I learnt from a discipline talk today that u cant discipline a child if u dont love the child.
In other words, if the child cant feel the love from u, its not the right time to start discipline yet.
Everyone ard my 2yrs old spoils him. Esp my parents (his grandparents). Im the only one who can manage his tantrums , the one who holds the authority in discipline. Cos im a single mummy, i tried very hard from day1 to play both mother n father role. I wanna nurture him love him spoil him like every mothers. At the same time, i cant afford to have him get out of hand, so i play the firm, fierce, scold etc role as a father too.
He was sent to infant care since 2mths old n now in childcare in the same centre. Mon to fri 7am-7pm. I only have that one hr in the morning n that 2plus hrs in the evening, weekends n public holiday with him. To make up for his not having a father, i spent every sec i have with him. I feed, change, bath n do everything abt him myself. Carry him alot. Do everything tgt with him. That builds up the bond between us. N as he grew older, when discipline is needed, im the one who set boundaries, impose rules n regulations. He does test the limits every now n then. He does make mistakes at times. But when scolding or punishment is involve, he takes it.
No resentment or hatred at all between us. He knows his mistake since lil. Even when i piak his hand to implement the no, he cries n all, but after the drama, we r still 'in love' with each other.
No kids will hate their mother. N its not too late to build the bond. After the talk i attended i realise its cos we had the bond before the discipline. N he knows mummy loves him, i made it clear to him what he does wrong n he knows his mistake, thats y he is able to accept n take the scoldings n punishments.
My advise is, let yr child know u love him/her! Thats the most impt thing u needa do. Then set the boundaries n limits, never give in. When u need to scold or punish the child, never do it when u r in mad anger. Warn the child beforehand the no. N let him know the consequences.
I visited babycentre website alot in the early days to read up abt baby/toddler's growth, what to expect, why they behave that way, whats in their mind etc to understand my child better. Research on methods to discipline/teach the child for the stages they wil go through. Use the methods one by one or altogether, trial n error, mix n match till i get the one that works on my child best. After attending the discpline talk today, i realise that what ive been doing is kinda right n is proven by research. There r actually 'steps' u can follow, they sorta made everything into words n steps form for first time parents to learn. At least, it worked for my child.
Will b more than willing to share with mummies who have difficulties managing their child n r interested to learn. However, it takes lots of patience n commitment, n the result is not overnight. U need determination to have it work.