My SIL may be having a miscarriage right now ... How do I tell her I'm pregnant

[MissusK]

hi guys,
This is my first post and although I haven't officially checked to see if I am pregnant, I'm almost certain that I am. Will be doing a home pregnancy test tmr.

Here's the thing. My husband's brother and his Wife (my SIL for short) have been battling with infertility for three years. They tried two years of IUI and this June hey did their IVF and she's 3-4 weeks pregnant now. However she's been bleeding and having cramps and is a complete wreck and has told me that she feels it is time for her to accept the situation (that she may lose the baby). She won't actually know as her first ultrasound is in 2 weeks. My husband and I got married in December and have recently been talking abt starting a family. I have known that hey have been having fertility issues and always wanted them to have a child before us. As I married the second Son of the family, I didn't want the birth order of who becomes a Father first to get messed up. And I've prayed and told my relatives (who have questioned us about having kids) that I would only plan a child after my SIL went for her IVF. So last month after my in laws started on the IVF and the fetus was implanted... My Husband and I figured it was finally the right time to start. Little did I know that the first time we tried would end up having me miss my period for 5 days. And we didn't even try during my fertile period! It was 2 days before my period!

So now I'm just sitting here wondering what I'm gg to do about my pregnancy (if I really am inbred pregnant) and what happens IF my Sister In law has a miscarriage.

I wish and pray that her baby and pregnancy is smooth stating from tomorrow because I can't bring myself to test for pregnancy using those home kits at the moment... Neither am I brave enough to tell her if I am.
Any one have any experience on this issue? Any advice will greatly be appreciated...

 

[Joo35]

Its a good thing that you are feeling so considerate of your SIL n BIL feelings. But, having a child is a blessing and its fated no matter natural or done thru ART. Why worry about something you cannot control? Maybe you can just keep the news from them for the time being.

Of cos, if i am your SIL, i will surely feel its sucks to hear others gettinf preggy. But, its just a passing phase... no matter how hurt the wound is, time heals. And she knew deep down, its nothing one can control. Congrats to you and don't worry too much.

 

[LovesNewBorns]

hi guys,
This is my first post and although I haven't officially checked to see if I am pregnant, I'm almost certain that I am. Will be doing a home pregnancy test tmr.

Here's the thing. My husband's brother and his Wife (my SIL for short) have been battling with infertility for three years. They tried two years of IUI and this June hey did their IVF and she's 3-4 weeks pregnant now. However she's been bleeding and having cramps and is a complete wreck and has told me that she feels it is time for her to accept the situation (that she may lose the baby). She won't actually know as her first ultrasound is in 2 weeks. My husband and I got married in December and have recently been talking abt starting a family. I have known that hey have been having fertility issues and always wanted them to have a child before us. As I married the second Son of the family, I didn't want the birth order of who becomes a Father first to get messed up. And I've prayed and told my relatives (who have questioned us about having kids) that I would only plan a child after my SIL went for her IVF. So last month after my in laws started on the IVF and the fetus was implanted... My Husband and I figured it was finally the right time to start. Little did I know that the first time we tried would end up having me miss my period for 5 days. And we didn't even try during my fertile period! It was 2 days before my period!

So now I'm just sitting here wondering what I'm gg to do about my pregnancy (if I really am inbred pregnant) and what happens IF my Sister In law has a miscarriage.

I wish and pray that her baby and pregnancy is smooth stating from tomorrow because I can't bring myself to test for pregnancy using those home kits at the moment... Neither am I brave enough to tell her if I am.
Any one have any experience on this issue? Any advice will greatly be appreciated...

These are all fated .. To have ior not to have .please don't fault urself . U were very considerate and sensitive to ur sil's feelings by planning after them .
Please don't give urself unnessasery stress . What ur sil is going thru is sad .. But u nvr know .. The implant may take and they WILL have their child .. If not this time .. Maybe the next time . All these are beyond anyone's control .
If you are close to her .. She'll be happy for u .

But You must take care .
Wish u a happy and uneventful pregnancy .

 

[Mayochuu]

Hello,

Congrats on your coming little one! I think you shouldn't be stressed over it. Children are really god's gift and everything is fated. Your trying-to-conceive in-laws should not be angry with you even if they cannot bring themselves to be happy for you. As for the expectation on the order of child birth from your in law family, I think it is good enough if your husband supports you.

Have a happy pregnancy!

 

[verluv]

I think you should not stress yourself with unnecessary stress. What you should do now is juz relax and test if you r preg. If you are, then keep it to yourself and your hubby first and announce after 3 mths.. By then, it will be a few months later and things will be much settled.. Be happy!

 

[Funnybelly]

I agree with verluv . Dont stress yourself out. Wait till 1st trimester is over before announcing. It could be a tad insensitive to mention it to your sil so quickly. Don't get me wrong though. Its important to be tactful especially with family and issues such as infertility are quite sensitive. My husband & I didnt tell the family until the 1st trimester is over (except my mom of cos) .

Put off annoucing so quickly and have a good pregnancy. You will know when you are ready to annouce. Jia you!

 

[Vinnie9117]

You are such a nice person by putting your brother and SIL feeling first... My advice, let nature takes its course. There are things that can not be prevented.

They might feel pressurized but given the right amount of care and concern to them, they should get past the lost of theirs.

I know it is a tough moment in your family, but hang in there. Tough time dont last, tough people do

 

[candymoshi]

Hope you have tested and confirmed ur pregnancy by now! Congrats!

I agree with Verluv to hold on announcing ur pregnancy. First holding it on will allow ur SIL's pregnancy to stabilize. And urs as well!

2ndly, if u r pregnant it's a fact that cannot be hidden in the long run. Hope ur SIL can settle her emotions and seek other forms of treatment, like TCM to improve the condition of the womb. U can also actively pray for her and share with her ur faith.

Praying for both of u now that u will have a smooth and amazing pregnancy!

 

[Vespertine]

@MissusK Congrats to you. I agree that you should announce after your first trimester. However, if you really care for your SIL, I would suggest you tell her first before announcing to the family.

I have suffered from miscarriages before and I can tell you, the lousiest feeling is when fellow women don't understand what I'm going through. The worse is female friends avoid the topic like its taboo. Don't ever do that. Miscarrying is very very devastating... Don't ever neglect or belittle the feelings of a woman who has lost her baby... Doesn't matter only first trimester. It's not just a baby she has lost, it's the whole concept of a new life she has lost.

Try to reach out to your SIL, and tell her that you continue to pray for her good news. By being sincere and upfront with her, not only will she appreciate it and feel happy for you, she will feel a little better about herself.

Take care... I'm very envious. My very own brother and sis-in-law never once reached out to me...

 

[aaa111]

Hello mummy, Just a quick note before I rush to attend another meeting.

Whether to have OR/AND when you decide to have a baby has totally nothing to do with your SIL topic. Please make a baby when your ah lao & yourself think the timing is correct.

If you think your SIL might be sad to hear your good news, you can consider telling her much much later. However, I sincerely do not believe she is that immature to correlated her topic with your good news. I believe they will celebrate your happiness with both of you de.

All the best

 

[MissusK]

Update: I actually forgot I posted here before. Cuz i didn't end up being pregnant when I tested after posting this. My SIL had a baby earlier this year YAY! and we're still trying