Working Mum Quit Job to look after children..

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by pp1, May 22, 2009.

  1. pp1

    pp1 New Member

    Hi, presently Im a working mum and is going to quit my job to look after my 2 children, boy and girl age 2.4 and 4 years old.

    The reason is because we have given up on the idea of maid looking after our children. She is totally a disappointment. We have no intention of changing maid as this maid is the 3rd one already. We believed even if we change another new one, the attitude and problem still remain. So my husband requested me to stop work to look after children myself. As such, I will become a wife/mum/teacher/maid with no income.

    Although I really wish to look after my children but at the same time I hesitate, wondering can I cope with all these daily house activities eg. send & fetch them from school in the morning, marketing, cooking, washing, cleaning and educate them etc. I have been working all the while, can I adapt to these changes?

    Could someone please advise?
  2. wsj

    wsj New Member

    hi wondermum
    it is definitely not easy to take care of housework and childcare at one go. maybe you can have a maid, but, your maid will be doing the cleaning and washing (and cooking) and you supervise, isn't it better?

    I have 3 kids, 0, 3, 4. I sometimes, could not do any housework at all, if my children wakes up earlier than i do, because once they are up, it is endless work already.
  3. precious_one

    precious_one New Member

    Wondermum
    It's going to be a BIG sacrifice. Before you rush into it, you have to prepare yourself mentally as it is going to be 24/7 job with no salary, incentive, leave etc.

    The consolation is YOU are there for your children and hopefully they turn out to be fine and responsible people...that's your reward at the end of the day.

    I was a SAHM for the 1st 3 yrs of my girl's life and I almost lose my sanity as I was not prepared for it. Thinking and doing it is a world of difference.

    I managed to return to the workforce last year and it has been one year already. Now, I'm contemplating going back to my SAHM role as I feel that my girl is not receiving much learning opportunities as my MIL who's illiterate cannot educate her and MIL has other grand children under her care.

    It's chicken and egg story.....still thinking real hard here.
  4. mtyh

    mtyh Member

    Hi WonderMum,

    Think about this, who are the maids? they are usually the less well educated and probably look upon your kids as the owner. The maid will probably serve them like kings and queens. Is it good for kids to be so well served at their tender age? It may make them used to always having things their way. Also, your kids are not the maid's, how much care and concern will she put in?

    No doubt giving up your job would mean a great reduction in family income.

    Which would you rather choose?

    1. Buying things of a cheaper brand, eating at hawker / food court rather than restaurants but giving your kids the best upbringing. The kids will be filial to you and always have you in their heart.

    2. Better off, eat at restaurants and buying branded goods but always having to worry about the kids, and they don't seemed to be bothering much about you.

    There are things that money can't buy.

    If you do decide to quit your job and take care of them, focus on cultivate moral values, rather than ability in your kids. It will go a long way in helping them live a fulfilling life.

    there are some very good materials at http://www.dfg.cn

    All the best.
  5. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    Hi WonderMum,
    I stopped working to look after our #3 too,
    but I'll be returning to work once he hit 18mths to go child care center. [​IMG]

    Every thought of putting them into 7am-7pm center,
    so that you can carryon to work?
  6. athenang

    athenang New Member

    Actually I think only you yourself will know the answer. One cannot assume that just because the mother cared for the child personally means that the child will be filial. There are plenty of cases where that is not the case. Also, compared to our parents' generations, our grandparents' generations are mostly stay at home mothers, and you can't say that our parents' generation all turned out filial. Same for our parents compared to us. In the end, its your own unique situation so do what you think is best. I was a SAHM, I don't think my kid turned out any better than other kids her age whose mothers went back to work after 3 months (old maternity leave system)
  7. easy

    easy New Member

    There are many children I see whose parents work full time and they still have a good relationship with their parents. I think what's important is that you try to connect with them after work and on weekends instead of just ferrying them from one enrichment to another. Of course, as a SAHM, the opportunities come by easily as time is less of a factor.
  8. lushvelvet

    lushvelvet Member

    I'm new SAHM too. It isn't easy especially if you'd been holding on to a steadily climbing career with good prospects. The pressure from peers, sometimes subconscientious mockery from friends, all makes your daily chores take a further grind. But, ultimately, it's your own values and what you hold most dear to you; is it the sense of fulfilment at assisting and witnessing your child reaching every milestone, or is it good enough to know that your child is cared for by a good caregiver at the same time being at peace with yourself as you're satisfied that you can go ahead with realising your ambition. There's no right and wrong choices, but only the one choice that gives you family harmony. If you are ill at ease with either of the decision, ultimately your family suffers. Since we were once children ourselves, honestly, I do not think that any of us remembered how and who held our hands to guide our first steps. Hence eventually, all the sacrifice that one made in the name of for the goodness of the child, really, it may not be that significant afterall. Children do learn to adapt. Babies, even better. Make good decision for the benefit of your family, not just the child, that you will not regret.
  9. ryan_mummy

