We've been married for coming 14 yrs and have 2 young kids. All these years, we have had quarrels and fights over stupid things but usually its started by the hub. I hate to quarrel so most of the times, things i cant see an eye, i tolerate and bear with the unhappiness myself so that we dont end up quarreling.
He is a control freak, very calculative and has a superb smelly temper. Even the way how i put my kitchen towel paper, he must have a say. He can scream or raise his voice at me in public or infront of my mum but if i do the same, i get double back from him. He gets angry and is generally a bitter person easily and takes it out on us. He nags non stop, destroys things at home when angry, calls me names, and when we end up in fights, i often get bruises on me. Its so draining.
We dont have a helper and supposed to co- share chores and kids matters. He is very calculative when it comes to house chores n kids. Things he does he gets upset when i dont chip in to help but there are a lot more things i do for the house and kids that are also not equally shared between us. Where is the fairness n i always suffer the brunt of his unreasonableness and calculativeness?
I find it harder and harder to live with him. All these years, he has spoilt our birthdays by flaring up at us countless times.... including my mum's bday dinner. Jus 2 weeks ago, we had a fight again cos i attempted to video his unreasonableness so he fought back n snatched my phone n deleted the video . Until now we have not spoken. For the 1st time, i hard heartedly didnt celebrate his birthday for him. To me, my loved ones birthdays are always a great deal to me. But when i think back of all the shit he did to me, i tell myself he needs to experience what he did to us on our birthdays. So from his actions, i think he is upset that i didn't cave in and celebrate his bday. Its sad if he dont realize what he experienced on his bday was exactly what we always face on our bdays.
Everytime we quarrel and fight which 99% started by him, he nv once apologise willingly. Its always me feeling soft hearted and forgave him. Im tired and feels bad for my kids. I actually thought of filing for divorce. In the past, i only tot of filing for separation, in the hope that he will be scared and be a better person. But i guess, my limits have been over tested, now i no longer think of separation, instead divorce is what i think of.
Tbh i still love him but i really cant stand the differences we have, the unreasonableness he often inflicts on us, the tempers he throws at us. And i always feel he loves himself and his car more than us. Like when my kid vomit in the car, he gets angry and blames me for not catching his vomit in a bag and caused his car to be dirty. He would check on his car 1st and not if the kid is ok.
I think he is more suited to be single and live alone cos he doesnt know how to love and care for his family. He doesnt revise hw w the kids, neither does he play w them. Sometimes i really pity the kids.
My mum used to ask me to bear with him. In recent years, she saw his temper herself. i've actually stopped crying to my mum or running back to her place to stay whenever war happens at home cos i felt she didnt understand the shit i went thru. Lately, i think she can sensed my extreme unhappiness even thou i said nothing. Jus last week, she told me if i want to file for divorce, go ahead.
Now that i got her support, i dont feel so alone. Its just that the thought of going thru all the paperwork, packing n shifting out that is giving me 2nd tots. If all is smooth and can be done seamlessly, i think i wouldnt be so hesistant. I've broached the divorce subject to him b4 but he avoided my qn and refused to answer. So i think if i file for it without his consent, its gonna be a long drawn battle which i dont think i hv the energy to go thru.
Not sure if anyone is in a similar situation as me? How do u all cope or have the energy to go thru the whole ordeal?? Can someone shed some light?
He is a control freak, very calculative and has a superb smelly temper. Even the way how i put my kitchen towel paper, he must have a say. He can scream or raise his voice at me in public or infront of my mum but if i do the same, i get double back from him. He gets angry and is generally a bitter person easily and takes it out on us. He nags non stop, destroys things at home when angry, calls me names, and when we end up in fights, i often get bruises on me. Its so draining.
We dont have a helper and supposed to co- share chores and kids matters. He is very calculative when it comes to house chores n kids. Things he does he gets upset when i dont chip in to help but there are a lot more things i do for the house and kids that are also not equally shared between us. Where is the fairness n i always suffer the brunt of his unreasonableness and calculativeness?
I find it harder and harder to live with him. All these years, he has spoilt our birthdays by flaring up at us countless times.... including my mum's bday dinner. Jus 2 weeks ago, we had a fight again cos i attempted to video his unreasonableness so he fought back n snatched my phone n deleted the video . Until now we have not spoken. For the 1st time, i hard heartedly didnt celebrate his birthday for him. To me, my loved ones birthdays are always a great deal to me. But when i think back of all the shit he did to me, i tell myself he needs to experience what he did to us on our birthdays. So from his actions, i think he is upset that i didn't cave in and celebrate his bday. Its sad if he dont realize what he experienced on his bday was exactly what we always face on our bdays.
Everytime we quarrel and fight which 99% started by him, he nv once apologise willingly. Its always me feeling soft hearted and forgave him. Im tired and feels bad for my kids. I actually thought of filing for divorce. In the past, i only tot of filing for separation, in the hope that he will be scared and be a better person. But i guess, my limits have been over tested, now i no longer think of separation, instead divorce is what i think of.
Tbh i still love him but i really cant stand the differences we have, the unreasonableness he often inflicts on us, the tempers he throws at us. And i always feel he loves himself and his car more than us. Like when my kid vomit in the car, he gets angry and blames me for not catching his vomit in a bag and caused his car to be dirty. He would check on his car 1st and not if the kid is ok.
I think he is more suited to be single and live alone cos he doesnt know how to love and care for his family. He doesnt revise hw w the kids, neither does he play w them. Sometimes i really pity the kids.
My mum used to ask me to bear with him. In recent years, she saw his temper herself. i've actually stopped crying to my mum or running back to her place to stay whenever war happens at home cos i felt she didnt understand the shit i went thru. Lately, i think she can sensed my extreme unhappiness even thou i said nothing. Jus last week, she told me if i want to file for divorce, go ahead.
Now that i got her support, i dont feel so alone. Its just that the thought of going thru all the paperwork, packing n shifting out that is giving me 2nd tots. If all is smooth and can be done seamlessly, i think i wouldnt be so hesistant. I've broached the divorce subject to him b4 but he avoided my qn and refused to answer. So i think if i file for it without his consent, its gonna be a long drawn battle which i dont think i hv the energy to go thru.
Not sure if anyone is in a similar situation as me? How do u all cope or have the energy to go thru the whole ordeal?? Can someone shed some light?