Support Group - Cheating Spouse

Fridge

New Member
I'm just wondering why there isn't any support group for wives with cheating husband.

I'm married less than a year, and caught my husband texting flirty messages with his ex, also saw him texting to look for prostitute when overseas, the prostitute side doesn't really bother me, bcuz to me its just a transaction and sex sometimes is better with stranger. As long as no feelings involve I'm fine.

So he begs and apologies and promise he won't go back to his ex, but things still happens again. Fyi, I gave in to all his fantasies, watch porn anal or anything I'm ready. I try to maintain too. I tried my best. If he still wants to cheat I got nothing to say.

I'm wondering if I should divorce him. Currently no kids yet, but I'm already 32. We have business together too, this money issue is such a headache housing etc etc @_@ But I also don't wish to affect my happiness because of money, yet I do love him a lot too sigh

Ladies, any experiences to share? Those divorce and those who are not, what are the challenges you face?
 


For my case, my hubby is not cheating on me but I really feel that my love for him is gone... We r together because of our boy who is just 15mths old... I bear grudges towards my hubby cos I feel it because of him that my boy have to take public transport and I also feel that he don't take care of me like he used to. He also don't fight for our rights, his mum is taking after our son n our nephew currently but she will stop taking care of our son once my sil gv birth in oct, I feel it very unfair cos last year when I was doing my confinement, my sil never took back her son to take care n it really cause me lots of stress n now just because my mil is doing her confinement for her, she cannot help us to take care of our son anymore... My hubby did nothing.. I am very disappointed in him...
 
If u cant accept him for who he is, end the marriage. Loving him too much is not a valid reason to possess and control him.

Life is short. You are young only once. Really no time to be bogged down by unhappy issues.
 
I concur with triple70. The fact that you haven't had kids yet makes it easier to
go ahead. However your financial situation has to be sorted out first.
 
Hi mummies. Im in the same situation. Just found out that hubby engaged in some PRC 'massage service' last month. I caught him red handed when I checked his phone. This happened on Wednesday and it's Sunday today. He admitted to his mistakes and promised to change. This is the first time that I caught him doing this and he also explained that it was his first time engaging in such service and he felt really guilty after that. I was in total shock when I found out about this because nothing was wrong with our marriage prior to him visiting the massage parlour and I thought he dotes on me a lot, never thought that he would betray me like this. Maybe it was just that we are sexually inactive which lead him to it. However I have decided to give him another chance today but I still feel very upset every now and then whenever I think abt it and I have a lot of questions in my head, like "if I caught him later, maybe in another 2-3 months time instead, would I have found out that he went to these places for a 2nd time? A 3rd or 4th time?" but another part of me still loves him a lot. What do you think mummies? Will he really change? Because I have heard other stories from other mummies, that their Husband always promise to change but still went back to their old ways again. We are a pair of very young couple btw. I gave birth to no.1 when I was 20, 4 years later. I'm expecting no.2
 
Hi ladies

Understand how you feel
My husband had cheated on me with an overseas mistress as well for a year.
After I found out about it and had a big fight with him. We came to compromised because of the kid.
Few months later, he had this emotional cheating with a female colleague in his office. They text each otget secretly every night. Went out secretly for meals almost on a daily basis. Initially he lied that he needs to work late. Take snap shots of his laptop and show me just to convince me. Unfortunately, I got to find out the truth one day as one of my friend met him a few times late at night with this young lady.
I even went to the extreme to text this young lady which she denied having good a relationship with him. He secretly send her to and fro from work everyday. He even told me that it's no big deal sending a female colleague to and fro from work everyday and going out dinner every night and having drinks with this lady.
They are still continuing these routines
I think I had got enough of his nonsenses. I m thinking of filing for separation.
Would like to hear from you ladies about your thoughts on this.
 
Jo_Lim

Understand how u feel..the betrayal.

Suggest my 2cents worth ... get evidence n confront that bitch stop or reveal to the whole company.

That's the only way to twist her arm n make her walk out.

Meanwhile...how many Jane(s) can u stop? The main problem is yr hubby.

How old is yr child? How many kids? May i suggest u start rainy day savings n keep all household receipts. Feel free to PM me
 
Hi glado

I did boddly send a text to that young chic and she denied on everyday.
They still continue.
Am extremely is disappointed.
I say him secretly bringing the phone into the washroom again this morning. must be texting her and fetching her to work again.

How should I get the evidence? do I really have to hire a PI?

Is it expensive? Any recommendations ?

My kid is 9 by the way.



Jo_Lim

Understand how u feel..the betrayal.

Suggest my 2cents worth ... get evidence n confront that bitch stop or reveal to the whole company.

That's the only way to twist her arm n make her walk out.

Meanwhile...how many Jane(s) can u stop? The main problem is yr hubby.

How old is yr child? How many kids? May i suggest u start rainy day savings n keep all household receipts. Feel free to PM me
 
hi Jo_Lim
just to share my side of the story. I was in your husband's shoes. Text, meals, etc. Just that my ex confronted me and i admitted it. Eventually he filed for divorce after i showed no sign of returning to the marriage. He filed based on unreasonable behavior and court granted it. Depends if you want to try salvage the marriage and see if ur husband is willing to as well. If not, probably just end it... i had my share of problems with my ex that's why i fell out eventually . Just that my new "ship" is also a "sinking ship".
 