    ryan_mummy Active Member

    i also gave up my career for my boy. many said i am plain lazy. but i noe, deep down that i am insisting on breastfeeding, insisting on attachment parenting.
    it's all for the sake of my son. irregardless of what ppl say, i dun care. cause i noe, my son is happy. i get to see every single growth & development of his.
    his first steps, first words, first foods... first everything.
    i do not want to be a mom who never see what happens to my kid. and in a twinkle of an eye, they are all grown up with their own circle of friends.
    i have friends or colly who complain their kid wants everything. hp/mp3/psp. they give in to all their whims cause they feel guilty for not being there for them when they were younger. so they think $ can compensate everything.
    in the end, what type of kids do they raise? kids who ask for $$ everyday? kids who go out with their friends during wkdays/wkends. and not bother abt their own parents?

    a real life senario - my MIL & BIL. she regretted working so hard that she nv cared abt his feelings all those yrs. only know how to leave $ on his study table for school.
    whatever he wants, she give. now?
    my BIL - school dropout. 23yrs working in a coffeehouse. earning $1k per mth. no certs. smoker..
  10. getrichislife

    getrichislife New Member

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  11. mumusings

    mumusings Active Member

    I fully support what EASY said. Whether you are a full-time or working mom, spend every minute with your family in a meaningful manner.

    It puzzles me that so many parents spend on strollers, baby items when kids are bb and then when they can most enjoy playtime with parents, these toddlers are sent for enrichment classes.

    It's not how much $$ you earn or have given up earning. The focus should be on the quality of time spent with the child. Everyone only goes through childhood once. For me (full-time mom), it's worth sacrificing the 'loss' of pay and putting up with sneers because what matters is that my kid is happy and growing well.

    Personally I don't regret the career-miss at the moment. It's a privilege to be able to be there for the child 24 hours. I take it as a break rather than opportunities-lost.

    Keep up the great work, ladies[​IMG]
  12. lifeis

    lifeis New Member

    Hi Mommies, check with ya...if after maternity leaves (4 mths over), go back to work on first day, can one tender immediately? Any consequences to face?
  13. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    lifeis,
    you still have to complete your notice-in-lieu period after you tender. [​IMG]

    After this, no one will dare to employ woman of child bearing age already... :p
  14. nayli03

    nayli03 Member

    hi

    lifeis

    i did tender my resignation on the first day icame back from work after my maternity leave at that tym 3 years agao it was only 3 months for maternity leave.

    there wasnt any consequences that i had to face.
    i had called up HR department to enquire during my maternity leave.

    maybe u should check out with ur HR deparment.

    thnks
    have a great day
  15. nayli03

    nayli03 Member

    Hi mummies glad to know a thread like this.

    Me 2 had quitted my job after no. 3. I had to much problems with all the domestic helpers that i had. 6 helpers in 8 years. Only 1 the best the rest had affairs with bangladeshi workers.

    The recent helper actualy had a tryst in my house while i was out working when my 2 younger kids were asleep.

    God is great hence my hubby and me caught her red handed.

    I am now a sahm. eventhough now everything has to do on my own and even cooking seperate meals for kids and hubby.
    i now enjoy it as i do not have to think abt work.

    Financialy it has been o.k. Whatever hubby gives me is ennuff for the househod and kids.
    Now we only take hoidays to batam and malaysia.
    2 boys are still having their religious classes.

    No matter what , god has given me these angels and with deep and greatest strength i will care and nourish them.
  16. lushvelvet

    lushvelvet Member

    I think there should be no problem with quitting after the maternity leave. Just have to face the consequence that there WILL be peers blabbering behind your back on how you take advantage of the maternity leave. Whatever it is, just let the company know of your final decision early enough. At least do not burn the bridge.
  17. melody7355

    melody7355 New Member

    Lifeis,

    Quitting after mat leave should have no prob, and you might not even have to serve notice if you have enough leave to offset. Have a col who did that. Work wise should be min disruption cos someone had been in charge of your work for the past 3-4 months. I agreed with what others have said, let your bosses and peers know of your decision earlier so that they can be prepared. Or you can neg for long unpaid leave of absence until you are ready to work.

    You have your reason to quit after the mat leave - maybe there's no one taking care of the baby, maybe you are just not feeling good enough to return back to work...nobody has the right to judge you, so you do what you need to do.

