Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands

garlin said:
Care to share what to prepare? Have u spoken to a lawyer? If yes, issit good?

I'm oso pondering and prob ending my 18yrs of r/shop and 10 yrs of marriage...
it's tough and heart pain staking. How can once a nice guy and family man be a perpetual liar? And toill tdy, he's still lying and I see no remorse in him :(
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garlin said:
Care to share what to prepare? Have u spoken to a lawyer? If yes, issit good?

I'm oso pondering and prob ending my 18yrs of r/shop and 10 yrs of marriage...
it's tough and heart pain staking. How can once a nice guy and family man be a perpetual liar? And toill tdy, he's still lying and I see no remorse in him :(
Click to expand...

What do you mean by what to prepare? Prepare for what?
Yes i have spoken to a few lawyers but still searching around as i do not want to rush into it.
When it comes to lawyers, there is no way you can judge over a phone call.
I would probably say its more of whether you can "connect" with them and whether they are confident to fight for what you want. As per advised, we have to be very sure of what we want when we eventually decide to file for divorce.

If there is still room to salvage, why not consider, it's not easy to come to this decision of divorce.
Can pm me to share with me your problem?
 


poco said:
Hi Lermie, I have friends who divorced and able to get the hdb flat as long as the other partner agreed and you have to return his CPF if any. Even if you don’t get the hdb flat you can apply with your child for a new hdb flat which I think is better as he will not know where your new house is.

If a relationship only bring sorrows or hurt is better to end it and start a new life yourself.
Don’t rely on men to give you happiness.
Is not easy but think far, do you want to live such a life for next 20, 30, 40yrs ..with him? When you 50 years old then regret?
Women can tolerate or forgive men any things except unfaithful and lie.
What kind of life do you want in future?
Either you continue tolerate it or leave it and start a new life.
You are lucky your family can help you take care your baby and give you shelter.
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Yes I also agree with what poco said.

The description doesn't sound like he is even remorseful hence don't expect him to change too. If you don't want to go through lies and cheating over and over again, then try to shorten your misery. It's hard to start the divorce because you are somewhat used to him and attached to him and there's a child. However, I would only advice on no divorce only if the person is repentent and has a chance of not repeating which also means the child can have a healthier family. However, your husband is clearcut not going to provide security for you and your child. Leaving him is actually healthier for you and your kid. Am so Glad your family helps to look after your boy and you are living with them. Not much difference to your current life if you think through carefully, in fact, few years later, your life should be better.
Devasted said:
I strongly agree with Pocop.
After any fights or confrontations, honestly, the trust is GONE!


Well, when 1 1st found out the truth with evidence and threw at his face, he confessed and said that everything was over etc etc. Took his words for it on surface but can't get over the whole issue. But of cos i was hoping that what he said was the truth and it;s totally over between them and i should just forgive him as i really love him a lot. But the treatment i get after that was not like any husbands who wants to salvage the marriage. So i continued to monitor his behavior and lies were told to me everyday regardless how small an issue or daily activity it was. There's a limit to everyone's tolerance, especially for me, i prefer to find out the truth if i was over thinking and suspicious or it's the truth that they are still together. When i found out more about things i could never imagine he is such a person and can't believe the 360 degrees change in him, i didn't realized all these while even before i get the 2nd evidence. I just went so blank in mind for days, couldn't focus on work, kids and everything. And once you get the 2nd evidence that it just proofs to me that all my woman's instincts were right, you just felt like your brain is dead!
A lot of things happened but in the end i asked myself, why should i let myself suffer quietly and he's leading a happy carefree life outside but faking his emotions when with us? What's the point, it's so suffering for both of us, it is not healthy for me as i feel i'm like going insane. When trust is gone, it's really difficult to gain back unless both are willing. With so many questions in your head and the answers are so uncertainty, why think?
Till now he does not know i found out and knew SO MANY things.....
After months of sufferings, i recently, finally, decided to GET RID OF HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL else when the 1st evidence validity is over, i have to start all over again to get it and it's just a waste of time and money and emotions torture.
My advise to the wives out here, monitor and get evidence quietly. Play along with them and be smart and alert . Think before you confront if necessary else, SHOW HAND!

All the best to all of us here.
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hi, sad to hear that your Husband is so evil and manipulative. And sad that in a marriage, we have to precaution against Someone whom we should trust. I Guess this is how complicated humans can be. When still in love, everything also kind. When fall out of love, they turn cruel. I believe your case is he continue his affair with the other girl and keep telling you lies even though the first confrontation he told you he has ended the relationship. ( reminds me of the day I confront my hubby and he say it's nothing, it's ending. ) but I wasn't smart like you, he has the chance to delete all messages and contacts cos I was emo for a few days and I actually believed his first story also. After that I keep probing and keep digging and searching then I realised the woman is just one of the prostitutes he met.

