sunshineday08
Member
Welcome steadfast, all the best!
Child Adoption
- Thread starter vmom
- Start date
miraclebabyhopes
New Member
Hi
I am new to this thread.
I experienced a still birth 6 years ago and have done several IUIs and 3 IVFs since without success. My gynae still thinks I can do another round of IVF. At what stage does one go into adoption? My husband and I are considering adoption, yet at the same time not yet ready to throw in the towel on having our own biological child.
When does one say "enough is enough" to all the fertility treatments? If I have run out of eggs, think the decision would be easier. Doing another IVF, without any guarantees, on the other hand is emotionally draining. Is it a matter of setting a timeline and limit? Can anyone share their experience with me? Thanks
Separately, which home study agency is recommended for reasonably manageable interviews?
I am new to this thread.
I experienced a still birth 6 years ago and have done several IUIs and 3 IVFs since without success. My gynae still thinks I can do another round of IVF. At what stage does one go into adoption? My husband and I are considering adoption, yet at the same time not yet ready to throw in the towel on having our own biological child.
When does one say "enough is enough" to all the fertility treatments? If I have run out of eggs, think the decision would be easier. Doing another IVF, without any guarantees, on the other hand is emotionally draining. Is it a matter of setting a timeline and limit? Can anyone share their experience with me? Thanks
Separately, which home study agency is recommended for reasonably manageable interviews?
Hi miraclebaby
I've also gone through the same needle poking fertility treatment like you. But after my 2nd IVF, we decided its enough.
We wanted to have our own biological child. We tried all we can, But luck was not in our side.
We thought of adoption, soon after our 1st failed IVF. Since our parents were not ok with us adopting a baby at that time, we had to go for the 2nd round.
Soon after our 2nd IVF, we were quite $ drained & mentally drained as well. So we decided to spend the money on the adoption procedure ( at the end of which you meet your baby you have long waited for) rather than IVF ( at the end of which we are left with some medications & a MC for 2 weeks)
So we started our adoption procedure last year. It was equally challenging for us. Today, we are proud parents of a cute little 6 month old naughty cool dude
Most of us in this forum have used Touch community service. You can also check MCYS website for all info on the accredited agencies.
Hope my scribbling helps
I've also gone through the same needle poking fertility treatment like you. But after my 2nd IVF, we decided its enough.
We wanted to have our own biological child. We tried all we can, But luck was not in our side.
We thought of adoption, soon after our 1st failed IVF. Since our parents were not ok with us adopting a baby at that time, we had to go for the 2nd round.
Soon after our 2nd IVF, we were quite $ drained & mentally drained as well. So we decided to spend the money on the adoption procedure ( at the end of which you meet your baby you have long waited for) rather than IVF ( at the end of which we are left with some medications & a MC for 2 weeks)
So we started our adoption procedure last year. It was equally challenging for us. Today, we are proud parents of a cute little 6 month old naughty cool dude
Most of us in this forum have used Touch community service. You can also check MCYS website for all info on the accredited agencies.
Hope my scribbling helps
sunshineday08
Member
Hi miracle baby, sorry to hear abt your struggles, but you're not alone, we totally can relate, we had 3 failed iui and 3-4 failed ivf, emotionally and financially very very draining!
My honest opinion, you should really really consider adoption immediately, no point forcing it just to have a biological, it's very unhealthy to continue this way cos long term wise, your relationship with your spouse more or less will be strained, I'm speaking through experience!
Now we're happily settled in with our 3 yo adopted girl! Our only regret is that we didn't adopt earlier! All I can say we're so deeply in love with her now and SHE is one of the most AMAZING thing that has happened in our lives...
I understand it's a very tough decision and an emotional one too, pls pm or email me if you need to talk more. God bless!
My honest opinion, you should really really consider adoption immediately, no point forcing it just to have a biological, it's very unhealthy to continue this way cos long term wise, your relationship with your spouse more or less will be strained, I'm speaking through experience!
Now we're happily settled in with our 3 yo adopted girl! Our only regret is that we didn't adopt earlier! All I can say we're so deeply in love with her now and SHE is one of the most AMAZING thing that has happened in our lives...
I understand it's a very tough decision and an emotional one too, pls pm or email me if you need to talk more. God bless!
baby_adoption
New Member
good Morning ladies and gentleman. Adoption is a joy to all of us here, keep in touch and pls approach anyone of us here if you are in need of help. Have a great day ahead.
vickysmommy
Member
Hi all! Hope all have been ok.
Miraclebaby, welcome to this thread. You are certainly in the right thread esp since you are at a crossroad. This is a place many of us here are familiar with and certainly can journey alongside you.