    SAHM is the least appreciated and respected role, at least I feel so in singapore. But no caregiver will give as much love as a mother, right? Lucky - you find a good caregiver, and your kid will grow up per normal as others. Unlucky - like those in the news - baby shaken until head injury/ or half blind, toddler being verbally abused by maid.

    Focus on getting well first and looking after your newborn, while you sort out the work issue. All the best.
  18. koko7

    koko7 New Member

    Hi, was looking for a thread like this...

    I'm currently pregnant and was doing contract work previously but now staying at home waiting for my baby's birth since no one will hire pregnant lady.

    Am thinking of being a SAHM after having my baby as financially my hubby can support me and baby. Of course, will have to be more prudent in spending. Plus, hubby is supportive of me being a SAHM. Also, I don't have many choices as my MIL is not suitable to take care of baby and my own parents have passed away[​IMG]

    However, I do feel peer pressure and from relatives who think there is really no need to give up career to take care of baby since there is infant care etc. Somehow, society views SAHM as low value and think it's lazy and unproductive to be a SAHM. Moreover, I have a degree and had a very good pay with good prospects (but I don't love my job). People always give you the shocked look and say 'aiyoh so wasted' or tell you to look for nanny when you suggest to be a SAHM.

    Plus I do feel my esteem being affected when I go out with my lawyer, doctor, professional friends and they discuss about their career and I have none.

    Will I regret being a SAHM??
  19. tanlengleng

    tanlengleng Active Member

    koko7,
    since you do not love your job in the first place,
    why not treat it as a break?
    When your hubby is most supportive, there's no need to care for other's comments.
    It's always fine to return to workforce when your child is older.

    WE HAVE A CHOICE. [​IMG]
  20. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    koko7, my situation is exactly like yours.
    currently pregnant and not working now. Considering to be SAHM after baby is born. But everyone who knows it always say so wasted. I used to earn twice more than my hb, had very good degree too and extremely good career prospect. I also feel my esteem being affected when i met my ex college or friends sometime.

    But I decided to look after my baby for sometime before i decide to do 1-2 days work later after she is a bit older. I think noone can take care our child better than the mother.

    I met one mummy who also spent most of her time working and now the children is already teenager, and had no respect for her at all. She is very sad, and now her relationship with her husband also goes sour..and her children also never support her cos they think she didn't love her. It's very sad for her..cos she think she had done her best to love her children. Even after tiring work every day..she is still cooking dinner for them. She told me I can always earn money when my children is older, at least when they goes to school.

    It's true we have a CHOICE..
  21. highvolt

    highvolt Active Member

    Mummies
    if you have problems socialising with your uppity friends or simply have no common interest/grounds, maybe its time to find a new circle of friends. It's useless trying to keep up to their career-shop talk and feel down.

    For those who gave up their career regardless of their high qualification for their kids - KUDOS to you. And to be a full-time mum without help - you ladies are super mummies.
  22. twinklestarsjta

    twinklestarsjta New Member

    It is not easy to be a mum. To be a mum need to sacrifice. Alot of time for children, household, running errands, marketing....all the no ending chores. Even giving up time to go shopping or going out with friends. But at the end of the time you will find fullfillment. When you look at your children you will be smiling becos they are happy and eating healthy. Mother's Day is coming, you will know that WE as MOTHER will be appreciate.
  23. peapods

    peapods New Member

    Hi dear mummy

    About 3 years ago after I had my first child, I decided to take a year break from the workforce to spend time with my child. It was not an easy decision to make then, but it was not with regrets since I wanted to spend my time with her after such a difficult pregnancy.

    During the time, I considered many different job opportunities that will give me flexibility & of course $. Now I have found a good business in being a real estate agent.

    I did not have any experience to start off with. My previous roles only involved interacting through a computer. But my only thought then was I had nothing to lose. If I don't try, how would I know this wasn't for me?

    I searched around the industry speaking to different agencies and people who've been in the line. Some had a better system than others, some offered better incentives. I finally settled on a big local firm and have been with them since then.

    Now I'm very happy in this line and would like to welcome you to be part of my team. One of the most important considerations is the team/mentor that u join that will lead u to succeed in this industry. We have more than 500 agents within my team, a platform to provide u effective networking. In our team, u will never work alone. We also hv our own Realtime web system with more than 5000 free listings, in detail (full address with unit no) and all of us in the team have access into the system. Once u are part of our Team, you can use all the listings in the systems to kick-start immediately and to work towards your first closing.

    Most importantly in our team, you will never work alone.

    I'm now a mother of 2 wonderful young children. I have more time and money than before. If you have been looking for around for job opportunities or wish to know more, do give me a call at 8188-0230 or PM me. I'll be glad to help you out.