Hi ash 11

Thx foe sharing ur story. I actually quarreled and argued with him over this and had forgiven him and gave him chances for 5times. he always tell me that he swear he will stop these activities. yes..he stopped for a week then he went back to be the same again. his argument of me is that...I did not do anything with this gal and what is the problem of having drinks dinner and sending the gal to work? to me, he is a married man with kid. thereally should be a limitation not what he do. moreover I always argued that the young 27 yr old colleague s at fault toof. she knows that this guy is married, why always agree to go out with him, allow him to send u to work daily and snapchat personal daily videos with him at night.
To me, these behavioursites ate wrong.

Would like to hear all your thoughts too.
Thx
 
Jo_Lim,
i guess the girl is enjoying the attention too. That's kind of human nature... plus she is probably 'thrilled' that she has the attention of a married man. Given that it's over a year and if he shows no signs of remorse, he may just be pushing his luck because he may think u will just nag and scold and thats about it... If you have no kids, things are much easier. I have 2 kids 3 and 5 - and it's messier than anything and a whole lot more to handle. But whatever it is, divorce is the last way out. If he refuses to cooperate, maybe he'll only wake up after being served the divorce papers. If he doesnt wake up with that, then at least u know his true colors.
 
Jo_Lim,
i guess the girl is enjoying the attention too. That's kind of human nature... plus she is probably 'thrilled' that she has the attention of a married man. Given that it's over a year and if he shows no signs of remorse, he may just be pushing his luck because he may think u will just nag and scold and thats about it... If you have no kids, things are much easier. I have 2 kids 3 and 5 - and it's messier than anything and a whole lot more to handle. But whatever it is, divorce is the last way out. If he refuses to cooperate, maybe he'll only wake up after being served the divorce papers. If he doesnt wake up with that, then at least u know his true colors.

** Sorry just read u have a 9 yr old. U will need to take ur child into consideration too in this case....
 
Ash11

Please please do not be impulsive ...if he want divorce
.let him serve u ...be always the defendant.

U will be only the lossinf end of the stick if u are the plaintiff
 
Hello everyone,

I am writing in, seeking for support, as I have yet to cry when I found out my husband broke his promises again. I didn't have that devastated heart pain and crying miserably experiences which I felt previously. I feel numb.


First time
I was pregnant with our first child when I found out that he went for paid services on two occasions (that I know of). I didn't confront him until months later during a big argument about other marital issues. His excuse was I was rejecting him sexually and he needed to release. I forgave him and we moved on.

Second time

I found out that he had been flirting with girls on tinder and facebook. It was very disrespectful to expose our children and myself (his wife) to women out there. I spoke to one of the girls, she apologised and she claimed that my husband loves me very much and she won't get involved if she knows that I do not know about her existence. I confronted my husband and he said he will put an end to everything. The next day, I found out that few months back when our children and I were away, he had brought a couple back to our home and had threesome on the same same sofa our children plays and sleeps on. It was disgusting. He kept lying that there was nothing more, yet I was able to find out more sexual escapades. Well, in the end, he made promise to me that he will never ever lie to me again, and he will not hurt our family again. I forgave him and I did not penalise him for the past mistakes.

Third time
Just 3 months after the big discovery and soul searching moment... He has succumbed to temptation again. I found out my husband attempted to get paid sexual services while he was overseas for work. I didn't want to confront him this time, as I figured he will just pass it off as being curious about the reactions he will get from the prostitutes etc. I knew very well that had the girls not be late, he would've gone ahead with the service. But after a few days after I found about this, he got defensive when I asked him to 'housekeeping' his facebook friends. There are some women who are obviously not friends in real life. Broke into a mini argument, and eventually I revealed what I know he did.


He apologised but still giving reasons to excuse why he did it. I said the mere fact that he still have to back his 'sorry' with information to validate what he did, means he feels he is not wrong. He is selfish to put me in a insecure position to wonder and fear, to become a wife who checks on husband. I am not the type who invade privacy, I respect personal space. For all the times I found out, it was chanced upon while I was fixing his phone, etc. I hate it when he points fingers at me, avoiding the main issue. He said he don't feel love from me, that I am often too busy with kids to text him while he is overseas, etc.

I am not considering a divorce of leaving him. But I really feel drained. It is so hard to stay strong and put on big happy smile, but I need to because I don't want to affect our two young toddlers. Besides, I am pregnant with third baby now. I cannot choose to think for my own well being only.

I am thinking of counselling, but it is costly. I know my husband will never participate in counselling, I am thinking for myself... I don't have anyone to talk to about this issue - because I do not wish to hurt my husband's reputation. I cannot approach church or anywhere/anyone who knows us. I feel very stuck, my chest is so tight, the walls are boxing me in.
 
Hi LauraW, there are free or less expensive counselling services available out there. For instance, you can try Feiyue (http://www.fycs.org/) they are quite good and experience. If your hubby refuses to go, at least you can go yourself and get some third party advice.

Don't keep everything to yourself, this is unhealthy and not fair to you. You're pregnant now too and need to take care of wellbeing. Is there a friend whom you can totally trust to talk about things? Maybe someone who doesn't know your husband well or at all, if you are concern about privacy issues.

Take care sister.
 
Hello everyone,

I am writing in, seeking for support, as I have yet to cry when I found out my husband broke his promises again. I didn't have that devastated heart pain and crying miserably experiences which I felt previously. I feel numb.


