Divorced with Kids...and Its Aftermath

i really dk what he's thinking...

Everyday ask me to study for my paper (im taking a cert now) after kids sleep which is about 10pm. When i text n say that i'm going to study, he says im lying and say that i'm probably going out dating or somewhere. Continues to text me every 5 to 10 minutes about stupid stuff like how long his watch battery can last (just got a new smartwatch) and asking me what's the netflix password. By then it's 11pm and i give up studying.

Then he asks what i've been doing since 8pm when he knew i got home at 815pm and was having dinner, and resting after , and about 9pm kids came back after being out with their dad. Got them to bed around 930pm, then started my stuff. I told him, all this u are aware. And he says "ur life is determined by what u do after 7pm everyday". I shot back and asked him if all these material achievements mattered the most to him and that relationships didnt matter? He said, when material achievements are achieved, then relationships with friends n family will matter.I was like, WHAT?

We usually go work together and meet in the morning. But he woke late today and told me to go ahead first. He called me about 803am, when i just dropped my girl off at sch. At 850 i said i was reaching my workplace, and he says how could i possibly be outside the sch at 815am and reach work at 850? Implying that my ex probably sent me to work (not the first time he's implying this). I showed him my call log that he called me at 803am and not 815am. I asked him why does he purposely want to find fault with me??? He said oh, (sarcastically) that he didnt know he called me at 803 instead of 815..

Was at my place yesterday. Came into my room and asked me how come i called my ex at midnight , after he checked my house phone call log. Immediately i dismissed his stupid comment because my house phone can see placed calls but cannot see the time it was placed. Moreover i didn't even call my ex. I almost rolled my eyes at him while saying that i didnt call, and most probably it might have been my daughter who called (cos she sometimes calls her dad). He sarcastically says "oh, so she call him at midnight?" I just wanted to punch him but i quietly grit my teeth before saying again that i didn't call my ex at all.

Heard cries from the kids room, and went to take a look cos it wasn't really normal. Went to take a look and it was my elder one cos she had nightmares, i think. Received multiple texts asking where did i MIA to. I said my elder girl had nightmare. He asked me why i had to entertain her and even go attend to her cos she's old enough. Im like hello she's just a kid?? Thinks that i pamper my kids too much. I said she's just a kid and he says, ok, ask her to smuggle drugs. See what the judge sentence her. I said hello, im talking abt a nightmare, u'r talking abt this? He says, it's the same logic. WTF?

Video calls me one day to check if im really at home studying. I said ya la studying. Then he abruptly hangs up. I'm left in the air hanging so i text and ask what's going on. He replies saying 'Boring'. Im like, wtf? U just hang up like that and cite the reason boring? I totally cant comprehend. I bombard his phone and demand an apology. He says he will apologize only after i finish studying. WTFFFFFF???? We get into a huge argument and he refuses to pick up anymore calls. Texts and say hes tired an wanna sleep, don't disturb him. Next day acts like nothing happened. ANd i never got my apology.

whats wrong with such ppl?
 


Sorry to tell you, there's nothing wrong w him, but there's something wrong with you to hold on to this relationship when you are aware that it is a "poisonous" relationship for you and your kids...you are not jus taking a slow poison yourself but also feeding your innocent children.....you are jus killing yourself and the children...

As a mum, I know we won't want to let go of the kids in whatever situation...but in your case, perhaps you should think carefully who will be a better caregiver to bring them up and guide them....make them better, stronger and happier women later in life.
 
Ash11,

Like many here have said, you need to end this 2nd relationship. You are entrusting your kid's future to this irresponsible fickle young man of 23? It's not good for you in the long term and I highly doubt it will be good for your kids in any way. I would advise you be alone for awhile with your kids. Enjoy their company and sort yourself out.
You need the time to yourself.
 
Almost 99% of the posters here are advising you to leave this poisoning man. Sound like you are no longer deeply in love with him because you complained so much about him. Take this opportunity to move on. Tell him that he is not the right one for you. If he insisted want you back, tell him that your ex is better than him. I am sure he will leave you alone. Don't waste your time. Stop poison your kids especially the older one who starting to understand things happening around you. Your future with man won't be any good either. Besides he is behaving like a child who think he has matured thinking but knows nothing. Are you willing to take care of another child especially the problematic one?
 
This thread is very depressing. Ash11 you are very negative and lack of confident.
Everyone have their own story. we seek solace and encouragements. We hear from people and analyse their opinion.
Do what you deem fit.
By now you shld be clear of what is going on. Move on.
learnt from past experiences... Dun worry that you cant find happiness..
Happiness will come .. if you dwell on all this, you just keep falling into depression.
I believe some forumer would hv pm you and trying to help. you are not alone. Take the 1st step.. be it a serious crash out with your partner or part separate ways from him.

