Life after divorce - what is it like?

tell your lawyer ur terms then get your lawyer to talk to ur husb.. u dun need to talk to him.. if he dun agree den ask him to engage his lawyer..

He has agreed to my terms...Like I said,he wants a quick end to this.

Now what is left is the admin work.
 


It's very tiring to pull here and there.I also want a quick end to it and go home.
yup.. its very tiring.. i also v tiring.. i tot i gave my husb a chance to come back n he decide to come will be ok.. but it seems like now is still tugging cos he still feel very sad n pain to put down the woman.. now every day he also look sad.
 
yup.. its very tiring.. i also v tiring.. i tot i gave my husb a chance to come back n he decide to come will be ok.. but it seems like now is still tugging cos he still feel very sad n pain to put down the woman.. now every day he also look sad.

He can only choose one.

You or his mistress.
 
you have found out about your opponent. you hesitated. it's normal.

there's no fix route in life. many ppl do things out of the 'norm'. i should say the assumed 'norm'.

ppl assume 'norm' should be; EMA must D, cannot accept the man back. i would say, that's what we perceived from 'normal' advices. even we, ourselves, if approached for an advice on a friend's EMA's issue, we would say the same 'norm' thing 'Must D lor. Cannot accept, no way.'

if he repent (of course he got to prove it..), why not give yourself and your kids a chance?

if he don't, then what can you do? you can't force him to love you? only way is separation or D straight away.

i would encourage you to exhaust all means to try. oh well... i m not siding anyone. 'Exhaust all means to try' means at least if D-ed, you can answer to yourself and your kids in future. it wouldn't be good if you have alot of 'if i tried that, maybe thgs will be diff...' after you D. coz you cannot back tracked what you have done.

always remember, D is v simple. you jus 'work hard' w the lawyer during the D period.

maintaining a marriage is hard work. you have to 'work hard' every day to maintain it.

hence if you think maintain this marriage is detrimental to you, then just D. no issue.
I understand what you mean. I have been trying really hard and never gave up. But today my heart just turned cold. He did not bother to even explain where he go anymore. It has come to a point where he is just staying because of obligation. Tomorrow I will confront him with the truth, I hope my head feels lighter when the the truth is out. Whatever the outcome is, is beyond my control. But I’m sure he will want to D because this jerk no longer has guilty conscience much less remorse
 
Hi All,

I’ve gathered enough evidence and I know who the slut is. Married woman with kids.

Right now, I need to think of what I want from this.

Has anyone for the sake of your kids agreed to stayed after he begged for forgiveness?

How do you find the courage to proceed with D? Is it because you are main caregiver?

My kids are currently under my MIL care and they are very close to her. This is something that is holding me back.

Anyone can shed some light?

The lady is still married or separated?
 
Tomorrow I will confront him with the truth, I hope my head feels lighter when the the truth is out.

It is time for you to go to bed and have a good rest. :)

And somehow, confrontation may not serve any purposes especially deep down, you already know what is going to end up to be.
 
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my husb msg me this morning.. citing something on belief bias.. he said:
"In logic, an arguement can be invalid even if its conclusion is true, and an arguement can be valid even if its conclusion is false. It's a confusing concept, and people are easily fooled when an arguement's validity and believability don't match up, especially in the case of invalid arguements with conclusions that are believable. Psychological scientists call this phenomenon belief bias"

he said we both r having this belief bias, just that his is the worst case.. he said his belief bias is too strong so need to b in line with my belief..

he said he will need alot of time and his heart is really hurting n breaking up. Every night he is thinking about the woman, if she is ok? Did she go home? Did she eat regularly?

he said that she is partly his responsibility, that he made her the way she is now even she is willing to b unnamed. My husb said for him to come out is difficult, not as easy like ABC. Not like let go means let go. He somehow lost half a meaning in his life.. Another half is me n the kids. The guilt of making her become like this is just killing him too hard. Now he is feel that i kept pushing him to forget her. So I told him, i am now giving him time to forget and get over her isn't it? He says this just lingering in his mind. He dont have mood for anything. So I asked him, even for family and kids also no mood? He replied yes, no mood and nobody understands him. He said now he is with me and ask me don't worry.

