Hi all..
It's been a long time since I posted. Those who read my posts before would know the background..
To cut the story short, I am a divorcee with 2 young girls aged 6 and 4. I left my marriage for another guy 7 years my junior.. it's been 1.5 years.
My current partner and I are not married , but I let my kids call him daddy just about 6-8 mths ago. They call their biological dad Papa. My kids and their biological dad still keep in touch and he takes them out 3 times a week. Kids are staying with me.
Over this time of 1.5years, my kids no doubt have grown very attached to their daddy. But their dad is very jealous of their biological dad..he wants to be the father figure and gets very defensive and offended when it it concerns their papa.
Their papa will be going to the primary school for the P1 registration with me tomorrow. Out of respect, I informed my partner about it.. and he was extremely unhappy. He said I could have chosen not to tell my ex abt when and time I was going to register so he wouldn't be able to be present. My partner didn't like the idea of me and my ex and my daughter going together..
We had a big quarrel over WhatsApp as my partner was on reservist . He accused me of cheating on him (as the night before I met my ex to simply pick up the nric and consent form as I intended to register my child alone). My partner was also unhappy i did not tell him I met my ex last night and only told him this morning.
I had alot of resentment in me during this rship because we often quarreled due to his insecurity and jealousy (he claims its not either one). I blew up this round and shot all my nasty comments to him about his need for control and dominance in the rship as he said I shld have asked or informed him I was going to meet my ex and also abt the school registration. He said only either one of us (my ex or I) are to go and not go together. It was a command.. not a remark. I said there is only 1 reason why he is reacting like that - cos he doesn't trust me. N he said he will never ever trust anyone including me. He is like that.. afraid of being betrayed.
A whole host of other events came up , history digging and etc surfaced during the quarrel. Abit of background - his insecurity stemmed from me as I still had connections with my ex before (met up secretly etc) and I had also lied to him many times (countless ). Despite all our past quarrels we still stayed together.
With this quarrel today I felt so much better, as I let out everything. I told him how I felt like his puppet and servant during this rship, doing everything his way. Most importantly he made me fear him..which rship is like that?? I told him straight to face the fact that the kids dad will always be my ex and he is just the step dad. A step dad needs to know how to deal with such relationships with maturity... But seems he can't. ..
Harsh words were exchanged and he said there r so many girls out there waiting for him, don't hold him back if I feel he's such a sucky person and if I can't commit to just one guy. He says this all the time in our arguments.. but his bark is worse than his bite... Despite saying these, he has loved the kids as much I did, if not more. He has put in time effort and money (though he earns half of my salary) and even depleted all his savings on us. He did my housework (with alot of nagging why my house is perpetually dirty), cleaned my Aircon.. etc etc.
Sadly, it looks like this rship will end. I dunno why I feel sad, I guess I feel sad to let go but I don't have a choice because he cannot accept a fact that he is always a step dad, and his insecurities are eating away at him (and I'm paying for it).
My biggest mistake was to let my kids call him daddy.. I wanna keep this rship but at the same time I know I have to let it go for the best interest of everyone cos the foundation is not even there, the maturity is not there. Worst part is I dunno how to have this explained to the kids..
Thank u for reading. ..
It's been a long time since I posted. Those who read my posts before would know the background..
To cut the story short, I am a divorcee with 2 young girls aged 6 and 4. I left my marriage for another guy 7 years my junior.. it's been 1.5 years.
My current partner and I are not married , but I let my kids call him daddy just about 6-8 mths ago. They call their biological dad Papa. My kids and their biological dad still keep in touch and he takes them out 3 times a week. Kids are staying with me.
Over this time of 1.5years, my kids no doubt have grown very attached to their daddy. But their dad is very jealous of their biological dad..he wants to be the father figure and gets very defensive and offended when it it concerns their papa.
Their papa will be going to the primary school for the P1 registration with me tomorrow. Out of respect, I informed my partner about it.. and he was extremely unhappy. He said I could have chosen not to tell my ex abt when and time I was going to register so he wouldn't be able to be present. My partner didn't like the idea of me and my ex and my daughter going together..
We had a big quarrel over WhatsApp as my partner was on reservist . He accused me of cheating on him (as the night before I met my ex to simply pick up the nric and consent form as I intended to register my child alone). My partner was also unhappy i did not tell him I met my ex last night and only told him this morning.
I had alot of resentment in me during this rship because we often quarreled due to his insecurity and jealousy (he claims its not either one). I blew up this round and shot all my nasty comments to him about his need for control and dominance in the rship as he said I shld have asked or informed him I was going to meet my ex and also abt the school registration. He said only either one of us (my ex or I) are to go and not go together. It was a command.. not a remark. I said there is only 1 reason why he is reacting like that - cos he doesn't trust me. N he said he will never ever trust anyone including me. He is like that.. afraid of being betrayed.
A whole host of other events came up , history digging and etc surfaced during the quarrel. Abit of background - his insecurity stemmed from me as I still had connections with my ex before (met up secretly etc) and I had also lied to him many times (countless ). Despite all our past quarrels we still stayed together.
With this quarrel today I felt so much better, as I let out everything. I told him how I felt like his puppet and servant during this rship, doing everything his way. Most importantly he made me fear him..which rship is like that?? I told him straight to face the fact that the kids dad will always be my ex and he is just the step dad. A step dad needs to know how to deal with such relationships with maturity... But seems he can't. ..
Harsh words were exchanged and he said there r so many girls out there waiting for him, don't hold him back if I feel he's such a sucky person and if I can't commit to just one guy. He says this all the time in our arguments.. but his bark is worse than his bite... Despite saying these, he has loved the kids as much I did, if not more. He has put in time effort and money (though he earns half of my salary) and even depleted all his savings on us. He did my housework (with alot of nagging why my house is perpetually dirty), cleaned my Aircon.. etc etc.
Sadly, it looks like this rship will end. I dunno why I feel sad, I guess I feel sad to let go but I don't have a choice because he cannot accept a fact that he is always a step dad, and his insecurities are eating away at him (and I'm paying for it).
My biggest mistake was to let my kids call him daddy.. I wanna keep this rship but at the same time I know I have to let it go for the best interest of everyone cos the foundation is not even there, the maturity is not there. Worst part is I dunno how to have this explained to the kids..
Thank u for reading. ..