First time
I was pregnant with our first child when I found out that he went for paid services on two occasions (that I know of). I didn't confront him until months later during a big argument about other marital issues. His excuse was I was rejecting him sexually and he needed to release. I forgave him and we moved on.

Second time

I found out that he had been flirting with girls on tinder and facebook. It was very disrespectful to expose our children and myself (his wife) to women out there. I spoke to one of the girls, she apologised and she claimed that my husband loves me very much and she won't get involved if she knows that I do not know about her existence. I confronted my husband and he said he will put an end to everything. The next day, I found out that few months back when our children and I were away, he had brought a couple back to our home and had threesome on the same same sofa our children plays and sleeps on. It was disgusting. He kept lying that there was nothing more, yet I was able to find out more sexual escapades. Well, in the end, he made promise to me that he will never ever lie to me again, and he will not hurt our family again. I forgave him and I did not penalise him for the past mistakes.

Third time
Just 3 months after the big discovery and soul searching moment... He has succumbed to temptation again. I found out my husband attempted to get paid sexual services while he was overseas for work. I didn't want to confront him this time, as I figured he will just pass it off as being curious about the reactions he will get from the prostitutes etc. I knew very well that had the girls not be late, he would've gone ahead with the service. But after a few days after I found about this, he got defensive when I asked him to 'housekeeping' his facebook friends. There are some women who are obviously not friends in real life. Broke into a mini argument, and eventually I revealed what I know he did.


He apologised but still giving reasons to excuse why he did it. I said the mere fact that he still have to back his 'sorry' with information to validate what he did, means he feels he is not wrong. He is selfish to put me in a insecure position to wonder and fear, to become a wife who checks on husband. I am not the type who invade privacy, I respect personal space. For all the times I found out, it was chanced upon while I was fixing his phone, etc. I hate it when he points fingers at me, avoiding the main issue. He said he don't feel love from me, that I am often too busy with kids to text him while he is overseas, etc.

I am not considering a divorce of leaving him. But I really feel drained. It is so hard to stay strong and put on big happy smile, but I need to because I don't want to affect our two young toddlers. Besides, I am pregnant with third baby now. I cannot choose to think for my own well being only.

I am thinking of counselling, but it is costly. I know my husband will never participate in counselling, I am thinking for myself... I don't have anyone to talk to about this issue - because I do not wish to hurt my husband's reputation. I cannot approach church or anywhere/anyone who knows us. I feel very stuck, my chest is so tight, the walls are boxing me in.

Hi Laura,

I saw your post in another thread. I don't know what advice to give you as I was being betrayed too. I am still learning to forget although I have forgiven. Just wanted to let you know how strong I think you are as a woman because you caught your hubby several times but still divorce is not a option for you because of your kids. As for me, I have just given birth to no2 and it has been 4 months since I caught my hubby red handed. After I decided to forgive him, I also found out on another day that he went to locanto to look for "friends to chat with" - he posted a advertisement and a couple of girls replied to his ad and he also tried to pm another girl and also tried calling other escorts after his 1st experience but all this before I found out abt his infidelity... I don't know what to think and of course it still hurts up to date. I may look fine on the outside but sometimes I still think of it and cry at night. It's embarrassing if my friends find out about my "doting Husband" cheating on me....
 
And I know that he is also deleting his web history on his phone regularly now so there is nothing that I can catch/find out even if he cheats now.... don't know how to check on him
 
Hi mummies. Im in the same situation. Just found out that hubby engaged in some PRC 'massage service' last month. I caught him red handed when I checked his phone. This happened on Wednesday and it's Sunday today. He admitted to his mistakes and promised to change. This is the first time that I caught him doing this and he also explained that it was his first time engaging in such service and he felt really guilty after that. I was in total shock when I found out about this because nothing was wrong with our marriage prior to him visiting the massage parlour and I thought he dotes on me a lot, never thought that he would betray me like this. Maybe it was just that we are sexually inactive which lead him to it. However I have decided to give him another chance today but I still feel very upset every now and then whenever I think abt it and I have a lot of questions in my head, like "if I caught him later, maybe in another 2-3 months time instead, would I have found out that he went to these places for a 2nd time? A 3rd or 4th time?" but another part of me still loves him a lot. What do you think mummies? Will he really change? Because I have heard other stories from other mummies, that their Husband always promise to change but still went back to their old ways again. We are a pair of very young couple btw. I gave birth to no.1 when I was 20, 4 years later. I'm expecting no.2
Maybe your sex life is dead?
 
My gf just share wif me she just found out after 4 yrs after her divorce her ex husband who file for div based on unreasonable behavior , had actually cheated... She saw wif her own eyes he was with his new wife and 2 kids , whose age is definitely more than 4 yrs old. .. considering she div only less than 4 yrs.. shame on her ex, dare not admit his affair some more lied he has health illness issue and run want to burden my fren.. can't hv sex with her... Terrible . Man cheat yet no balls , no gut to admit . Do finally he div my fren becos of 3rd party pregnant wif kids... Lucky my gf now found a bf ... So.for those woman without kid, still got chance to find new love ... Wif kids it's v v v difficult la...
 
For my case, my hubby is not cheating on me but I really feel that my love for him is gone... We r together because of our boy who is just 15mths old... I bear grudges towards my hubby cos I feel it because of him that my boy have to take public transport and I also feel that he don't take care of me like he used to. He also don't fight for our rights, his mum is taking after our son n our nephew currently but she will stop taking care of our son once my sil gv birth in oct, I feel it very unfair cos last year when I was doing my confinement, my sil never took back her son to take care n it really cause me lots of stress n now just because my mil is doing her confinement for her, she cannot help us to take care of our son anymore... My hubby did nothing.. I am very disappointed in him...