I told him, yes he is with me, but no mood for anything even for the kids.. is it worth anything? He is like an empty shell with me.. So i asked him if he had feel for anything? Does he feel happy coming home everyday after work? Does he feel happy when he woke up? He says he is worried for her and he is at home and he does not need to worry anything. He says we can talk and play and eat.. what about her? Hence it is hard to let go either of us. N he says now he feels empty..
 
my husb msg me this morning.. citing something on belief bias.. he said:
"In logic, an arguement can be invalid even if its conclusion is true, and an arguement can be valid even if its conclusion is false. It's a confusing concept, and people are easily fooled when an arguement's validity and believability don't match up, especially in the case of invalid arguements with conclusions that are believable. Psychological scientists call this phenomenon belief bias"

he said we both r having this belief bias, just that his is the worst case.. he said his belief bias is too strong so need to b in line with my belief..

he said he will need alot of time and his heart is really hurting n breaking up. Every night he is thinking about the woman, if she is ok? Did she go home? Did she eat regularly?

he said that she is partly his responsibility, that he made her the way she is now even she is willing to b unnamed. My husb said for him to come out is difficult, not as easy like ABC. Not like let go means let go. He somehow lost half a meaning in his life.. Another half is me n the kids. The guilt of making her become like this is just killing him too hard. Now he is feel that i kept pushing him to forget her. So I told him, i am now giving him time to forget and get over her isn't it? He says this just lingering in his mind. He dont have mood for anything. So I asked him, even for family and kids also no mood? He replied yes, no mood and nobody understands him. He said now he is with me and ask me don't worry.

I told him, yes he is with me, but no mood for anything even for the kids.. is it worth anything? He is like an empty shell with me.. So i asked him if he had feel for anything? Does he feel happy coming home everyday after work? Does he feel happy when he woke up? He says he is worried for her and he is at home and he does not need to worry anything. He says we can talk and play and eat.. what about her? Hence it is hard to let go either of us. N he says now he feels empty..

Then ask him...Who does he want?

You or the other woman?He is a man yet so indecisive.
 
my husb msg me this morning.. citing something on belief bias.. he said:
"In logic, an arguement can be invalid even if its conclusion is true, and an arguement can be valid even if its conclusion is false. It's a confusing concept, and people are easily fooled when an arguement's validity and believability don't match up, especially in the case of invalid arguements with conclusions that are believable. Psychological scientists call this phenomenon belief bias"

he said we both r having this belief bias, just that his is the worst case.. he said his belief bias is too strong so need to b in line with my belief..

he said he will need alot of time and his heart is really hurting n breaking up. Every night he is thinking about the woman, if she is ok? Did she go home? Did she eat regularly?

he said that she is partly his responsibility, that he made her the way she is now even she is willing to b unnamed. My husb said for him to come out is difficult, not as easy like ABC. Not like let go means let go. He somehow lost half a meaning in his life.. Another half is me n the kids. The guilt of making her become like this is just killing him too hard. Now he is feel that i kept pushing him to forget her. So I told him, i am now giving him time to forget and get over her isn't it? He says this just lingering in his mind. He dont have mood for anything. So I asked him, even for family and kids also no mood? He replied yes, no mood and nobody understands him. He said now he is with me and ask me don't worry.

I told him, yes he is with me, but no mood for anything even for the kids.. is it worth anything? He is like an empty shell with me.. So i asked him if he had feel for anything? Does he feel happy coming home everyday after work? Does he feel happy when he woke up? He says he is worried for her and he is at home and he does not need to worry anything. He says we can talk and play and eat.. what about her? Hence it is hard to let go either of us. N he says now he feels empty..

OK. He has gotten a theory to back his doing. or so to say...

there's tons of theory to back yours.

well.. simply said, too bad, he is married. he has a wife and kids. so, fall back to his line. that's it.

the choice should b clearer to him now. He wants the girl then D, no other choice.

for yourself, keep focus and alert. it may b a passive approach on you to give in.

for him, he got to sort it out himself.
 