We all have a choices, dun look back once you decide. What is loss but is a gain in experience and knowledge.
 
This evening we got to my place as he needed to finish up his assignment due tmr and he asked me for help. It was a law assignment so I wasn't expecting it to be easy but given the nature of this rship, we got into a fight and I stormed out of the house. I did my best to help but was being criticised the whole time and he wasn't appreciative at all... I simply stared back and said I was trying to help n he got more n more irritated as I went on and he punched my arm while threatening to pack up and leave if I nagged again.

I was really hurt because I didn't think he knew what being appreciative was unless the task got done (I managed to repair his PC just couple of days back and got a few thank yous). I just had to face the fact that he had anger management issues - particularly with me and nth was going to change that ever. That he was never going to admit he was ever at fault 99℅ of the time. I felt myself just sigh in resignation, in surrender.. i just seemed a step closer and closer to have 2 feet out the door each day.

As I broke down for the umpteenth time on the bench downstairs , I laid down and stared at the sky above. I felt almost ready to send him the link to the blog I've specifically dedicated to him, which I started a week ago detailing all the good and bad times, photos...memories...and most importantly why I chose to end it. Like a farewell, closure speech.

My first thought was, won't he be so poor thing if I were to do this to him now? Then another voice told me.. poor thing? When he hit u and verbally and physically abused u.. did he ever once think u were poor thing ? I stared at the sky and the first voice told me , "but he really loves u.." and the 2nd says "u wanna talk abt love? Ok. Then think about it. Ur ex - got betrayed by u , but ended up giving u the kids and house cos he knows how tough it will be for u being without the kids and for u to live outside alone. That's despite being cheated on . Still gives u his blessings IF u were happier with the new guy. VERSUS this guy who yes, spends all his dollars n cents and time on u and srill stays with u thru ups and downs , adores ur kids (maybe) but belittles u all the time ?? Never thinks he's wrong? Abuses u? Hellooo? U know which one is called love don't u ?" There and then I knew I had my answer ...

Now bombards my phone and Im trying not to pick up. I get texts saying he knows I'm out with my ex . And all those nasty shit. My heart is way broken but I'm almost numb....
 
My first thought was, won't he be so poor thing if I were to do this to him now? Then another voice told me.. poor thing? When he hit u and verbally and physically abused u.. did he ever once think u were poor thing ? I stared at the sky and the first voice told me , "but he really loves u.." and the 2nd says "u wanna talk abt love? Ok. Then think about it. Ur ex - got betrayed by u , but ended up giving u the kids and house cos he knows how tough it will be for u being without the kids and for u to live outside alone. That's despite being cheated on . Still gives u his blessings IF u were happier with the new guy. VERSUS this guy who yes, spends all his dollars n cents and time on u and srill stays with u thru ups and downs , adores ur kids (maybe) but belittles u all the time ?? Never thinks he's wrong? Abuses u? Hellooo? U know which one is called love don't u ?" There and then I knew I had my answer ....

Why don't you just go back to your ex hubby?
 
I picked up the phone, and was amazingly calm. He asked me why did i have to look for my ex (i did not deny). And why i didn't answer all his calls. I asked if he called me just to accuse me of cheating on him and lying, before hanging up on him. Nasty texts came in, and i didn't have anymore tears left.

My mouse hovered over the send button in my email, for the longest time. And when I read the message from him that read "lets break up.", i closed my eyes.. and hit send. I knew he felt cheated on..

He said i chose to end it .... he said all his future plans with me were destroyed. I didnt bother arguing anymore... i didn't see any future plans...texts are still coming in, with one saying he thought i'd help him with his assignment and that he's going to have to repeat his assignment cos of me...... (i read some articles that some psychotic guy basically blames u for everything that goes wrong in his life and this looks like it). As the clock ticks i'm starting to feel guilty for making him fail this assignment. .. I can almost see a face in my brain rolling eyes at me.

Re-reading the blog i sent and still sobbing. But sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go.
 
I picked up the phone, and was amazingly calm. He asked me why did i have to look for my ex (i did not deny). And why i didn't answer all his calls. I asked if he called me just to accuse me of cheating on him and lying, before hanging up on him. Nasty texts came in, and i didn't have anymore tears left.

My mouse hovered over the send button in my email, for the longest time. And when I read the message from him that read "lets break up.", i closed my eyes.. and hit send. I knew he felt cheated on..

He said i chose to end it .... he said all his future plans with me were destroyed. I didnt bother arguing anymore... i didn't see any future plans...texts are still coming in, with one saying he thought i'd help him with his assignment and that he's going to have to repeat his assignment cos of me...... (i read some articles that some psychotic guy basically blames u for everything that goes wrong in his life and this looks like it). As the clock ticks i'm starting to feel guilty for making him fail this assignment. .. I can almost see a face in my brain rolling eyes at me.