Maybe my case slightly different cos I will demand security if he wants to salvage marriage, I won't trust like how I used to. So he hasn't got much freedom now, his money is all in my account. Your hubby is lucky, you didn't even demand him to do anything and decide to trust him again, hoping that the affair has already ended. When it comes to affairs, I don't think it ends that easily, depends on how long they have been together and how attached etc. Many times, the guy must have told the girl One story and told the Wife another story. Either he is just stalling time cos he wants both women to satisfy his different needs or he is taking time to try to figure out which woman should he choose. Good for you that you are composed enough to not confront him second time and start collecting evidence. File for divorce under adultery with proof within 6 months and you will have upper hand in the divorce, most likely child custody will belong to you. Then ask for more alimony and more child support and if he owes you anything, tell your lawyer to state out and decide how much to collect from him by instalment. You can also ask for the house to be transferred to you and you pay him back the cpf (I have a fren who need not pay full amount to her ex cpf because she told the judge that her ex owe her lots of money). Jiayou! Remember must file within 6 months from the day you discover the adultery or else cannot file under adultery anymore! Jiayou and keep us update
 
Devasted ,you are right.
Have to control Husband money or give them more responsibility to pay bills and care for family. When men has extra money or extra time thy will start to do funny things.
Outside Chicks will not want a poor man.
If Husband really feel remorseful he will agreed to let you control his money.

Men r so lucky now, Wife works and share financial burden.
Men unfaithful were mostly due to wives over pamper them by taking in more responsibility themselves, yet give Husband freedom ,extra time and financial freedom.
(But some men r just born unfaithful and immature)

So women have to be smart no matter how good your Husband ,still have to give them more responsible mentally and financially.
If not they will use the ‘extra’ in elsewhere.
Men need to be control esp in so advance tempting technology available easily.
Other chicks will have no chance or dare not touch your Husband if they know he has no money, no freedom and you are your Husband 24 hrs cctv.

Everyone go thru hurtful experience in love which makes us stronger and know what we want.
In life there are many things we can do without men.
Learn to love ourselves and don’t ever rely on men for happiness.
If you want men to love and respect you, we have to learn and know how to love ourselves first. Be positive and confidence.






Kopi lim said:
Yes I also agree with what poco said.

The description doesn't sound like he is even remorseful hence don't expect him to change too. If you don't want to go through lies and cheating over and over again, then try to shorten your misery. It's hard to start the divorce because you are somewhat used to him and attached to him and there's a child. However, I would only advice on no divorce only if the person is repentent and has a chance of not repeating which also means the child can have a healthier family. However, your husband is clearcut not going to provide security for you and your child. Leaving him is actually healthier for you and your kid. Am so Glad your family helps to look after your boy and you are living with them. Not much difference to your current life if you think through carefully, in fact, few years later, your life should be better.

hi, sad to hear that your Husband is so evil and manipulative. And sad that in a marriage, we have to precaution against Someone whom we should trust. I Guess this is how complicated humans can be. When still in love, everything also kind. When fall out of love, they turn cruel. I believe your case is he continue his affair with the other girl and keep telling you lies even though the first confrontation he told you he has ended the relationship. ( reminds me of the day I confront my hubby and he say it's nothing, it's ending. ) but I wasn't smart like you, he has the chance to delete all messages and contacts cos I was emo for a few days and I actually believed his first story also. After that I keep probing and keep digging and searching then I realised the woman is just one of the prostitutes he met.

Maybe my case slightly different cos I will demand security if he wants to salvage marriage, I won't trust like how I used to. So he hasn't got much freedom now, his money is all in my account. Your hubby is lucky, you didn't even demand him to do anything and decide to trust him again, hoping that the affair has already ended. When it comes to affairs, I don't think it ends that easily, depends on how long they have been together and how attached etc. Many times, the guy must have told the girl One story and told the Wife another story. Either he is just stalling time cos he wants both women to satisfy his different needs or he is taking time to try to figure out which woman should he choose. Good for you that you are composed enough to not confront him second time and start collecting evidence. File for divorce under adultery with proof within 6 months and you will have upper hand in the divorce, most likely child custody will belong to you. Then ask for more alimony and more child support and if he owes you anything, tell your lawyer to state out and decide how much to collect from him by instalment. You can also ask for the house to be transferred to you and you pay him back the cpf (I have a fren who need not pay full amount to her ex cpf because she told the judge that her ex owe her lots of money). Jiayou! Remember must file within 6 months from the day you discover the adultery or else cannot file under adultery anymore! Jiayou and keep us update
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Devasted, have pm u.

U ladies are so smart. I'd been a fool, to believe everything he said. Now tt I'd moved out, I cannot collect any evidence. He has more of his own time and he's a total changed person. :(

If no evidence of adultery, how?
 
