Trying for a bb but Nosy ppl keep asking if we got bb yet...

memy

memy

Member
Im in my late thirties, my hb older. We have been trying for a bb since 1 yr ago , no success yet. Since age is a factor, im getting stressed out after trying out tcm last few mths and was hoping for a Monkey baby but nada...
Next yr will be rooster, not sure if we should choose the zodiac ..sigh
Im getting a little pissed off today cos a guy fren (who had a 2nd child last yr) keep asking me again when is my time (as if im not stressed enough over it already) , and when i say not yet, he said some couple easily conceive :mad:
That's why i don't like to reply to all these questions cos if we wanted, we will already work towards it , no nid outside ppl kay poh so much. Last week, another "lady fren" (who earlier questioned me how long i get married, y not yet bb), asked me if i got bb also again, n i ignored her. She herself jus married last yr, and not yet, y kay poh my personal biz leh??
Ppl can be so insensitive sometimes, they dunno how we r struggling...sigh
As age comes up (late thirties onward), is not easy to have bb due to life/ work pressure, time, health etc. I just wish outside ppl just back off , if they do not have anything constructive to contribute to it...We know we are late but trying hard ok

How do u deal with all these nosy 'friends' (who already had children easily/ single etc) ?
 


Hi memy

I understand where you are coming from as I only had my first child 9 years into my marriage. Someone even asked if I should change my name to have better luck with getting a baby and they didn't even ask if we are trying. It will be tough to stop them. Even after you have 1, they will ask when is the second coming. It goes on and on so I guess the best way to stop them is to ignore them. Change the subject whenever they talk about this and hopefully they get the hint. For those with extremely thick skin, probably the only way is to be direct and tell them that you don't want to discuss this subject.

Take care !
 
HI memy,

I understand where are you coming from totally! I only became pregnant with my 1st baby after 6 years of marriage. Among his friends, we were the 1st couple to get married and yet the last one to have children. His colleagues cum friends keep asking what is our problem, go and see doctor lah etc etc and I was totally pissed off! I dun think its a big deal to get pregnant 1 month after marriage. Child is a gift given by God. If it's yours, it will be meant and fated to be. So my reply to them is always "We are not in a hurry, why should you care so much?" We are still enjoying our couple time. Dun get stressed by the comments of others cause stress is a main factor to hinder the TTC process. Stay relax! Jiayou memy!
 
Don't be sad. Worse come to worst, just stay away from them, If they are your close friends, maybe it's ok to share that you are TTC-ing? Depends whether will you be comfortable or not. Some close friends will be there to listen to your woes or even intro some TCM or give you some suggestions. But if it's not a very close friend, might as well just don't go. No point we need to subject ourselves to their ridicule by saying that others can conceive easily. That's their problem. Not ours. By staying away from such negative and toxic people, we will have less stress and will be a happier person ourselves.

Ya. I'm also trying for a monkey. But no news too. I've got a good friend who knows I'm TTC-ing. Sometimes she will encourage me to quit smoking and don't drink alcohol. But when she's in the mood to drink, she will also ask me to drink too. I told her i am in my waiting period and needs to avoid alcohol. She will start to say things like "Aiya.. Just continue to smoke and drink first la.. Wait till you confirmed your pregnancy then you quit. It's not as if you're confirmed pregnant now what."

Statements like this comes from a good friend whom we always meet regularly. Like 3-5 times a week.What should I do? Drink with her? I know I got no self discipline to tell her to drink while I just sit and watch. Because I will end up drinking with her. But anyway, i am not a heavy drinker. Maybe i drink like once every 2-3 months? I only drink when my friends asked me to. Therefore, I know this has to be put to a stop. I need to put my foot down to reject her for all the meet ups and reduce our communications. Though she's a very good friend, but I need to stop mixing with negative people. They are not encouraging and only making us depressed. She herself already have 2 kids. And is always telling me pregnancy is very tough, pregnancy will lead to depression, childbirth is very painful and scary, kids are very troublesome etc etc. All the negativity about childbearing and raising kids. During my 1 week fertile period, she will come and find me for coffee almost every night. Sigh..
But anyway, I'm learning to reject her whenever she wants to meet and I even cut down the phone calls and messages. You need to decide on your own life and your friends. Stay positive. :)
 