Re-reading the blog i sent and still sobbing. But sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go.
I've been following this thread since it started and honestly, u are either so messed up that u mistake the abuse that he is giving u for attention or putting ur writing skills to good use here and seeking attention from forum members. Either way, u are harming no one but urself and sadly, ur kids.

Sorry to sound harsh but really...why do u persist in getting hurt time and again when u know that ur current relationship is such a toxic one to everyone involved, esp ur children?
 
The more I read, the more it sometimes made me feel if you are scriptwriting a drama in your own thoughts or emotions? Given a normal person who keep facing endless miseries would already have picked up the courage to end this relationship. Sorry, for saying this..
 
Hi Ash, please do not hurt yourself and your kids. I seriously think that you only have yourself in your mind but not your kids.. if you really love your kids, please let go of your current relationship because this is doing too great harm to your kids. Please put your kids first than yourself. I really pity your kids. I have 3 girls, 5, 2 and 6 mths old and I really think that my girls are so fortunate compared to yours. Please think again. I'm sure you know the answer. With your intelligence I'm sure you know what is best for your kids. Dun let your emotion rule over your head.
 
The more I read, the more it sometimes made me feel if you are scriptwriting a drama in your own thoughts or emotions? Given a normal person who keep facing endless miseries would already have picked up the courage to end this relationship. Sorry, for saying this..

Yes I think mediacorp will be interested in this story if they need a abuse kind of drama! This is not to mock you Ash, but please understand that we all hope for the best for your kids.
 
I know my life now is unfolding like a drama serial, and i never meant for it to be that way. saying my life is messed up, is an understatement. i don't even know how to describe it now. in these 2 days, a nagging voice told me that if i wasn't going to set things straight, then maybe i should just pass my kids to my ex so that they wouldn't have to suffer with a useless mom. the worst part is my elder girl now keeps drawing us as a family - me, him, her and meimei. And then she has another drawing of her daddy, daddy's gf, her, meimei and daddy gf's son. The school recently asked that each family submit a family photo to pin up in class. I dont know what to submit.
 
I've been following this thread since it started and honestly, u are either so messed up that u mistake the abuse that he is giving u for attention or putting ur writing skills to good use here and seeking attention from forum members. Either way, u are harming no one but urself and sadly, ur kids.

Sorry to sound harsh but really...why do u persist in getting hurt time and again when u know that ur current relationship is such a toxic one to everyone involved, esp ur children?
i thought about what one of the mommies here said. that theres nth wrong with him but something wrong with me for still wanting to stay in this. I agree. .. .something's wrong with me. anyone would have left long ago. yet i'm so useless i can't even stand up for myself let alone my kids. the problem now is my kids always ask for him.
 
i thought about what one of the mommies here said. that theres nth wrong with him but something wrong with me for still wanting to stay in this. I agree. .. .something's wrong with me. anyone would have left long ago. yet i'm so useless i can't even stand up for myself let alone my kids. the problem now is my kids always ask for him.

Hi ash, it doesn't matter wat your girl draws on her drawing. Should u leave him, your girl will draw one person less n I dun think that's going to affect her emotionally.
Please do not give any excuses that it's your kids who needs him. I think you needed him more than anyone else but he is the one that is straining you emotionally. Also, he is the guy who can't bring you and your girls any happiness. By leaving him, you and your girls will find more happiness.
 
hi ash,
was reading about the part that he told your children their dad died. OMG!
even though u didnt correct him at that moment, did u subsequently educate your children? it seems they have already absorbed the wrong stuff (goodness knows what else he tells them in your absence) , u really need to correct their thinking and reinforce the good things in them.
uu know..that 23yo kid can survive without your attention, he already managed without u for like 20years and he already has a mother. can u focus on the young ones? let his mother go do her job and u do yours. so if his mother does a lousy job, that's his family problem. dun bring him into yours and create trouble for your own family.
 
that 23yo...young... just started in the workforce...still studying..is it? and then he got himself involved with someone married, breakup another family...
he doesnt know how to handle all these! and yet he is not contended going down alone, he wants to drag u with him, and along goes your 2 children.
your family dun like him. his family dun like u. both families dun like one another.
IF u carry on with him for the next say 10-20years, the situation is likely to be such...
both families continue to not like one another
he will be blaming u for all the unhappy things that happen to him eg. fail exam, no promotion, get scolding from boss bcoz of his own mistakes etc...
u probably lose this current job, and cannot stay long in the subsequent jobs due to stress
your children grow up to be rebellious teenagers as their mother was never there for them in times of need bcoz she was too busy trying to resolve the family problems which r overwhelming. she was preoccupied with feeling miserable for herself to be able care about how they feel.
am i letting my imagination run wild???
just my thoughts after reading all these posts...well, no one can predict the future right?
Ash, U decide. what kind of future u make for your family, your children.
 

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