I think I'm at wits end. Hence sourcing for all sorts of posssibilitites. Friends and family all ask me to let go of this unfaithful man. But divorce is really a long process and I really do not know how to handle this on my own with 3 young kids. Feeling tt life is a very heavy burden. Although I do admit, I had a lot of support from my parents. But how long can they be with me? I'm scared.... I dunno how to handle this on my own :(
 
garlin said:
I think I'm at wits end. Hence sourcing for all sorts of posssibilitites. Friends and family all ask me to let go of this unfaithful man. But divorce is really a long process and I really do not know how to handle this on my own with 3 young kids. Feeling tt life is a very heavy burden. Although I do admit, I had a lot of support from my parents. But how long can they be with me? I'm scared.... I dunno how to handle this on my own :(
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Hi Garlin, I don’t know much of your story as I just join this chat.
Divorce need lot of courage , a strong mind and a strong will.
How old are your children?
Is tough to be a single mum but you have support from your family although no one knows how long they can help.
So you have to upgrade yourself, be independent, focus on your career and children.
Many changes you have to make or sacrifice but since you are still young ,you were be able to adjust changes.

Many women think and worry like you so they don’t divorce till they 50s ,60s still think want divorce and regret didn’t divorce. But by then at that age they have even less courage to divorce or adjust to changes or start life again.
They can only complain thy life and said divorce for years but no action. Husband know her well that whatever he does she will never divorce.
In the end she is the one who suffer. Husband stops give money, go home late or overnight or ...etc.
Some women want divorce but must guarantee can win everythings - money ,custody, flat...etc. If can’t win 100% they drag and drag. Till old only can keep complain her life, depressed and live life mentally torture.If she doesn’t greedy, her soul can be free and she no need suffer mentally.

I’m not asking you must divorce. If you worry this ,worry that and can’t take hardship, forever no need divorce.
Then stay put and accept who he is, focus on work and your children.
If this is what you want for your life.
Mentally torture (his unfaithful) or physically torture (you have to work hard) ,you have to choose. And make sure you won’t regret your decision when old.

I guess you still have feeling for your Husband or lazy to make changes or don’t have the courage to start a single life or can’t bear hardships.

Sometime is ‘Past life debt’ ( 前世债) , so you need to learn to let it go (看开).Sometime fate gone no choice.
If is yours will be yours ,same goes to money or flat or ...etc.
Whatever you have lose now, you may get back double one day.
Important is you are still healthy , able to work and your soul can be free.

Whatever hurt or unfaithful he has done, he will get his own karma.
 
garlin said:
I think I'm at wits end. Hence sourcing for all sorts of posssibilitites. Friends and family all ask me to let go of this unfaithful man. But divorce is really a long process and I really do not know how to handle this on my own with 3 young kids. Feeling tt life is a very heavy burden. Although I do admit, I had a lot of support from my parents. But how long can they be with me? I'm scared.... I dunno how to handle this on my own :(
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Hi Garlin,

I've just got divorced after years of separation. I have 3 young kids too, age 6, 8 and 10. If given the choice I would not have chose this path but I can't do much in a marriage if my partner beg me to let go. He had an affair with his coworker and he claimed to be madly in love with her and no longer love me. Initially I tried to patch things by planning family holiday together..which become our last family holiday I guess..after coming back he kneel down infront of me crying asking me to stop trying as the more I forgive and patch things the more guilty he felt.

I refused to divorce so suggested separation hoping he will come back..but I'm wrong. Is been years now and I see the changes in him..from a loving father to one who only come back to see his children just to clock his duty. Sitting at sofa not interacting much with his kids and always looking at his phone. Come at 12noon and left at 3pm cuz every Sunday cuz after 3pm his phone will start ringing...I too had change, become stronger and start to think who coward that guy I used to love is...

Is very tough as a single mother of 3. You can imagine how all ur kids fight for attention at the same time. I need tough rush home to accompany them and have very little time for myself. No matter how tired you are at work. You get home still have to supervise the children works and play with them. And if you have been a soft mother before the divorce you need to be tough and firm to them which is very hard on me..you need to handle the children emotion too since they already felt the impact of losing their dad's attention, they will be worrying about losing urs too and thus they will be very cranky, grumpy and irritating at times..they will fight among one another if you cant manage your time well to give them equal amount. You need to manage 3 kids on you own when going for outing. And you need to think of how to handle 3 kids by yourself when going on holiday....you will also need to handle some rumours ur kids hear abt u from ur.ex mil even though is not ur fault that his son has an affair...you need to rely on your parents for helping you with ur kids and u might feel guilty for troubling them when they are suppose to be retiring...but things will get better when times pass...u start to get used to it and.ur kids will become more understanding to you situation..all this take time and patient. But if I have a choice i still hope I can give my kids a complete family.
 
Here my story:

I have 2 kids 5 and 2 yrs old. I found out my hub chatting with a guy he met on some adult forum. Telling him his thots of some this woman he kw. He also went for those paid sex service cos I found out from the adult forum his nick n I search his nick n managed to find it. Of cos I was devasted. When I found out all this it my son bday in a week. I have to pretend I didn't kw anything. I keep it until one day I indirectly hint him. I guess he kw what I kw. He tell me whatever secrets or what ever he done in the past he will not say n will die with him to grave. So i assume he indirectly admit.

