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*****What will you do if this happens to you?******

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by sadwoman, Dec 1, 2010.

  1. sadwoman

    sadwoman Member

    I am married with 2 children who are still very young. Yesterday I had a very bad quarrel with my husband. The reason is that he found that the bubble machine that we had bought for the children before is not good and he went to buy another one. When I returned home, he showed it to me and I just made a comment that "isn't it the same as the previous one?" Then he got angry and told me that you go and see whether is it the same. Then I did not say anything and proceed to have my shower. When I came out, he asked me again. Then I apologised saying that maybe I had mistaken. He did not accept my apologies and his face was still black. I am so pissed off and I told him that I was only making a small comment and he had to get so agitated over it. Then he just slammed his chair. I was so shocked, disheartened and sad of his actions that I just cried out. He did not do anything and after a few minutes, I went to apologise to him again and I said that I had already apologised to him and what more did he want me to do? He did not answer at first and when I asked him the 2nd time, he got up and said that I need not have to do anything. I was really sad and so loss as to what am I supposed to do the next step. Never mind, this is not the worst. The worst part is that we need to go to our in-law's place to fetch our childre. He didn't even want to take the lift together with me and also did not want to sit at the same table with me. Is it really my fault? I am just merely making a small comment and he had to treat me like that. I was thinking if he could not even take a small comment from me then is this marriage is worth to continue? I am trying very hard to maintain this marriage because I need to think for my children. But if communication breaks down, can I still go on with him?
    What is wrong with my comments? Can somebody tell me?
    There is nobody which I can get comments/opionions with so I hope anybody who would be so kind as to tell me what I should do?
     
  2. bigbluebear

    bigbluebear Member

    hi, dont be so upset. i guess he is upset with you bec u have hurt his ego and he feels unappreciated by your comment. continue to be nice abt it and let him simmer down. very soon he would be as loving as ever. if he had not cared for the family, he wouldnt be bothered to buy another similar bubble machine in the first place, knowing that the children might like it very much. i think he is a loving father and would definately be a good husband to u too.

    cheer up [​IMG] give him time to "cure" his ego and be nice to you again. take care!
     
  3. sadwoman

    sadwoman Member

    But what he did really hurt me because he did not care about my feeling at all... he just did whatever he think it's right without considering for my feeling. I feel so disheartened and he really left me alone to cry and I think even if I cried till my eyes blind, he would not even take a look at me. I really feel very hurt as an unintention remarks would cause such a big commotion. I also find it very hard to communicate with him because I am afraid that I would say the wrong thing and I am really afraid of such consequences.
     
  4. bigbluebear

    bigbluebear Member

    im sure many ladies here experience the same feelings of rejection and disillusionment with their spouses.

    dont be upset.. i have experienced it whenever i had a disagreement with my dh. eventually after each time, he treats me better than before and tries to be more sensitive. give him time. and importantly, must learn to communicate more.

    part and parcel of marriage i guess [​IMG]

    hths. just my sharing.
     
  5. libbyaz

    libbyaz Member

    Men these days are very overly sensitive....minus the hormones...I personally find my hub is alike too over a small comment or sumtimes comments dat i meant in the spur of moment..and teh word we use sumtimes need to be in proper words or otherwise ignite fire n they be so black afterwards..i do apologise but sumtimes too tired to be so persuasuve in seeking forgiveness cos of work n a child at home..
     
  6. sadwoman

    sadwoman Member

    Yeah, I totally agree that he is very much over-sensitive over small little things. Actually we had made up on 8/12 but again on 12/12, we had disagreement again. This time is over the h/p issues. He said that I always didn't listen to what he says then he angry liao. I feel very hurt cos I had been accused of something which I don't agree with him. I wanted to argue with him telling him that he had actually did not say this but I just kept quiet and apologized to him. He is still not happy and his face is still black and up to today, he still does not want to talk to me. I just let him be because I feel that he does not consider my feeling and seems like he does not treasure this family. If he does, he can just put down his pride and talk to me, he sure knows that I will repond to him but he did not. I really do not know what is the next steps that I should take in order to save my family.
     
  7. dracano

    dracano New Member

    Sounds like your hb belongs to the type with low self-esteem, petty and/or high ego. I'm sure he must've displayed similar behaviour for quite some time already? If not, then something must have triggered this in him recently, such as work stress etc?

    If it was a long-term thing already, probably the best way is to just treat him like a 'precious little boy/baby' where you need to constantly praise him for every little thing he does and makes him feel high up on the throne.
     
  8. elisechow

    elisechow Active Member

    i tink maybe your hubby have a very big ego or else acting like a small child. let him to have time to cool down and i think everything would be okay again. buy his fave food and let him watch his fave tv programme. whatever to make him happy leh
     
  9. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    This sounds exactly like my hb. He will get upset over issues on the most trival matter, etc let him wait for over 15mins and he will drive off, nvr call him when i met my frd (throw big tantrums), mum wan me to use his car to bring them out, i going out with my frds etc, some were too stupid for me to even remember, everyday i pray that he will be in a good mood and wont be a "XIAO QI GUI".....

    The only way to deal with this type of xiao qi gui is just to IGNORE IGNORE AND IGNORE. And when he ki tao hong again, he will juz drive off and drink with his frd till the wee hours while i will just IGNORE and zzzzzz in my lovely la la land.

    Pretend that u don't know that he's angry and talk as normal. He will be ok in a short while.
    If u keep giving in and try to "hong" him like a pampered princess, he will take u more for granted! Maybe will add to x10 "xiao qi"...

    I concluded him to suffer from "pre-middle age" (early menopause for men)or "fan lao wan tong" (return to childhood etc) hence don't be too calculative with ppl like them.

    If u nvr see "open", i think u will feel like banging wall every day.
     
  10. cove101

    cove101 Member

    Hi, I like Susanna comments...

    Again, I guess nobody can give u the best advice as u knew ur hubby's best thru yr marriage. We just have to 'ren' ...but sometimes do not be too meek-meek until he just think he is right in all his actions!

    Now with my 2nd bb , hubby's sleep every nite interrupted and he throw tantrums to me n bb, I will tell him off, as
     
  11. concernedmommy

    concernedmommy New Member

    your hubby sounds very childish...
     
  12. onsansg

    onsansg Member

    perhaps your hubby is stressed up in work and knowing his high responsibility to feed his family too. men nowadays can't take stress and will vent their minor frustrations to their loved ones (cos take for granted liao)..
     
  13. quinbus9

    quinbus9 Member

    Ego/stress[​IMG] Anyway men don't like to be put down by negative comments and also need praise when they feel they've done something laudable for the family. If he's easily peeved by incidents like this, try being more postive in the way you put things across?
     

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