Hi @y0ngy0ng , @shimmer57 thanks for the advice and encouragement :)
Hi @LimXJ sorry to hear u have to let go a dear friend due to the negativity. I guess sometimes in life, we have to move on without that person, and if she is still a good friend, you and her will connect again sometimes in the future.
The ppl who pissed me off currently , are unfortunately friends i have known for years. I did mentioned to them im planning for kids. The ppl who are insensitive are usually those who had it easy with having kids.
The other lady fren have a very thick skin, i've avoided her question recently, but she still want to keep asking :rolleyes: Is there a point to keep asking? Most of the time I have to muster up a smile and say "not yet" to ppl when deep down im feeling sad loh...
From now on, i'm screening out all those negative frens. No point keeping them if they just want to bring u down. I'd rather find new positive friends :)
 
Hi memy, just to share, we were married for 10 yrs b4 we had our 1st child. Along the yrs many frds and relatives also kept asking the same qn though children was not on our cards during the initial yrs. We had planned to concentrate on work and PT studies first.. but there are bound to be some kaypohs and insensitive ppl out there who gave their unwanted comments. I remb bumping into a old frd who was v sarcastic and asked me since we don't plan to have children then get married for wat even though I told her planning, but not so soon. (She had 2 kids at that time)

I usually say "let nature take its course", and throw the qn bk to them. Some v kaypoh ones who r married later than me and boast they already had children, I will tell them go ahead make a sibling, we have diff priorities in life.

Jia you, be strong and good luck. :)
 
Hi @littlepooh thanks so much for the encouragemt. Feeling kind of stress already with age catching up. Is there any special method/ food to take that contribute to the success of your 1st child? I have tried tcm for 4 mths , and jus stopped recently cos did not see results.
When i tell the frens ' let nature take its course' the 2 frens i told u about will say ' you are no longer young loh" :(

If any1 have any 'method' for easier to have kids, ie vitamins etc. Pls let me know. My hb Blood pressure is high, abt 150+ i think it might be his problem...
Now we try to eat more healthily , apart from doing exercise.
 
After having married 5 years with no kids, I couldnt wait anymore. I went for fertility expert gynae and conceived my 1st child via iui. Just do it.
 
Hi Memy,

I'm also in my late 30s. My story is a little different from yours. I conceived easily in my first year of marriage two years ago but lost the baby due to incompetent cervix. Then last year, I was so happy to be pregnant again and found out it was a blighted ovum. I'm now pregnant again but am very fearful and cautious. I've hardly told anyone though I have just passed my first trimester. In the past, I would announce to everyone but experience has taught me that while there are unkind and insensitive so-called friends and relatives who would keep asking those without kids when and why not, there are also people with kids (and smooth pregnancies) who like to keep asking why don't we try again after each miscarriage. They are obviously not aware that you need the body to rest a couple of cycles as it has just gone through D&C. I wished they would stop asking my husband and me, and when we say we are still trying (in fact, I gave up trying cos it was making us very stressed and sad), they would then offer advice on bedroom fengshui and gynae recommendations. Really hated it when after my second miscarriage, I was at a wedding and I was actually feeling okay but a distant friend had to keep touching my arm and asking a few times if I'm feeling alright. Even if I had felt wonderful, all that strange sympathy at a wedding dinner of all places really made me feel worse!

Don't you wish people would just shut up? It's like, when you aren't married, they ask why are you single. Then when you are married, they ask why no kids. And haha the worst is kaypoh friends of your mum who must keep asking when, when, when. It's like, are you truly concerned or just a busybody who is hoping to hear bad news? :p
 
Hi LadyP,

Sorry to hear of your previous experiences. Im sure u will be better prepared in this current pregnancy & wish u all the best :)
Yes, i really do dislike it when those with "smooth" pregnancies keep on asking "when, why, why not" as if we don't want it ;( when i replied in planning stage, they will add salt to the wound by saying "u are no longer young lor" that is really unkind loh
It sometimes feel like there are few busybody who just want to get some drama in their lives :rolleyes:
I actually had 1 cousin sister who married quite long & tells every1 that they dun plan to have bb (even her mum tells those who asks) , but actually they are planning for it but dun wan to get stressed up from those kaypoh unkind ppl. How i know this? cos after her 1st baby delivered, we all know that she went to a TCM gynae doc to "tiao" her body

