Divorce due to MIL

Trevy

New Member
Hi All,

Want to seek some advices here. A little of the background. My wife and I have been married for coming 8 yrs. Our first son was born 2015. Due to that, we asked her mother to come from Malaysia to take care our son. Our initial agreement was to ask her leave after our son enter child care. However, our relationship spiralled down rapidly after MIL stay with us. I strongly believe that the MIL is sowing discord among us. My wife does not have father (her father left the family yrs ago). I dunno the reason but i think it was due to MIL.

Now my wife filed for divorce after much quarrels among us. I asked her to ask her mother to leave us alone but she cannot do that. I am defending the divorce and Family Justice Court has arranged the Child Resolution counselling session.

Is there any way or method that i can chase/ask the MIL from the house? This is our matrimonial house and i should have a say. She is staying put because she has no place to go. All her children are working outside and she will be staying alone in Malaysia.
 


I told my wife to ask her mother to leave us alone first. Let us settle our marriage problem. Not asking her to disown her mother. But she said no feeling liao. Hurt me alot. The MIL everytime fans the fire when we quarrel. She will tell and agree with my wife even though my wife is at wrong. The she will compare with other wonderful husband cases.

Now both of our famillies are not in taking terms after my mother asked the MIL to leave and give us some space. So regret to invite the ghost to home.
 
Sorry I misunderstood abt that.
Wonderful husband is also because they compromise each other & talk things out.
I believe you are a nice husband & wanna salvage the marriage.
What did your usually quarrelled abt?
Mind sharing?
 
I tried to talk to her but she said no feeling. We quarrelled alot for many things (child, house, MIL)
I was quite a bad temper person and said many nasty things to her but i never hit her or my son. Now we are at stalemate because of the MIL. I want her to leave and my wife wants her to stay.

imagine the MIL give u black face, dun cook ur share, dun wash ur laundry or anything. Basically, i come home, settle my own dinner, wash my own laundry and stay in separate room. Dun i have right to ask someone to leave my premises?
 
i think the only way out seems to be get any support from your wife's sibilings, if they take in their mother in msia hse, leave you all in peace for awhile, it will be better.. Provided your wife wants to continue this family, can talk to her for sake of kids and many years relationship, save this family don't quarrel over small matters.
 
I tried to talk to her but she said no feeling. We quarrelled alot for many things (child, house, MIL)
I was quite a bad temper person and said many nasty things to her but i never hit her or my son. Now we are at stalemate because of the MIL. I want her to leave and my wife wants her to stay.

imagine the MIL give u black face, dun cook ur share, dun wash ur laundry or anything. Basically, i come home, settle my own dinner, wash my own laundry and stay in separate room. Dun i have right to ask someone to leave my premises?
Hmm, maybe you need to learn to control your temper first. It can probably help you save your marriage. It is good that you never hit them. If not you are really in a wrong.
Have you wonder why your mil don't like you now? Did your wife said something to her?
 
Hmm, maybe you need to learn to control your temper first. It can probably help you save your marriage. It is good that you never hit them. If not you are really in a wrong.
Have you wonder why your mil don't like you now? Did your wife said something to her?

The MIL hates me because i hate her. The feeling is mutual. If want me to bow to her for forgiveness, i rather divorce. I can bow to my wife but not the MIL.
 
The MIL hates me because i hate her. The feeling is mutual. If want me to bow to her for forgiveness, i rather divorce. I can bow to my wife but not the MIL.
That's not what I mean.
I am like you, short temper sometime will say nasty stuff. But never once i hit my love one.
I and my mil also not in a good term too.
Talk it out to your wife, ask her what's other options other than divorce. I am sure deep inside she still wanna hold on
 
Don't let the MIL win! Outsmart her. Soften yourself to wife. Let her know you really love her but it's only since MIL moved in all this happen. Tell her you won't blame MIL anymore but perhaps you two simply don't get along. Ask her to make it fair to you... try without MIL around for a short while and see if things aren't improved?

MIL is her mom. No matter how nasty she is... it's only to you. So don't get outfoxed by that woman.
 
Your wife is a Malaysian? If yes this is a big headache case. The bonding between some daughter and mother is very strong. Sometimes strong until Sg husband surname call what also cannot remember. I am wondering could it be her daughter is avenging on behalf of her mum? She has every reason to do so because of your nasty words to herself too.

Your temper is a one way street to divorce!!! The possibility of her mum staying in your house for good is nearing 99.123456789%!! And if you really want to treasure this family of yours, be nice and be more soft spoken abit and have both of them seated down to discuss for a resolution. Hopefully things can be turn around. :)
 
Don't let the MIL win! Outsmart her. Soften yourself to wife. Let her know you really love her but it's only since MIL moved in all this happen. Tell her you won't blame MIL anymore but perhaps you two simply don't get along. Ask her to make it fair to you... try without MIL around for a short while and see if things aren't improved?

MIL is her mom. No matter how nasty she is... it's only to you. So don't get outfoxed by that woman.

I tried but my Wife refuses to listen. She says the problem is me.
 
Your wife is a Malaysian? If yes this is a big headache case. The bonding between some daughter and mother is very strong. Sometimes strong until Sg husband surname call what also cannot remember. I am wondering could it be her daughter is avenging on behalf of her mum? She has every reason to do so because of your nasty words to herself too.