My hubby & I tried to conceive for 5 yrs intensively; tcm, laproscophies, hormone treatments, IUI, more tcm. There were many moments I wish someone would just tell me when the end of trying should be or better yet, whether there will be a baby at the end of all those trying moments. Alas, there was not oracle out there, I realised. The oracle was inside me. Whether we were ready to let go of all the trying and open ourselves to the other ways our family can be created.
When we decided to adopt our first child, it suddenly occurred to me that adopting doesn't mean we will stop trying to conceive! Better yet, we can hv 2 kids! All I can say is it is the best thing we hv done in our lives! I'm sure all in this thread agree. The stress and immense yearning for a child totally disappeared the moment we carried #1 & had the same feeling with we adopted #2 last year.
Another question is: how old do you want your child to be when you are 50? That does put certain timing into perspective, doesnt it?
May I suggest for both of you to attend the pre-adoption workshops organized by Touch & Fei Yue.
Do keep us posted ok?
Take care!
Miraclebaby, welcome to this thread. You are certainly in the right thread esp since you are at a crossroad. This is a place many of us here are familiar with and certainly can journey alongside you.
My hubby & I tried to conceive for 5 yrs intensively; tcm, laproscophies, hormone treatments, IUI, more tcm. There were many moments I wish someone would just tell me when the end of trying should be or better yet, whether there will be a baby at the end of all those trying moments. Alas, there was not oracle out there, I realised. The oracle was inside me. Whether we were ready to let go of all the trying and open ourselves to the other ways our family can be created.
When we decided to adopt our first child, it suddenly occurred to me that adopting doesn't mean we will stop trying to conceive! Better yet, we can hv 2 kids! All I can say is it is the best thing we hv done in our lives! I'm sure all in this thread agree. The stress and immense yearning for a child totally disappeared the moment we carried #1 & had the same feeling with we adopted #2 last year.
Another question is: how old do you want your child to be when you are 50? That does put certain timing into perspective, doesnt it?
May I suggest for both of you to attend the pre-adoption workshops organized by Touch & Fei Yue.
Do keep us posted ok?
Take care!
miraclebabyhopes
New Member
Thanks ladies for all your inputs. Everyone here is so happy after adoption. Sometimes, I wonder what I am waiting for. Why do I want to prolong my stress?
These few days I have almost come to the conclusion that we will give ivf another shot. And if that does not work, I will move straight to adoption. I need to draw the line at some point. In the past, I had looked at adoption as giving up on myself and would be very heart pained but am changing my perspective on this. We are not getting any younger and one must be adaptable to retain sanity and attain happiness.
Will attend one of the pre-adoption workshops in meantime. Thanks again ladies for sharing your journey with me.
These few days I have almost come to the conclusion that we will give ivf another shot. And if that does not work, I will move straight to adoption. I need to draw the line at some point. In the past, I had looked at adoption as giving up on myself and would be very heart pained but am changing my perspective on this. We are not getting any younger and one must be adaptable to retain sanity and attain happiness.
Will attend one of the pre-adoption workshops in meantime. Thanks again ladies for sharing your journey with me.
Hi I am new here. I have recently adopted a second baby and my elder one is 3+. She was quite confused when baby came back and asked if the baby had to leave her mother. I explained to her a little about adoption but I do not think she understood and also told her that she was adopted too. I am feeling a little uncomfortable talking to her about adoption...but i thought it would be easier in future as she is not alone since her little sister is also adopted. Anyone out there who has adopted 2 children? How to you cope with disclosing their background to them. Andrea, would you share your experiences with me?
baby_adoption
New Member
Hi Elizabeth,
I have friends whom adopted a baby even after 44. One friend in Particular was 49 when she adopted her second child. If you have the desire to have another child go ahead. some people say life only starts at 40.
My sincere advice will be to have a good long term plan worked out. This may also involve savings , insurance and a stable environment.
Think positive and all the best.
Teary : Just to share a little of my experience, I had a life Book for my Children and occasionally , I will ask them to go through the book together, they are bound to have questions and thats when i slowly differentiated adopted from biological. Things like "I carry you in my Heart". I have a photo of their biological mother and i would say that it made explaining to them a little easier. Do you have any such information? Some may feel that 3 is a very young age to start but, its good that you have started the first few sessions on this topic may make you feel uneasy but trust me , time will heal lots of things. As you continue this , you will find it easier and yes I also used the Jungle Book Story to Make them understand. You may clarify further if you don understand. Thank you
I have friends whom adopted a baby even after 44. One friend in Particular was 49 when she adopted her second child. If you have the desire to have another child go ahead. some people say life only starts at 40.
My sincere advice will be to have a good long term plan worked out. This may also involve savings , insurance and a stable environment.
Think positive and all the best.