Then recently I found out my kid acct is not rite... so I went to check the history and found out hub have used the acct. I hold the card all the while. So I went to check and realised hub switch his own card to mine n place in my wallet n pretend it the kids. I went to ask him why he use their money. I was mad not be cos he used. I cannot believe he switch the card. It the act shock me. He tell me he have no choice to use theirs and say that if he ask I am sure I won't allow. So I went to check his bag on the same day. N found out he own 5banks total of 40k. I ask him why did u own so much. He tell me he don't earn as much as me... N he have to pay for the maid N it make him even more debt. I ask him... u spent all this money on woman... he say no. But 40k over 2 yrs.... I told him... if u ever die don't drag us in with ur debt.

I myself have debt too so divorce is not my choice now. I need to wait till I clear my debt then I can start to think of divorcing him. My plan is to do it after 2 yrs I clear my debt.

2 times I found out the secrets he kept and sometimes I worry is he purposely place those secret for me to find out myself. Cos how can he be so careless to still keep msg. N the bills in his bag...
Sometime I do wish he gone suddenly... so I don't hv to answer or feel shameful when I divorce.

I foreseen financially we won't be happy cos his pay he will be busy paying debts. He can't even mthly pay those 5 banks. He also won't hv extra to pay for entertainment like buy groceries or some snacks. Most of the stuff I buy I pay myself for the kids. I cook for the kids I pay my own. I kw hub hv no cash when he don't pay for stuff. Every mth it the same issue. His pay is max won't increase. So the input is fix.... his output will be different each mth. Just tk it he needs to pay 5 debts... like how... every mth he can't pay those 5 debts.... he tell me he pay min. Some time.

A man who have extra fling... this 1 in debt... fling too. Worst. I want to leave him N tk my kids with me... cos I really don't want to get involve paying his debt if anything happen to him.
 
Hi everyone , here's my story.

My hubby n I have been together for 13 years and married for 5 years with 2 kids aged 4 & coming 2 next month. He has been a good bf / hubby which myself , my family and frens know.
But Everything changed so suddenly. In July '17 I start to feel something not right ~ and keep having suspicious.
One day I dreamt of catching him having affair and 吓醒. But Feel relief that he still sleeping at my bed. On same day we in the car 93.3 saying "nowadays divorce is so easy etc .... So The uncomfortable feeling is getting stronger. On same day while he bathing at night, I checked his hp ( which I so trust him that I din do that b4), some instinct tell me that not at WhatsApp . So I go see his WeChat. *Bingo* I saw a woman name in the first msg. Read a little bit and already v fishy ( I thot is his game fren from china) He went out with his pig dog frens and came home ard 3am which next day we both got working. I start to confront him asking if he got ai Mei with others girls? He say NO. And I say I want check his hp. He still like daring me ... u want see see lo with angry tone. I v hesitated. End up I c and ask him who is this girl ?? Then he kana stunt like how come I will go to wechat. And he start admit... he has been playing girls since after my 1st baby born. And this time he say she is difference. She is his true love . Wtf!! Then I am what ! This china woman work as massage with extra Service ! He say she no choice.
And after with him , she stop provide service to other man (he ask fren go test her) He said this girl got Low blood and he acc her see doc so he very believe on her no lying to him .. she also love him And understand him. He just sent her back to china the day b4 I found to cure her illness. With all kind of stupid excuses we quarrel the whole night. To ask him want her or us. He like so hard to make decision. But end up he choose us. We still quarrel frequently for the 1st month. He refuse to let me hold his bank $ . And say words like I dun like been control . Like tat life still got wad fun.
My fren brought me to 问师傅。 and his advise is don't Control him , the more u hold tight then more he want to run away. Ask me don't check and harmony is most important. And he will guilty and come back to u.
I tried hard not to spy him. It has been 3 months. But I not have a single day forget and worry.
Recently I feel not so right again and check his WeChat. And saw that his fren told him the girl is coming back sg to work. I start to feel v upset and the worse is I checked he actually went to a remittance money shop to remit a 1k.
He say he no $ yet he can remit 1k to unknown plc.

I very love him and my 2 kids are small. My family n his family duno this. Only few of my frens know.
I reli hate that he say he want this family but yet Doing things that hurts me and kids . And spent $ other than kids.
Anyone can tell me how to make him willingly to let me hold his $$ so that he won't go feed 3rd party?
 
cherryapple25 said:
Here my story:

I have 2 kids 5 and 2 yrs old. I found out my hub chatting with a guy he met on some adult forum. Telling him his thots of some this woman he kw. He also went for those paid sex service cos I found out from the adult forum his nick n I search his nick n managed to find it. Of cos I was devasted. When I found out all this it my son bday in a week. I have to pretend I didn't kw anything. I keep it until one day I indirectly hint him. I guess he kw what I kw. He tell me whatever secrets or what ever he done in the past he will not say n will die with him to grave. So i assume he indirectly admit.