I understand how you feel. My love towards my husband also gone and we stay just because of our son who is only one month old.

I very sick of acting everyday because we don't want my in law to know that we are drifting apart. The worst is he so addicted to porn that really disgusted me a lot. Sometimes we are late for our appointments but he still insists watching porn before leaving the house. Which woman can endure a husband who keep watching videos of other women boobs and fxxxxxx? I feel so depress. If I am not good enough, why did he want to be with me in the first place?

Then he never contribute to the family. He don't like to work hard. Only use gamble as a reason to earn extra income. Seriously, I earn even more than him. For the sake of my son, I endure. I so sick of spending the night alone without him. What the point of still keeping this marriage?
 
I understand how you feel. My love towards my husband also gone and we stay just because of our son who is only one month old.

I very sick of acting everyday because we don't want my in law to know that we are drifting apart. The worst is he so addicted to porn that really disgusted me a lot. Sometimes we are late for our appointments but he still insists watching porn before leaving the house. Which woman can endure a husband who keep watching videos of other women boobs and fxxxxxx? I feel so depress. If I am not good enough, why did he want to be with me in the first place?

Then he never contribute to the family. He don't like to work hard. Only use gamble as a reason to earn extra income. Seriously, I earn even more than him. For the sake of my son, I endure. I so sick of spending the night alone without him. What the point of still keeping this marriage?

Porn addiction is a "sickness", and so is compulsive gambling. You should really try to get him to consult a professional. Your baby may not "understand", but he can feel the vibes and he is watching and learning. I always believe that a happy mommy is a great mommy. You should try to sort out your priorities.

There are many reasons why people get married, maybe half is "true love". Whatever it is, it should be an amicable and happy marriage. You have a long long way to go... Do you want your child to grow up watching your marriage? And be what you and your husband are? If not, you must do something about it. "Endure" may not always be the right move. We only ENDURE if it is a phase that will pass.
 
Porn addiction is a "sickness", and so is compulsive gambling. You should really try to get him to consult a professional. Your baby may not "understand", but he can feel the vibes and he is watching and learning. I always believe that a happy mommy is a great mommy. You should try to sort out your priorities.

There are many reasons why people get married, maybe half is "true love". Whatever it is, it should be an amicable and happy marriage. You have a long long way to go... Do you want your child to grow up watching your marriage? And be what you and your husband are? If not, you must do something about it. "Endure" may not always be the right move. We only ENDURE if it is a phase that will pass.

He told me he started watching porn since secondary school. It like more than 20 years. Therefore he can't kick the habit. I told him if u are still single, it ok to watch but now you are attached and married, why do you still have to watch? He told me he need to release as he is a very horny person. Cos I still in confinement. But now I think back, sometimes when we make out, he also will watch porn which I think is really too much.

Then lately he buy me gifts to ease his guilt. But seriously, I don't really give a damn on these gifts. I not a materialistic person. What I want is someone who treat me with respect because I feel that those guys who watch porn have no respect of women. To them, women is just a sex toy like those women in the porn videos. It only been less then a year we got married and he is already like this, I really doubt if I can accept like this forever.

I thinking of divorce but I know that if a marriage is less than 3 years, we have to go through separation first. However, there is no where I can go. I can't possibly go back to my parents place as there is no additional room for me to stay. Then my mother in law treat me quite good. It will be really devastating for her if she know about it.

To say the truth, I don't really love him as much as before. Maybe because he did too many things that break my heart. Though he never have an affair outside but I can't trust him anymore. It like for someone who is so horny watching porn everyday, there is highly a possibility that one day he will have an affair outside. Just that currently he is not rich and still borrow from the bank, he think that no other girls will want to have an affair with him but as what the forumers mention here, free sex are everywhere. You can find sex online too. The trust is no longer there anymore towards him. Now I don't even want to have sex with him anymore. It just disgust me.
 
Well, the porn addiction is deep-rooted and had lasted for more than two decades - but it is still a mental problem. You guys should be seeing a professional to seek help. It is not an excuse to continue, especially if it is not mutual, and it compromises your marriage's health.

Now, when you are in confinement, it is a terrible time to make any big decisions. Why? Because, when we are pregnant, our hormones are 1000%. and then, after give birth, this dropped to 10%. I would be the first to admit it, and it takes as long as 6mths to 2 years to be "normal" again.

For example, it is not very logical to fault someone for what they "might" do in the future. People do change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. A very simple question to ask yourself, and your husband is, what kind of a parent do you want for your child? To me, everything that I do, I want my children to be proud of me. I may not be rich, but I am kind. I may not be pretty, but I am generous. Like how my friend, chronic smoker for 30 years, gave up smoking after the PD scolded him - - if he wants to build dreams and castles for his daughter, why would be deny his precious one of clean air?

And in the meantime, think of some happy thoughts for your baby. Try to engage your husband and get him to help out so that he will feel more like a parent. Some things do not come naturally.
 