I understand what you mean. I have been trying really hard and never gave up. But today my heart just turned cold. He did not bother to even explain where he go anymore. It has come to a point where he is just staying because of obligation. Tomorrow I will confront him with the truth, I hope my head feels lighter when the the truth is out. Whatever the outcome is, is beyond my control. But I’m sure he will want to D because this jerk no longer has guilty conscience much less remorse



i feel you. he has pushed beyond his boundaries, you don't feel respected, his action is eroding you mentally and he is challenging you. you are now left with the choice to D or stay and accept (no woman will accept this unless you never loved him).

D is a big word. I encourage you to leave no stone unturn before you come to this big decision (to D).

seek truth. seek all the truth you need to know. coz you need it as a strength (to D) and you need to eliminate those "what ifs..". but remember, always confront without damage to yourself and kids.

Be prepared though. if he admits, what is your decision? coz once confronted, you have no other options beside D for yourself.

once you have made up your mind, prep the evidences and fight.

rule of thumb: Either D or stay put, you must be the final winner.
 
At
my husb msg me this morning.. citing something on belief bias.. he said:
"In logic, an arguement can be invalid even if its conclusion is true, and an arguement can be valid even if its conclusion is false. It's a confusing concept, and people are easily fooled when an arguement's validity and believability don't match up, especially in the case of invalid arguements with conclusions that are believable. Psychological scientists call this phenomenon belief bias"

he said we both r having this belief bias, just that his is the worst case.. he said his belief bias is too strong so need to b in line with my belief..

he said he will need alot of time and his heart is really hurting n breaking up. Every night he is thinking about the woman, if she is ok? Did she go home? Did she eat regularly?

he said that she is partly his responsibility, that he made her the way she is now even she is willing to b unnamed. My husb said for him to come out is difficult, not as easy like ABC. Not like let go means let go. He somehow lost half a meaning in his life.. Another half is me n the kids. The guilt of making her become like this is just killing him too hard. Now he is feel that i kept pushing him to forget her. So I told him, i am now giving him time to forget and get over her isn't it? He says this just lingering in his mind. He dont have mood for anything. So I asked him, even for family and kids also no mood? He replied yes, no mood and nobody understands him. He said now he is with me and ask me don't worry.

I told him, yes he is with me, but no mood for anything even for the kids.. is it worth anything? He is like an empty shell with me.. So i asked him if he had feel for anything? Does he feel happy coming home everyday after work? Does he feel happy when he woke up? He says he is worried for her and he is at home and he does not need to worry anything. He says we can talk and play and eat.. what about her? Hence it is hard to let go either of us. N he says now he feels empty..
at least your hub has a conscience just no backbone. My hub is completely a jerk with no morals
 
i feel you. he has pushed beyond his boundaries, you don't feel respected, his action is eroding you mentally and he is challenging you. you are now left with the choice to D or stay and accept (no woman will accept this unless you never loved him).

D is a big word. I encourage you to leave no stone unturn before you come to this big decision (to D).

seek truth. seek all the truth you need to know. coz you need it as a strength (to D) and you need to eliminate those "what ifs..". but remember, always confront without damage to yourself and kids.

Be prepared though. if he admits, what is your decision? coz once confronted, you have no other options beside D for yourself.

once you have made up your mind, prep the evidences and fight.

rule of thumb: Either D or stay put, you must be the final winner.
I confronted him yesterday. He did not show any signs of remorse. I suggested he move out to give us cooling time. He said why must he move out. If I want divo, go ahead. He said if I want to make a scene with the woman in his office, go ahead. We are talking to a crazy terrorist here
 
Some person character is like this.
They try to use anger or aggression to scare u.

I am not scared.That stupid idiot of mine learnt Krav Maga and he tried to use it on me when we fight.

As for me,I learnt Muay Thai outside in JC days and he usually get blue black in a few areas of his body because I will put on my pink Adidas boxing gloves and spar with him.

I will not roll over for that idiot.
 
I am not scared.That stupid idiot of mine learnt Krav Maga and he tried to use it on me when we fight.

As for me,I learnt Muay Thai outside in JC days and he usually get blue black in a few areas of his body because I will put on my pink Adidas boxing gloves and spar with him.

