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hello18

New Member
I’m curious to know how often do married couple with kids have intimacy?

Before getting married, we didn’t do the actual deed. After we married and before having kid, my hubby is already having a very low sex drive. He can don’t ask for sex one. Also find it hard to stay hard for long if we do it at night. Morning is much better for him.

I don’t like to always be the one to initiate but I would think doing it once a week should not be too much to ask for. Or am I wrong? or maybe once every 1.5 wks. sometimes he has to travel and stuff like that, or either one of us fell sick. We probably do it once a month only, and that’s even after how I always say I have high sex drive as a woman and would love to have regular sex.

When I was pregnant, he said he couldn’t bear the idea of having sex knowing baby is inside me. So for the whole 10 months he just didn’t want to do it. And for the 7 or 8 months after baby is born, we didn’t do it either, busy with baby stuff and so tired n all. and when we finally did it after such a long hiatus, he can’t last long and shoots very fast. less than 3 mins of everything.

I have been expressing my displeasure that he’s not keen to have regular sex, and as a result he’s stressed and feel obliged to do it. i know it will affect his performance as well. There are times when we try to do it at night but he couldn’t hold the erection. I cried in bed after that.

When we quarrel over other things, n he start comparing me to other wife more gentle and encouraging bla bla, I will also start saying things like he also doesn’t give me sex or satisfy me. or when he says he feels that nothing he does in the household is right in my eyes, say that I always pick on him, somehow the conversation will lead to me expressing my displeasure, that he doesn’t satisfy me sexually and maybe that’s why I don’t feel truly happy being with him. I brought up divorce many times cos I don’t feel happy being with him.

I know it’s not healthy to keep mentioning divorce, but I am serious about divorcing if he is agreeable. I also sat down and talked many times to him about how I don’t like our sex life at all. I feel deprived. Our relationship has deteriorated after having a baby. Stress and lack of regular intimacy.

Anyway, yesterday we quarrelled over other things again. Then led to me complaining about lack of intimacy, he said in a fit of anger to go find other guys then, as long as don’t bring home, don’t affect my baby. I said fine. And we still aren’t talking to each other since yesterday’s quarrel.

He’s a very good father to our baby. Everytime i reconcile with him (even after me mentioning divorce) and still stay in this marriage is because of our baby. Deep down I don’t feel happy being in this marriage but what else can I do?
 

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I’m curious to know how often do married couple with kids have intimacy?

Before getting married, we didn’t do the actual deed. After we married and before having kid, my hubby is already having a very low sex drive. He can don’t ask for sex one. Also find it hard to stay hard for long if we do it at night. Morning is much better for him.

I don’t like to always be the one to initiate but I would think doing it once a week should not be too much to ask for. Or am I wrong? or maybe once every 1.5 wks. sometimes he has to travel and stuff like that, or either one of us fell sick. We probably do it once a month only, and that’s even after how I always say I have high sex drive as a woman and would love to have regular sex.

When I was pregnant, he said he couldn’t bear the idea of having sex knowing baby is inside me. So for the whole 10 months he just didn’t want to do it. And for the 7 or 8 months after baby is born, we didn’t do it either, busy with baby stuff and so tired n all. and when we finally did it after such a long hiatus, he can’t last long and shoots very fast. less than 3 mins of everything.

I have been expressing my displeasure that he’s not keen to have regular sex, and as a result he’s stressed and feel obliged to do it. i know it will affect his performance as well. There are times when we try to do it at night but he couldn’t hold the erection. I cried in bed after that.

When we quarrel over other things, n he start comparing me to other wife more gentle and encouraging bla bla, I will also start saying things like he also doesn’t give me sex or satisfy me. or when he says he feels that nothing he does in the household is right in my eyes, say that I always pick on him, somehow the conversation will lead to me expressing my displeasure, that he doesn’t satisfy me sexually and maybe that’s why I don’t feel truly happy being with him. I brought up divorce many times cos I don’t feel happy being with him.

I know it’s not healthy to keep mentioning divorce, but I am serious about divorcing if he is agreeable. I also sat down and talked many times to him about how I don’t like our sex life at all. I feel deprived. Our relationship has deteriorated after having a baby. Stress and lack of regular intimacy.

Anyway, yesterday we quarrelled over other things again. Then led to me complaining about lack of intimacy, he said in a fit of anger to go find other guys then, as long as don’t bring home, don’t affect my baby. I said fine. And we still aren’t talking to each other since yesterday’s quarrel.

He’s a very good father to our baby. Everytime i reconcile with him (even after me mentioning divorce) and still stay in this marriage is because of our baby. Deep down I don’t feel happy being in this marriage but what else can I do?