Teary : Just to share a little of my experience, I had a life Book for my Children and occasionally , I will ask them to go through the book together, they are bound to have questions and thats when i slowly differentiated adopted from biological. Things like "I carry you in my Heart". I have a photo of their biological mother and i would say that it made explaining to them a little easier. Do you have any such information? Some may feel that 3 is a very young age to start but, its good that you have started the first few sessions on this topic may make you feel uneasy but trust me , time will heal lots of things. As you continue this , you will find it easier and yes I also used the Jungle Book Story to Make them understand. You may clarify further if you don understand. Thank you
baby_adoption
New Member
Hi everyone, one of my friend is doing her HSR in SACAC , She feels a little worn out by the question and answer session. I have been helping her with the best of my knowledge but can you all contribute a few ideas so that I can compare.
This is her question. More Elaboration on Parenting Plan .....
This is her question. More Elaboration on Parenting Plan .....
Hi everyone remember me ? We are featured in sept issue of motherhood magazine in the real life story section u can see my naughty cheeky monkey in the family portrait !
Time flies n Baby Ace turns 1 year old next month! Adoption is a great way of family building. We are so enjoying parenthood can't describe the joy we feel every time we see his toothy smile
Time flies n Baby Ace turns 1 year old next month! Adoption is a great way of family building. We are so enjoying parenthood can't describe the joy we feel every time we see his toothy smile
angel_mummy
New Member
Hi Die,
Yap saw it cos i subscribe to Motherhood, thank God for your family and you being an ambassador of adoption in Singapore. I am sure your story will touch hearts of parents, parents-to-be and parents-want-to-be. The story of your family gives hope
Yap saw it cos i subscribe to Motherhood, thank God for your family and you being an ambassador of adoption in Singapore. I am sure your story will touch hearts of parents, parents-to-be and parents-want-to-be. The story of your family gives hope
vickysmommy
Member
Die:
I'll try to get my hands on a copy. Congrats!! Wow! He's almost 1?!! Sooo fast!!
Bond: I'll touch on discipline, schools, how I'll balance life between academia & social development, who will b main care giver & why
Wendy: just be yrself at the oi. The qns asked are usually to elaborate in those on the form. It'll b Oon
Bond: I'll touch on discipline, schools, how I'll balance life between academia & social development, who will b main care giver & why
Wendy: just be yrself at the oi. The qns asked are usually to elaborate in those on the form. It'll b Oon
vickysmommy
Member
Morning Teary,
Apologies for not replying sooner. We moved house just this Tues past & you can imagine the colossal mess surrounding us now
well, i'm telling myself that it should only get better!
I noticed you said you feel uncomfortable tallking to her about her adoption. Prior to adopoting your second child, did you mention anything to your first about her adoption? From my disclosure experience, i found that I had to overcome certain emotional hurdles before I could begin disclosing my daughter's adoption to her, ie, get my head around the fact that this beautiful being before me came from someone else. I had to not only accept that fact but also embrace it and it eventually blossomed to gratitude towards their birthparents for giving hubby & me the opportunity to become parents. Also
most of the time as adults, we tend to over-think about what we should say to our young kids when it should all be kept simple & basic, layering upon it only when we know they have understood the earlier concepts.
As Bond rightly mentioned, start with books: 'A Blessing From Above', 'A Mother for Choco', your very own Life Book, 'We Just Want You to Know' (which doubles up as a Life Book).. To introduce the concept to her. Keep it simple; the other ways families can be formed, using positive adoption language throughout.
When our #2 came very suddenly, it affirmed the fact that early disclosure was necessary because ppl around figured it out quickly since they didn't see me pregnant (well, altho my weight can be always used to feign a small baby bump... Hmmmm ;p). And when i asked #1 what if others asked if she was adopted too, how would she reply & she came back with a very sure 'Yes!'
We can't control how others view adoption, can't tell how our kids how they should feel being adoptees but we can give them the constant assurance & security on this journey but it has to begin with us. We have to begin by embracing it totally.
Apologies for not replying sooner. We moved house just this Tues past & you can imagine the colossal mess surrounding us now
I noticed you said you feel uncomfortable tallking to her about her adoption. Prior to adopoting your second child, did you mention anything to your first about her adoption? From my disclosure experience, i found that I had to overcome certain emotional hurdles before I could begin disclosing my daughter's adoption to her, ie, get my head around the fact that this beautiful being before me came from someone else. I had to not only accept that fact but also embrace it and it eventually blossomed to gratitude towards their birthparents for giving hubby & me the opportunity to become parents. Also
As Bond rightly mentioned, start with books: 'A Blessing From Above', 'A Mother for Choco', your very own Life Book, 'We Just Want You to Know' (which doubles up as a Life Book).. To introduce the concept to her. Keep it simple; the other ways families can be formed, using positive adoption language throughout.
