Feeling detached from baby..

babygoat

New Member
Hi ladies.. im a FTM after many years of marriage and trying. This is my first post here too. Wanted to get some opinions on how u feel after the birth of ur baby...
I know i should feel happy and close to my baby...i hv been praying for this moment my whole life.. but all i feel is tired, sore and bored... i miss my old life and my old self..
Its not that i dont love my son.. i do. But at the moment it feels like survival. I wanna do all the things i used to do and hv some alone time.
Sighz... when wl this feeling go away or get better? How long did it take for u to adjust and finally enjoy ur baby?
Also, did any of u feel guilty abt leaving ur baby with ur mum or mil just to hv some free time?
Thanks in advance... hoping for some sharing...
 


I don`t have kids but my best friend has a daughter. She felt the same way after the pregnancy, she started to feel better when her daughter went to kindergarten. Probably you should try to find someone who to take care for your child while you are relaxing. I suppose hormones are not helping, too.

Kindergarten!? That's still a long way off...
Yes right now im relaxing at home with hubby while my baby is at my mum's place.. and i feel so thankful for this time. But knowing it wl start all over again is causing me some stress.. i guess i hv to slowly get used to this being the new normal..
Thanks for your response!
 
@babygoat

Not sure if u were wking prior 2 giving birth, but it could also b dat u r not used 2 being a SAHM.

4 me, as a FTWM, initially i do feel it, afterall we only have our DD after 10 yrs of marriage. So imagine d things dat u have been doing 4 d past 10 yrs n suddenly there r changes 2 habits n lifestyle.

Having said dat, it is a great joy watching my DD grows. N while u think kindergarten is a long way 2 go, when he is of age 2 go, u will b wondering how times fly...
 
Hi..i also had the same feeling in the inital months when i just gave birth. Constantly feel tired, sleep deprived, and it doesnt help that my baby was colicky. I wonder when i will be able to do the things that i used to do. However as time goes by you will see the changes with baby developmentally and baby will start to coo and be more interactive you will find tt they are so cute! Now my bb is 6mths old and i cant wait to see him after work everyday!
 
Hi ... i though I was alone and weird when I felt this way. I am so glad to find this post which echoed my feelings 4 months ago. I felt exactly how you felt and always blaming my hubby that my life had a 360 change while he is still continuing his exercise and social dinners. Into my third month, I started to do things for myself like going out for massage and same time while out I do shopping. At first i felt bad and guilty but each time I do it I felt good after I returned home. Then I realized that if I don't feel good it will be difficult for me to feel good about people and situations around me. So I start balancing by doing things I enjoy in small ways and still go back to baby. It is gradual acceptance you need to have ... life will not be like before for sure but we can pick and still choose things we enjoy and make that adjustment for sanity sake
 
I totally agree with all points mentioned above .. I was full time working before I have my baby.. but after baby I became full time sahm, most times feel stressed and feel as if like lost for doing repeated work.. I totally agree , mums need some “ me time “ just to get relief of all stress on all levels .. hanging to friends , joining some forums etc helps to get some “ me time “
 
Hi ladies.. im a FTM after many years of marriage and trying. This is my first post here too. Wanted to get some opinions on how u feel after the birth of ur baby...
I know i should feel happy and close to my baby...i hv been praying for this moment my whole life.. but all i feel is tired, sore and bored... i miss my old life and my old self..
Its not that i dont love my son.. i do. But at the moment it feels like survival. I wanna do all the things i used to do and hv some alone time.
Sighz... when wl this feeling go away or get better? How long did it take for u to adjust and finally enjoy ur baby?
Also, did any of u feel guilty abt leaving ur baby with ur mum or mil just to hv some free time?
Thanks in advance... hoping for some sharing...


I've been through it, feeling the way you did, and I'm glad to say that I've emerged with greater clarity on how to avoid it. It's very important to be able to have your own pursuits, whether it's a hobby or job, because then you will feel invigorated and inspired. We only have so much time, so for me, freeing up time for myself meant I had to find childcare options, so you will need to consider them -- whether it's putting your child in childcare, engaging help or leaving him/her with your parents/parents-in-law, and while it does add up the financial cost, my husband and I felt that it was necessary in order for me to be a happy person. Only when I'm happy can I then be a happy mother to my baby. Sometimes, we may then feel guilty, like I should be hands on with my children, or we are worried they will grow up being close to someone else etc... but the reality is, is it doing our children any good when we feel bored/sore/tired/uninspired by our motherly duties? I believe I can be a better mom to my children when I'm happy and even though I'm busy with my work and hobbies, I still consider myself a full-time mother, because my heart is always with my children in whatever I do. I want to inspire them to have passion and hobbies and be happy so I am leading by example in this way. Some days I spend more time with them than others, and you know, even though they are in the hands of someone else for most of the day, they will always feel close to their parents. It's just in their DNA. Go and live your life, and be happy! And most importantly, I hope your husband and family supports you on that, because we don't need to prove that we are good moms by spending every minute with our children. It's quality not quantity! All the best!
 

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