I will not roll over for that idiot.
No la. Dont be in same class with him. If he touch u, make a report, get ppo.
Nexrt time he will think twice before he use his hand again
 
No la. Dont be in same class with him. If he touch u, make a report, get ppo.
Nexrt time he will think twice before he use his hand again

That happened a few years ago...

He moved out of the house weeks ago.

What if he tries to force me to have sex with him?
 
marital rape under certain circumstances, such as if the husband and wife were living apart under an interim judgment of divorce or written separation agreement, or if divorce proceedings had begun, or if the wife had already obtained a personal protection order against her husband.
 
Then ask him...Who does he want?

You or the other woman?He is a man yet so indecisive.
he love both.. love the other woman bcos she is young n can do alot of things with him but unsure if she will stay with im till old.. common interest etc.. for me is bcos we have family to commit n kids n partial love.. n he also know i am the one that he will chose to go down the path.. thats y he wants both.. if the other woman cannot go all the way with him and leave him someday at least he still have his family.. hence the indecisive.
 
Actually, there should not have any hesitations if he wan to come back. If he's doing this then his heart is not with u. U are living with a time bomb
 
he love both.. love the other woman bcos she is young n can do alot of things with him but unsure if she will stay with im till old.. common interest etc.. for me is bcos we have family to commit n kids n partial love.. n he also know i am the one that he will chose to go down the path.. thats y he wants both.. if the other woman cannot go all the way with him and leave him someday at least he still have his family.. hence the indecisive.

What are the “a lot of things” that she can do with him but you cannot?
 
What are the “a lot of things” that she can do with him but you cannot?
he thinks they both have common interest lor.. motor cycle, outdoor activities, running (more then 10km), common topics to talk, coffee, teaching, career, coaching kids methods etc..
 
can you all share with me, how can I make my wife happier?
I don't earn a lot, she have to work till 10pm. I cant focus when come to study.
What can I do?
 
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To all ladies out there, is it true that you all do not like to have intimate session with your husband after having kids?
Please share your understanding
 
that depends.. im also one of the woman who dont really like to after having kids.. not really on kids, might be on other issues that make me reject intimacy with my husb.. u shld have a talk with your wife.. find out what is wrong. i dont think is just bcos of kids then she dont like to b close to u.
JT01: she say she is tired after work and ask me go find things to do and bring more income back.
 
can you all share with me, how can I make my wife happier?
I don't earn a lot, she have to work till 10pm. I cant focus when come to study.
What can I do?

you should focus on yourself more.

she don't feel secure w you, financially, mentally... hence slowly not attached to you.

instead of asking what you should do specifically to make her happy, you should be asking yourself how you can improve to provide for the family.
 
you should focus on yourself more.

she don't feel secure w you, financially, mentally... hence slowly not attached to you.

instead of asking what you should do specifically to make her happy, you should be asking yourself how you can improve to provide for the family.
this might also be one of the factor...
 
Does that mean that I can not ask her anything during this period. Just improve myself first?

My guess is she is falling out of love for you.

The solution is not as simple as asking her and do what she wants. Along the way, there is an over estimate on her love for you. You may have actually not able to meet her expectation all this while.

While she is busy getting pregnant to becoming a mummy, this issue she hv w u hv bn cast aside. Now that she had fulfilled her life milestone, her issue w u had rekindle.

You are too obliging and in denial that you guys has an issue.

I think her comment is more or less a hint on her issue w u.

Her comment on u getting more income:
She actually hopes u upgrade and improve yourself, hold better position at work and of course improve the financial position of the household. She prefers her man to earn more.

Her comment on u to go find things to do:
You may have become too sticky in her pov. Simply said, you r too 'available' too obliging.

My suggestion is: talk to the people ard her; whoever she has spoken to. Try to find out what's her issue w u. U will get a better understanding than asking her. Thereafter look for a solution.
 
Does that mean that I can not ask her anything during this period. Just improve myself first?
You mention that your wife works till 10 pm. I suppose she is spending long hours at work daily? If so, she might be facing a tough time at work, yet cant quit her job, she probably feels her situation may improve without the need for her to work for money to support the family. The long hours at work and having to care for the child may also result in her lack of interest in intimacy with you. Hence, her statement for you to get more money.

