Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands

Yes, indeed. Very hard to forget. And I actually can't visualize us having our baby and raising the baby together. I know I'm in love with this guy who is my first love, but sometime, those visual of him with her just flashback through my mind and affect my emotion for the rest of the day. But still have to put on a smiley face at work.

Sometime I see him differently. sometime when he very good to me, I wonder is it something fishy going on again. If he reacting very cold, I wonder is it I didn't support him enough.

I wasn't like this before, we were very free and full of trust before. We just read each other msg, now, I felt like a thief checking his phone. We even can see pretty girls or macho guys together and discuss.. But now, things changed. I felt annoying almost anything and everything of china, people, apps, songs, movie, etc..

Yes, there are a lot of ways they can still keep contact which I don't know what else I can check on. If he really cut off, I'm happy and can move on better. But if he is still doing stuff behind my back, then what's the point of continuing the marriage?
Am totally with you coz being thru it ... it’s extremely painful, hurting & frustrating.
It’s so tough to believe whether is his action is being truthful or guilty ... sigh...
 


Am totally with you coz being thru it ... it’s extremely painful, hurting & frustrating.
It’s so tough to believe whether is his action is being truthful or guilty ... sigh...

Sorry to hear that.. Can you share more about your journey of curing?
 
Once trust is broken, it usually will take some time to rebuild again.
And even trust is regain, it will not be that much as in previous.

A lot of reason behind his back.. It may be that the woman returned back to China, and will never come back again. Hence though he love her, he know that he and her can never be together again. Hence he's coming back for you.
Another possibility is that (from his way of action), probably the woman will return again. Hence for now, he temporary come back to you... Chat cleans doesn't mean he did not chat with her, especially he bring his hp wherever he go to.
Tell him that if he want to regain back your trust, at least no need to bring hp around, or whenever you want to see/check his hp, he will pass to you to see/check (if he's clear conscience...)

Next you need to think/consider. What if he committed again? What's your next step?
 
Once trust is broken, it usually will take some time to rebuild again.
And even trust is regain, it will not be that much as in previous.

A lot of reason behind his back.. It may be that the woman returned back to China, and will never come back again. Hence though he love her, he know that he and her can never be together again. Hence he's coming back for you.
Another possibility is that (from his way of action), probably the woman will return again. Hence for now, he temporary come back to you... Chat cleans doesn't mean he did not chat with her, especially he bring his hp wherever he go to.
Tell him that if he want to regain back your trust, at least no need to bring hp around, or whenever you want to see/check his hp, he will pass to you to see/check (if he's clear conscience...)

Next you need to think/consider. What if he committed again? What's your next step?

Why are you wasting your time with local men. They are all cmi. I go only for caucasians and i never had problems. Once you have tried out a caucasian, you will never go back to a local man. local men are at best spare tyres for you to use and divorce once you get a real caucasian. Then use the women's charter and take as much money as you can to finance your real marriage. So many of my singaporean friends are doing that, why don't we just give up on local men and move on?
 
Once trust is broken, it usually will take some time to rebuild again.
And even trust is regain, it will not be that much as in previous.

A lot of reason behind his back.. It may be that the woman returned back to China, and will never come back again. Hence though he love her, he know that he and her can never be together again. Hence he's coming back for you.
Another possibility is that (from his way of action), probably the woman will return again. Hence for now, he temporary come back to you... Chat cleans doesn't mean he did not chat with her, especially he bring his hp wherever he go to.
Tell him that if he want to regain back your trust, at least no need to bring hp around, or whenever you want to see/check his hp, he will pass to you to see/check (if he's clear conscience...)

Next you need to think/consider. What if he committed again? What's your next step?
After all these, men will be even more smarter.. eg he might hv a spate HP which u won’t know. In short, no matter how/what there r zillion ways to cheat... there’s no ending to it if one unable to stay clean & faithful
 
Why are you wasting your time with local men. They are all cmi. I go only for caucasians and i never had problems. Once you have tried out a caucasian, you will never go back to a local man. local men are at best spare tyres for you to use and divorce once you get a real caucasian. Then use the women's charter and take as much money as you can to finance your real marriage. So many of my singaporean friends are doing that, why don't we just give up on local men and move on?
Ki seow liao
 
After all these, men will be even more smarter.. eg he might hv a spate HP which u won’t know. In short, no matter how/what there r zillion ways to cheat... there’s no ending to it if one unable to stay clean & faithful

Correct... But there are still some whom is really sincere in turning over a new leaf.
 