When our #2 came very suddenly, it affirmed the fact that early disclosure was necessary because ppl around figured it out quickly since they didn't see me pregnant (well, altho my weight can be always used to feign a small baby bump... Hmmmm ;p). And when i asked #1 what if others asked if she was adopted too, how would she reply & she came back with a very sure 'Yes!'
We can't control how others view adoption, can't tell how our kids how they should feel being adoptees but we can give them the constant assurance & security on this journey but it has to begin with us. We have to begin by embracing it totally.
baby_adoption
New Member
Need Help
Questions asked to be elaborated by SACAC ....
I have a few ideas but I want more to compare ...
1) Parenting Plan for Caregiving from 0 to 12months . ( She is a working Mum )
2) disclosure < As early as 1-5 years old , Stages of Disclosure how to Start....
Pls Assist Thank you
Questions asked to be elaborated by SACAC ....
I have a few ideas but I want more to compare ...
1) Parenting Plan for Caregiving from 0 to 12months . ( She is a working Mum )
2) disclosure < As early as 1-5 years old , Stages of Disclosure how to Start....
Pls Assist Thank you
vickysmommy
Member
Bond, I understand you are helping your friend prepare for the interviews but acing the interviews does not equal acing as a parent. The interviews are done in the best interests of the child & answers should come from the heart.
Pls assure your friend that as long as she & her hubby have their hearts in the right places, they will be okay. Parenting is very much an OJT (on-the-job training) anyway.
I'm sure many who hv gone through the interviews would agree that if your forms are completed with more details, the interviews would be easier as the social worker would have less to clarify.
Pls assure your friend that as long as she & her hubby have their hearts in the right places, they will be okay. Parenting is very much an OJT (on-the-job training) anyway.
I'm sure many who hv gone through the interviews would agree that if your forms are completed with more details, the interviews would be easier as the social worker would have less to clarify.
baby_adoption
New Member
Dear Andrea, I totally Understand what you say and this was the similar answer I gave them, AS in Speak from the heart what your plans are gonna be.
That is when they are panicking because they spoke from the heart.
They want a detailed layout , somesort of time table , which was more of time management. Than The disclosure to start the soonest possible.
My friends feel that each child differ and depends on their level of capacity and absorbtion. but the interviewer wants specific details .
so was just wondering if i could get some help and different views.....
That is when they are panicking because they spoke from the heart.
They want a detailed layout , somesort of time table , which was more of time management. Than The disclosure to start the soonest possible.
My friends feel that each child differ and depends on their level of capacity and absorbtion. but the interviewer wants specific details .
so was just wondering if i could get some help and different views.....
Hi I am new to this thread.
I started exploring adoption in Jun 2011 after I had multiple miscarriages and 1 failed IVF over the last 3+ years. I am lucky to have submitted my HSR application in early Aug 2011 and didn't have to incur higher application fees for now (unless I want to adopt #2). My HSR is completed this week and I have started my joy search.
I have some questions on how do you know (the feeling?) if the infant/toddler is the one for you & your husband? I have just seen a 2mth+ old baby boy and couldn't decide if I should adopt him. He is not exactly fair for a Chinese baby, honestly speaking. He has big bright eyes and amazingly curly long eyelashes & long limbs.
I am so confused now. Anyone can share their experiences on finding their joy child/ children?
The child placement agent is putting great pressure on us to decide quickly in a day or so if we wish to adopt the baby boy.
I started exploring adoption in Jun 2011 after I had multiple miscarriages and 1 failed IVF over the last 3+ years. I am lucky to have submitted my HSR application in early Aug 2011 and didn't have to incur higher application fees for now (unless I want to adopt #2). My HSR is completed this week and I have started my joy search.
I have some questions on how do you know (the feeling?) if the infant/toddler is the one for you & your husband? I have just seen a 2mth+ old baby boy and couldn't decide if I should adopt him. He is not exactly fair for a Chinese baby, honestly speaking. He has big bright eyes and amazingly curly long eyelashes & long limbs.
I am so confused now. Anyone can share their experiences on finding their joy child/ children?
The child placement agent is putting great pressure on us to decide quickly in a day or so if we wish to adopt the baby boy.
sunshineday08
Member
Bridgette, I totally understand how you feel...anxiety right! From your description, i believe this baby may not be of Chinese descent and I sensed you wish to have one of same race ( no offense), by the way don't get fooled by some agents cos i heard some of them may not be very frank with certain things, etc.
My gut feel is that you don't feel very comfortable with this baby, so perhaps you should wait for the next one...