If you are unable to find out more from herself or people around her, as per MK's suggestion, you may want to consider marriage counseling. A good counselor will be able to probe and help both sides see views of the other party. It works well if both of you are objective, willing to open up and listen.

To improve relationship/mood, try and arrange for couple time and do things that both or she enjoys, though i cant say for sure if this will work.

Try and salvage your marriage before it breaks down irretrievably. There is a reason why the separation period is 3/4 years.
 
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My guess is she is falling out of love for you.

The solution is not as simple as asking her and do what she wants. Along the way, there is an over estimate on her love for you. You may have actually not able to meet her expectation all this while.

While she is busy getting pregnant to becoming a mummy, this issue she hv w u hv bn cast aside. Now that she had fulfilled her life milestone, her issue w u had rekindle.

You are too obliging and in denial that you guys has an issue.

I think her comment is more or less a hint on her issue w u.

Her comment on u getting more income:
She actually hopes u upgrade and improve yourself, hold better position at work and of course improve the financial position of the household. She prefers her man to earn more.

Her comment on u to go find things to do:
You may have become too sticky in her pov. Simply said, you r too 'available' too obliging.

My suggestion is: talk to the people ard her; whoever she has spoken to. Try to find out what's her issue w u. U will get a better understanding than asking her. Thereafter look for a solution.
Well noted and understand Mongkok. The thing is she don't want me to ask her friend what she is thinking. And she continue to tell me that she don't share to people how she feel.
 
You mention that your wife works till 10 pm. I suppose she is spending long hours at work daily? If so, she might be facing a tough time at work, yet cant quit her job, she probably feels her situation may improve without the need for her to work for money to support the family. The long hours at work and having to care for the child may also result in her lack of interest in intimacy with you. Hence, her statement for you to get more money.

If you are unable to find out more from herself or people around her, as per MK's suggestion, you may want to consider marriage counseling. A good counselor will be able to probe and help both sides see views of the other party. It works well if both of you are objective, willing to open up and listen.

To improve relationship/mood, try and arrange for couple time and do things that both or she enjoys, though i cant say for sure if this will work.

Try and salvage your marriage before it breaks down irretrievably. There is a reason why the separation period is 3/4 years.
Understand, thanks Eventually. but the sad part. she always say she have no time to go marriage counselling.
 
My hubby is PR n I will be going back with him to his hometown for cny...
He said infront that there is no chance to patch up n don't want to drag till our wedding anniversary which is on end Mar..
So I suppose we will approach lawyer after we are back...
After hearing this, I still agree to go back with him..which I know feeling will be worse thereafter..
Yesterday is his birthday n I buy him a cake which I told him this will be my last chance to celebrate for him as a wife... We hugged together n cry...
Am I very silly? I m still dropping tears when I typed out these... I don't know what to do...
 
My hubby is PR n I will be going back with him to his hometown for cny...
He said infront that there is no chance to patch up n don't want to drag till our wedding anniversary which is on end Mar..
So I suppose we will approach lawyer after we are back...
After hearing this, I still agree to go back with him..which I know feeling will be worse thereafter..
Yesterday is his birthday n I buy him a cake which I told him this will be my last chance to celebrate for him as a wife... We hugged together n cry...
Am I very silly? I m still dropping tears when I typed out these... I don't know what to do...
You are not silly, just being normal.

From your writeup, it is unclear as to why your spouse feels there is no way to patch up.

Just my thoughts:
By hugging together and cry means both of you cried? If so, my guess is his mind is not made up yet.

If your intent is to try and salvage your marriage, it may be a good idea to join him for the CNY trip. Anyway, it has been paid right? Otherwise, take it as a holiday break and time to think through your problems. At times, such trips allow you to work on maintaining a good relation with his family which may also help change his mind. Even if not, it may leave fond memories for both of you in future, or at least make him regret that he left you. You have tried and there is no regrets here.

A simple uncontested procedure will take another 4 months, at least. Take this time to prepare yourself for the separation, if both of you decide to proceed.
 
You are not silly, just being normal.