Once trust is broken, it usually will take some time to rebuild again.
And even trust is regain, it will not be that much as in previous.

A lot of reason behind his back.. It may be that the woman returned back to China, and will never come back again. Hence though he love her, he know that he and her can never be together again. Hence he's coming back for you.
Another possibility is that (from his way of action), probably the woman will return again. Hence for now, he temporary come back to you... Chat cleans doesn't mean he did not chat with her, especially he bring his hp wherever he go to.
Tell him that if he want to regain back your trust, at least no need to bring hp around, or whenever you want to see/check his hp, he will pass to you to see/check (if he's clear conscience...)

Next you need to think/consider. What if he committed again? What's your next step?

I really having trust issue after all these incidents. I don't want to force and check every single things like credit card statement, bank account etc, make him like a prior, being monitor all time. But is he really sincere?

People have been telling me to feel with my heart. But Im not confidence to do so because there was once I thought we are recovering, rebuilding our r/s but no, he is juggling both sides and I did not realize.

Is there really men who are sincere after committing adultery? I hope there are some people who can share this part of the story..

Actually I wanted to ask him that question, what he expect me to react if he commit again..
 
I really having trust issue after all these incidents. I don't want to force and check every single things like credit card statement, bank account etc, make him like a prior, being monitor all time. But is he really sincere?

People have been telling me to feel with my heart. But Im not confidence to do so because there was once I thought we are recovering, rebuilding our r/s but no, he is juggling both sides and I did not realize.

Is there really men who are sincere after committing adultery? I hope there are some people who can share this part of the story..

Actually I wanted to ask him that question, what he expect me to react if he commit again..

I understand the feel. It's very difficult to judge if one is sincere or not to be honest. But well, like I said, if he got nothing to hide, he will certainly allow you to check his hp whenever he want, or even his bag, or etc. Won't bring around his mobile phone around...

To be honest, my ex hubby does is sincere in repenting after I caught him with another woman... But its more of that I can't regain back the trust and something inside me that I keep thinking/suspecting he will do it again, despite all he did (like above). In the end, I chose to end this marriage...
 
I really having trust issue after all these incidents. I don't want to force and check every single things like credit card statement, bank account etc, make him like a prior, being monitor all time. But is he really sincere?

People have been telling me to feel with my heart. But Im not confidence to do so because there was once I thought we are recovering, rebuilding our r/s but no, he is juggling both sides and I did not realize.

Is there really men who are sincere after committing adultery? I hope there are some people who can share this part of the story..

Actually I wanted to ask him that question, what he expect me to react if he commit again..
did he confess to you the whole affair?
what did he do to gain your trust again?
was he remorseful for what he had done?
 
did he confess to you the whole affair?
what did he do to gain your trust again?
was he remorseful for what he had done?

He admitted on things that I asked, but he didn't say more beyond that.

He have been treating me good these days, like really good as before. But unfortunately I just found out that they are still on touch.

Why can a family guy, lovely husband, become such disgraceful? Hurting me again and again..
 
He admitted on things that I asked, but he didn't say more beyond that.

He have been treating me good these days, like really good as before. But unfortunately I just found out that they are still on touch.

Why can a family guy, lovely husband, become such disgraceful? Hurting me again and again..
if he is remorseful, he will confess to you everything willingly. not hiding more fact like a criminal.

for treating you really good, that is a common behaviour of a cheating husband.
but if he is still in contact with that lady then maybe you have to start to act now.
 