Sex was not even in my list at all. Sex is not everything. He didn’t say he want. I look after kids whole day, he never help in anything. Don’t expect me to be a sex slave at night. Crazy man. Maybe he feel embarrasses to ask for sex too.
 
Lack of intimacy kills relationship, slowly. U are lucky u hv gotten a kid despite his low sex drive.
Gg for a D won't solve your problm, actually. It would actually make u more desperate thereafter to find the missing puzzle piece that cause the failure in your marriage. By then, your family is broken up...
Your price to D is higher thn you stay put. I would suggest you speak w him heart to heart. Talk to a counsellor too. If he genetically has low sex drive, both can try to compromise. Try to talk things out.
ultimately along the long path of life, things will change.
As long as he is faithful and heterosexual, and he don't mind u initiate things, you still hv a chance.
Go for some me time wo agenda.
Give your family a chance.
 
How I wish my husb won’t ask for it...

Btw, his words and your words while quarrel were very hurting.. try not to avoid..

A good husband and daddy but not good in sex vs a husband who doesn’t care with housework and kids, but can sex with you everyday.. which will you choose?
 
I don’t believe guys won’t get turned on if we try to spice things up a little.. maybe get some sexy lingerie, or try to seduce him in bed? Unlike you, ever since I got preg I have zero sex drive.. deep down I know my hubby wants it but I can’t bring myself to do it.. but thankfully he is understanding and said if I really can’t, then it’s ok, wait till after preg. I still feel very guilty abt it though.

With your hubby I think talking abt it doesn’t work anymore and will just lead to exchange of hurtful words. I can only suggest trying to spice up the sex life by doing things differently. Can also try going down on him if you hadn’t done that before or don’t frequently do it.. and lastly, guys really hate to see a grumpy wife so try to cheer up!! It might help in turning him on also :)

Good luck :)
 
Thanks all. I’ve told him before that I don’t like to always be initiating and he feels compelled to hv to rem to initiate but at night he’s just too tired. He can be aroused only when I go down on him he said he duno why either. But during penetration he can’t do it himself, actually everytime is I have to guide it into me cos only I know the angle to get things going. He’s nervous and he fumbles if he tries it himself n loses the erection very fast. He typically stays hard only in the morning but mornings are always rushed n not very pleasant as we haven’t washed up n all.

I thought about it many times whether I want a husband who’s good in bed or with family. I think without a healthy sex life, I can’t feel happy in this marriage regardless how nice a father he is to our baby. I feel like I can’t even talk nicely and patiently to him. He said he also noticed that I treat him better always the day after we have sex (even though it was really not good sex at all. we always can’t go past minutes. It’s disappointing but better than nothing).

Anyway now that I’ve mentioned divorce so many tines, he has been feeling insecured though he still doesn’t want to let me go. I know the damage is already done. Sometimes when we reconcile, I assure him that ok we give it another try. But he still gets the feeling that Im gonna give up eventually. Basically he doesn’t feel my determination I guess. But with a lousy sex life, I am half hearted and can’t feel love for him.
 
Is he stressed out with work or other personal issues? Perhaps that’s the underlying problem.

Otherwise you and him can go seek help from TCM or professionals to identify any problems with his sexual health? It seems like he’s willing to make it up to you but both of you just need to find a solution to this together.
 
Go for treatment together or plan for holidays to destress as stressful lifestyle and routine makes bd boring and tired.. plan for interesting activities...
 
Thanks all. I’ve told him before that I don’t like to always be initiating and he feels compelled to hv to rem to initiate but at night he’s just too tired. He can be aroused only when I go down on him he said he duno why either. But during penetration he can’t do it himself, actually everytime is I have to guide it into me cos only I know the angle to get things going. He’s nervous and he fumbles if he tries it himself n loses the erection very fast. He typically stays hard only in the morning but mornings are always rushed n not very pleasant as we haven’t washed up n all.

I thought about it many times whether I want a husband who’s good in bed or with family. I think without a healthy sex life, I can’t feel happy in this marriage regardless how nice a father he is to our baby. I feel like I can’t even talk nicely and patiently to him. He said he also noticed that I treat him better always the day after we have sex (even though it was really not good sex at all. we always can’t go past minutes. It’s disappointing but better than nothing).

Anyway now that I’ve mentioned divorce so many tines, he has been feeling insecured though he still doesn’t want to let me go. I know the damage is already done. Sometimes when we reconcile, I assure him that ok we give it another try. But he still gets the feeling that Im gonna give up eventually. Basically he doesn’t feel my determination I guess. But with a lousy sex life, I am half hearted and can’t feel love for him.

Too tired after work? Mayb you both can go to bed earlier? Or mayb he can apply leave (am leave or whole day) sometimes so you both can do at day time?

Or is it he doesnt have the skill on how to do it? And maybe is not that he doesnt want to take the initiative but just because of he worried he can’t stay long so he has lost confidence in sex?