Hi,
This is the first time I am posting in forum, so if I post this wrongly, I am very sorry in advance.
I am looking for a wife who was cheated by husband for around 7 years. Apparently my friend's husband cheated my friend recently, and the woman whom he has been with was having affair for 7 years with another married woman.
This married husband is Singaporean Chinese guy and first name starts from M. The woman I mentioned earlier is Singaporean Malay woman. I know it is very sensitive issue, but I wish to be my friend's support, and get to know his wife in order to exchange the information. If you get any idea on this story, please let me know.
 
... Wif kids it's v v v difficult la...

I may have to be the one to disagree the statement to a certain extend. A divorcee and a divorcee with kids should look outward towards a more liberal-is tic someone. That means to say this someone is overly tough to be shaken by the external factors surrounding him. And it also means he could easily be an Asian guy or Singaporean guy.

From a liberalism point of view, a judgement call on someone based on his/ her kids is harsh. I have known a friend for over 10 years and during one of our discussions, he proudly and firmly ascertained that he will never accept and settle down with woman with kids. I foresee the kind of 'dream lady' captured inside the images of his and on top of that, I could feel there is going to be a very big rock lying ahead of his way. This rock comes with very rough and sharp textures not to be meddle without precision gloves.

On the other hand, I have known a friend who has had countless of men pounding on her. She has more than two kids. Any single part of the country she has her foot stepped on, there are going to be men waiting to make their moves. Upon knowing her own vulnerabilities as well as countless of men or so called 'Mr Nice GuyS' trying so very hard to exploit her (she has her own sexual needs too), she guarded the temptations very very smartly. In short, before any man that she likes can gets into her pants, he needs to fulfill a certain level of commitment. This commitment is non other than signing the dotted line. That is what made her a dream lady of men.

A post for sharing and thoughts! :)
 
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My husband cheated on me not by succumbing to some temptation.. but by careful scheming and planning of events.. he downloaded a chat application.. found someone and chatted dirty at first.. then planned to meet and had sex with her.. not once, twice but thrice in a span of 5 months..

I would like to mention that our relationship was a very healthy one.. we loved each other, respected and had a great sex life.. anyone who knew us knew how much we were in love and used to say we r a perfect couple..
I never sensed that he was sexually dissatisfied as we used to make love quite frequently..
What is shocking is that we went on our dream holiday (3 weeks) between first and second cheating episode and really really had a good time in each other's company..
Yet after returning he cheated within a span of 2 weeks...

When I found out the truth couple of days ago it was absolutely by fate as that woman connected with me on fb and coincidentally it was just a day after our 5th wedding anniversary which we had celebrated beautifully..

At that point as well instead of coming clean he tried to manipulate me by saying she is a freak and a psycho and I should block her and he will only talk to me once I blocked her.. I didn't and coaxed and pleaded him to tell me the truth nd that I believe in our love and no one can break it..

But as he revealed the details it has broken and shattered me completely.. I can't come to terms with the fact that he so carefully planned and went on to cheat.. it wasn't a moment that led him to stray but a series of carefully planned events of cheating..

Some couples have the intimacy problem or that they r falling out of love but I have analysed every possible angle of our marriage and trust me it was perfect. We used to sleep in each other's arms and loved each other so much..we used to talk about everything and always promised to never let our marriage break.. that holiday was like our 2nd honeymoon. We were to plan a baby in a couple of months and were already researching on doctors and hospitals.... yet he cheated on me right after that...

Worst part is I used to jokingly ask him if he will always love me.. never leave me.. never fall for someone else and he used to say me things like I am his soul mate.. no one can ever be in my place.. etc and i asked the same to him on our anniversary too.. but when all the details came out.. there was this one thing - he messaged her also on the very same day asking her to marry him as she had told him that she was pregnant...

I am really really heartbroken and I feel like dying.. I keep thinking of our families who think of him as a perfect son.. perfect brother.. perfect husband and here he is.. he lied to me point blank while looking in my eyes and I could not sense anything.. there was nothing in his manner at home or with me that will give me an inclination or hint..

Now he is begging for forgiveness but I could have forgiven a mistake or him falling prey to temptation but not this.. it was carefully planned and carried out and he had plenty of triggers to awaken his conscience during those days but not only he lied through his teeth he also manipulated her in believing he 'loved' her to extract sexual favours..
I used to think of morality and ethics as the most important of part of someone's personality and he knew that very well about me..

I can't take him back and i have vowed that i am never going to have his child but can't immediately leave.. my family back home (we r expats) is undergoing some financial troubles and I don't want to burden them with my problems right now.. I can't talk to any friends and most of them know him too and it's going to be very uncomfortable... I am crying continuously since last 2 days and can't do anything productive.. everywhere I look in the house are the remnants of our love and I just can't seem to get hold of myself...
How could someone look into the eyes of other and lie.?. tell I love you and I am always yours but schemes to have sex with someone else.. be so cunning and manipulative that breach of trust and loyalty stands no meaning for him...
I don't know what to do but i can't take it anymore...
 
My husband cheated on me not by succumbing to some temptation.. but by careful scheming and planning of events.. he downloaded a chat application.. found someone and chatted dirty at first.. then planned to meet and had sex with her.. not once, twice but thrice in a span of 5 months..

I would like to mention that our relationship was a very healthy one.. we loved each other, respected and had a great sex life.. anyone who knew us knew how much we were in love and used to say we r a perfect couple..
I never sensed that he was sexually dissatisfied as we used to make love quite frequently..
What is shocking is that we went on our dream holiday (3 weeks) between first and second cheating episode and really really had a good time in each other's company..
Yet after returning he cheated within a span of 2 weeks...

