Husband shove me in the bed

Losng

New Member
So my husband shoved me in the bed just now after an argument about our daughter. She's 3 months old, im a working from home mom so I need to take care of her and working at the same time. As we are worry about having a full time maid will create lots of dramas so we still postpone to that plan. We have a part time cleaner though and looking for a part time nanny.

In short, both of us are quite exhausted from taking care of the new born beside our full time job. All of our family members are overseas and couldnt come over to help us.

He did say he's sorry a few times after shoving me. But I just couldnt believe he did that to me so I told him do it one more time and i'll divorce him.

Now im in my bed room and he's in the living room with the baby.

We've been married for 3 years and dating for 2 years before. He's been very good to me and never done anything like this before, argument yes, but not physically hurting me.

I suspect it's because we didn't have sex for a year (we didnt during the pregnancy as I was too tiring and after the baby was born, we are even busier)

Honestly, im not sure how to deal with this. Im still not ready to talk to him yet but its hard when we have a baby to attend to. I guess he's just too tired from lacking of sleep and sexual activities and he's not meant to push me but still, he did it.

Im very confused now and don't know what to do ans still shock from what's just happened. Would appreciate everyone's feedback/ advice. Thanks.
 


Hi Losng,

Sorry to hear about this. I am sure you are reeling from hurt right now and I personally feel that man should not get physical with woman, even more so with their wives. However, as you have said that this is the first time he has been physical with you, you definitely should forgive him and move on from this episode. To move on does not mean that you and him don't talk things through. Take your time to settle your feelings about this and once both of you have cooled down, perhaps you can have a talk with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that this happens again. I think you need to find out if he is feeling the stress of life with a newborn or there are other issues in his life. Both of you need to work thing out for the sake of your baby.
 
Shove meaning just push you on to the bed? I think can forgive him since it's the first time. Maybe he is so frustrated with new born around, can be really tiring, he don't know how to express in words and in the heat of the moment he just pushed you aside? Just let him know there shouldn't be a next time. Try to give and take. Not easy caring newborn, both of you are a team tgt, at least you are not caring for baby all alone
 
Yeah he just pushed my shoulders and I just lost my balance and fall into the bed. It's not hatd enough causing me any pain but hard enough to lose the balance.

Its really hard for me working from home and caring for the baby. Same thing for him too, he's helping me to care for the baby at night so I can have enough sleep during day time.

I saw his face very tired this morning I also feel bad for him. But I just couldnt imagine he did this to me. I think im more of a shock than angry . Im preparing to forgive him. Im just worry he might have the tendency of being violence.

And I dont know how to settle it now to be honest. He said he wants to talk but I said no. Im out of the house now just to have a breath.
 
the most intense arguments betw my hub n myself are really in this period (after the birth of our babies each)... we hv married ard 7 years befpre havong kids and
seldom quarrel. but after kids... it's different story. its not easy on u as caring for bb is a full time job in itself and first timers like urselves are usually in for culture shock. just calm dwn n focus on the things that need to be done. slowly u will auto let it go n forgive... that's what happens to me.

learn to adjust ur expectations downwards towards the chores and what ur partner can do to help u out. try to outsource the chores n adult meals (takeaway etc)...
 
We had 3 kids but I think the first time is most stressful, due to culture shock. Help your hubby n yourself, perhaps it is an indication of getting more help. With more help n therefore more sleep, you n hubby could enjoy parenthood better. Think of this time as a passing/learning phase.
 
I still havent talked to him yet. He's not dare to talk to me either. He whatsapp me yesrerday saying hes sorry, he didnt know why he did it and he wished he could take it back if he can.

He also bought a bouquet yesterday, put it on my bed side. I feel better but still don't wanna talk to him. I feel hurt. I hate domestic violence and now Im facing it, I really dont know how to handle it. So whenever he's in the living room, i'll be in the bedroom.

I wanna let him know its not ok to simply do something wrong and say sorry because I really wouldnt wanna see it the second time. Am I too harsh ? I also feel our relationship wont be like before any more as the trust had been broken :(
 
it is not ok and this type of shoving should not be tolerated. i would be angry too and i would probably say many other hurtful and terrible things to my partner as well. no one is perfect. Not siding with ur husband. but i m 100% siding your marriage! the parenthood journey is a beautiful one and it is especially meaningful when u share this journey with ur husband through the worst of the worst times. drink more of ur fav tea/coffee... enjoy more ice cream... laugh more.
my 2nd baby is also still in infanthood... so this period i can safely tell you wrecks havoc on our emotional state of mind... we are definitely very sensitive n tend to be moodier. lack of sleep n needy baby are also not making things better...
 