Your temper is a one way street to divorce!!! The possibility of her mum staying in your house for good is nearing 99.123456789%!! And if you really want to treasure this family of yours, be nice and be more soft spoken abit and have both of them seated down to discuss for a resolution. Hopefully things can be turn around. :)

Yes. She was. Converted to singaporean. The bonding was not very strong until the mil takes care my baby. I really cannot accept the fact of staying with mil forever. I rathe jump from the building. I hope CFRC will help. The session is fixed after cny.
 
Yes. She was. Converted to singaporean. The bonding was not very strong until the mil takes care my baby. I really cannot accept the fact of staying with mil forever. I rathe jump from the building. I hope CFRC will help. The session is fixed after cny.

Bro. my parents say I have a hopeless quick and fiery temper that landed me into many troubles. I have since changed after I met another fellow guy who almost landed himself into changi because of one mistake and the root of the problem came from his temper. His last message to me was to change my temper. :)

Do you know a bad temper can leads you to disaster in career, relationship, etc...? No doubt people find it very difficult to bring you down but you still don't achieved anything end of the day. A bad temper is one of the most dangerous weakness in a man. People can easily plot against you knowing your weakness is your temper. They troll you, create tension and just when you think all is over... they direct you into war zone without you even knowing. On the other hand, a calm and composed man can still tackles any obstacle with a smile. He is equally deadly dealing with difficult people but not in a violent and abusive manner. I am working very hard towards the latter and I hope you do.

I foresee where you are heading so I'm suggesting some action plans for you. Want to follow? You decide.

1) STOP! STOP your nonsense with your wife and that sickening bitch of hers. Give them cross feelings of what they are trying to do to you. At the same time, they will be pretty helpless without receiving an agitated reaction from you. The lesser you talk to them for now, the lesser confrontation and conflict of interests in either parties. How about living life as a mute to understand what are their struggles? That may make you a better person the next time you utter out a word.

2) START! START to do something that calms your mind. Many people I met and including myself find that doing sports can calm ourselves, having better sleep and leading to making accurate judgement. You can run after your work and if you are lucky, a beautiful lady wearing short sports short is coming your way. :p If it is difficult for you to run, then stroll. Stroll along a beach, a quiet jogging track, any place with water is good. Have your thoughts sorted out, stick to it before you head home. Do it as frequent as possible.

3) PREPARED! PREPARED well for your session with CFRC. You hope CFRC will help. But how can CFRC helps when they are dealing with a hot-headed siao tak bok? If I am from CFRC, I would be very worried for the innocent children with parents with anger management issues.

Work on yourself first before you even try to work it out with others. Good luck!
 
@Trevy

Your wife is the best link between you and your MIL. I have my own set of issues regarding the R/ship between my mum and wife, however, I managed to resolve it and hope for the best moving on.

I agree with @adhd.dad to soften with your wife, spend time with her and build on both of your relationship. A few brothers (@Ziliang, @Dr. Tooth) are correct in man aging temper, I too have an ox-y stubborn temper but now trying to soften it using the love for my wife as motivation. Hopefully, your wife will feel your effort and your MIL sees your commitment in taking good care of her daughter. Once she feels happy that her daughter is in good hands, she will give you both the space you need
 
Not saying who's wrong or right. But if you want to improve on the whole situation without divorce, then maybe you try to curb your temper first. Your Wife is angry with you so maybe no matter what she say, you always try to reply or deal with it from a calmly and loving manner. If you are always reacting positively, I think sooner or later she also will find it weird to go against you or find it tough to start any quarrel right? It takes two hands to clap, if you are always using love and gentleman approach, sooner or later the lady will also be touched.

As for your mil, she may have her shortcomings but no one person is all good or all bad. You mentioned that it's you and your Wife who ask her to come to help out with baby. Then maybe think of the good side, hasn't she help out with looking after your baby and shouldn't you be thankful for that? If you appreciate her good and her help while putting aside the bad, then maybe as time goes by, she see you as a good sil and her reactions will improve? On her stand, I think I Also Won't be happy when you sort my help in looking after baby then later on because we have issues, you chase me out. Unless your mil is posing risk to your child or your family like putting poison in the food etc, I don't think it's right to chase your elders out of the house. And from how you type your sentence, it seems like you decide to ask mil come help when you need it, then you also decide to ask her to leave when your child attends childcare and you don't need her anymore. Maybe you didn't mean it, but it sounds like you control and decide when she come, when she go. It sounds kinda selfish to me. As if you need her, she come, you don't need her, she has to go. Now there's some unhappiness, you kick her out. A bit selfish and unfilial. Maybe think along this line: I love my Wife and child. Although my mil don't like me and is not treating me well but she looks after the Two person I love most and I should be thankful for that. Because I m thankful I will treat her with love and respect TOo? I don't believe that you treat her with respect, in the Long run, she still will treat you badly. Unless she's a witch.

And by the way, if your Wife agree to chase your mil out of your house, don't you think that she's a very bad Daughter? Would you want your own kid to chase you out in future if you cannot get along with your children's spouses? Put yourself in others shoes and maybe you will empathise with them more.
 

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