When I found out the truth couple of days ago it was absolutely by fate as that woman connected with me on fb and coincidentally it was just a day after our 5th wedding anniversary which we had celebrated beautifully..

At that point as well instead of coming clean he tried to manipulate me by saying she is a freak and a psycho and I should block her and he will only talk to me once I blocked her.. I didn't and coaxed and pleaded him to tell me the truth nd that I believe in our love and no one can break it..

But as he revealed the details it has broken and shattered me completely.. I can't come to terms with the fact that he so carefully planned and went on to cheat.. it wasn't a moment that led him to stray but a series of carefully planned events of cheating..

Some couples have the intimacy problem or that they r falling out of love but I have analysed every possible angle of our marriage and trust me it was perfect. We used to sleep in each other's arms and loved each other so much..we used to talk about everything and always promised to never let our marriage break.. that holiday was like our 2nd honeymoon. We were to plan a baby in a couple of months and were already researching on doctors and hospitals.... yet he cheated on me right after that...

Worst part is I used to jokingly ask him if he will always love me.. never leave me.. never fall for someone else and he used to say me things like I am his soul mate.. no one can ever be in my place.. etc and i asked the same to him on our anniversary too.. but when all the details came out.. there was this one thing - he messaged her also on the very same day asking her to marry him as she had told him that she was pregnant...

I am really really heartbroken and I feel like dying.. I keep thinking of our families who think of him as a perfect son.. perfect brother.. perfect husband and here he is.. he lied to me point blank while looking in my eyes and I could not sense anything.. there was nothing in his manner at home or with me that will give me an inclination or hint..

Now he is begging for forgiveness but I could have forgiven a mistake or him falling prey to temptation but not this.. it was carefully planned and carried out and he had plenty of triggers to awaken his conscience during those days but not only he lied through his teeth he also manipulated her in believing he 'loved' her to extract sexual favours..
I used to think of morality and ethics as the most important of part of someone's personality and he knew that very well about me..

I can't take him back and i have vowed that i am never going to have his child but can't immediately leave.. my family back home (we r expats) is undergoing some financial troubles and I don't want to burden them with my problems right now.. I can't talk to any friends and most of them know him too and it's going to be very uncomfortable... I am crying continuously since last 2 days and can't do anything productive.. everywhere I look in the house are the remnants of our love and I just can't seem to get hold of myself...
How could someone look into the eyes of other and lie.?. tell I love you and I am always yours but schemes to have sex with someone else.. be so cunning and manipulative that breach of trust and loyalty stands no meaning for him...
I don't know what to do but i can't take it anymore...

Men are born to be liars and they think that we are stupid enough not to know the difference.

U think that your marriage is a perfect one but let me tell you, guys are never satisfied. They will feel Sian facing the same person for 5 years. Yes, I believe that he still love you but it not enough. Guys need other form of stimulation. That why they turn to porn, they cheated outside but because they know that eventually it the wives who spend the rest of their lives with so they still hold on to the marriage. It Becos they are selfish. They want to enjoy themselves outside but yet they want their wives to take care of them and the family.

If you can't forgive your husband, please don't think of having a kid with him. It will make the matters worse. Since now there are no kids, better leave him. Sorry to say I think your husband is very cunning. Even if you forgive him this time, next time he also will be like this.
 
Yes Brokensoul. I think it's a good chance to leave him now since you don't have kids with him yet. Good for you. Some people like us are stuck in a marriage because we have kids with us. If I were you, I would have left him soonest. Lucky you
 
I understand how you feel. My love towards my husband also gone and we stay just because of our son who is only one month old.

I very sick of acting everyday because we don't want my in law to know that we are drifting apart. The worst is he so addicted to porn that really disgusted me a lot. Sometimes we are late for our appointments but he still insists watching porn before leaving the house. Which woman can endure a husband who keep watching videos of other women boobs and fxxxxxx? I feel so depress. If I am not good enough, why did he want to be with me in the first place?

Then he never contribute to the family. He don't like to work hard. Only use gamble as a reason to earn extra income. Seriously, I earn even more than him. For the sake of my son, I endure. I so sick of spending the night alone without him. What the point of still keeping this marriage?

Hi Huy,

Like u, my husband also has intimacy and sexual issues. For years, I've tried to accommodate him and play to his preference. But I feel when my husband is not emotionally connected w me during the deed, I've alr lost him somewhat n he's merely using my as a tool. I understand how u feel when u say he's watching porn every day when u r ard. It's as if we aren't ever enough, for them. I oso feel repulsed, esp bc I find his sexual expression is deviant n not steered towards me, hence I've ceased all conjugal relations. A marriage sans sex n intimacy is unfulfilling, amongst other marital issues, hence I've alr decided to move on. It depends on wat aspects u feel r important in a marriage. To me, post exit, husband n I can still care for children in our own ways n tt allows me a chance to seek love for myself, if any.
 
Hi ladies... very interested to know if any of you would want to forum a physical support group for broken relationship.. just having coffee, comfy environment... just sharing without judgement... just supporting each other?
 
