Morning Teary,
Apologies for not replying sooner. We moved house just this Tues past & you can imagine the colossal mess surrounding us now
well, i'm telling myself that it should only get better!
I noticed you said you feel uncomfortable tallking to her about her adoption. Prior to adopoting your second child, did you mention anything to your first about her adoption? From my disclosure experience, i found that I had to overcome certain emotional hurdles before I could begin disclosing my daughter's adoption to her, ie, get my head around the fact that this beautiful being before me came from someone else. I had to not only accept that fact but also embrace it and it eventually blossomed to gratitude towards their birthparents for giving hubby & me the opportunity to become parents. Also
most of the time as adults, we tend to over-think about what we should say to our young kids when it should all be kept simple & basic, layering upon it only when we know they have understood the earlier concepts.
As Bond rightly mentioned, start with books: 'A Blessing From Above', 'A Mother for Choco', your very own Life Book, 'We Just Want You to Know' (which doubles up as a Life Book).. To introduce the concept to her. Keep it simple; the other ways families can be formed, using positive adoption language throughout.
When our #2 came very suddenly, it affirmed the fact that early disclosure was necessary because ppl around figured it out quickly since they didn't see me pregnant (well, altho my weight can be always used to feign a small baby bump... Hmmmm ;p). And when i asked #1 what if others asked if she was adopted too, how would she reply & she came back with a very sure 'Yes!'
We can't control how others view adoption, can't tell how our kids how they should feel being adoptees but we can give them the constant assurance & security on this journey but it has to begin with us. We have to begin by embracing it totally.