    Many thanks for taking time to read this. Hope to hear from you soon!
  24. jkids

    jkids Member

    being a sahm is the last resort for me coz i really hope to have a balance between work and family, but looks like i may have to take this path as well.

    i rather look after them myself if no other family members can help me.
  25. myprincesses

    myprincesses Active Member

    Hi! I have just quit my job to take care of my girls 4 years old. We used to have a maid for 3 years but she suddenly decided want to go back. I have no time to train a new & reliable one. so I have to take a break. I have a degree holder. Also face comments from relatives & friends that it is a pity to be housewife...in a dilemma.
  26. lbk

    lbk New Member

    Hi,
    Are you still looking for job? I have vacancy – Customer Service Office & Admin Staff. My office is in Chinatown, easily accessible by MRT. Please email me your resume + expected salary if you are interested. My email is blackvelvel@hotmail.com Thank you.
  27. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Hi I'm new to this forum and wanted to share my views. XianXin I know how you feel. I quit my job after my first child. But after 8 months, I felt frustrated as I missed corporate life and my parents in law and some friends also felt it was not a good idea. I struggled with it for some time, before deciding to return to work.

    Now I am still working full time and have 2 kids. We have a maid to help and the older one is in childcare. Younger one not yet as we still feel he's too young, so my parents help to take care of him. Sometimes I wish I didnt go back to work. But it's a struggle. With two incomes, things are much easier. I still think about this and considering if I should find part time work. Dilemma too!
  28. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    I join this thread since i was pregnant. And now my baby is already 7 month old and I am happy SAHM now. For the first few months, I keep thinking of going back to work. But now..i really enjoy my baby and my life at home. True there are times I feel really lonely, but seeing her growing healthy and happy is enough for me.

    Financially is very tough with one income, but we manage to pull through by saving here and there. I will feel very sad to miss my baby's moment right now and let the maid to look after her. At least for some of you there is still parent or parent in law to help. For me, there is NO ONE help except my husband when he come home. No break, but enjoying every moment. I think it's important to understand why we make this decision. There are much more value than just financial reason. I am MBA graduated from overseas. Earning twice than my husband. But i have no regret at all with my decision now. This moment will be something that i look back fondly someday.

    I read one book "How Smart is Your Baby", from Glenn Doman. Pls read this book from the library, then you will understand why its so important for our baby to be with their mother for the first 6 years of life.
  29. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Thanks anmaria. I am quite inspired by what you and other SAHMs have shared. Both hubby and I earning decent income and we don't spend alot. No lavish lifestyle. So if I were to quit full time work, we can still manage. I've discussed with hubby and he's quite supportive but also apprehensive.

    I guess I'm afraid of losing my financial independence and also losing touch with the 'real world'. But at the same time, I really want to spend more time with the kids. But I know that I need to be very sure before I make the decision. I don't want to end up feeling resentful. Sometimes I feel like such a bad mum... [​IMG]
  30. myprincesses

    myprincesses Active Member

    Hi! Bananarama, I have gone through my first week of housewife life. Kind of struggling in housework coz already good life for 3 years with maid. Meeting few mummies in my girls' kindergathen, they are mostly aunties with less education. I am still thinking whether I have made the correct decision coz my girls were also happy when they were with maid last time. Think, I need more time to switch my mind set.

    Anmaria, I must salute to you. Think I have not gone through my 'struggling' period yet. Hope I will appreciate more in future.
  31. nayli03

    nayli03 Member

    Hi mummies ..
    life is never easy as a sahm. juggling with kids, housechores..
    if i can elaborate..
    sigh..
    with not even my husband's help.. worse..
    looking at my 3 kids 8, 4 and 2 i have never regretted looking back..

    its been a year plus dat i gave up my fulfilling job as a staff nurse..

    i take one step at a time..n pray to god to give me the strength, patience and tolerance in going thru this..
    with the all mighty help i believe my kids wil all go the right path.

    all the way stay at home mummies..
    i believe in u..
  32. zestyzan

    zestyzan New Member

    I also salute us mums who made a wise decision to be with our kids. Its better for their development later in life. I've always appreciated my mum for her sacrifice as well. But her advise is still for us ladies to be independent financially. So, I've started my own weight management consultancy business with a team of medical professionals and also other mums..and I really hope to be able to have more stay at home moms to team up and have a great home based business that you can build for your children. You can take your own time to build this, I usually spent like 2-4hrs daily to meet clients, some come over to my house for their consultation. I'm expanding and really looking for highly capable and qualified mums with big DREAMS to join me. I'd love to give this gift to all of you, if you are keen, do join me, otherwise, its ok, you can carry on with your own plans...there's really nothing to lose. PM me!
  33. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    hi zestyzan, you don't accept PM.
    can you PM me the detail?
  34. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    let me share with you some writing from Glenn Doman (writer and creator of 'baby can read')for all mothers who have decided to be SAHM..it might give you some strength to go through this period.