Then recently I found out my kid acct is not rite... so I went to check the history and found out hub have used the acct. I hold the card all the while. So I went to check and realised hub switch his own card to mine n place in my wallet n pretend it the kids. I went to ask him why he use their money. I was mad not be cos he used. I cannot believe he switch the card. It the act shock me. He tell me he have no choice to use theirs and say that if he ask I am sure I won't allow. So I went to check his bag on the same day. N found out he own 5banks total of 40k. I ask him why did u own so much. He tell me he don't earn as much as me... N he have to pay for the maid N it make him even more debt. I ask him... u spent all this money on woman... he say no. But 40k over 2 yrs.... I told him... if u ever die don't drag us in with ur debt.

I myself have debt too so divorce is not my choice now. I need to wait till I clear my debt then I can start to think of divorcing him. My plan is to do it after 2 yrs I clear my debt.

2 times I found out the secrets he kept and sometimes I worry is he purposely place those secret for me to find out myself. Cos how can he be so careless to still keep msg. N the bills in his bag...
Sometime I do wish he gone suddenly... so I don't hv to answer or feel shameful when I divorce.

I foreseen financially we won't be happy cos his pay he will be busy paying debts. He can't even mthly pay those 5 banks. He also won't hv extra to pay for entertainment like buy groceries or some snacks. Most of the stuff I buy I pay myself for the kids. I cook for the kids I pay my own. I kw hub hv no cash when he don't pay for stuff. Every mth it the same issue. His pay is max won't increase. So the input is fix.... his output will be different each mth. Just tk it he needs to pay 5 debts... like how... every mth he can't pay those 5 debts.... he tell me he pay min. Some time.

A man who have extra fling... this 1 in debt... fling too. Worst. I want to leave him N tk my kids with me... cos I really don't want to get involve paying his debt if anything happen to him.
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Why wait. Cut your loss since u already make the decision
 
notti_hamham said:
Hi everyone , here's my story.

My hubby n I have been together for 13 years and married for 5 years with 2 kids aged 4 & coming 2 next month. He has been a good bf / hubby which myself , my family and frens know.
But Everything changed so suddenly. In July '17 I start to feel something not right ~ and keep having suspicious.
One day I dreamt of catching him having affair and 吓醒. But Feel relief that he still sleeping at my bed. On same day we in the car 93.3 saying "nowadays divorce is so easy etc .... So The uncomfortable feeling is getting stronger. On same day while he bathing at night, I checked his hp ( which I so trust him that I din do that b4), some instinct tell me that not at WhatsApp . So I go see his WeChat. *Bingo* I saw a woman name in the first msg. Read a little bit and already v fishy ( I thot is his game fren from china) He went out with his pig dog frens and came home ard 3am which next day we both got working. I start to confront him asking if he got ai Mei with others girls? He say NO. And I say I want check his hp. He still like daring me ... u want see see lo with angry tone. I v hesitated. End up I c and ask him who is this girl ?? Then he kana stunt like how come I will go to wechat. And he start admit... he has been playing girls since after my 1st baby born. And this time he say she is difference. She is his true love . Wtf!! Then I am what ! This china woman work as massage with extra Service ! He say she no choice.
And after with him , she stop provide service to other man (he ask fren go test her) He said this girl got Low blood and he acc her see doc so he very believe on her no lying to him .. she also love him And understand him. He just sent her back to china the day b4 I found to cure her illness. With all kind of stupid excuses we quarrel the whole night. To ask him want her or us. He like so hard to make decision. But end up he choose us. We still quarrel frequently for the 1st month. He refuse to let me hold his bank $ . And say words like I dun like been control . Like tat life still got wad fun.
My fren brought me to 问师傅。 and his advise is don't Control him , the more u hold tight then more he want to run away. Ask me don't check and harmony is most important. And he will guilty and come back to u.
I tried hard not to spy him. It has been 3 months. But I not have a single day forget and worry.
Recently I feel not so right again and check his WeChat. And saw that his fren told him the girl is coming back sg to work. I start to feel v upset and the worse is I checked he actually went to a remittance money shop to remit a 1k.
He say he no $ yet he can remit 1k to unknown plc.

I very love him and my 2 kids are small. My family n his family duno this. Only few of my frens know.
I reli hate that he say he want this family but yet Doing things that hurts me and kids . And spent $ other than kids.
Anyone can tell me how to make him willingly to let me hold his $$ so that he won't go feed 3rd party?
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There is no such thing as 'willing' let u hold his money.
U should focus on reason why he doesn't wan to let u control his money. If the reason is he wan to use the money to have flings, affairs, then u think is it worth for u to waste your efforts?
 
wendy_reborn said:
There is no such thing as 'willing' let u hold his money.
U should focus on reason why he doesn't wan to let u control his money. If the reason is he wan to use the money to have flings, affairs, then u think is it worth for u to waste your efforts?
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Hi wendy
The reason he gave me is he dun like being control/spy by anyone.
Anyway, last few days I started to use find iphone to track him and ysd he found out and this morning we quarrel badly. He say I dun trust him etc. In another hand he admit he remit $ to that bitch. And now the bitch is back to Sg. He claim he only treat her as fren and help her in some way.
I requested him to delete WeChat. After few hours quarrel he finally delete his account. But I also understand that there r so many ways they can contact.
I really in lost. I dun want divorce but I dun Want to betray by him again .
Hais ......
 
