My husband is getting worse

perkmeup

New Member
Hi I got married recently. I am young and same goes to me husband. We are two years apart and are in our early 20s. We got tgt for 5 years and I got pregnant last year hence the marriage.

Now after marriage, he got worse. He doesn’t allow me to go back to my parents place and always keep me at home. I am currently unemployed. I am half financially dependent on him not fully as I have some savings. I don’t want to leave him cause of our unborn child.

Any mummies face to same issue as me? He is very bad and short tempered. We are currently living with his parents and i don’t know want quarrel or argue with him cause his parents would know and it’ll be so awkward. I really miss my family a lot and I dare not speak to them about my husband least they get so worried for me.

Any mummies can enlighten me what to do?
 


Is there any reason why he got worse?

There really is no good reason why he can stop you from going back to spend time with your own family. And in my opinion, you should not hide your problems from your parents. In case something is really wrong, you will need your parents to stand up for you.

I was also like you, married in early 20s and lived with them. But I went in and out of the house freely and sometimes stayed back at my own place. Whenever I didn't like something I would not keep quiet. If my parents wanted to see me & baby (later on), they would also come over to in-laws house.

Don't be afraid!!
 
Love yourself more.
Marriage is not abt ownership or possession.
Dont fall into this trap, especially with an unreasonable companion.
Do what u would do if there was no SO ard.
 
Did he tie u up?
Did he lock u up?

You are an able person. Just stand up and walk out.

You dare not, because you are financially dependent on him. He dare to because you are financially dependent on him.

It's going to get worst after u give birth. You will not even have the means to fight custody because you are financially dependent on him.

I hope u get the point here.

You better go back to your parent before your child is born. Going back to your parent will allow breathing space for everyone. He wil hv a chance to rethink his role as a husband and as a daddy-to-be. As for you, you can see things from a different perspective.

There's isn't nobility by staying put. As of now.

If not, go get a job (literally) before it gets worse.
 
Yes I dare not walk out cause I depend on him financially. Today he just said my child can only go back to my parents place after 4 months old. Which I think is damn ridiculous.
 
talk to him. Ask him what are his reasons for stopping you from going. Let him know whatever his reasons maybe, it is not fair for you because at the end of the day they are your parents. communication is very important in marriage. let him know he cannot stop your parents from visiting your baby cause they have equal rights as his parents. you can be financially stable on him now but is it going to be permanently forever? if you do not voice out your disagreements now, you will end up with a breaking point where you cannot salvage your marriage because you never voiced out. Hopefully things improve for you... hugs..
 
talk to him. Ask him what are his reasons for stopping you from going. Let him know whatever his reasons maybe, it is not fair for you because at the end of the day they are your parents. communication is very important in marriage. let him know he cannot stop your parents from visiting your baby cause they have equal rights as his parents. you can be financially stable on him now but is it going to be permanently forever? if you do not voice out your disagreements now, you will end up with a breaking point where you cannot salvage your marriage because you never voiced out. Hopefully things improve for you... hugs..
Everytime I voice out or speak up. He will mention divorce. And say I that I don’t love my unborn child enough to quarrel with him. He says the unborn child is his and he have to right to decide if the child can go back to my parents place. The reason why he doesn’t allow me go cause he think it’s waste of time. When I say I miss my parents, he ask if my parents are going to die soon? If not why visit? How do I even retaliate?
 
Yes I dare not walk out cause I depend on him financially. Today he just said my child can only go back to my parents place after 4 months old. Which I think is damn ridiculous.

if you are expecting (waiting for the day to see) your happy family and him contributing responsibly and significantly to your child, you can forget about it. your husband is on the wrong ground to even start with.

the mind is strong but the heart is weak.

btw, if you dont dare walk out now, you never will. coz by that time, your excuse to yourself is 'complete family for my child' thingy. don't end up your husband want small don't want big.

read this forum. people having bitter court fights over children. the worry on money to engage this fight. the problem is you don't even have this bullet (money) to keep your child by your side.

you will be surprise how much your parent can help you on this.

all u can do now is, wait for birth and go get a job. things will be better.
 
Is there any reason why he does not want you to stay connected with your parents? Are those reasons sound?
 
What kind of reason is that? Are you local? Or should ask, are you parents in Singapore?