Hi mummies. Im in the same situation. Just found out that hubby engaged in some PRC 'massage service' last month. I caught him red handed when I checked his phone. This happened on Wednesday and it's Sunday today. He admitted to his mistakes and promised to change. This is the first time that I caught him doing this and he also explained that it was his first time engaging in such service and he felt really guilty after that. I was in total shock when I found out about this because nothing was wrong with our marriage prior to him visiting the massage parlour and I thought he dotes on me a lot, never thought that he would betray me like this. Maybe it was just that we are sexually inactive which lead him to it. However I have decided to give him another chance today but I still feel very upset every now and then whenever I think abt it and I have a lot of questions in my head, like "if I caught him later, maybe in another 2-3 months time instead, would I have found out that he went to these places for a 2nd time? A 3rd or 4th time?" but another part of me still loves him a lot. What do you think mummies? Will he really change? Because I have heard other stories from other mummies, that their Husband always promise to change but still went back to their old ways again. We are a pair of very young couple btw. I gave birth to no.1 when I was 20, 4 years later. I'm expecting no.2

Hi, I’m sorry to be frank.

Have you been checking his phone very frequently prior to finding out about this incident?

I really don’t think it was his first time engaging in those PRC massage when you caught him. Sounds more like a convenient lie and a big red flag to me that he wouldn’t even want to be honest even when you have caught him red-handed. If so, do you still believe his words that it will be his ‘first and last attempt’?
 
I’m a PR and my husband is a Singaporean. Today, i randomly checked his phone and found out that he’s engaging in a ‘massage parlor’. I’m not so sure if he went there already or just booked an appt. I have all the evidence of the time he contact the number and also i found out that the number belongs to a PRC that do those sexual services that can search from the internet. It’s not his first time to do this last time with Thai, Viet etc. We’re having a 2nd child and we’re getting a house next year. I don’t know if i just accept it or separatehim. He knows that i know but still acting blur and trying to change the topic to make me the one who’s at fault. What to do? We’re young couple so i feel that it’s better to divorce that stay in this kind of relationship.
My husband will not admit it whatever it takes he will revert the problem to me that i always started this kind of nonsense.
 
Hi ladies... very interested to know if any of you would want to forum a physical support group for broken relationship.. just having coffee, comfy environment... just sharing without judgement... just supporting each other?

Hey, I'm interested in meeting someone to talk about my situation too. Would you still be interested? Let me know how to connect! :)
 
Why not share here. More people can give u idea n advice


Hi Wendy,

I believe that talking face to face would be better for me. I would be able to express myself better because it's raw and people get to see your emotions and, maybe give you better advise. I am more than happy if there are more people who would like to meet up and share their stories.

Ever since I've found out that I've been cheated on, I've been looking for support groups that meets up to share advice and their experience to the road of recovery. I desperately need someone to talk to rather than typing my story behind a screen.

:)
 
If really need help go counselling. It private n confidential.

lol, please stop living in an air bubble. If you want to live behind your screen, please do you. Not everyone is like you.

People actually do meet up and talk. That's the reason for a support group. Talking and sharing helps people to get stronger and to heal. Talking and sharing does not generally equate to seeking 'idea and advise' or 'help'.
 
Why so work up. If really need support group, someone must be experience and professional to help. In a support group do u know who is the person u talking to? Singapore is small, words may spread. And it will bring more problem. At least behind a screen nobody know who u are.
 
lol, please stop living in an air bubble. If you want to live behind your screen, please do you. Not everyone is like you.

People actually do meet up and talk. That's the reason for a support group. Talking and sharing helps people to get stronger and to heal. Talking and sharing does not generally equate to seeking 'idea and advise' or 'help'.

Wendy is right. U are a new comer. Actually it's more convience to talk n discuss with everyone here.
Meeting will be risky as don't know your background n what is your truth motive.

Anyway by talking here with a Nick is common. If u are so impatience to talk here any good in meeting up?
 
Any way I feel u are back ward. Even for support people are not meeting up at the 1st instance. Most of us have work n personal commitments. To set aside a time n place for meeting is really inconvenience. Here in forum anytime free can come in for a chat n discuss
 
I am a victim of cheating hubby
For 38 yrs married to this heartless man
Never will I expect a kayu behaviour man
Man of little words, but double character
For 10 yrs , he had been toying with young PRC girls on his working trips
Almost cheated by girls who claimed he is the dad ( who know)
He sired how many barstads there
We have two boys , age30 plus
We had a happy marriage , very responsible dad , Son in law and filial , affectionate Brother
Everybody dream partners , to my close friends and colleagues
I was shattered a year ago after reading his email and found the obscene photos of the girls .
I hit and slapped him hard , cannot control, never done it before, informed his brother but not my family , my mum Will died if she heard about it
We seek counselling as he begged , and cried
My son’s forgave him when he kneeled and begged for forgiveness
The counsellor think he is sincere but my heart is broken and overnight loss confidence in him
Will just wait and see if it work , otherwise
Got to execute my own plan
 
He is sincere by what means? Being loving in front of friends n relative. Other than that did he allow u to go on working trips n checking on his hp regularly
 
Always sending photo of us two to family chat group , that irritated his brother who saw thru him.
He stopped going to China (especially shanghai).
They can still contact in various ways
He removed password of his phone so I can gain access , it’s just nonsense
At work , he can contact each other and then erased .With advanced IT tech, everything is possible
It’s all up to him , want to repent, turn over a new leaf ,
Rebuild trust , lots of effort and patience,
Complained about lack of money (bought a 3 roomed a apartment in china for mistress , payed his younger father in law medical fees,
Worse is sponsored the girl to study here, rented a flat in Tiong Bahru , (all busted by me thru discovery )
Applied visas twice to Singapore for the whore while I was overseas
Am I stupid to forgive him ?
I went into depression but my commitment in work and friends support helped me to pull through, Live like Zombie , triggered by environmental factors led me to depression at time .
I am very disappointed and regretted married him .
Lost lost at time but grateful to spiritual support
 
Its sad to see such things.
Since your child already grown up, you can go the way you wanted as well. Chinese saying... 看开...
Don't think divorce or not matter now. So just be yourself and live happily and do what you want.
 