Do you think if he willing to see doc to see why he can’t stay for long?

Mm.. I know damage was there but try to not to ruin it further ba.. try to think for kid..

I read another thread that the mummy leaving the house with her young gal, leave the older boy with the daddy and the boy(P1) keep asking where is mummy when his mummy back home late.. really feel heartpain for the both kids...
 
Hi I think could you try adjusting to morning schedule? My hubby has the same body schedule ie he can do it better in the morning. Night time even on leave he is tired and not up to it.

Eventually I accommodated the timing by waking up early or taking leave if ttc. Should respect each other body functions or try to reach compromise.

And as for guiding I think this is quite common? It sounds to me that you have quite high expectations of him to be well versed in such matters. Guys got fragile egos and need encouragement so when they nervous don’t do things like why cmi etc. We girls also would not want our partners to be too hard on us. Most friends I know also guide their hubbies on how to satisfy them.

Hope this helps. He sounds like a responsible chap who loves his kid. Just some tweaks and lower expectations and being patient should help.
 
Could be an anxiety problem which is why he finds it hard to remain erected for long, and eventually end within minutes if managed to have intercourse. If you’ve exhausted all means trying, and if he’s willing, perhaps can encourage him to seek professional help. But hopefully that’s the last resort as I understand some men are not receptive to that thinking that it is embarrassing or sth.
 
Lack of intimacy kills a relationship. Me and my husband has always been doing it daily when we got married and even after having kids the fire has never put off we also went into the lifestyle and even enjoyed more and got much more closer to each other . Our love is so strong that it becomes more stronger as time passes by . I give my husband sex as and when and anywhere as I too enjoy it . Sometimes even in the middle of the morning I would ride him and we would just start
 
I can only say 家家有本難唸的經.... I believe sex is important in marriage but it's not everything. A person desire will slow down as we age. Now young and healthy of cos it's everything but you don't marry bcos of sex right? You marry bcos he's a person you love and would like to spend your life with. By time you turn 50yo, maybe a company, a caring father is more important then. He's not being unfaithful or ignore your family. If his sex drive is high, you got more worry.... Imagine if one day you can't satisfy him... What's going to happen? It's not he can't, you all already have child....I think this kind of thing, encouragement is better than complaining to him. Try encouragement. Tell him oh this time is better. You don't expect all men on earth acts the same. We can't have everything good.... Just accept him and don't grumble too much. It will make things worse. By the time you look back when old, you might smile:)
 
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Hello it seems like both of you have fought several times over the same issue and definitely fighting over it is making matters worse. There are sex consultants and if you search online, you can make appointments and go together as a couple. I think you have to help your husband solve his problems first by being supportive of any counselling or treatment. Honestly speaking, men who cannot perform in bed have very low self-esteem and thus avoid sex even more. So actually you may want to do in the morning first then see if it improves his self-esteem over time?

Jia You! Hope you can solve it together with him by being patient and understanding. It's a problem that can be treated if you have faith in him and give him time. Divorce will not solve the issue and it can make matters worse for your family.
 
Everybody got his love language. Which is urs? Which is his?
Mine is touch,and lack of intimacy really kills the relationship.
Boys and girls are different. Boys want sex more than girls, thats a fact.
Whats stopping people from have sex anyway? (Think of it,isn't it fun and enjoyable?)
Yup,everybody is tired after a day's work,after caring for kids,after doing all the chores etc.. So if either one is not up to it,of cos no prob. But how long do u want to continue this way?
 
Everybody got his love language. Which is urs? Which is his?
Mine is touch,and lack of intimacy really kills the relationship.
Boys and girls are different. Boys want sex more than girls, thats a fact.
Whats stopping people from have sex anyway? (Think of it,isn't it fun and enjoyable?)
Yup,everybody is tired after a day's work,after caring for kids,after doing all the chores etc.. So if either one is not up to it,of cos no prob. But how long do u want to continue this way?

Think your post should be directed to OP’s husband, not her
 
Can I say it is abit unusual that a man's sex drive is lower than a woman's?
Then if the woman's is higher, then how ah?
Mine is of cos higher than my wife's. I wanted twice a week, she's happy with once a week. Hmmm....
And we have children,want to do also kena distracted by them. LOL.. Send our children all to classes?! LOL...
 
