Advice: 2nd BB

alexis66

Member
I had given birth to a bb gal in Jan 2009. My gal is 8 mths old and i am thinking of having another bb. But I dont know how my boss will react if she know that I am preggie and will be going off for maternity leave again.



I have taken all my maternity leave this year and if I am preggie again, next year I will MIA for another 4 mths...



Also, with the age gap of around 1.5 yrs, is it very difficult to take care of the 2 kids?



Anyone with similar experience?

 


Hi

My 2nd & 3rd kids are 18mths apart. There are challlenges when they are closely spaced - they need more attention when they are young, so expect to be busy for awhile. However, I also love the convenience of having 2 closely spaced. I can send both for similar enrichment classes, they share toys & even diapers. I'm expecting them to share clothes soon (cos my 2nd born is petite) & I'm also looking forward to the time when they will share the same FM. No more having to pack double of everything!



I can't comment about ML & bosses' reactions cos different offices, different work culture. My workplace is pro-family, so my superiors celebrate everytime we have baby news. We just work round the 'inconveniences' of staffs going on ML.

 
alexis: my first born is going to be 18 months soon. am planning to have my second soon. though excited, i'm a little hesitant when i think of the challenges ahead as instead of one screaming for my attention, there'll be two. and of course there's work to think of. how? someone please inspire me with success stories so that i know that this is possible...

 
Blessed mummy: 'Planning' as in hasn't started trying? Which means if successful, they are going to be at least 2.5 years apart. At 2+, kids are pretty independent already & things should be more manageable. You will need to think about who to look after the kids while you are at work.



If they are in infant care & child care, you need to make sure that your centre takes both age groups or the 2 centres should preferrably be near each other.



If they are taken care of by nanny, grands or maids, then easier for you - save the shuttling before & after work.



However, if maid is your option, consider having someone watch over maid & kids - sorry, I'm dun belong to the 'fang xin' camp... so I hardly put kids alone with maid, except for very short periods of time.



You may also want to consider part time cleaner if you do not have a live in maid. I mean, yes, we'd like to do things ourselves, but would you rather spend time cleaning or reading to & playing with kids?



Once you get these in place, things are pretty manageable.



I'm a FTWM with 3 kids. My PILs stay with me. My MIL looks after my 2 younger ones with the help of my maid. I play with my kids in the morning before work & handle the kids the moment I step in from work, so my kids stick to me despite the fact that I'm a FTWM. Yes, it can get tiring, but it is manageable & fulfilling.



Of course a HB who takes active responsibility is a bonus.

 
Mine will be 20mths apart.

Originally planned for longer but I start to relax when our 1st gal becomes 1 yr old.

Am afraid if I wait longer before trying for 2nd bb then no stamina to start all over again with the pregnancy and caring for newborn and breastfeeding.

Hence, 2nd bb will be due soon. Indeed feel like having 2 kids in 3 years is quite taxing for the company as I am 'sort of' given less work and all. But thanks goodness my bosses have been very understanding and encouranging.

 
I have a 14mth baby when I get pregnant now. our planning is actually a 2 years gap, it looks like now is less than 2 years, anyway, it took me a week before i broke the news to my boss as I also feel a bit bad for going to take another 4 mths ML, but fortunately, he did not say anything about it and congrats me.

 
hihi.. i currently have 2 kids, elder one is 4 years old, younger one is 7 months old. I am now 5 months preggy.. so the gap between 2nd and 3rd is 11 months lor... very close..



I gave birth in Aug 2009.. then i go back to work in mid Nov09.. then i only found out i am preggy in late Dec09 (it was an accident, actually wanted another 2 years gap).. then i only broke the news to my boss in Feb nia... cos i really feel bad like jynnsan...



luckily, my bosses felt happy for me and congrats me.. tell me not to worry abt work plan as she will plan for me... i feel pai seh la.. but will try to have smooth handover

 
hi coolqoo,



Congrats!! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

ur boss is good ah! unlike mine, he said cos i went on maternity leave last yr ... so this yr no promotion! -.-

 
Haise.. I think hor that is what all working mums have to face.. no promotion and bonus may be more or less affected.



My bosses appear quite supportive, but they are also very truthful to me when we do appraisal. She also explain that (esp. in bigger organisation where there are grading across the board) cos colleagues of the same level are covering me during my absent period, therefore they will definitly grade better than me. I cannot blame them as I am really absent from work for a quater of year on "Family cum National service"... ;p



So working mothers will just have to weigh and strike a balance between what we want in live. Very important is to have a very understanding and supportive hubby...

 
i think no need to bother how boss will react...this is our life..although it will affect our so call perfomance in job...but..there always a better way...

 
We should always focus on the big picture in our life. I guess for those of us whose families are our priorities, we just need to learn to look beyond bonuses & promotions.

Really, at the end of the day, no one is going to remember us for being the best employee. If we should need to leave (even if it's just 4mths for ML), there will always someone very willing & quick to take over our roles.

However, if we let our kids or family down, no one can ever replace us in their lives, no one can take over our roles in their lives.



Does not matter whether our bosses appreciate us. We must learn to love & appreciate ourselves better.

 
echoing EmQ, there's the exact reason why i am going to quit my job soon. i've sent my helper back because she told many lies to our family. now i struggle everyday as a FTWM and household chores after work. my daughter is currently in infant care but she gets ill easily. not to mention we do takeaways every night...so in order to better manage the household, my hubby's tummy and my girl's health, i have decided to leave my job and work part-time/free lance. a huge sacrifice to some but i think its all worth it. i dun want to look back years down the road and have any regrets.

 
Am surprise this thread is still around.



Bravo to whitecookies. There will be a time when you can get back on track... after all, aren't we encouraged to work longer... beyond 60?



Menawhile, take heart, it's FAMILY first.



Your family will appreciate you for this.



God Bless you and your family.

 

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