Be it you are financial depend on him or not, it does not make sense that he's not allowing you to see your parents. Unless as above, your parents are not in town. Otherwise, can just walk out and go back to see your family
 
Everytime I voice out or speak up. He will mention divorce. And say I that I don’t love my unborn child enough to quarrel with him. He says the unborn child is his and he have to right to decide if the child can go back to my parents place. The reason why he doesn’t allow me go cause he think it’s waste of time. When I say I miss my parents, he ask if my parents are going to die soon? If not why visit? How do I even retaliate?

that must be really hurtful and disrespectful. although i may not like my husb's family very much, i will not say such things to him as i know his family means a lot to him. i also would not stop him from visiting his family or attending any family events (unless of cos we have more impt commitments). even when we do quarrel over similar issues, i have nvr said such things to him as i know it would hurt him a lot. your husb obviously doesnt care much abt your feelings at all. was he like this before marriage? you really have to think if you'll be able to live with someone like that for the rest of your life. can tell you love and miss your family a lot, and i'm worried that you'll fall into depression eventually if your husb continues to control you like this.
 
I’m also afraid I might fall into depression. He thinks that it’s just words and I’m not supposed to feel hurt by his words. But sometimes his words are so harsh I can’t even feel upset about it cause he will say I am weak. To be honest I want to work. But he insisted on me not working. Saying that he can provide. And we always have a huge fight over it eventually ends up me giving in say okay I don’t work and take care of the baby when the baby is out.


Yes. I am Singaporean. My parents are in Singapore. It is only maximum 30 mins drive away. Reasons he gave me to not visit my parents are

1. Waste time

2. Waste mrt money

3. He see no point cause see already they won’t give me money also

4. He thinks my upbringing sucks and keep saying that I have lousy 家教


I know sometimes some words he might not mean it but then it’s so hurtful. I already told him about it but he say it’s his mouth why can’t he say it. I say it hurts me, then he says I’m weak and not fit enough to be a mother?


I love him but I’m torn. So tired and torn. After marriage everyday I have to suck it up inside myself. Sometimes I have to put up a happy face cause I can’t have down times infront of him.
 
I’m also afraid I might fall into depression. He thinks that it’s just words and I’m not supposed to feel hurt by his words. But sometimes his words are so harsh I can’t even feel upset about it cause he will say I am weak. To be honest I want to work. But he insisted on me not working. Saying that he can provide. And we always have a huge fight over it eventually ends up me giving in say okay I don’t work and take care of the baby when the baby is out.


Yes. I am Singaporean. My parents are in Singapore. It is only maximum 30 mins drive away. Reasons he gave me to not visit my parents are

1. Waste time

2. Waste mrt money

3. He see no point cause see already they won’t give me money also

4. He thinks my upbringing sucks and keep saying that I have lousy 家教


I know sometimes some words he might not mean it but then it’s so hurtful. I already told him about it but he say it’s his mouth why can’t he say it. I say it hurts me, then he says I’m weak and not fit enough to be a mother?


I love him but I’m torn. So tired and torn. After marriage everyday I have to suck it up inside myself. Sometimes I have to put up a happy face cause I can’t have down times infront of him.

hugs to you. can't imagine how tough it must be for you. getting married and having to live apart from my parents (at my in-laws') was also terrible for me. got even worse when i became pregnant, but thankfully my husb is quite understanding so we only return to my in-laws' on weekends and stay with my parents on weekdays. we are waiting for our flat.

i can't stress how impt it is to have a caring, thoughtful and understanding husb. pregnancy is such a challenge esp for ftm like us. if not for the support of my husb, i guess i would've fallen into depression already.

suggest you take some time away from your husb and return to your parents' place for a short while. having some time apart may help the situation. perhaps when you're not ard he can have the space and time to think abt his actions and your marriage. imo your marriage is really unhealthy at the moment and if you want to continue being with him, you really have to make him learn to respect you. don't keep giving in to him bcos it's just gonna make him think that he's not in the wrong. you have every right to go out and find a job if you wish to. don't let him hold you back. but of course, if you don't want to give up on the marriage, then you really have to find a way to get through to him.. instead of using the harsh method of insisting on your way bcos i think that's just gonna aggravate the situation.

to sustain a marriage, it is very impt for both parties to communicate and have mutual respect for each other. hope you will eventually be able to make things work. take care.
 
Hi I got married recently. I am young and same goes to me husband. We are two years apart and are in our early 20s. We got tgt for 5 years and I got pregnant last year hence the marriage.

Now after marriage, he got worse. He doesn’t allow me to go back to my parents place and always keep me at home. I am currently unemployed. I am half financially dependent on him not fully as I have some savings. I don’t want to leave him cause of our unborn child.