    "There are 2 main underlying assumptions. The first is that baby's needs are primarily physiological and emotional. The second is that baby's development is triggered by the ringing of a series of genetically preset alarm clocks that go off on schedule regardless of what does or does not happen to him. THESE ASSUMPTION ARE FALSE.

    It is also because of these false assumptions that modern babies are being raised by accident instead of on purpose. That is a great shame because the growth and development of the human child is much too important to be left to chance.

    It is also because of these false assumptions that mothers have increasingly been persuaded, against their better judgment, to let their babies be cared for by others.

    A baby's natural, inborn human potential is enormous.

    If it were true that babies simply need to be fed and changed and cuddled a bit, and nothing more, then society could safely put babies together like so many little sheep with one caretaker for many babies. This model was in fact established and used by the Soviets.

    But babies are not little sheep. It is true that they have physiological and emotional needs, but beyond these they have enormous neurological needs as well. This neurological needs is the need of the brain for stimulation and opportunity.

    When this neurological needs are fully met, the child's physical and intellectual abilities are enhanced. If on the other hand, the baby's neurological needs are not met, and if barriers that may stop or slow brain growth and development are not noticed and eliminated, the child will not achieve that enormous natural human potential.

    Every baby arrives equipped with a mother - there is good reason for that. Every mother, whether she is new to the job or highly experienced, has a marvelous ability and opportunity to observe her baby, and then to act intuitively based on her observations.

    ON HER WORST DAY SHE WILL DO THIS BETTER WITH HER OWN BABY THAN MOST OTHERS WOULD DO ON THEIR BEST DAYS.

    However, the modern mother faces a very large problem: her own possible extinction.In this world she is often told that her baby is better off in a nursery than in her arms.
  35. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Thanks for the encouraging words. I also believe that children who are look after by their mothers (or fathers) are most blessed.

    I know being a SAHM is all worth it, even if there are some days that you feel it is such a struggle. I have friends who are SAHM, some who are working full time, and some working part time. So I hear all the different sides. And I myself also was SAHM for 8 months.

    But I think the problem was I wasn't ready. I still felt I was young, wanted to achieve more in my career. So I got frustrated. I believe I made the right decision at that time. I went back to work, felt happier with myself, and also tried to spend as much time as I can with my boys. I'm lucky I have an understanding boss who agree to cut down my overseas trips.

    Now I think I feel more prepared. My older boy is 4 and the younger is 2. I want to spend more time with them before they start primary school, and also so I can help them with school work.

    I have decided to talk with my boss next month about working 3 days a week starting from next year. If she's not agreeable, then I will have to consider what to do. I'm not yet mentally prepared to quit totally. So if the 3 day week cannot happen, then I will quit this job and do part time work. I feel quite happy with this decision and I'm excited to spend more time with my boys!
  36. zestyzan

    zestyzan New Member

    Hi anmaria, sorry for that. I've changed my profile setting. Anyways, I've PM you as well.

    Thanks for that sharing, I agree with the article that you shared. I believe we can make a better impact on our kids with our presence. I also believe tht we can encourage our children to do well in life by being a good example to them. I'm really keen to converse with mothers here with the same mindset.
  37. closetdoor

    closetdoor Active Member

    Given a choice, I will be a SAHM. But in actual fact, its very hard to survive on a single income, thus I am still working and trying to save up to be a SAHM.
  38. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Also very true Kiko! That was one of the reasons why I was hesitant. It means cutting back on certain expenses. And that's also why I can't quit work totally. Living in Singapore is getting expensive!
  39. ram

    ram New Member

    Hi anmaria, that seem very true.. i seem to totally understand my boy after i quit job to look after him. my mother, then caregiver, used to comment that how come i don't know what he want.. when i thought i did cos i really spend every minute of my time after work with him.. our bonding was very close cos i also breastfeed him till one year old, even during full time job. i did not have time for any TV, or newspapers.. or enough sleep.. but somehow only after being sahm, and from day to day and daily activites allow me to truely understand his most behaviours and hence will have the '6th' sense to know what he 'really' want and able to discipline him without using cane...
  40. snhn

    snhn New Member

    Hi all

    Finally found this site on this topic.