If he hv nothing, he wont be scare u know where us he.
The women is on social visit here or working here?
If just a friend, he wont remit him money. U really hv to be on lookout
 
wendy_reborn said:
If he hv nothing, he wont be scare u know where us he.
The women is on social visit here or working here?
If just a friend, he wont remit him money. U really hv to be on lookout
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He said for her urgent need to pay her agent fee so she can come sg.
Now she under work permit as what I know.
He said I keep force him to choose. Either stop any contact w her or divorce.
He really love her A lot but he don't want divorce w me. Cuz of kids.

I really duno what to do. What can make him wake up !! I hope he can be touched by me but he told me his heart to me is dead when I force him to delete his wechat.
 
notti_hamham said:
He said for her urgent need to pay her agent fee so she can come sg.
Now she under work permit as what I know.
He said I keep force him to choose. Either stop any contact w her or divorce.
He really love her A lot but he don't want divorce w me. Cuz of kids.

I really duno what to do. What can make him wake up !! I hope he can be touched by me but he told me his heart to me is dead when I force him to delete his wechat.
Click to expand...
You cannot force a person to willingly let you supervise his freedom and expenditure. The word willing means he wants to do it on His own accord, not because you forced him to. The fact that he does not bother to do things to earn back your trust And still spent so much on her is already a full proof that what he wants is to continue with the woman but still remain this marriage with you. Best of both worlds. He keeps the flat with you, has the freedom to see his kids as And when plus keeping the image of a married man, minusing the hassle of going through divorce process. What I can see is that he is keeping you to enjoy having a Mother for his kids and Someone to share financial commitments with him while at the same time, he enjoy romance with the other woman. It could also be him taking his time to see if there's a possibility between him and the woman to become an official couple, before he is sure, he will still hold on to this marriage. To put on layman's term, he is taking advantage of you.

Whatever his reasons for not giving up His freedom even though he has been proved to stray are considered excuses. A person who truly wants his marriage back will do whatever he can to earn back trust and secure his marriage. What I see here is someone who's actions does not tally with wanting the marriage. The only explanations I can give is that he wants best of both worlds or he has not reached a state that he can officially be a couple with the other lady so he hangs on to the marriage first.

Lucky that you are still working. I would say keep your Money, save more, take time to consider whether you want to give him time to come back to you ( my opinion is that even though this man eventually come back just because the outside relationship doesn't work out, he will still stray with other women in future if he is non repentent. From what you described, your hubby is non repentent Currently) or you want to plan for a divorce in future ( please note that divorce takes time to plan so don't do it in a rash so as to reduce impact on your kids and your financial stability).

You may also want to suggest marriage Counselling before you make your decisions.
 
notti_hamham said:
He said for her urgent need to pay her agent fee so she can come sg.
Now she under work permit as what I know.
He said I keep force him to choose. Either stop any contact w her or divorce.
He really love her A lot but he don't want divorce w me. Cuz of kids.

I really duno what to do. What can make him wake up !! I hope he can be touched by me but he told me his heart to me is dead when I force him to delete his wechat.
Click to expand...
If i am you. Get a Private investigator to get u evidences n blacklist her.
 
Kopi lim said:
You cannot force a person to willingly let you supervise his freedom and expenditure. The word willing means he wants to do it on His own accord, not because you forced him to. The fact that he does not bother to do things to earn back your trust And still spent so much on her is already a full proof that what he wants is to continue with the woman but still remain this marriage with you. Best of both worlds. He keeps the flat with you, has the freedom to see his kids as And when plus keeping the image of a married man, minusing the hassle of going through divorce process. What I can see is that he is keeping you to enjoy having a Mother for his kids and Someone to share financial commitments with him while at the same time, he enjoy romance with the other woman. It could also be him taking his time to see if there's a possibility between him and the woman to become an official couple, before he is sure, he will still hold on to this marriage. To put on layman's term, he is taking advantage of you.

Whatever his reasons for not giving up His freedom even though he has been proved to stray are considered excuses. A person who truly wants his marriage back will do whatever he can to earn back trust and secure his marriage. What I see here is someone who's actions does not tally with wanting the marriage. The only explanations I can give is that he wants best of both worlds or he has not reached a state that he can officially be a couple with the other lady so he hangs on to the marriage first.

Lucky that you are still working. I would say keep your Money, save more, take time to consider whether you want to give him time to come back to you ( my opinion is that even though this man eventually come back just because the outside relationship doesn't work out, he will still stray with other women in future if he is non repentent. From what you described, your hubby is non repentent Currently) or you want to plan for a divorce in future ( please note that divorce takes time to plan so don't do it in a rash so as to reduce impact on your kids and your financial stability).

