My mother like to talk loud & always look unhappy

[harky]

she is a senior citizen, around 65

Every time i reach home after work, want to chat chat with her.
She always look unhappy and she like to talk so loud (like she very angry tht type).
I ever told her not to talk like that but she say it her normal way of talking but when she talk to outsider, is more polite. So i cfm is not her normal way of talking! and yet she got offended.

If she is stressed out with house chores.
i told her to use wash machine but yet she want to use hand. She complain to uncle, aunt that the pipe in the wash machine was not fix (but yet she did not tell me is broke and assume i everyday check the wash machine), although the issue had been fixed (yet still complaint!)

She never ask us for help if she need us to help.
It hard to talk to her as every-time will end up quarrel.
I hardly talk to my mom, as she dont listen and chat chat with me also.. only if she want to talk thn i let her talk talk i just listen (she like to repeat repeat repeat)

it drives me crazy. So annoying
Sometime i think she talk very polite to my bro rather than me(a she), make me think that she like son more than girl.

Yes, i dont help her on house chores as most of the time, i will get scolded by her.

 

[adhd.dad]

Harky, did you mean Mother or MIL? Normally people complain about MIL. Haha so just checking to be sure.

My dad was super annoying too but then I realized some people just don't have very good EQ. Yes, even our parents and ESPECIALLY our parents because they will look upon us as kids forever! Even when you have got kids of your own!

But since they sacrificed so much for us (and us as parents know the pain), I guess we need to endure and do our best to repay our debt. So try and look on her positive side and maybe make her happy in whatever way you can (within reason). Maybe she might turn more pleasant too as a bonus!

 

[harky]

My mom le. No place to complain mah
I always think my mom ask too much from me and assume i know what she want like tht.

But if my bro (big and small) nv help her, she did not say anything le.
But if i did not help her she complain le.
I think she side son than daughter

seriously, my dad also a damn 1 kind..
my dad & mom nv talk one. they are just like split.
Live together under 1 roof only.

 

[mdm_rynn]

you are not alone.. my mum is similar. I engaged a good maid.. my mum also give prob..

 

[memy]

My mom le. No place to complain mah
I always think my mom ask too much from me and assume i know what she want like tht.

But if my bro (big and small) nv help her, she did not say anything le.
But if i did not help her she complain le.
I think she side son and daughter

seriously, my dad also a damn 1 kind..
my dad & mom nv talk one. they are just like split.
Live together under 1 roof only.

Hi harky, my situation is similar to urs except i dun live wit them anymore since start working. i also nid to 'vent' cos it feels so unfair sometimes
my y.bro gets sponsored when buy car, flat etc while these things i get it on my own. he is the priority when it comes to benefits, finances etc.
Yes, my parents esp mum cfm side with his only son (y.bro), i have seen it n even outsider (hubs) also comment on the double standard. I noticed it myself the way she talks to me is diff from my y.bro. She is soft & polite to him but can shout /loud when with me even i done nothing wrong. Once when im home, i ask her if nid help w cooking, she act irritated n shout 'no nid get away'. When my y.bro heard the commotion, he came over ask what's wrong, mum change her tone n talks softly to him.. this is jus 1 example of the many incidents
Now, my y.bro got married n told my mum he dun intend to stay w them tgether even when they old. Mum told me this, n say not many dil will wan stay tgether so she understand. Then, she asks me to plan for their old age, what me alone plan it all when we end up disagreeing/ argue most of the time? Not to say i dun wan to be filial leh, but i dun think its fair for the fav son to wash his hands off like that n throw the burden to me, esp when he got the most financial help. I've been helping my parents financially off n on still, n im the "go to" person when they did not do so well recently, y.bro has not bothered n did not contribute, but he is still the golden boy ..sigh
Thoughts of staying wit her makes me break out in cold sweat cos she can b unreasonable, talks loudly/shout even if i only trying to help, complain i can't talk as sweet as my y.bro + the heavy financial burden if i gotta bear it all alone with no help ...haiz
any advice /thoughts from experience or kind sharing?

 

[anngrant]

My ganny was just like your mom

 

[Dr. Tooth]

#Traditional parents tend to favor son so don't be too unhappy about it

#I observed people from China talks louder at people who talks loud at them

#Seriously, the heavy financial burden that can weighs you and your own family down needs careful considerations. A filial daughter trying her very best for the interest of her parents just to see them giving away their every best to the son is really... wtf!

 

[harky]

i think i better than u as my bro still sponsored the electric + water bill as in term of salary.. he earn more than i earn.. if i going to pay that, i guess i will left with no saving.
but i not sure till when lor

Hi harky, my situation is similar to urs except i dun live wit them anymore since start working. i also nid to 'vent' cos it feels so unfair sometimes
my y.bro gets sponsored when buy car, flat etc while these things i get it on my own. he is the priority when it comes to benefits, finances etc.
Yes, my parents esp mum cfm side with his only son (y.bro), i have seen it n even outsider (hubs) also comment on the double standard. I noticed it myself the way she talks to me is diff from my y.bro. She is soft & polite to him but can shout /loud when with me even i done nothing wrong. Once when im home, i ask her if nid help w cooking, she act irritated n shout 'no nid get away'. When my y.bro heard the commotion, he came over ask what's wrong, mum change her tone n talks softly to him.. this is jus 1 example of the many incidents
Now, my y.bro got married n told my mum he dun intend to stay w them tgether even when they old. Mum told me this, n say not many dil will wan stay tgether so she understand. Then, she asks me to plan for their old age, what me alone plan it all when we end up disagreeing/ argue most of the time? Not to say i dun wan to be filial leh, but i dun think its fair for the fav son to wash his hands off like that n throw the burden to me, esp when he got the most financial help. I've been helping my parents financially off n on still, n im the "go to" person when they did not do so well recently, y.bro has not bothered n did not contribute, but he is still the golden boy ..sigh
Thoughts of staying wit her makes me break out in cold sweat cos she can b unreasonable, talks loudly/shout even if i only trying to help, complain i can't talk as sweet as my y.bro + the heavy financial burden if i gotta bear it all alone with no help ...haiz
any advice /thoughts from experience or kind sharing?