    I am also currently FTWM but recently both me & my husband hv decided that it's time for me to be a homemaker to two of our kids (8 & 4)

    However, it is also an adjustment for me, so I am giving myself 1 to 2 years time to be mentally prepared to quit my coming 11 years in this current company and be a full time SAHM.

    Ever since we have made the decision, I have been trying to adjust eg. less online shopping [​IMG], less credit card expenses etc... [​IMG] [​IMG]

    After reading all your comments, I think every one is different. Whether you want to be FTWM or SAHM. Kudos to every mummies...

    I think I feel better after reading all your comments.
  41. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Hi snhn, I agree. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. And if you don't think it's suitable for you, then it's fine and you shouldn't feel guilty. It doesn't mean you're a bad mum.

    I know many FTWM who are great mums, very hands on and committed. Of course it means you have less time with your kids, but sometimes not everyone can afford to live with 1 income. And sometimes not everyone can stay home full time with their kids.

    Most important is for us to understand ourselves and think about what is best for our kids and also ourselves.

    This is what I've learnt after lots of self reflection and thinking. It took quite a long time!
  42. snhn

    snhn New Member

    Thanks Bananarama

    Yes, agreed.

    I look forward to being SAHM cos I think being at home, I can teach them the values of family and being a good person next time.

    Currently, we have problem with my girl (8) as she tends to sometimes lost or misplace her things or tell white lies. But recently, I have tone down my screaming or shouting at her and being with her in the morning for 3 days during her exam period. She seems to open up more.

    Hai... I just realise it is not easy being a parent.
  43. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Yes not easy at all!

    Like my hubby says, our lives are not our own anymore and we will continue to worry about our kids until they're working and settled down. Probably even after that! Worry about their kids, etc... Phew, never ending!

    There are days when I really miss being 'free', before the kids came along!
  44. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    Tam, it's very true. I know my gal much more than anyone else. She is only 8 months old now, but only me know when she cry, what kind of cry she is asking..hungry, sleepy, bored, scared, etc and what makes her happy, excited, etc. My husband has no idea at all that she is crying because of hungry or tired.

    I honestly miss corporate life. I have jobs that i really love before. I do wanted to go back to work after she is older and go to school. But definitely will choose work that can allow me to be home earlier so that she can always see me when she come home.

    I do admire working mum though, i think it must be really not easy. There are times i miss to have ME time, miss to have some break..but i really don't know how to leave my baby to work now (I know it must be hard for all mummies to do that). My husband quit his job and we don't have income at all..yet, we still think it's worth it for me to be sahm. Hopefully he can find new job soon.

    bananarama, you are right. It's really not easy to be parent yah. But our love for them sometime can be so overwhelming that we can sacrifice everything for them. My gal now is so so adorable at 8 months. I am physically super tired actually, but yet always feel recharge whenever i see her adorable face that smile to me.

    I also insist on fully breastfeeding, baby carrying all the time and attachment parenting. I know it's not easy, but I know she is contented baby. Everyone who meet her make the same comment, she has super smart eyes..haha
    very observant on anything for 8 months old baby.
  45. bananarama

    bananarama New Member

    Hi Anmaria it's true! I find that the more time you spend with your kids, the more you'll be able to see the effects and rewards. So it may mean more sacrifice, but it's always worth it. I also breastfed fully for as long as possible and felt the bonding really helped.

    Hope your hubby finds new job soon. If not, may be quite stressful.

    It's so strange how parenthood changes us! I have a gd friend who never wanted kids. She and hubby recently had 'accident' and now expecting first one. She was never maternal type, likes to go out for drinks and party, quite career minded etc. But now she's even considering quitting work to spend more time with her baby - and she hasn't even delivered yet! Quite amazing right?

    She was telling me she feels different, and she's worried she can't recognise herself anymore. But I told her just go with the flow and if she's changing, just accept it and enjoy her new self.

    Sometimes it's scary as you also don't want to lose yourself. But it's a balance!
  46. pll

    pll New Member

    Hi, I am a mummy of 2 also and work on my own time on consulting, accounting and hr jobs as well.

    My company actually paying commission to person who introduce new clients to us on Recruitment matters. I think this is suitable for mummies who really like to earn some extra money and no commitment of time and work required.

    Very easy, just introduce us the HR in charge for the companies and engage us as their recruitment consultant. No cost for the engagement to the client. So long the company hire someone through our company within these 2 year time and the introducer will get the commission of certain % on the fee.