Can I say it is abit unusual that a man's sex drive is lower than a woman's?
Then if the woman's is higher, then how ah?
Mine is of cos higher than my wife's. I wanted twice a week, she's happy with once a week. Hmmm....
And we have children,want to do also kena distracted by them. LOL.. Send our children all to classes?! LOL...

sometimes stress or fatigue can contribute to this problem as well.. my ex had this problem where he was just starting out in his career and due to stress or overthinking, he was rarely able to perform. over some time this became a problem for me and i started to 分心 during intercourse as it was boring to be frank. i initiated the break up eventually. although not primarily bcos of that but i think somehow or rather it contributed quite a fair bit to the break up.
 
sometimes stress or fatigue can contribute to this problem as well.. my ex had this problem where he was just starting out in his career and due to stress or overthinking, he was rarely able to perform. over some time this became a problem for me and i started to 分心 during intercourse as it was boring to be frank. i initiated the break up eventually. although not primarily bcos of that but i think somehow or rather it contributed quite a fair bit to the break up.

Oh... ok. So it can cause unhappiness and led to a unhappy relationship I guess?

Frankly speaking, sex with my wife is also... boring nowadays. Becomes routine and limited to what I can do and what she wants. It's kinda frustrating for me as I am so limited to what I can to do to pleasure her. She just lie down basically. She was much more active last time. And I really wonder why. Makes me wonder if she is getting other enjoyment outside.
 
Oh... ok. So it can cause unhappiness and led to a unhappy relationship I guess?

Frankly speaking, sex with my wife is also... boring nowadays. Becomes routine and limited to what I can do and what she wants. It's kinda frustrating for me as I am so limited to what I can to do to pleasure her. She just lie down basically. She was much more active last time. And I really wonder why. Makes me wonder if she is getting other enjoyment outside.

not sure abt your family situation, but am pretty sure this happens once women get pregnant and have kids. it is so extremely tiring having to juggle everything at the same time. after i got pregnant i have zero energy for anything at all. sometimes i can get so lazy to even shower cos i'm just perpetually tired lol. and i'm sure this will extend till after bb's born as well. there are a number of reasons why this may be happening. it may not necessarily be bcos she's getting it outside la, and it's not very fair to think that way too... unless you have evidence or a reason to believe so.
 
not sure abt your family situation, but am pretty sure this happens once women get pregnant and have kids. it is so extremely tiring having to juggle everything at the same time. after i got pregnant i have zero energy for anything at all. sometimes i can get so lazy to even shower cos i'm just perpetually tired lol. and i'm sure this will extend till after bb's born as well. there are a number of reasons why this may be happening. it may not necessarily be bcos she's getting it outside la, and it's not very fair to think that way too... unless you have evidence or a reason to believe so.

I know it sounds over reacting.
But of cos something happened that led me to led to lack of trust in her. (She once secretly took leave to go KTV with her friends) The break of trust is something that can cause alot of 'troubles'... And due to our deteriotation in our relationship,this suspicion grow.
 
Anyway,so how to build up intimacy in a busy,fast paced,everyday with children,children seeking tons of attention environment?
 
I know it sounds over reacting.
But of cos something happened that led me to led to lack of trust in her. (She once secretly took leave to go KTV with her friends) The break of trust is something that can cause alot of 'troubles'... And due to our deteriotation in our relationship,this suspicion grow.

taking leave to go KTV with friends doesn't sound really serious? unless there's more to it, like she didn't go with friends but went with someone else instead? or if she visited those lupsup KTVs instead (not sure if there's any catered to ladies though)? if just normal KTV, i think nothing much to worry abt. in fact it could even be just to release some stress.

not sure how to answer your next question as my kid not born yet. :p:D
 
taking leave to go KTV with friends doesn't sound really serious? unless there's more to it, like she didn't go with friends but went with someone else instead? or if she visited those lupsup KTVs instead (not sure if there's any catered to ladies though)? if just normal KTV, i think nothing much to worry abt. in fact it could even be just to release some stress.

not sure how to answer your next question as my kid not born yet. :p:D

Haha, I also dun know if theres such KTVs. I'm not surprised if there is. You wanna go see see? Haha..
Well,of cos it's ok to go with her friends. But if frequency starts to get more? Would u let ur hubby go meet his friends every mth? Go KTV only. (Young boys and young girls) And u stay at home looking after kids.
Becomes she goes secretly... makes things more complicated. And things change after having kids, after 11yrs... Dos becomes don't. We becomes she, me...

Well, just looking for avenue to let things out. Maybe I should change my ID liao. Haha..

Wow, congrats for u! Is it a girl or boy? My first child is daughter, 8 this yr. Son is 6.
 
Thanks all. I’ve told him before that I don’t like to always be initiating and he feels compelled to hv to rem to initiate but at night he’s just too tired. He can be aroused only when I go down on him he said he duno why either. But during penetration he can’t do it himself, actually everytime is I have to guide it into me cos only I know the angle to get things going. He’s nervous and he fumbles if he tries it himself n loses the erection very fast. He typically stays hard only in the morning but mornings are always rushed n not very pleasant as we haven’t washed up n all.

