore. Either the family or her.
How many times u wan to be hurt by him
 
My husband now accuse me of having affairs. He said he hear from his reliable source and many told him. Gosh. I don't have anyone! My father don't know about my situation but my mother do. Husband now want my parents to meet his parents to discuss. I do not want my parents to be involved since they are old.. Sigh. I did nothing and now like got to face consequences
 
Help! I need some advice.
My husband ignore me and my kid for 2 weeks. He even lock his room door permanently. There was a small issue that sparked this off but going into such behavior is unreasonable. My kid is very puzzled why my husband also ignoring him when this has nothing to do with him. I tried talking to him but he just refuse to answer me.
 
My husband now accuse me of having affairs. He said he hear from his reliable source and many told him. Gosh. I don't have anyone! My father don't know about my situation but my mother do. Husband now want my parents to meet his parents to discuss. I do not want my parents to be involved since they are old.. Sigh. I did nothing and now like got to face consequences
This is the consequences of covering one eyes n pretending nothing happen. In the end he bite back n really regret staying on for the sake of children
 
Help! I need some advice.
My husband ignore me and my kid for 2 weeks. He even lock his room door permanently. There was a small issue that sparked this off but going into such behavior is unreasonable. My kid is very puzzled why my husband also ignoring him when this has nothing to do with him. I tried talking to him but he just refuse to answer me.
Let him have some time to calm down. How long u think he wan to continue like this
 
I used to be 'Not divorcing but pretend to be in marriage' stage for about half a year..
But ended such 1yr ago...
I think it's bad for both ourself, as well as kids, and also our partner...
 

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