Weekend mother

rorokidul

Member
I just recently divorced and got the house. As my working hours does not permit, I had to leave my only child of 5 years old to caregiver. I fetch him only every weekend. He is still attending childcare despite giving him to my caregiver because I believe it is better that he is learning at least than wasting time at home. I also need the time during weekdays after work to pursue what I have lost during my bad marriage.
The physical and emotional abuse left me depressed and suicidal. But after the divorce and this arrangement for childcare, I am a much stronger person and able to be there for my son.
But I am always called a bad mother by my caregiver, selfish for pursuing my night classes and my son is victim of my decision.
Help me. Am I bad?
(The caregiver is my sister)
 


No ur not. Ur upgrading yrself to provide a better future for yr child n yrself, not spending weeknights going out enjoying yrself. Unless u have another caregiver option, let her say whatever she want but have to communicate with yr son when he's with u on weekends as u won't know what she will tell yr son when he's over at her place. Yr son will understand when he's older. My sis also tells my daughter that i'm a bad mom coz im a strict mother n i will cane if they misbehave. I'm a SAHM so I faces my 2 girls 24/7.
 
I also dont think you are bad. Moms have to do what we have to do to give our children the best possible future.

I was raised by my mom alone for most my childhood life. She juggled a budding engineering career plus her MBA in addition to being my mom. She wasn't perfect but she made the best choice for me and for us. I owe her everything. She will forever be my rock.

One thing i remember her doing for as long as i can remember is that she explains to me why she has to do what she does (work hard + study), it was for me.. For my future :)

We had a song back in the 90's, "you and me against the world". That was our song :) we always have each others backs.

Go on, work your ass off but keep an open communication with your son. If you can, show him your work or school so he has an idea. It helped alot that my mom brought me to her office and sometimes to school-related meetings (i slept most of the time).

Good luck, mommy!
 
when i was young, both my parents working and my mum is especially hardworking. she trying to get promotion so always go for classes too. most of the time i was taken care by my grandparents. when i was older, my parents bought me back home and most of the time the maid take care of me. weekend if she has classes, my dad will be the one taking care of us. so throughout my growing up, not much time is with her.

but due to her hardwork, she get promote many times and working as senior mgmt in a good company. hence our living standard greatly improve. i dun feel she is a bad mother. even she doesnt spend much time with me, but i knew she is working very hard for all of us. i feel very grateful to her.

so don't worry, when your kid grow up, he/she will definitely understand :)
 
Don think negatively. You are upgrading yourself for your kid. If you dont upgrade, you may have to work double hard in order to pay for all the expenses. Your kid will truly understand you. Don give up.

Which parent don want their kid to exel. Sending to childcare is to let kids learn. But do build ur child immunity.
 
Thank you so much for the encouragement ladies. Before letting out here, I feel no one understands.
Yes, I did not go out and have fun during the weekdays. My family members don't believe me just because I am still quite young and alone with my own house. I do not even have a boyfriend. I spent my time cleaning the house when I have no classes. I am just so glad to be alone than being in a marriage that gives me pain.
It feels such a relief to be able to express myself here.
 
Hi Rorokidul, I think you're a great mother and very hard working.
But I don't like the comments made by your care giver, being your sister she should be more understanding than anybody else out there.
Doesn't she know what you are going through? I hope she doesn't psycho your son the same way tho.

But no matter how, stay strong, for your son and for yourself.
Marriage just a part of life. If it turns out well it's a bonus, if it doesn't, dump it. It isn't something to die for.
I'm sure you've given your best effort to make it work, but it takes both hands to clap. If other half not making the effort, there's nothing you can do.
So never let suicidal thoughts get the better of you, it's not worth it.

You're definitely in the right direction. Stay focus and work towards that goal, with your upgrading, you and your son have a bright future ahead of you.

I'll keep you in prayers.. God bless you in every way and always! Amen.
 
So sorry I hv to speak the truth...

Very valid reason to upgrade yourself... But it's still not a gd idea for your kid's development, to be separated from u again at night, after having been separated the whole entire day...

No matter what gd reasons u may hv, deep inside any kid will still feel 'abandoned' and perceive there could be something wrong with them (already dad not around) and that they are such a burden to mummy now etc...

Am sure u heard phrases like: little things do matter... For the sake of your child's confidence and security (already dad not around), perhaps u can do the in between... start with baby steps 1st... with 1-2 nights a wk bringing him over to stay with u and you'll be surprised how much more love, happiness and connection u can bring him... : )
 
Hi everyone,
Just to update.
My boy with me now and I started to go back to school. I switched to part time to go school and still managed to survive on the meager income. Hope to get scholarship for next year full time school.
I am doing everything myself juggling child, work, school and housework. Sometimes I do breakdown a little bit most times I am satisfied with what I can do.
I can sleep happily with my boy with me every night.
 
Tough times don't last, but you will - Rorokidul! You're such an inspiration. All the best! :) Will look forward to your updates!
 
Hi everyone,
Just to update.
My boy with me now and I started to go back to school. I switched to part time to go school and still managed to survive on the meager income. Hope to get scholarship for next year full time school.
I am doing everything myself juggling child, work, school and housework. Sometimes I do breakdown a little bit most times I am satisfied with what I can do.
I can sleep happily with my boy with me every night.
Jia you mama!!!
Hope that your scholarship works out for you!
What you are doing is truly admirable.
 

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