I thought about it many times whether I want a husband who’s good in bed or with family. I think without a healthy sex life, I can’t feel happy in this marriage regardless how nice a father he is to our baby. I feel like I can’t even talk nicely and patiently to him. He said he also noticed that I treat him better always the day after we have sex (even though it was really not good sex at all. we always can’t go past minutes. It’s disappointing but better than nothing).

Anyway now that I’ve mentioned divorce so many tines, he has been feeling insecured though he still doesn’t want to let me go. I know the damage is already done. Sometimes when we reconcile, I assure him that ok we give it another try. But he still gets the feeling that Im gonna give up eventually. Basically he doesn’t feel my determination I guess. But with a lousy sex life, I am half hearted and can’t feel love for him.

Seems your hubby having the same issue as my hubby previously.
My hubby also can't really stay hard in the night if we manage to move on to sex. Otherwise it will only stay hard for a while, and soft again... His reason is that he's tired/stress over work. But funny is morning, he can 'stand', and stay hard. So in order to maintain our sex life, we can only do it in the morning. Try to wake up 30 mins or 1 hour before the normal time you both need to wake up. Perhaps this way can at least have some intimacy once per week.

I strongly agreed with the bold one you wrote. I too feel without sex, even with a good family, it's not a 'happy' marriage. Or at least I don't feel happy in the marriage.

Probably I'm more 'demanding' in your case though. That I want at least twice per week. Not saying I have high sex drive, but I think twice per week is consider 'normal'. Moreover before marriage, we did like 3-4 times per week. Even after giving birth, we still have at least 5 times every 2 week. But as child grow older, our sex life lesser. So sometimes I wonder about his 'reason'. But since he can only stay hard in the morning, at least we organise something out to be done in the morning. Chinese/Hokkien says 'No fish, prawn also good'.


To: p_eppermint & Edwin Yeo,

Yes. Indeed there's lupsup ktv out there for ladies. We call it gigolo club/pub.
 
Haha, I also dun know if theres such KTVs. I'm not surprised if there is. You wanna go see see? Haha..
Well,of cos it's ok to go with her friends. But if frequency starts to get more? Would u let ur hubby go meet his friends every mth? Go KTV only. (Young boys and young girls) And u stay at home looking after kids.
Becomes she goes secretly... makes things more complicated. And things change after having kids, after 11yrs... Dos becomes don't. We becomes she, me...

Well, just looking for avenue to let things out. Maybe I should change my ID liao. Haha..

Wow, congrats for u! Is it a girl or boy? My first child is daughter, 8 this yr. Son is 6.

i have nvr stopped my husband from going out with friends, but he always says he doesn't want to go. he has a grp of close friends, including his best friend, who goes out to drink every week at KTV pubs. they always try to jio him, but each time i ask him to go ahead he say don't want, if he want he will tell me. lol initially i felt it was a bit strange as he used to drink with them few times per week before i got tgt with him. anyway, i am not complaining. :p but i did tell him before, even though i don't control him, he has to know his limits. i will want him to spend more time with his family and he acknowledged and agreed. for me, i feel once in 2 mths is reasonable... once a mth may be a bit too frequent - but i also know of other ladies who have different opinions so it really depends la. i also hinted to him that i can't be like his best friend's wife who can give so much freedom and let the husband go drink and get drunk every weekend.

i suppose for you, after some time into the marriage, your wife just yearns for some personal time. i think it is harmless as long as the relationship between both of you has not drifted too far apart. sometimes it is healthy to get some personal time. unless there is really strong reason to believe that your wife is cheating on you, i.e coming home in the wee hrs frequently or not coming home at all, does not spend time or bother abt kids, or 180 degree character change, or other signs... otherwise, better not to overthink it as overthinking can also harm relationships... :)

not sure abt bb gender yet - am nearing 18 weeks now and seeing gynae on coming tues. hopefully gender will be revealed then. :D
 
I think basically both have to compromise for 'personal time/space'.
Each couple have their own compromise for such.
Like I know few couple that they can go out with their friends once a month for anything (as long know their limits).
Some even agree their partner can go for holiday with friends etc
 
I think basically both have to compromise for 'personal time/space'.
Each couple have their own compromise for such.
Like I know few couple that they can go out with their friends once a month for anything (as long know their limits).
Some even agree their partner can go for holiday with friends etc

Yup, different individuals/couples have different views so have to work out between husband and wife. For me I have a bit of trust issues and thankfully husband understands so he hardly goes out with friends. Sometimes I feel bad and try to persuade him but he insists no, as he claimed he does not want to go and nothing to do with me. There was once I even had to “pakat” with his friends to make him go out lol
 
Yup, different individuals/couples have different views so have to work out between husband and wife. For me I have a bit of trust issues and thankfully husband understands so he hardly goes out with friends. Sometimes I feel bad and try to persuade him but he insists no, as he claimed he does not want to go and nothing to do with me. There was once I even had to “pakat” with his friends to make him go out lol

Wah. Still have to 'pakat' to bluff him out. Don't know if your hubby is consider good or no. Haha.
 