Any mummies face to same issue as me? He is very bad and short tempered. We are currently living with his parents and i don’t know want quarrel or argue with him cause his parents would know and it’ll be so awkward. I really miss my family a lot and I dare not speak to them about my husband least they get so worried for me.

Any mummies can enlighten me what to do?


There must be a reason why he suddenly become
worst. A person do not change thejr behavior or attitude suddenly for no reason. Speak to him ask him whats on his mind etc etc . Talk it out and oh dont assume . Assumption will lead to unnecessary disaster
 
Hi I got married recently. I am young and same goes to me husband. We are two years apart and are in our early 20s. We got tgt for 5 years and I got pregnant last year hence the marriage.

Now after marriage, he got worse. He doesn’t allow me to go back to my parents place and always keep me at home. I am currently unemployed. I am half financially dependent on him not fully as I have some savings. I don’t want to leave him cause of our unborn child.

Any mummies face to same issue as me? He is very bad and short tempered. We are currently living with his parents and i don’t know want quarrel or argue with him cause his parents would know and it’ll be so awkward. I really miss my family a lot and I dare not speak to them about my husband least they get so worried for me.

Any mummies can enlighten me what to do?


Speak to him and ask him to spill everything out as to why there is such a sudden change in his behavior , mindset and attitude.
 
there may be a larger issue at play here. this over protectiveness may be the result of something he's doing or have done and the fear that you might leave and such. just saying you should really just leave for your parents place and see what happens. you owe your parents that much.
 
Hi I got married recently. I am young and same goes to me husband. We are two years apart and are in our early 20s. We got tgt for 5 years and I got pregnant last year hence the marriage.

Now after marriage, he got worse. He doesn’t allow me to go back to my parents place and always keep me at home. I am currently unemployed. I am half financially dependent on him not fully as I have some savings. I don’t want to leave him cause of our unborn child.

Any mummies face to same issue as me? He is very bad and short tempered. We are currently living with his parents and i don’t know want quarrel or argue with him cause his parents would know and it’ll be so awkward. I really miss my family a lot and I dare not speak to them about my husband least they get so worried for me.

Any mummies can enlighten me what to do?

I'm a man/husband/father..so What I feel is..just inform your parents of this problem. Even if you're married out, you're still your parents' daughter. If you need help, I don't see why they won't help you. As for financial dependence.. naturally you cannot get a job now because you're pregnant.

Go to your parents for help. And resolve this issue with hubby with their support and while you're in a safe and calm environment.

Take care.
 
Now days is so simple if you can’t take it walk out and divorce him the law is always on our side and we can milk him out of his money easily that is what all Singapore woman think and do .
Babe love him and win over him and then see how he treats you don’t forget parents only around for a wile before they die then kids also only around till they grow up and leave you so only your partner is there so make things work slowly and pull him towards yourself . Good luck and will pray for you two to be happy in your own house . It’s good to be away from both sides families and parents
 
Wait for birth and then everything will be easier you will have much more options, and if he become even worst, leave him.
 
@perkmeup what happens if u go visit ur parents? did u ask him for permission to visit ur parents or u told him and he rejected?
don't ask for permission, just go.

i would prefer to sort this out now rather to wait for birth. i think more complicated when bb is born. when bb is born, u would be more tied up n u would feel more vulnerable n the need to rely on him.

i hope u two can work things out. but @permeup, we women don't need to rely on men just because we have kids and/or no job. there is always a way.

hope things would become better for u soon.
 
Hi I got married recently. I am young and same goes to me husband. We are two years apart and are in our early 20s. We got tgt for 5 years and I got pregnant last year hence the marriage.

Now after marriage, he got worse. He doesn’t allow me to go back to my parents place and always keep me at home. I am currently unemployed. I am half financially dependent on him not fully as I have some savings. I don’t want to leave him cause of our unborn child.

Any mummies face to same issue as me? He is very bad and short tempered. We are currently living with his parents and i don’t know want quarrel or argue with him cause his parents would know and it’ll be so awkward. I really miss my family a lot and I dare not speak to them about my husband least they get so worried for me.

Any mummies can enlighten me what to do?

I think your hubby has NPD. It’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You go google about it. From what you have written, it seems like it. You go through the list n see if it matches your husband.
 
His love maybe over zealous and probably have insecurity. Try talk to him or message him in a nice way to express your love for him and your parents. Visit your parents with him if he willing or if he is not too tired after a hard days work, to pick you up at your Parent's home. If it is negative, you will need help.
 

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