Hi Carbong, feel sad to read your post and it seems like your husband does not respect you at all. Have you tried speaking to a counsellor? Actually my story is similar to yours, 7 years of marriage with 0 sexual intimacy, recently found out that he has been going for commercial sex (pros or affair i don’t know) and cheated me for at least 4 years. i am very depressed and upset too. i had posted my story here: http://singaporemotherhood.com/foru...-prostitute-because-of-ed.250067/post-8715404

To the rest, thanks for sharing your stories, helps me feel better to know I am not alone. I have some questions:
1) How did you find out so much info like hotel bookings on their infidelity/affairs? (What i found is whatsapp chats - are these valid as evidence for divorce?)
2) What are the rights for us as wives if we go for divorce? (Maintenance? We have no matrimonial flat.)
3) Any good (ie empathetic) divorce lawyers to recommend? (I am not sure if I should divorce or give him a chance, we had been together close to 12 years and a loving couple to everyone. I don’t know how to deal with the status of “divorce”, feels embarassing.. and whether I can find another new love since i am past 35.)
4) How do you confront your husband? (I have not thought of a way as he will jump once he know i intruded his privacy)

Thanks in advance!

To answer your question

1) How did you find out so much info like hotel bookings on their infidelity/affairs? (What i found is whatsapp chats - are these valid as evidence for divorce?)
>> Usually email? Or via PI. Some engage PI to gather evidence of their partner having affair. Whatsapp chats not sufficient enough...

2) What are the rights for us as wives if we go for divorce? (Maintenance? We have no matrimonial flat.)
>> No flat/kids, almost nothing for you to 'fight for' or get...

3) Any good (ie empathetic) divorce lawyers to recommend? (I am not sure if I should divorce or give him a chance, we had been together close to 12 years and a loving couple to everyone. I don’t know how to deal with the status of “divorce”, feels embarassing.. and whether I can find another new love since i am past 35.)
>> There are a number of reputable and good law firm out there. It will depend if divorce is contested or non-contested. The fees may vary. Nothing to feel ambarrass about. I have friend whom past 40 still find their true love. You doesn't have kids, the more easier in some way.

4) How do you confront your husband? (I have not thought of a way as he will jump once he know i intruded his privacy)
>> Unless you gather enough evidence, otherwise don't confront him. 99% will jump or deny it.
 
Oh. So he is a womanizer.
He have being in this lifestyle for so many years maybe even before he knows you. Do you think he can change after so many years?

Yes, divorce is difficult but ask yourself what’s is the chances he will stop.

Also you can confront him as he will deny and be angry with you for intruding into his privacy. So this vicious circle will continue.

You are in your 30s, that is still young. Do you still wan to waste your life with him knowing he will not stop.
By the time you are 50s and still with him do you think you have the courage to leave?
 
I think even you confront him, he will be like a criminal, he will admit to whatever you find out and those you dont know he will not tell.

if you want to end this fast, get evidence and file for a divorce fast, dont waste another day with him.
 
I think even you confront him, he will be like a criminal, he will admit to whatever you find out and those you dont know he will not tell.

if you want to end this fast, get evidence and file for a divorce fast, dont waste another day with him.

If you can totally don't listen a single word from him, then ignore him and make your decision. The moment you gave him a chance to explain himself, you already give in and more likely you will give him the chance.

I wish I can be tough and ignore him also...
 
If you can totally don't listen a single word from him, then ignore him and make your decision. The moment you gave him a chance to explain himself, you already give in and more likely you will give him the chance.

I wish I can be tough and ignore him also...

So how you dealing with him?
 
So how you dealing with him?

Giving each other a last chance to work things our together. Monitoring if he still doing any hanky panky thing outside and also see if my heart, mind, soul can really stay in this marriage with him.

We been together for like 15 years, really not easy to just give up like that. I hope he will treasure the last chance and not disappoint me again.
 
Is he still contacting that women?
Did you confront him?

I don't know if he still in contact or not.. I tried to remove the habit of checking his phone. In a way to build trust..

Like what Margaret said, when I confront, he admitted to whatever I find out and those I dont know, he will not tell.
 
I don't know if he still in contact or not.. I tried to remove the habit of checking his phone. In a way to build trust..

Like what Margaret said, when I confront, he admitted to whatever I find out and those I dont know, he will not tell.

He did it once won’t he did it again?you know he is still contacting her and Turing a blind eye, won’t it be a time bomb waiting to explode?