I think you all are better than me. My husband and I have not had sex since the birth of our daughter. That’s like 4 years.

When I was pregnant back then, I don’t know if it’s due to the change of hormones or what, I suddenly had very high sex drive. I wanted to have sex badly during pregnancy but because we are so afraid of hurting the baby inside, he only fingered me.

After I gave birth, our sex life is non existent! I did ask him why. He said I have become too demanding, he is busy with work, my figure has gone out of shape, his penis hurts whenever there’s intercourse.

I give up asking him for sex. Now I DIY whenever I have the need.

Yes. hormones changes during pregnancy. I too was feeling extremely horny (with high sex drive) during the period. My hubby too afraid of hurting the baby so dare not have sex with me. We went for routine check up, and I asked the doctor about such concern, and doc said it's fine to have sex even till Week 36 or so then stop is fine. But not going on extreme position. Even with doggy, have to use pillow etc to support the belly.

As of now, since the issue with hubby (I posted somewhere), we also stopped having sex since then. I have other way to satisfy myself either. But 4 years for you is definitely very long... DIY can never be as satisfy as with a 'real' on going in.

Suggest to have a talk with your hubby about this issue. Or even go for therapy regarding his 'pain'. Not sure about when he said you are 'demanding' though. Hopefully not daily ba :D
 
Wah. Still have to 'pakat' to bluff him out. Don't know if your hubby is consider good or no. Haha.

yea, last night i jokingly teased him abt this and he said "yah lo, where got ppl still bluff the husband and force me to go out one". :p

i think it's good for me, cos i need a lot of attention and he is able to give me that (sth my ex-es were not able to give me). but in a way i sometimes wonder if he is actually restraining himself and i would not want him to do so cos one day he might "erupt". just few days back he told me his friends jio him out for drinks again, i told him he could have gone ahead and just informed me, he said he didn't tell me abt it cos he didn't even wanna go. then i think again, if he didn't wanna go, then he tell me after that for what? :confused:
 
I think you all are better than me. My husband and I have not had sex since the birth of our daughter. That’s like 4 years.

When I was pregnant back then, I don’t know if it’s due to the change of hormones or what, I suddenly had very high sex drive. I wanted to have sex badly during pregnancy but because we are so afraid of hurting the baby inside, he only fingered me.

After I gave birth, our sex life is non existent! I did ask him why. He said I have become too demanding, he is busy with work, my figure has gone out of shape, his penis hurts whenever there’s intercourse.

I give up asking him for sex. Now I DIY whenever I have the need.

the excuses he give are so crappy!! :mad: what does he mean by "his penis hurt when there's intercourse"?! if really got this kind of issue, he should see a doc and not just ignore it. which man would be concerned abt his sexual health? o_Oo_Oo_O

anyway, after the first 14 weeks of preg, husband and i decided no sex until bb is out as we feel awkward - don't dare to fully enjoy cos scared of hurting bb. we know it's safe, but we tried twice and there was spotting after that which made the rest of the sessions so stressful. even so, i still try to satisfy him at least once a fortnight, xin ku a bit but i know it is my duty as his wife. sometimes really shagged cos after work come back just want to sleep, but at the same time feel bad for him that he has to abstain (which i know can be difficult for men sometimes). :(
 
yea, last night i jokingly teased him abt this and he said "yah lo, where got ppl still bluff the husband and force me to go out one". :p

i think it's good for me, cos i need a lot of attention and he is able to give me that (sth my ex-es were not able to give me). but in a way i sometimes wonder if he is actually restraining himself and i would not want him to do so cos one day he might "erupt". just few days back he told me his friends jio him out for drinks again, i told him he could have gone ahead and just informed me, he said he didn't tell me abt it cos he didn't even wanna go. then i think again, if he didn't wanna go, then he tell me after that for what? :confused:

Hm. Ya lor. Sometime wonder why man when didn't want to do it, still say it.
Well, as long as he is 'willingly' not to go out with friends, should be fine.
You are his wife, think probably you know him the best if he will 'erupt' due to he's restraining himself, or do it willing.

Jiayou!


Our daughter was conceived via IVF, using donor sperms. My husband has zero sperm count. Before I was pregnant with our daughter, we still had sex once a week. But after he found out he has zero sperm count, our sex life was badly affected. He doesn’t initiate anymore to the point, it is non existent in these 4 years after our daughter is born. Even when I tried to initiate, he would always come up with excuses like tomorrow and when tomorrow comes, nothing happens.