My gut feel is that you don't feel very comfortable with this baby, so perhaps you should wait for the next one...
vickysmommy
Member
Bond, I wish your friend all the best : ) she's blessed to have you journey alongside her.
Hi Bridgette,welcome to this thread! I feel your anxiety. If you didn't have a connection with the baby boy, and until now, don't have the urge to bring him home quickly, then perhaps you should wait for another baby. It's harder to ascertain complexion of child if he/she's a newborn cos they are usually reddish. at 2.5 months, you should be able to see nationality/race of child. Say a prayer before you go the next time and let your heart tell you. I wish you all the best & keep us posted!
Hi Bridgette,welcome to this thread! I feel your anxiety. If you didn't have a connection with the baby boy, and until now, don't have the urge to bring him home quickly, then perhaps you should wait for another baby. It's harder to ascertain complexion of child if he/she's a newborn cos they are usually reddish. at 2.5 months, you should be able to see nationality/race of child. Say a prayer before you go the next time and let your heart tell you. I wish you all the best & keep us posted!
Hi Sunshine, Andrea, you are both right about the anxiety. On the one hand, I am so excited that I can finally fulfill my motherhood dream and yet on the other hand I am so worried about the one that is for my husband and I. Now I just feel troubled. It's like finding your lifetime partner kind of worry.
I am truly not comfortable with this baby boy and I don't have the urge to bring him home quickly.
I just hope that I will not regret my decision. I had discussed with my husband and we have decided to wait for the next one. I will also look for another child placement agency as this particular one is kinda pushy.
I am truly not comfortable with this baby boy and I don't have the urge to bring him home quickly.
I just hope that I will not regret my decision. I had discussed with my husband and we have decided to wait for the next one. I will also look for another child placement agency as this particular one is kinda pushy.
vanilla_latte
New Member
@ Bridgette - I can only encourage you that once you've made the decision, just move on bravely. If yours, it's yours. Adoption is a journey of faith. Whenever you feel confused and being pushed to make a decision, it's better you hold back first. Step aside to reconsider. I personally have no connection with my DD when I first saw her but when I went back home, I do secretly think about her and my stomach began to fill with butterflies. It was my husband that seems to be certain at first sight. As for color tone, it is really hard to tell. Some say skin will become fairer and fairer as they grow older but for my DD, only her face did appear a little fairer. She is near 3 yrs old but she is still quite dark and everyone thinks she go swimming everyday. However, that didn't make us love her any lesser cos' when bonding begins, my DD is the most beautiful in our eyes
@ Andrea - great sharing on your earlier post. Love the part on embracing. It is so true. Whenever my DD birthday draws near, I can't help but to think of her birth mom. A sense of gratitude will flow within me. Without her giving, I cannot receive. I thanked God for her and hope she has been well. I do hope to find the courage to meet her face to face one day when my DD begins her search.
@ Andrea - great sharing on your earlier post. Love the part on embracing. It is so true. Whenever my DD birthday draws near, I can't help but to think of her birth mom. A sense of gratitude will flow within me. Without her giving, I cannot receive. I thanked God for her and hope she has been well. I do hope to find the courage to meet her face to face one day when my DD begins her search.
vickysmommy
Member
Thanks SAHM, I know we all feel the same way here, which is why this thread is so lively & active. Mother's Day and special hols makes me think of my kids' b/ms... always wishing there is a way I could tell them how proud they can be of their girls..
Bridgette: there isn't an easy way to know whether baby is THE ONE or not... years ago when we were in our early days of TTC-ing, we were approached to adopt a boy. Our parents all objected at that time cos of the circumstances surrounding that family and also they have not yet seen or experienced the pain of not being able to conceive. (Thankfully, all that changed when our parents journeyed alongside us in our later years when TTC-ing.) So we did not pursue with that adoption but you know what, whenever November comes by, I'll think of that boy without fail - who will be 10 this Nov! I never got to find out what happened but always have him in my prayers and thoughts... funnily, it's like a miscarriage... I suppose like what SAHM said, adoption is indeed a journey of faith. When it's meant to be, it will be. But I think that when it is not, then it is a catalyst for you both; the encounter would always help you affirm your decision to be or not to be adoptive parents. And when you've come so close, 'losing' the child is like a miscarriage or having a stillborn. Only when your baby finds you, you will understand why - that it's because you were meant to be with THIS child and not another... simply because it won't be the same.
