Marriage changed after giving birth

[littlejo]

How many of you feel that your marriage is not the same like before having a baby? I feel mine has become not as good due to in laws issues. Last time i can talk to my hubby anything but now i start to keep things to myself as i think there is no solution to our in laws issues. I cant get along well with his mum especially and he kinda doesnt really like my side either. My mother complained me about him but i decided not to tell him this time as the 1st time, i felt he was not that accepting towards the feedback
Now i think i have this kept feelings in me which i cannot open up to him. Not sure if my marriage is heading the wrong direction.

 

[hamburger]

Ya.. i understand how u feel cuz the same thing is happening to me. But maybe mine's more serious cuz it kinda started while i was pregnant.

But for me, he never dislike my side la.. so still ok. But i cannot stand a lot of things actions and same for him. For me, I choose to voice out and share everything that's bottling inside me or whatever I'm not happy about. End up quarrel.

But i really dunno if i should keep everything inside me..

 

[Jessjyh]

Can share but try to filter the contents.

 

[triple70]

Are u sharing your thoughts or demanding change?

 

[confusemum]

We cannot share everything with our partners. Many might say we should be open to each other but frankly how many really do that. I used to tell my hubby everything like what I am doing, I take time off and etc but now sometime I don't. Cos i realized that he don't tell me everything too.

 

[Elm]

I also feel like my relationship with hubby have changed a bit since. To be fair my hubby is a good-natured person, but I feel he gets too complacent till I feel taken for granted a lot. I have voiced out to him many times but I don’t feel much difference despite him saying he is trying.

My case is that I feel I have to do everything - if I don’t think of or do it, everything will not be done. We have no help at all from our families, my family lives overseas and his family although lives nearby but never offers any help to us. So everyday I take care of my girl myself, cook for us all and clean the house. On top of that I pay for almost all of my girl’s things and buy all the groceries. He pays all the bills, car, house loans and our meals if we eat out. The thing is I am not working so I am using my savings to pay. I just want my girl to have the best, but sometimes I do feel a bit bitter that I have to use my savings to buy these things which I thought the man of the house should be doing so.

His family is another issue that is straining our relationship. Prior to giving birth, I have a respectable job with a high position, and his family was nice to me. Ever since I am a stay home mum, his family’s attitude has changed. They speak to me like I know nothing about the outside world. I still treat his family to restaurant meals occasionally but no one in the family even said thank you to me at the end of the meal. They just come, eat and leave, leaving me alone at the table to settle the bill. Even his younger siblings don’t have the courtesy to thank me. When on the table, I often have to feed my girl her meal. They will take all the food for themselves and when they had enough then will ask me to eat. I feel very insulted as I have never been treated this way in my life.

Anyway sorry for this long post, just had to let it out.

 

[tensilestrain]

Has the marriage changed or is it because we have discovered something we did not realise before giving birth?

I have been pondering for 6 years after the birth of my first child. It took me 2 years to realise that I am and will always be the family outside the family. I almost gave up my child. It was tough. Each time I think about what happened, i discovered new things. The marriage has not changed. The situation
has changed. My hb has not changed. I was just too naive for not realising the messages behind his words and actions.

 

[hamburger]

I have to say that i totally agree with what the mummies say here. Have to filter what we share with our hubby and probably our hubby didn't change but it is the situation that has changed. Actually what Elm shared is also my fear of what will happen if i decide to be a sahm one day. I am scared his side or any other ppl will start treating me as if i am an ignorant woman. It's the human perception that we just cannot change but i am not ready to be treated this way.

 

[tensilestrain]

I am not a sahm but I am still treated like an ignorant woman.

Actually I should be thankful to my hb and his family. If without them, I would be like what they expected of me, a dependent woman who can't accomplish anything alone. Thanks to them, I am able to manage my children independently.

 

[Elm]

Yes unfortunately this is a big con of being a SAHM...you have to be prepared that people around you will look down on you and start undermining you. Eventhough I am highly educated and held a respectable position prior to having a baby, my family is still treating me this way today. I know myself that I am far from the person they think I am, as I still actively acquire knowledge about parenting and in my previous career due to my strong interest, but sadly people will keep assuming and try to put you down no matter what. It’s like our voice is no longer worthed listening to even if what we are saying is completely sensible and factual. This is one thing you need to be strong inside to bear with it.

I had a talk with my hubby again last week and so far I feel he has been trying. He tries to be more helpful with our baby and also showed more concern for me. I hope it isn’t a once-off thingy, fingers crossed. I think the only thing we can do is to talk with our hubbies and seek their support and understanding. Oh and also block out those negative people around us.