Ah I see. Sex is not something to have baby mah. So even zero sperm count, still have to do it. It's a bonding for both...
Ya. Man 'tomorrow' or 'later' will never come...
 
Our daughter was conceived via IVF, using donor sperms. My husband has zero sperm count. Before I was pregnant with our daughter, we still had sex once a week. But after he found out he has zero sperm count, our sex life was badly affected. He doesn’t initiate anymore to the point, it is non existent in these 4 years after our daughter is born. Even when I tried to initiate, he would always come up with excuses like tomorrow and when tomorrow comes, nothing happens.

if that is the case, then it could very well be a psychological problem where he is too affected by his infertility making him have no mood at all. i think he needs professional help as this could be very harmful to the marriage...
 
the excuses he give are so crappy!! :mad: what does he mean by "his penis hurt when there's intercourse"?! if really got this kind of issue, he should see a doc and not just ignore it. which man would be concerned abt his sexual health? o_Oo_Oo_O

anyway, after the first 14 weeks of preg, husband and i decided no sex until bb is out as we feel awkward - don't dare to fully enjoy cos scared of hurting bb. we know it's safe, but we tried twice and there was spotting after that which made the rest of the sessions so stressful. even so, i still try to satisfy him at least once a fortnight, xin ku a bit but i know it is my duty as his wife. sometimes really shagged cos after work come back just want to sleep, but at the same time feel bad for him that he has to abstain (which i know can be difficult for men sometimes). :(

Yes. Health issue of course still comes first. During pregnancy, though we got do, but also very very careful. Like hubby ensure I'm in a comfortable position first... And when insert, didn't insert fully that kind...
Though Doc mentioned can do, we also didn't do that frequent as compare to before pregnancy.
 
My wife seems to have higher sex drive when she is pregnant too. And we have better sex I think. Well,our babies are still healthy and well. So really no issues then. Just dun be too rough I guess?

Yah,since my wife having low sex drive I have to DIY also. Sianz.
 
Sex is a natural thing that occurs to all people abd for me,since my love language is touch,the more touchin it is,the better.

I have and doing housework like maid like that and I yet dun feel appreciated. My wife just likes to sleep and sleep. Can even fall asleep during dinner! Gosh! How ah?
 
if that is the case, then it could very well be a psychological problem where he is too affected by his infertility making him have no mood at all. i think he needs professional help as this could be very harmful to the marriage...

Better see doc. It will lowers man's esteem as well.
 
yea, last night i jokingly teased him abt this and he said "yah lo, where got ppl still bluff the husband and force me to go out one". :p

i think it's good for me, cos i need a lot of attention and he is able to give me that (sth my ex-es were not able to give me). but in a way i sometimes wonder if he is actually restraining himself and i would not want him to do so cos one day he might "erupt". just few days back he told me his friends jio him out for drinks again, i told him he could have gone ahead and just informed me, he said he didn't tell me abt it cos he didn't even wanna go. then i think again, if he didn't wanna go, then he tell me after that for what? :confused:

I also got friends who jio me for supper and drinks often but I also rejected them.
My family comes first. If I go out,my wife has to settle the kids bedtime while I go enjoy. So I rather we go out together for family gathering than going out just with friends. But if cos,I still got go out once in a blue moon and after my kids are settled for bed.
The issue of going out with friends is more of going out with mixed friends than same sex friends? If I know my wife go out with a bunch of girls of cos no issues. But mixed?
Will u let u hubby/wife go out with mixed friends? Young ones who can played till late even.
 
I also got friends who jio me for supper and drinks often but I also rejected them.
My family comes first. If I go out,my wife has to settle the kids bedtime while I go enjoy. So I rather we go out together for family gathering than going out just with friends. But if cos,I still got go out once in a blue moon and after my kids are settled for bed.
The issue of going out with friends is more of going out with mixed friends than same sex friends? If I know my wife go out with a bunch of girls of cos no issues. But mixed?
Will u let u hubby/wife go out with mixed friends? Young ones who can played till late even.

well, my hubby's grp of friends consists of both males and females. however i have met all of them before so i don't have any qualms abt it. most of the females in the grp are gfs or wives also, so nothing much to worry abt on my end. my hubby's best friend always drinks till wee hrs in the morning, but usually my hubby will go back earlier unless i am around and i want to stay longer. :p

to be frank it depends a lot on the trust between the both of you. if you can't trust her, no matter who she goes out with, even if she goes out in the daytime, you'll still have your doubts. but if you trust her fully, even if she were to come back at 6am and tell you she had supper/breakfast with friends after drinking, you wouldn't think twice abt it. of course it also depends on your wife as she has to know her limits as well. if you find that this is becoming a problem then the both of you should sit down and have a heart to heart talk abt it. let her know your concerns and let her explain herself as well. no point suspecting, wondering, then getting upset when there is nothing concrete, right? :)
 