From your writeup, it is unclear as to why your spouse feels there is no way to patch up.

Just my thoughts:
By hugging together and cry means both of you cried? If so, my guess is his mind is not made up yet.

If your intent is to try and salvage your marriage, it may be a good idea to join him for the CNY trip. Anyway, it has been paid right? Otherwise, take it as a holiday break and time to think through your problems. At times, such trips allow you to work on maintaining a good relation with his family which may also help change his mind. Even if not, it may leave fond memories for both of you in future, or at least make him regret that he left you. You have tried and there is no regrets here.

A simple uncontested procedure will take another 4 months, at least. Take this time to prepare yourself for the separation, if both of you decide to proceed.

He want to lead his own life and walk by himself his pathway...His mind is already fixed and decided divorce is the way out for both of us...and he did said being childless is aso one of the cause of this as we try IVF but failed...

I don't think we can salvage this marriage anymore as he ask me to treat this trip as a normal holiday, don't pin any hopes in this....
 
My hubby is PR n I will be going back with him to his hometown for cny...
He said infront that there is no chance to patch up n don't want to drag till our wedding anniversary which is on end Mar..
So I suppose we will approach lawyer after we are back...
After hearing this, I still agree to go back with him..which I know feeling will be worse thereafter..
Yesterday is his birthday n I buy him a cake which I told him this will be my last chance to celebrate for him as a wife... We hugged together n cry...
Am I very silly? I m still dropping tears when I typed out these... I don't know what to do...

Cry it out loud if u want. There's nothing to be ashamed of. For after this grieving period, you will find peace. Remember that you are not the cause of this failed marriage. Ppl can jus drop out of love along the way. Jus tt he isnt the right one for you.

Do check on yourself before you slipped into depression. Talk to a friend. Go out and engage in activities. Keep your mind occupied.

The future may looks fearful and lonely. No worries. As long as u maintain a healthy stage of mind, you will meet someone who truly appreciate you.
 
Cry it out loud if u want. There's nothing to be ashamed of. For after this grieving period, you will find peace. Remember that you are not the cause of this failed marriage. Ppl can jus drop out of love along the way. Jus tt he isnt the right one for you.

Do check on yourself before you slipped into depression. Talk to a friend. Go out and engage in activities. Keep your mind occupied.

The future may looks fearful and lonely. No worries. As long as u maintain a healthy stage of mind, you will meet someone who truly appreciate you.

I been crying almost every nites since I know divorce is coming to us..There is aso once time I break down in office... I just cannot accept the fact as our journey to marriage is not easy. But to now, I have to learn to accept and let go... Maybe he can find a better one than me....and come to think, a failed marriage take 2 hands to clap...guess I am part of the cause as well.. But I discover too late to save this marriage...
 
I been crying almost every nites since I know divorce is coming to us..There is aso once time I break down in office... I just cannot accept the fact as our journey to marriage is not easy. But to now, I have to learn to accept and let go... Maybe he can find a better one than me....and come to think, a failed marriage take 2 hands to clap...guess I am part of the cause as well.. But I discover too late to save this marriage...
Look on the bright side and remember the good times you have. At least he is man enough to admit and let you go and have a happier life. I caught my hub cheating and till now he is out there having fun with her and no remorse and abandoning me and the kids. Things are getting ugly as we try to discuss about the divorce
 
He want to lead his own life and walk by himself his pathway...His mind is already fixed and decided divorce is the way out for both of us...and he did said being childless is aso one of the cause of this as we try IVF but failed...

I don't think we can salvage this marriage anymore as he ask me to treat this trip as a normal holiday, don't pin any hopes in this....
You have tried your best.

He will come to realise one day, that you are the one who is more willing to walk to the end of the road with him even if he finds another one.

Whatever you are going through, there is light at the end of the tunnel. This chapter in life should only make you stronger

Use the trip to think through your next step.
 

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You have tried your best.

He will come to realise one day, that you are the one who is more willing to walk to the end of the road with him even if he found another one.

Whatever you are going through, there is light at the end of the tunnel. This chapter in life should only make you stronger.

Use the trip to think through your next step.
Unfortunately, some ppl never realized what they lost and live happily ever after
 

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