If you think wan to give a chance then maybe tell him all you know and tell him to stop. If not he still think you don’t know and continue with affair
 
He did it once won’t he did it again?you know he is still contacting her and Turing a blind eye, won’t it be a time bomb waiting to explode?

If you think wan to give a chance then maybe tell him all you know and tell him to stop. If not he still think you don’t know and continue with affair

I guess the bomb is going to explode soon. I found out something again! Seriously, a leopard never Chnages its spot!

How should I end it? Its going to be long dayyyyy..
 
It's the same one. I'm very tired going through the same cycle again and again..
I feel he will not stop. he is either delaying your time or wan the best of both world.

since he already knows you know and so daring within such a short period contact her again. I think time to let go.
 
This is the how many times he broke your trust? Any friend/family to support you right now? Talk to them until it becomes clear what you wish to do.. or are you open to speak to a counsellor (can consider Care Corner Counselling Centre at tpy - very cosy and empathetic place)?
I think its quite clear what should be done already.

not all counsellor are experience. many are pro marriage. hence they will ask you to give the husband a chance to change or some time. but they dont know how hurting it was every time that you find out, it's like a knife cutting thru your heart.

move forward. remember this, you dont owe him and your life doesn't need to evolve around him. Keep the good memories, and look for happy time. life is short, why want to let others hurt you again and again.
 
Hi I want to encourage all here with the 700 Club YouTube channel which shares about testimonies from women who have gone thru turbulent marriages. Some worked out, some could not. But the common message to share is that of hope. Don't look back at the Broken past, the future is full of possibilities.
this video:

The man's side:
 
Interesting read for maintenances

Most women seeking maintenance in Family Courts are married, not divorced

Source: Straits Times
Article Date: 11 Jan 2020
Author: Theresa Tan
Family lawyers note that many people assume that maintenance can only be claimed after a divorce, but this is not true.

Figures released for the first time by the Family Justice Courts (FJC) show that the bulk of applicants seeking maintenance orders are women still married to their husbands.

In fact, two in three of the 1,315 applications filed, on average, each year between 2016 and 2018 were by wives against their husbands for financial support for themselves or their children.

The remaining one third of applications were filed by other family members such as ex-wives, the child's grandparents and the child's legal guardians. They were asking for financial support for the children, an FJC spokesman told The Sunday Times.

Family lawyers note that many people assume that maintenance can only be claimed after a divorce, but this is not true.

Under the Women's Charter, the wife can apply for maintenance against her husband during their marriage if he has "neglected or refused to provide reasonable maintenance for her", the FJC spokesman said.

Even though many women work and have their own incomes, the legal provision for husbands to provide for their families is still necessary, say family lawyers who were interviewed.

Lawyer Gloria James-Civetta said: "The fact that many women work today does not make this provision less necessary than before. Women who work may still earn relatively less income than her spouse - inadequate to fully support themselves and the household. They may also be working part-time while raising children."

Another lawyer, Shone Aye Cheng, said that filing a maintenance application is often the "last resort" for these women who need their husbands to contribute to make ends meet at home.

By the time they go to court, the marital relationship would have been very strained, the lawyers note.

Lawyer Lim Chong Boon said: "Even if the women have a job, it is natural for a woman to feel that their husband should also contribute. They feel how can the husband abdicate financial responsibility and leave it to the woman?"

Some women may also have put up with the bad behaviour of their husbands for years and would turn to the court only because they stumbled upon their husband's infidelity, for instance, said lawyer Ellen Lee.

Ms Lee said: "Then they feel they can't tolerate it anymore. So by then, they think about divorce but some do not divorce their husbands for various considerations, like they are afraid it would affect their children."

Mr Lim said that errant husbands claim they have no money when asked by lawyers why they have not provided adequately for their families.

Some of the husbands are not working but most are employed. Dig deeper and often there are underlying reasons behind their actions, lawyers say.

For example, some men have found another woman and they intend to divorce their wives, Ms James-Civetta said. Or the marital relationship is so strained that they do not want to support their wives.

Take for example, Alice, 40, who has a 10-year-old daughter. When her daughter was a toddler, her husband, an engineer, moved out of the marital home to live with his mistress. He stopped providing for his family.