You may also want to suggest marriage Counselling before you make your decisions.
Click to expand...
 
Hi dear all,
Thanks everyone for your reply. As I really need ppls to talk to. As for update , he given me his bank login to check his acct transaction And On his location whenever I want see. But I still don't feel enough as his work time is flexible. I duno what I can do more to make sure he has reli stop it regardless of texting / calling and meeting.
I no $ to hire a PI. So I only can look out him myself.
If u all have any suggestions pls tell me .
:(
 
notti_hamham said:
Hi dear all,
Thanks everyone for your reply. As I really need ppls to talk to. As for update , he given me his bank login to check his acct transaction And On his location whenever I want see. But I still don't feel enough as his work time is flexible. I duno what I can do more to make sure he has reli stop it regardless of texting / calling and meeting.
I no $ to hire a PI. So I only can look out him myself.
If u all have any suggestions pls tell me .
:(
Click to expand...
Since you can check his location, then you can look at the places he goes to even through his time is flexible. But honestly, he can always meet her anywhere And still give you stories later on. The bank transaction is helpful in a way but again he can still spend money freely since he still didn't let you control his money. Not sure why would he give you these two pieces of information. Isit true that he do not want to cheat again? Only he knows the answer. For me, if he can spend 1k to help the woman come back, as a Wife, it's already inappropriate so I wouldn't accept that as just helping a Friend and nothing between them etc. But again, even if he lets you control his money and check on many things, you can't do that in the Long term, it's tiring to spy on a person for life And this is not what a marriage should be like. If you said that you don't have money to hire PI, does it mean that you are not working or you are earning very little? If that's the case, you should safeguard yourself. If it's me I will ask him to go to law firm to do a post nup agreement with me and he has to pay. In any scenario that he is caught cheating again, then the postnup agreement sets in during a divorce so that you and your child can be protected to a certain extent. I would also find ways And means to have my own saving just in case in future this kinda thing happen again.
 
Hi ... u r right. It also can be she come find him near his work place instead he go find her so that I won't suspect. Or they just msg or call each other. I Wont know it and can't catch anything. As he will wipe clean b4 come home.
I am a working mummy not earning a lot. Thou I got some savings but afraid not enuff to hire PI for Long term . I know it cost up to few thousands.
Any idea of this nup agreement fee? Anyway I doubt he will follow what I suggest too .
 
Last edited:
Hi mummies,
I found out that in my husband phone there is a china girl message, calling my husband "哥哥" and asking my husband to leave a command. my husband didn't reply message.

do you think my husband has committed adultery? or its just a scam?

I'm very curious, because I saw like an advertisement message from sg888sg.com in his inbox too..
 
notti_hamham,
Like what others said, he want the best of both world... Loving and being with him still is two different things... I mean there are some whom love a person, but not with the person. Not suggesting you to divorce or what.. But you have to think properly and carefully over this. Of course best is that he will stop seeing the woman, and any other woman as well. But can he do it? To him, she is not just a 'therapist & customer', but more of a lover... Moreover is 'true love'... In someway, I just feel he's not loving you already. Probably to be with you cause of kids only...
I know of some couple whom 'married for the sake of married'. They both are 'couple' infront of friends and family, and good father and mother infront of their kids. But back of them, they each have their own 'partner'. They both sleep in same room, but don't sleep on same bed. etc etc...
Again, not asking you to be in such way... Just need to really think about it... Think about what you really want.. And just make sure won't regret over the choices made...


Vini,
It may be just a scam, or it may be fact that he did engage such services, which is why the china girl ask him to leave 'comment'. Sad to say that 2nd option is more higher chance... As for scam, usually won't have such unless like 'advertising'.
 
Vini said:
Hi mummies,
I found out that in my husband phone there is a china girl message, calling my husband "哥哥" and asking my husband to leave a command. my husband didn't reply message.

do you think my husband has committed adultery? or its just a scam?

I'm very curious, because I saw like an advertisement message from sg888sg.com in his inbox too..
Click to expand...
I think JL8118 already answered your question. Unless he change phone number which was previously used by someone who subscribe or hire such services, it's unlikely he would get a advert from a particular girl or company all of a sudden. He might have previously sent a message to inquire about services and charges, hence the message he received. Or it's possible that he has engaged the service before. You might want to wait And verify more. Whether he respond to the message or surf the website from the advert. It's always good to verify and get proof yourself before confrontation so that the other party can't deny. If it's not a betrayal then at least you can set your mind at ease. If it is a betrayal, then at least you get your evidence first to stop the denying process which can cause a lot of harm to the marriage. All in all, if he didn't betray but he surf such websites or find out about the services and charges, I honestly feel that it's just a sooner or later thing that he will engage in the services. Like a tiking time bomb, your mind is the beginning of your actions. Read and find out more, Sooner or later the guy willl find excuses to justify getting services for himself. So be on the lookout before you have children.
 