Would you consider having a domestic helper asap?

I am facing the same situation as you are (minus the shoving part and I am a sahm) and my baby is also 3 months old. So I can relate how tough it is to be tired from this new parenthood. My husband has also been helping me with night feeds, we're both constantly tired too.

I have also been putting on hold the domestic helper plan too due to pressure from people around us, none of them approves of us hiring one. But I am now slowly proceeding with this plan because I know I need this extra help. Same like you, none of our parents could help in the long run and I would eventually need to go back to work. So a domestic helper is essential for us, we think the dramas can be minimised if properly handled. Better then driving ourselves to the limit and affect our marriage or emotion health.

Or if domestic helper is really not a good idea for your situation, would you consider sending your baby to infant care? It's not my preferred solution but definitely can help you in this situation. Once both of you have more time to rest, I am sure nothing of this sort will happen again.
 
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Yeah we had a talk yesterday and agreed to get some help. We are seriously looking for a domestic helper now. Between sending the baby to infant care and having a helper, we prefer option 2. We will just deal with the drama from the helper in case we are really unluckily having one, finger cross.
 
Yeah we had a talk yesterday and agreed to get some help. We are seriously looking for a domestic helper now. Between sending the baby to infant care and having a helper, we prefer option 2. We will just deal with the drama from the helper in case we are really unluckily having one, finger cross.

Yeah! Good luck in your helper search! :)
 
Hi...sometimes guy r just too selfish creature and thought so what the big "f" that they r working hard outside.they only in their own world thinking only ya they work very hard.not forgetting we women hv double stress then them.we are not only the one going thru giving birth,breastfeed,manage the house operation n lastly need to go out slog if the husband cant able to support the family.so all husbands outside,pls treat ur wife with respect and treat them good cause we as women are not having a easy time out there too..wth....
 
I know how you feel as I experienced that before. 3 months after I give birth, I went back to work, at the same time, I need to review and take exam to get licence doing insurance. My daily routine is, morning breastfeed my baby then pump breast milk, 8am go to work, come back at 7pm. My relative help me take care of my baby while I'm at work. 7pm breastfeed again, and my breast is already full of milk by that time, and settle my eldest son dinner as well. Baby always sleep late like 11pm-12mn. Then I can eat my dinner. Then start reviewing for exam from 12mn to 2am. During my sleep, I got to wake up time to time to breastfeed as the baby keeps on waking up. My husband didn't help me at all to take care of our baby at night, as he is also tired at work. Then I will wake up at 7am to prepare to work and pump breast milk and prepare breakfast for my eldest son. This is my daily routine for 3 months until I pass my exams. The following year I got pregnant again. Now my kids are 10, 2 and 1 year old, I'm not working full-time now and things are better now.

What I'm trying to share is that, this is just a phase of your life, you need to be strong for your family. Enjoy every moment with your baby as time flies. Discuss things with your husband, most importantly enjoy making love with your hubby at least once a week :).

All the best to you.
 
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Hi dear,
Sorry to hear about that. Honestly when my husband shouted at me, I already felt very hurt and sad, so I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Give him the benefit of doubt, moreover it's the first time. Men are very different from women. They seldom talk about their feelings, and they just bury and compartmentalise their thoughts. I know my husband is like that, he won't talk unless I stir him to. I suggest you talk it out with him and perhaps get some help with your baby.

Even when a couple desires children, when they finally have children, they may not be happy managing the new hectic lifestyle. Once I went for a holiday trip with my brother-in-law and cousin-in-law. Both around same age, with 2 children, almost around the same age too. Only difference is my cousin-in-law has a helper, and brought the helper overseas as well. I can see the dynamics of both couples very clearly. My bro-in-law and his wife are constantly fighting - with the children, over the children. Every night after dinner, they chase the kids to their hotel room and we can hear screaming and wailing and then lights out. My cousin-in-law, on the other hand, is just enjoying his children with his wife. Every night, we are able to chill out as the helper helps to settle the children.

This is a good example of how a family can be with and without a helper. I know there are many factors too, for eg, how naughty your children are. Which is also important to get the helper to discipline the children too.

Hope things improve for you. :)
 
This is a good example of how a family can be with and without a helper. I know there are many factors too, for eg, how naughty your children are. Which is also important to get the helper to discipline the children too.

Totally agree with this. If financially allows, a helper is going to solve many problems after having a newborn baby and improves very much on the marriage life of a couple.
 

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