Alice (not her real name) - who was then a home-maker - had to work as a clinic assistant to pay the bills but it was insufficient to make ends meet on less than $2,000 a month.

She filed for maintenance and the court ordered her husband to pay $1,100 a month - $1,000 for their daughter and $100 for Alice.

Her husband later pleaded for forgiveness. She forgave him, they got back together and she cancelled her maintenance claims.

But her misery continued.

He started to become abusive, even once putting a knife to her neck, and she found out he was still seeing his mistress. Last year (2019), she divorced her husband of over 10 years.

"I tried my best to save this marriage and I have forgiven him so many times," she said. "He hit me until there are bruises all over my face. I felt so ashamed."

The amount in maintenance ordered ranges from a few hundred dollars a month to about $20,000 a month, lawyers interviewed say about the cases they have handled.

A spokesman from the Maintenance Support Central Committee run by the Singapore Council of Women's Organisations said: "Many people don't have basic legal knowledge. I would imagine that many wives, ignorant of this fact (that they could apply for maintenance while still married), would would only think of divorce as a means of getting maintenance."
 
How long is your marriage.
Annulment can only be done within 3 years of marriage.
Both party need to agree if not will be very complicated
 
Is there no ways to ban all these illegal Thai disco from entering Singapore?

I have been married for 2 years and my husband has been always caring towards me until recently when I see a change in his attitude. He frequent a Thai disco for this Thai hostess that is here on a tourist visa.

Long story short, I'm just 6 weeks pregnant and I don't want to give up on our marriage now.
 
Is there no ways to ban all these illegal Thai disco from entering Singapore?

I have been married for 2 years and my husband has been always caring towards me until recently when I see a change in his attitude. He frequent a Thai disco for this Thai hostess that is here on a tourist visa.

Long story short, I'm just 6 weeks pregnant and I don't want to give up on our marriage now.
Get some evidence quickly and send to ICA then they will not renew her tourist visa
 
Hi everyone, anyone hv contact of good lawyer that will help u through divorce (unreasonable behaviour)? Not just giving u the steps of divorce and expect u to do your own study online, understand my rights all by my own?

Going thru this during this Covid-19 is miserable..
 
actually lawyer will tell you yours right. you just need to tell them what you have as evidence and what you wan in child custody, matromial assest
 
actually lawyer will tell you yours right. you just need to tell them what you have as evidence and what you wan in child custody, matromial assest

i dropped an email to 2 lawyers contact that i found online during this COVID-19 period, telling them my situation, no child custody, HDB still within 5 years, divorce reasoning as well. They just reply with a divorce process and checklist which can be found online. There isnt any advise or not even a call.

I felt like they just take in your request and give you the SOP. I understand lawyer not counselor, but at least show some care and concern to understand the situation better. That's why im hoping someone here can share their contact if came across someone that bother to help.
 
now most of the lawyer like this.
they just wan to close their deal and earn your money.
whether your reason or evidence is enough they will not care. they will just filed what you have and proceed to file for divorce.
if you are unsuccessful then they will push it to judge or the client for not giving enough evidence
 
now most of the lawyer like this.
they just wan to close their deal and earn your money.
whether your reason or evidence is enough they will not care. they will just filed what you have and proceed to file for divorce.
if you are unsuccessful then they will push it to judge or the client for not giving enough evidence

Sigh.. That's why I'm hoping someone here would share a good contact that can really help. Do u come across anyone to recommend?
 
not really. as most of them would wan to charge you base on how long they talk to you.
maybe you wan to look for those whom are doing omo instead of those large lawyer company
 
Sigh.. That's why I'm hoping someone here would share a good contact that can really help. Do u come across anyone to recommend?

Maybe you wan to share here and see how best we can help. Lawyers are out to earn money. They only can earn if they give you legal advice. They won’t talk to you about experience and console you
 
Unfortunately there are really no lawyers out there who give legal advice without charging. You will be surprised how calculative they are in charging by the hour (some by half hour, some even charge emails). Best is prepare every thing you have, settle with your ex (if uncontested), summarize your points before going to lawyer.