Bridgette: there isn't an easy way to know whether baby is THE ONE or not... years ago when we were in our early days of TTC-ing, we were approached to adopt a boy. Our parents all objected at that time cos of the circumstances surrounding that family and also they have not yet seen or experienced the pain of not being able to conceive. (Thankfully, all that changed when our parents journeyed alongside us in our later years when TTC-ing.) So we did not pursue with that adoption but you know what, whenever November comes by, I'll think of that boy without fail - who will be 10 this Nov! I never got to find out what happened but always have him in my prayers and thoughts... funnily, it's like a miscarriage... I suppose like what SAHM said, adoption is indeed a journey of faith. When it's meant to be, it will be. But I think that when it is not, then it is a catalyst for you both; the encounter would always help you affirm your decision to be or not to be adoptive parents. And when you've come so close, 'losing' the child is like a miscarriage or having a stillborn. Only when your baby finds you, you will understand why - that it's because you were meant to be with THIS child and not another... simply because it won't be the same.
sunshineday08
Member
Hi Wendy, all the best to your coming interview, sometimes it's not just abt. your finances, I think they look more into your 'heart' to adopt, basically your sincerity, capacity to love the child unconditionally, commitment level to the child in terms of time, etc. Don't worry you'll do just fine! Look fwd to your good news!
Hi Die, our kids grow up so fast .. my girl has also just turned one .. i remember that we both started our hsr process around the same time last year
i must get my hands on the sep issue to read about your family's story!
Wendy, all the very best .. take this also as an opportunity to get to know yourself and your hubby even better. After we completed our HSR I quipped to my wife that we had officially been endorsed to be parents
Bridgette, it is important not to let the child placement agent pressure you. This is a life changing decision, and you and your hubby must somehow feel and assess that it is the right decision to make. It will probably be based on a balance of the hearts and minds of you and your hubby. For myself and my wife, there was just a special sense and feeling of the world being "right" when we saw our little one. But experiences amongst couples do differ .. so trust yourselves, pray for guidance, and know that your little one will find you
Wendy, all the very best .. take this also as an opportunity to get to know yourself and your hubby even better. After we completed our HSR I quipped to my wife that we had officially been endorsed to be parents
Bridgette, it is important not to let the child placement agent pressure you. This is a life changing decision, and you and your hubby must somehow feel and assess that it is the right decision to make. It will probably be based on a balance of the hearts and minds of you and your hubby. For myself and my wife, there was just a special sense and feeling of the world being "right" when we saw our little one. But experiences amongst couples do differ .. so trust yourselves, pray for guidance, and know that your little one will find you
Bond, i reckon what the assessors are looking for is that the couple has thought through and discussed at length issues such as parenting styles, disclosure etc. barring typical red flags, there isn't one "right" answer to most of the questions. For example, amongst a host of other variables, parenting style is also guided by the child's personality, as well as both parents' personalities .. from my experience, parenting is really a work in progress, and it changes and moulds itself to the child's needs .. like Andrea mentioned, it's kinda like OJT
That said, I can understand that it's anxious moments preparing for the interviews .. do pass along to your friend my best wishes .. assure him/her that it will be well worth ten times the anxiety one goes through
thanks all... the only part which is the hardest i felt is the strength & weakness... really crank my brain into pieces... end up me and my hubby are laugh always how we answer the question which we never even answer before... everything seems new to us like we get to know each other all over again...
Hopefully it all when well... and i saw the email that after office interview 1-2weeks later is home visit... gosh... i need to do spring cleaning as my house is in a mess >.<"
Hopefully it all when well... and i saw the email that after office interview 1-2weeks later is home visit... gosh... i need to do spring cleaning as my house is in a mess >.<"
vanilla_latte
New Member
@ Wendy - I totally understand what you are saying. It was during HSR period that I gained a deeper understanding of my hub cos' those questions really forced him to reflect hard. You know - man hardly talk about feelings
So, just stay calm and relax for the next round of interview and you will do just fine. For home visit, do have a mental map of where you intend baby to sleep in, child safety measure (child gate, window grills etc) but am sure you've already given some thoughts but just in case.... All the best to you.
@Die - I went to look for the Sep issue but Oct issue is already on sale
A pity that I can't get hold of a copy. Maybe I will go try to look for it in library instead.
@Die - I went to look for the Sep issue but Oct issue is already on sale
SAHM, Andrea, Invictus - many many thanks for all your encouragement and advice. I have moved on and stopped thinking that I might have made a mistake in giving up adopting that baby boy. After I informed the agency that we will not adopt that boy in the morning, I was told in the afternoon that the boy had found his adoptive parents. I am happy for him that he will start a new life with loving parents that can care for him.
I have also talked to two other child placement agencies to lock my interest with them. Praying that I will get some news from them soon. Critically, my hubby and I are more prepared in terms of handling agent's pressurising talk and in letting our hearts "tell" us the true encounter feeling with the next baby/babies.