    If you are interested, do pm me for detail.
  47. dabee

    dabee Member

    hi all

    just chanced upon this thread....everyone every household every family is different. only u n u spouse will know n plan what is best for u n your kids.

    yes i totally agree to all of u on what mentioned above, mother's love is the greatest love of all. even in this modern world.

    for those whom are considering to stay home. can give it a try esp now if u hv very young children. early days bonding is very impt.

    one market aunty told me, dun regret or hv second tots tt i can be w my 2 boys 24/7. nowadays kids are very different from their generation. if i wan more $$ now, cant bond w them at young age, then i hv to be prepared to save up n use my $$ for their teenage life to go for professional conuselling. cos by then no longer can communicte w them n they wun listen n cant lock them up at home. some of these teenage kids just simply dun even go home. i m very surprised by her comments.

    parents bonding w their own kids is very impt. esp a mother, i think mother can easily better understand n correct ur own child behaviour.

    i kept reminding myself God has given me two beautiful boys, is my responsiblilities to be responsible for their behaviour n upbring.

    i too hv a good honours degree fr UK n a not too bad income (~S$4.5k per mth) n worked 10 years this my previous co before i quited to stay home last year. i actually dun really care about what others say abt what a pity to stay home to look after kids, what a waste etc. cos they are my kids, what do they know, pls shut up, your comments are not appreicate by me. my only worry is what wld my parents think? cos they hv brought me up n given me an expensive education. i m very lucky that both my parents are supportive of my decision. my dad is stil working, my mom is working part time. my mom told me she wld rather me not giving her any allowance than needing her to look after my kids. she told me is my own kids i shd look after them myself then i will know what she has been thru. she is grandmother to my kids, not mother. [​IMG]

    all these years i used to hv indo maid to help in my household (one 70s+ MIL, two old dogs, two boys 2 and 5yo) of cos my hb n my big sil family coming over to hv diner every night. all these while i insisted to hv maid , cos i dun hv confidence tt i can cope w/o any help. just only this jan, i confirmed my maid has a bf hence sent her back. no maid anymore. i scare liao. even when i m at home after i quit she still can lie n do all these funny things behind my back, i dun hv the energy to follow behind her back. i gave up on maids.

    now i m taking care of my 2 boys, 2 dogs, n cleaning up the house all by myself. i m also very surprised i still can manage. of cos i m tired cos i m not used to all these labour hard chores. haha. but ok. i m happier, everyone at home is happier w/o maid. my maid also teaches lot of bad things to my 2 yo boy like dun wan mommy, when mommy ask to kiss slap me pull my hair pinch me etc. endless terrible things. i used to trust my maid too much, untill i found out all these bad things she has done, my hb n me felt so betrayed. we are so nice to her give her so much space n trust, yet she abuse it.
    too bad. afterall she is a MAID.
  48. closetdoor

    closetdoor Active Member

    Dabee: agree with you. i really dun noe what is wrong with the maids nowadays. they like siao siao one. and horrors, she can tell ur boys such things!

    money can't buy time. i am lucky my mum is helping me. but i intend to stop working when kids start pri 1. its v true nowadays kids get into bad co easily and better to have mommy ard at home. or daddy.
  49. nitaspec3

    nitaspec3 New Member

    Yes it is true, i am thinking of that..but it is not ezy..if like that i've to sell my car and bike...and try to find ptime job...my maid is going back this nov ..and she will continue with us..but c how...she taking care of my 3 kids of the age 8,7 and 5.
  50. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    I read "Raising babies" from STeve Biddulp, and I am so glad now that i made this decision to stay at home. Dabee, same like you..I was on top of my career too when i quit to look after my gal. Ppl keep saying i wasted my MBA from Oz and all my consultant experience..but I think this is the greatest decision i have made in my life so far. No maid..just me taking care baby and housework..
    I know someday I will remember these times fondly... I don't believe that we can have it all..it's either LOVE OR MONEY...
  51. skinneybeenie

    skinneybeenie Active Member

    Glad I found this thread. I have been a SAHM since my boy was born (save for the 2 mths of notice period served to company).

    I agree it is not easy, and many times my self esteem really suffered and it's worst when u have to put up with people's comments esp only mum!!! until now i dun tell my mum that I am a SAHM because she is sure to say it's a waste of my NUS education.

    I appreciate how I feel like I have all the time in the world for my son and i bring him to different places sometimes, mostly for him to experience the great outdoors. I believe too many sg kids are too sheltered and deprived of outdoors time!!!