For legal advice, have you considered these? They can advise but not act for you:
1) https://legalclinics.sg/
2) https://www.lawsocprobono.org/pages/community-legal-clinic.aspx

(based on reviews)
A few lawyers you can consider:
1) Gloria James
2) Crown Juris Law
3) Harry Elias LLP
4) Kertar & Co
5) Grace Malathy

Not so:
1) KK Lee Law
2) Lucy Netto

Another thing, please have your will and CPF nominations done, you will not want your assets to end up with wrong parties, especially if you have kids.

Stay strong, this is a tough journey but not all is lost. Somebody in another thread recommended a really great book: Tracy Schorn, ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’. Read the e-book if you can.
 
Unfortunately there are really no lawyers out there who give legal advice without charging. You will be surprised how calculative they are in charging by the hour (some by half hour, some even charge emails). Best is prepare every thing you have, settle with your ex (if uncontested), summarize your points before going to lawyer.

For legal advice, have you considered these? They can advise but not act for you:
1) https://legalclinics.sg/
2) https://www.lawsocprobono.org/pages/community-legal-clinic.aspx

(based on reviews)
A few lawyers you can consider:
1) Gloria James
2) Crown Juris Law
3) Harry Elias LLP
4) Kertar & Co
5) Grace Malathy

Not so:
1) KK Lee Law
2) Lucy Netto

Another thing, please have your will and CPF nominations done, you will not want your assets to end up with wrong parties, especially if you have kids.

Stay strong, this is a tough journey but not all is lost. Somebody in another thread recommended a really great book: Tracy Schorn, ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’. Read the e-book if you can.

would you like to share your experience?
many of us when come to this stage are at a lost what to do?
 
Yes. There
Hi everyone, anyone hv contact of good lawyer that will help u through divorce (unreasonable behaviour)? Not just giving u the steps of divorce and expect u to do your own study online, understand my rights all by my own?

Going thru this during this Covid-19 is miserable..

There's many law firm out there, which is good for divorcing
The few popular one are:
1) Gloria James
2) PKWA Law
3) KK Lee Law
and many many others

Of course depending on lawyer you've got also. My tips of advice.
1) It depending on if uncontested or contested, pricing may vary. So you need to check on this for sure.
2) Try not to engage one with a fix max amount for contested (eg: 20k) Because have few friends whom had such, don't have very good outcome in the end
3) Try go for those that handle you one to one than group basis. Some big firm have a big group of lawyer attending to your case. Good is that, multiple heads is better than one. Bad is that, sometimes each may have different opinion on a case/issue, and may not come out with the best solution

For my case, I went for KK Lee (Uncontested). I find it cheap, and felt comfortable with the lawyer. But 'yi fen qian yi fen huo'. Don't expect tip-top service/advice though
 
Unfortunately there are really no lawyers out there who give legal advice without charging. You will be surprised how calculative they are in charging by the hour (some by half hour, some even charge emails). Best is prepare every thing you have, settle with your ex (if uncontested), summarize your points before going to lawyer.

For legal advice, have you considered these? They can advise but not act for you:
1) https://legalclinics.sg/
2) https://www.lawsocprobono.org/pages/community-legal-clinic.aspx

(based on reviews)
A few lawyers you can consider:
1) Gloria James
2) Crown Juris Law
3) Harry Elias LLP
4) Kertar & Co
5) Grace Malathy

Not so:
1) KK Lee Law
2) Lucy Netto

Another thing, please have your will and CPF nominations done, you will not want your assets to end up with wrong parties, especially if you have kids.

Stay strong, this is a tough journey but not all is lost. Somebody in another thread recommended a really great book: Tracy Schorn, ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’. Read the e-book if you can.

which company did you hired? did they charge even by email?
 
which company did you hired? did they charge even by email?
One of the lawyers at Gloria James-Civetta & Co, they say they charge emails as part of the hourly rate. Anyone used Gloria James-Civetta & Co before and had to pay for emails? How do they even calculate time spent on email? They seem pretty expensive and slow.
 

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Gloria James, they say they charge emails as part of the hourly rate. Anyone used Gloria James before and had to pay for emails? How do they even calculate time spent on email? They seem pretty expensive and slow.

oh dear? how they charge email? per words or oer email?
what's their rates like?
is your case complicated?
 

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