Wendy - I had my oi on 7 Sep 2011 and then the home visit on 19 Sep 2011. The night before the oi, my hubby and I just told ourselves that we just have to be ourselves when questioned. My humble view on the oi assessment is to ascertain your family values with siblings, with your spouse and how these values would be applied to the family you are building with your forever child. In my case, the oi has 3 parts. First part was a joint interview with my hubby and I. The second was a private interview with my hubby and the final was a private interview with me only. I am not sure if this was the same for others. Don't get too nervous how you should answer the questions. Just think of it as friendly chat with a friend about you and your hubby.
As for the home visit, I did tidy up my apt a little, packing away the stuff that is always lying around. During the home visit, the counsellor highlighted that our apt needs to have window grills installed within 6 mths of adopting a baby, that we need to have safety plugs on all power outlets (she said we can get from kiddy palace but I hadn't done so ) and noted that we don't have any bathtubs (I am not sure of the bearing of having bathtubs to adopting). Just think of it as having a friend visiting you
Good luck!
I have also talked to two other child placement agencies to lock my interest with them. Praying that I will get some news from them soon. Critically, my hubby and I are more prepared in terms of handling agent's pressurising talk and in letting our hearts "tell" us the true encounter feeling with the next baby/babies.
Wendy - I had my oi on 7 Sep 2011 and then the home visit on 19 Sep 2011. The night before the oi, my hubby and I just told ourselves that we just have to be ourselves when questioned. My humble view on the oi assessment is to ascertain your family values with siblings, with your spouse and how these values would be applied to the family you are building with your forever child. In my case, the oi has 3 parts. First part was a joint interview with my hubby and I. The second was a private interview with my hubby and the final was a private interview with me only. I am not sure if this was the same for others. Don't get too nervous how you should answer the questions. Just think of it as friendly chat with a friend about you and your hubby.
As for the home visit, I did tidy up my apt a little, packing away the stuff that is always lying around. During the home visit, the counsellor highlighted that our apt needs to have window grills installed within 6 mths of adopting a baby, that we need to have safety plugs on all power outlets (she said we can get from kiddy palace but I hadn't done so
) and noted that we don't have any bathtubs (I am not sure of the bearing of having bathtubs to adopting). Just think of it as having a friend visiting you Good luck!
angel_mummy
New Member
Wow its has been a long long time since I check back in
glad to see new family here
For those of you who missed the Sep 11' Motherhood issue on Story of Die, her hubby and her little prince. You can click on this 2 links, I hv scan the document and uploaded it in this public album which I store some interesting magazine articles.
1) https://picasaweb.google.com/112652459760389029556/Media#5660389277018062114
2) https://picasaweb.google.com/112652459760389029556/Media#5660389305225323938
Note : You have to use the magnifying glass icon to expand the photos to be able to read the article.
Enjoy !
For those of you who missed the Sep 11' Motherhood issue on Story of Die, her hubby and her little prince. You can click on this 2 links, I hv scan the document and uploaded it in this public album which I store some interesting magazine articles.
1) https://picasaweb.google.com/112652459760389029556/Media#5660389277018062114
2) https://picasaweb.google.com/112652459760389029556/Media#5660389305225323938
Note : You have to use the magnifying glass icon to expand the photos to be able to read the article.
Enjoy !
angel_mummy
New Member
I notice last few posts are about the HSR journey, indeed it is a "grilling" one, but as Vickysmommy mentioned in a much earlier post if all parents through birth /adoption is make mandatory to go through it than I guess there will be less issue nowadays on parenting in general
So though tough I appreciate the process very much cos it "forces" me to start thinking of what it takes to be a parent and I guess that gives us something good to start w our parenting journey....just my thots on HSR.
Bridgette, I think you make the right decision, what I sense here is the pressure given by the presenting agent that is making you uncomfortable and I think it is impt not to make such a big decision when u feel that way. Well done !
For me the moment of knowing my girl is the ONE, is when I was carrying her to do the pre-adoption medical checkup, that was the 2nd time I see her, when the PD tell me she has a small hole in the heart, my heart break and I burst into tears, in the very moment I know that I know that I know, she is my girl cos I cry like her mum and no one is going to ever take her away from me. So that sealed the moment for me.
But I guess for each the experience will be different and some may not even be love at first sight. But I am quite sure you will find your child. invictus put it perfectly in an earlier post dated Wednesday, August 31, 2011 - 11:30 pm ,
he mentioned in the post "i read from somewhere that our child's guardian angel first seeks us out and then entrusts to us our precious one .. it is said that this meeting on the spiritual level is significant as it is from here that springs the well of a mother's and a father's love"
I couldn't agreed more, this is a PERFECT illustration...