notti_hamham said:
Hi ... u r right. It also can be she come find him near his work place instead he go find her so that I won't suspect. Or they just msg or call each other. I Wont know it and can't catch anything. As he will wipe clean b4 come home.
I am a working mummy not earning a lot. Thou I got some savings but afraid not enuff to hire PI for Long term . I know it cost up to few thousands.
Any idea of this nup agreement fee? Anyway I doubt he will follow what I suggest too .
Click to expand...
I didn't do a post nup. My Friend did and if I didn't remember wrongly, few hundred dollars, not higher than 500 for her case. Before going to lawyer, you need to find out what are the assets and money both you are owning. Then you set a criteria that in case of a divorce due to his behaviours with other women, which includes lending large amount of money ( 100 and above) to a woman without discussing with you or going holiday or checking into hotels or visiting an apartment alone with a female or hiring dirty massages or prostitures or flirty inappropriate messages with another woman, then the Husband need to 1) let you have 80 percent of the house proceeds after selling 2) leave the saving in the joint account to you 3) let you have main care and custody of children 4) Give half of his pay to maintenance of kids till they turn 21 etc. Not sure what are the rules which may limit some terms set out in the postnup, this you will have to talk to the lawyer to find out. But some people use postnup as assurance and security for coming back into a relationship.
 
prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are only enforceable if the Singapore Courts decides that the terms of the agreement are “fair and equitable” considering the provisions of the Women’s Charter. If the Court finds that the terms are unfair and inequitable to either party or the children, the Court has the power to deviate from the agreed terms. This means, that at the end of the day the Court still has the final say.
 
sadliving said:
prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are only enforceable if the Singapore Courts decides that the terms of the agreement are “fair and equitable” considering the provisions of the Women’s Charter. If the Court finds that the terms are unfair and inequitable to either party or the children, the Court has the power to deviate from the agreed terms. This means, that at the end of the day the Court still has the final say.
Click to expand...
Yup, so talk to lawyer to see which term is relevant and more likely to get approved. Better than nothing done
 
Dear all,
Thanks everyone who comment.
I have arranged a marriage Counselling appointment. Thou I not sure if there's any help or not. Even I told him he said is just waste $$ only. But I choose to give a try. And thou he not very willing but he agreed to go w me.
As for the Post nup ... might try if counselling don't works out.
 
My hubby previously was complaining that he now like no Friend , only Everyday work then go home. can't go out with his friends . Cuz he feel I will be 疑神疑鬼 and keep call or video call him.
And I also ask him to delete his WeChat acct. so he no Friend to talk to too.
He promised me that he won't go those places Liao but his pig dog friends all got visit those places de . How can I rest assure he won't touch anymore lei ?

Anyone can advise how I can deal with this ?
 
notti_hamham said:
My hubby previously was complaining that he now like no Friend , only Everyday work then go home. can't go out with his friends . Cuz he feel I will be 疑神疑鬼 and keep call or video call him.
And I also ask him to delete his WeChat acct. so he no Friend to talk to too.
He promised me that he won't go those places Liao but his pig dog friends all got visit those places de . How can I rest assure he won't touch anymore lei ?

Anyone can advise how I can deal with this ?
Click to expand...

Very difficult to forbid... Even he uninstall wechat or whatever, if he want, he will still find ways to do it... Aren't able to really control such...
 
JL8118 said:
Very difficult to forbid... Even he uninstall wechat or whatever, if he want, he will still find ways to do it... Aren't able to really control such...
Click to expand...

I know it is hard . And his working time is flexi and he work shift work too. It is really tough for me to track him. I got think of if he want go meet Friends I will follow them . I told him I can sit next table. But so far I din do that. I let him go that time and I just cry alone at home and wait him home then I can sleep. I feel I so silly .
 
notti_hamham said:
I know it is hard . And his working time is flexi and he work shift work too. It is really tough for me to track him. I got think of if he want go meet Friends I will follow them . I told him I can sit next table. But so far I din do that. I let him go that time and I just cry alone at home and wait him home then I can sleep. I feel I so silly .
Click to expand...

Can understand... But crying won't help ba...
And you can't be following him whenever he go...
Worst is his working time is flexi...
So well, can only trust him over such...
 
Kopi lim said:
Yup, so talk to lawyer to see which term is relevant and more likely to get approved. Better than nothing done
Click to expand...
Yes. The fear of him meeting tat women had really affect u. He can do it during lunchtime, teabreak. He can get a hp n put it in the office.
Trust have to be there, but not turning off both eyes. Keep a lookout, let him hv his freedom, see what happen
 
Be positive said:
I saw regarding the great hacker. I want to get more info.
Sick of him cheating me and the family after a pinoy maid.
Click to expand...
Hacking is illegal. Whatever info u obtained cannot be used, so why waste your money.
Moreover if this hacker is so good, he doesn't need to adverise here.
 
Confirm a maid. I saw all evidence in his bag. Including tel no. I saw her icon both hugging in a hotel room. But she have remove it. I saw receipt money send to Philippines
 

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