well, my hubby's grp of friends consists of both males and females. however i have met all of them before so i don't have any qualms abt it. most of the females in the grp are gfs or wives also, so nothing much to worry abt on my end. my hubby's best friend always drinks till wee hrs in the morning, but usually my hubby will go back earlier unless i am around and i want to stay longer. :p

to be frank it depends a lot on the trust between the both of you. if you can't trust her, no matter who she goes out with, even if she goes out in the daytime, you'll still have your doubts. but if you trust her fully, even if she were to come back at 6am and tell you she had supper/breakfast with friends after drinking, you wouldn't think twice abt it. of course it also depends on your wife as she has to know her limits as well. if you find that this is becoming a problem then the both of you should sit down and have a heart to heart talk abt it. let her know your concerns and let her explain herself as well. no point suspecting, wondering, then getting upset when there is nothing concrete, right? :)

If I did not found out she went out with friends seceretly,things will probably be that way. Innocent and ignorant.
My wife once told me she and some friends want to celebrate the guy's bday at an Air BnB. She said I can go with the kids, but then the kids need to sleep. So I bring the kids back and she stay back to to continue the party. Does it makes sense? What is her limit? Sounds quite scary to me.

Heart to heart talk before. However I explained myself, she refuse to accept my reasons. Whats next?
 
I think like what p.eppermint mentioned, trust is important. If have trust issue, better voice it out and let her know and see how to tackle the problem. If no little trust, even she celebrate for her gal fren, u may also dont allow either.
Like nt hubby trust me, so even i went on short trip with gal and guy, he also ok with it. Due to space constraint, i even sleep on same bed with another guy, he also fine with it. So long i know my limit.
 
I think like what p.eppermint mentioned, trust is important. If have trust issue, better voice it out and let her know and see how to tackle the problem. If no little trust, even she celebrate for her gal fren, u may also dont allow either.
Like nt hubby trust me, so even i went on short trip with gal and guy, he also ok with it. Due to space constraint, i even sleep on same bed with another guy, he also fine with it. So long i know my limit.

Wow.... ok. Thats surprising to me.

But trust for her is broken. So yah,kinda difficult in our relationship now.
We do wan to try again, but... it's a vicious cycle. sadly.

We plan to go counselling. But what I really hope is improvement, so far there is none.
 
Wow.... ok. Thats surprising to me.

But trust for her is broken. So yah,kinda difficult in our relationship now.
We do wan to try again, but... it's a vicious cycle. sadly.

We plan to go counselling. But what I really hope is improvement, so far there is none.

Counselling can be an option. But again, compromise is the main key.

Like my hubby and I went for counselling, things didn't change the way it is as well. Probably I'm another stubborn kind. =)
 
Counselling can be an option. But again, compromise is the main key.

Like my hubby and I went for counselling, things didn't change the way it is as well. Probably I'm another stubborn kind. =)


o-0"' So basically if nothing's change, everything will be the same. If thats how and ur hubby like it. Then ok loh.

I went to counselling myself. It really takes effort on both parties to make it work again, there goes without saying. I believe my wife also know there is something she needs to do, but refusing to do it. So there again, the vicious cycle. My point is. Then, like that happy meh?
 
o-0"' So basically if nothing's change, everything will be the same. If thats how and ur hubby like it. Then ok loh.

I went to counselling myself. It really takes effort on both parties to make it work again, there goes without saying. I believe my wife also know there is something she needs to do, but refusing to do it. So there again, the vicious cycle. My point is. Then, like that happy meh?

sometimes things may not work out as how we wish for it to... imagine two ppl of different characters coming tgt, no matter how many happy times you've had tgt, eventually will still have friction, esp when you get comfortable with each other and get used to each other. it takes two hands to clap. but sometimes, despite your best efforts i.e counselling etc, things still don't work out the way you hoped it would. then you have to think abt whether it is worth it to remain in this marriage or not, if the hole is too big to be patched or not. if you think it is worth it, then no choice, you just have to compromise. if not, then move on. we have to find our own happiness, it does not come to us naturally. :)
 
o-0"' So basically if nothing's change, everything will be the same. If thats how and ur hubby like it. Then ok loh.

I went to counselling myself. It really takes effort on both parties to make it work again, there goes without saying. I believe my wife also know there is something she needs to do, but refusing to do it. So there again, the vicious cycle. My point is. Then, like that happy meh?

Maybe she's happy the way she is/are doing now? Haha

As for you, of course you won't be happy. But again, if she's unwilling to change, there's nothing much you can do also.

So either 'take it or leave it'. If leave it, then you have to consider of what you should/need to do...
 



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