Bridgette, I think you make the right decision, what I sense here is the pressure given by the presenting agent that is making you uncomfortable and I think it is impt not to make such a big decision when u feel that way. Well done !
For me the moment of knowing my girl is the ONE, is when I was carrying her to do the pre-adoption medical checkup, that was the 2nd time I see her, when the PD tell me she has a small hole in the heart, my heart break and I burst into tears, in the very moment I know that I know that I know, she is my girl cos I cry like her mum and no one is going to ever take her away from me. So that sealed the moment for me.
he mentioned in the post "i read from somewhere that our child's guardian angel first seeks us out and then entrusts to us our precious one .. it is said that this meeting on the spiritual level is significant as it is from here that springs the well of a mother's and a father's love"
I couldn't agreed more, this is a PERFECT illustration...
vickysmommy
Member
Mrs Chou! Great to see u here again
tks for scanning die2's article.
Die2, all of u look so so nice! What an inspiring piece! With Baby Ace, all your grieve must hv disappeared. He's sooo cute! Are you planning for a second baby?
Hv a great weekend all!
Die2, all of u look so so nice! What an inspiring piece! With Baby Ace, all your grieve must hv disappeared. He's sooo cute! Are you planning for a second baby?
Hv a great weekend all!
baby_adoption
New Member
Thank you for all the help....Guess my friends are doing well as it is their Home visit today.
vanilla_latte
New Member
@ Mrs Chou - thank you so much for sharing the article!! Am glad I didn't have to miss it
@ Die - Incredible journey. I truly admired your courage and determination. You will be an awesome mother!! God bless you.
@ Die - Incredible journey. I truly admired your courage and determination. You will be an awesome mother!! God bless you.
Thanks Mrs Chou
And thanks to all mummies for your kind words and encouragement . I will not be adopting #2 . Baby Ace has fulfilled our hopes and dreams and we are satisfied with this new meaning in our lives . We will give Baby Ace all our love, time and energy and make him the happiest boy in the world cuz he has made us the happiest and proudest parents !
And thanks to all mummies for your kind words and encouragement . I will not be adopting #2 . Baby Ace has fulfilled our hopes and dreams and we are satisfied with this new meaning in our lives . We will give Baby Ace all our love, time and energy and make him the happiest boy in the world cuz he has made us the happiest and proudest parents !
baby_adoption
New Member
Any body here have face book , care to share ....
sunshineday08
Member
Hey Die, we're so inspired by your story in motherhood, you guys are such a strong, courageous & loving couple, Ace is super blessed to have you as parents!
You're a STAR to all of us now, featured in magazine, haha, hope to meet you guys one day!
You're a STAR to all of us now, featured in magazine, haha, hope to meet you guys one day!
sunshineday08
Member
Oh ya thanks Mrs Chou, without your link, we would have missed Die's inspiring heartwarming story! Thanks!
SAHM: my house is really very messy!! lolx!! window grills is on since day 1. Hopefully all will went well... my OI is 18th October... and they do email me saying will have private interview after with both of us...
bridgette: safety plugs?? do they really walk thru the whole house?? of just focus the room that the baby will be in future?? I guess after the OI is a big spring cleaning for me... btw after the Home Vist how long will the report be out??
bridgette: safety plugs?? do they really walk thru the whole house?? of just focus the room that the baby will be in future?? I guess after the OI is a big spring cleaning for me... btw after the Home Vist how long will the report be out??
Hi all , I am new in this forum. Great to know there are so many adoptive parents here. I n my hubby also due for an office interview on 24 Oct.
Wendy: I think I submitted th HSR slightly earlier than you as I was supposed to have my ol on 17 Oct but we cant make it on that day . Wish you luck and please let me know what happen at the interview .
Thanks.
Wendy: I think I submitted th HSR slightly earlier than you as I was supposed to have my ol on 17 Oct but we cant make it on that day . Wish you luck and please let me know what happen at the interview .
Thanks.
baby_adoption
New Member
Teary : its my Pleasure.
I want to give up my baby for adoption please do contact me asap..... email me at [email protected] thank you
Gers... i just went for my OI and i think i blow it =(( cause of traffic jam we were late for 45 mins!!! And my hubby is on reservist so he need to go off early... so his solo interview got to re-arrange... for my solo interview is really disaster!!! Cause of my N level is under private candidate so i told my in-charge about my teenage life which is bad... When i told her that i was admitted to girls home before i think i m dead already.... somemore i m staying with my parent and my own house is stayed by my aunt so need 2 home visit.... OMG!!!! How bad can it be!!! *Cry*
Told me that my home vist can be done next year Feb until my aunt have move out... omg i m so stress now!!!!
Told me that my home vist can be done next year Feb until my aunt have move out... omg i m so stress now!!!!