Always sending photo of us two to family chat group , that irritated his brother who saw thru him.
He stopped going to China (especially shanghai).
They can still contact in various ways
He removed password of his phone so I can gain access , it’s just nonsense
At work , he can contact each other and then erased .With advanced IT tech, everything is possible
It’s all up to him , want to repent, turn over a new leaf ,
Rebuild trust , lots of effort and patience,
Complained about lack of money (bought a 3 roomed a apartment in china for mistress , payed his younger father in law medical fees,
Worse is sponsored the girl to study here, rented a flat in Tiong Bahru , (all busted by me thru discovery )
Applied visas twice to Singapore for the whore while I was overseas
Am I stupid to forgive him ?
I went into depression but my commitment in work and friends support helped me to pull through, Live like Zombie , triggered by environmental factors led me to depression at time .
I am very disappointed and regretted married him .
Lost lost at time but grateful to spiritual support

So is that women still in Singapore?
 
Hi, I know I don't belong here, but this is the closest to a support group for cheating spouses.

I'm 27 this year, barely married for 6 months and my wife is filling a separation against me.

Not to keep scores, but in our 3 years of relationship, to my knowledge, my wife attempted to cheat 4 times, twice successfully.
I will just talk about the attempt 4, the 1st and hopefully last adultery.

2018 is a challenging year for me.

At the beginning of 2018, my gf and I were planning a Korea trip. our first trip as a couple for 2 years alone.
We were staying in a rented room when the tenant requested us to move out due to an unexpected pregnancy and needed the room. So my gf, being a foreigner and never had a permanent place to stay, said she didn't want to rent outside anymore and i decided to purchase a HDB.
Because we both finally just started to be financially stable, i could not afford to hold a wedding and buy the apartment at the same time, i took out a company loan to furnish everything.
Months before the wedding on mid of 2018, we were 1/4 into the loan and i felt desperate. This was my life mistake. I resulted to gambling to help fund the wedding and renovation of the house. Biggest mistake of my life. lost 5/8 of the loan and had to pay off the wedding literally on the spot.
I continued my bad ways, constantly hiding my activities from her, lying to her. She gave me an ultimatum just before the marriage that she will leave if i didnt change. so after the wedding, i started to join a support group for gambling. didn't work, continued to gamble, she continued to find out and towards the nov 2018, we dont talk anymore. she is not interested in my financial debts, and I'm desperately trying to find a solution to continue to provide for her, while paying debts, and resort to gambling.
Of course, I celebrated Christmas and new years alone.
Stopped gambling since new years day, and one fine day my wife suddenly says she feels threatened by me and said she want to move out. I was super confused. we argued. that same fine day, she packed everything and left.

3 days later i found out that she slept with attempt 4 the night before that fine day, and she is the one now filling for separation.

I'm now living alone in my house, feeling all sorts of emotion.

Really wished that there is an actual physical support group that I could attend.

Just wanted to share my story. Thank you for reading.
 


Hi, I know I don't belong here, but this is the closest to a support group for cheating spouses.

I'm 27 this year, barely married for 6 months and my wife is filling a separation against me.

Not to keep scores, but in our 3 years of relationship, to my knowledge, my wife attempted to cheat 4 times, twice successfully.
I will just talk about the attempt 4, the 1st and hopefully last adultery.

2018 is a challenging year for me.

At the beginning of 2018, my gf and I were planning a Korea trip. our first trip as a couple for 2 years alone.
We were staying in a rented room when the tenant requested us to move out due to an unexpected pregnancy and needed the room. So my gf, being a foreigner and never had a permanent place to stay, said she didn't want to rent outside anymore and i decided to purchase a HDB.
Because we both finally just started to be financially stable, i could not afford to hold a wedding and buy the apartment at the same time, i took out a company loan to furnish everything.
Months before the wedding on mid of 2018, we were 1/4 into the loan and i felt desperate. This was my life mistake. I resulted to gambling to help fund the wedding and renovation of the house. Biggest mistake of my life. lost 5/8 of the loan and had to pay off the wedding literally on the spot.
I continued my bad ways, constantly hiding my activities from her, lying to her. She gave me an ultimatum just before the marriage that she will leave if i didnt change. so after the wedding, i started to join a support group for gambling. didn't work, continued to gamble, she continued to find out and towards the nov 2018, we dont talk anymore. she is not interested in my financial debts, and I'm desperately trying to find a solution to continue to provide for her, while paying debts, and resort to gambling.
Of course, I celebrated Christmas and new years alone.
Stopped gambling since new years day, and one fine day my wife suddenly says she feels threatened by me and said she want to move out. I was super confused. we argued. that same fine day, she packed everything and left.

3 days later i found out that she slept with attempt 4 the night before that fine day, and she is the one now filling for separation.

I'm now living alone in my house, feeling all sorts of emotion.

Really wished that there is an actual physical support group that I could attend.

Just wanted to share my story. Thank you for reading.
 

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