    Every now n then i really wish I can have part time job but I know my son at home with him is the best for him - best physical nutrition: food breastmilk, best emotional nutrition: mama has time for him (except when cooking n cleaning... when i would shout out to him and he would come show me his trucks)... i dunno if it is the right choice for my so called career, but i know it is the best choice for my son's well being.
  52. skinneybeenie

    skinneybeenie Active Member

    hi anmaria, i have read a book from steve biddulp about raising boys n how a childcare setting is really the worst for boy.. i guess this colored my lenses when i sent my 4 mth old for IFC last apr.. and i basically gave up on the IFC after 2 days and became a SAHM!
  53. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    I start to read and wrote on this thread since i was pregnant. And my gal now is 16 mth old. I went through the struggle all SAHM had. on wanting to get back our freedom (be it time or financially) and wanted to take care my own baby. Now I really thank God that I have made the right decision. My good friend who is a psychologist told me she regret for not taking care her own son last time. If only she knew what she know now..

    Yeah..skinney, Steve talked abt how the baby brain develop during the first 3 years and to tell you the truth, it was quite shocking to me.
    my gal now is only 16 months old..but she can talk with simple conversation now..quite amazing, even sing many songs by filling the blank. I am amazed how much ability they can absorb to learn things now (intellectually and emotionally).
    To me..this sacrifice is only a very short period of time..but the reward is a lifetime.
  54. beatrice_chua

    beatrice_chua New Member

    its better to stay at home so that you can guide your child..teaching them a good manners and conduct must came from a mother...try to have an online job..visit Odesk.com..
  55. mumusings

    mumusings Active Member

    The sacrifice as a stayhome is well worth it as a stayhome. (1) We get to personally imbue values and teach our children right up till they start schooling (2) Closeness of relationship and building mutual trust (3) We get full grasp of his abilities and character (4) Children should have a fun childhood, not one tied to academia and excessive enrichment when they should be still playing! (5) Enjoy home-cooked meals

    Definitely missing out on lost income but again, not workng = greatly reducing spending on cosmetics/fashion/dining-out. To me, it's also a chance to work out needs from wants, plus my own priorities in life. I am enjoying the freedom of not needing to wake up and dash for work AND coming home as a zombie. Also no income = greater self-discipline when it comes to spending $.

    Some people have pushed for answers when they see my son playing all day and night:
    (1) Isn't it a waste for degree holder not to work?
    (2) Aren't you scared your boy can't keep up when he goes to kindergarten?
    (3) Shouldn't you start making him read/write/sing/play music?

    No, no, no and no thanks. My kid's three and figured out A to Z (without flash cards or fancy techniques) and read numbers and chant out the corresponding Thomas and Friends engine. Not interested in writing/colouring but able to volunteer to do imaginary painting of my nails using colours of his vehicles. He can also arrange things in order, at equal spacing, make exact-sized blobs of blu-tak to glue the underside of tracks. Also able to translate English words into Chinese these days and speak short sentences. These are immeasurable and gratifying enough. Just need to continue working on his manners and values.
  56. ai_sakura

    ai_sakura Member

    think it's really up to your priorities and personality too. I see a lot of mums are so happy & successful at being SAHMs, while others may feel that they are better at work and leave educating their child to somebody who has more experience. But that should be a balance too and can't be a workaholic w/o caring for the kid.

    I don't think being a FTWM is worst than a SAHM.. or vice versa. Really depends on what you think is best for you, and for your family [​IMG]

    Ai @ http://www.sakuraharuka.com
  57. gingerbelle

    gingerbelle Member

    An old thread but all things discussed here are still so relevant. I too am considering to be a SAHM again because my son is feeling lonely at home after school. I am sad and guilty to know that he is feeling that way. My worry is limited social interaction with adults as compared to being at the workplace. I wonder if the SAHMs here are still SAHMs...
  58. anmaria

    anmaria Member

    I am still SAHM till now and I have never regret this decision. Yes, it could be quite lonely sometime, but its a very rewarding journey.
  59. flyaway21

    flyaway21 Member

    I have been a SAHM for 18months to my gal & my #2 is coming in end Oct.
    Really enjoyed being a SAHM and recently as my tummy is getting bigger & bigger, we got a helper to help out with the housework.
    Like what anmaria said, no one knows my gal better than me (though my in laws always try to disclaim that by saying I don't know what my gal wants).
    My gal can understand more words than she can say, and she listens very well to instructions. She is very disciplined for her age, and now that she starts talking, she can say a lot of words for her age.
    Of course, there are times when I worry about $$, but I know everyone will feel $$ is not enough, no matter how much you earn.
    Anyway glad that I have known a group of SAHMs around my area. It feels good to have a support group & we chat very often. ;) So if u plan to be a SAHM, post on the forums to find SAHMs around your area.
  60. gingerbelle

    gingerbelle Member

    Thanks for responding Anmaria and Flyaway. I was trying to figure a way out. Have rearranged my working hours so that I can spend an extra hour with him every day to alleviate his loneliness. See if it works out.

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