For those who are still trying, let's stay strong and encourage each other thru this forum ;) Probably dun have to tell the truth to those kaypoh, jus say ur busy with work etc
 
memy said:
Hi LadyP,

Sorry to hear of your previous experiences. Im sure u will be better prepared in this current pregnancy & wish u all the best :)
Yes, i really do dislike it when those with "smooth" pregnancies keep on asking "when, why, why not" as if we don't want it ;( when i replied in planning stage, they will add salt to the wound by saying "u are no longer young lor" that is really unkind loh
It sometimes feel like there are few busybody who just want to get some drama in their lives :rolleyes:
I actually had 1 cousin sister who married quite long & tells every1 that they dun plan to have bb (even her mum tells those who asks) , but actually they are planning for it but dun wan to get stressed up from those kaypoh unkind ppl. How i know this? cos after her 1st baby delivered, we all know that she went to a TCM gynae doc to "tiao" her body

For those who are still trying, let's stay strong and encourage each other thru this forum ;) Probably dun have to tell the truth to those kaypoh, jus say ur busy with work etc
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Hi, unfortunately my pregnancy failed a third time over the weekend. :( Back to more nosy questions that hurt even much more now, I guess.
 
So sorry to hear that :(
Did u went to TCM to check or "tiao" body?
I think u don't have to tell ppl what happen (since u did not really tell alot of ppl), jus pretend nothing happen and life have to go on....sigh
Im also scared due to age
 
Hi.. same r u all... relatives didnt come to me but ask my mom y i have not pregnant la. Said her fren son who gt married go see tcm n got pregnant liao.. ask me to go try.. zzzzz

I have been avoiding goin to places like house warming, full mth n etc.
Am married 5yrs and still tryin for my #1..
Wat depressed me that im currently not workin. And cried these few days as couldnt get a job.. felt im a burden to my husband. Haiz. Really very depress...
Now job market is do bad... wan a job oso difficult..
Tot quitting den find will b easy but is nt as wat i think...

If any kind soul sisters there know any iob opportunity may let me know..

In e meantime ignore those comments and continue to ttc
 
memy said:
So sorry to hear that :(
Did u went to TCM to check or "tiao" body?
I think u don't have to tell ppl what happen (since u did not really tell alot of ppl), jus pretend nothing happen and life have to go on....sigh
Im also scared due to age
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Thk you. I always get some sort of infection during pregnancy that causes my water bag to rupture at 14 weeks (two times). I have done all precautions including doing uti tests and stitching up my cervix but the baby always slips out on its own too soon. :( I will use tcm to tiao but it prob won't be able to help a bacteria issue that surfaces only after first trimester.

This time I posted on Instagram so everyone will know what I have gone through all these years. Hopefully they won't keeping passing me tips on fertility cos I get pregnant easily but just can't carry past 14 weeks. I wished I could let nosy relatives know too since they are older and aren't online!
 
I see. It was brave of u to post on Instagram
By then, I hope they will finally spare u the annoying questions ! :rolleyes:
did the doctor explain further why the bacterial issues happen ?
i heard cranberries are good to clear bacterial infections ....
 
rainbowbb said:
Hi.. same r u all... relatives didnt come to me but ask my mom y i have not pregnant la. Said her fren son who gt married go see tcm n got pregnant liao.. ask me to go try.. zzzzz

I have been avoiding goin to places like house warming, full mth n etc.
Am married 5yrs and still tryin for my #1..
Wat depressed me that im currently not workin. And cried these few days as couldnt get a job.. felt im a burden to my husband. Haiz. Really very depress...
Now job market is do bad... wan a job oso difficult..
Tot quitting den find will b easy but is nt as wat i think...

If any kind soul sisters there know any iob opportunity may let me know..

In e meantime ignore those comments and continue to ttc
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Hi rainbowbb,
Sorry to hear about your situation. The market is bad now, it affects everyone unfortunately :(
Your husband definitely loves u alot, so hang in there ;)
There's always a silver lining after the clouds...jia you!
 
memy said:
I see. It was brave of u to post on Instagram
By then, I hope they will finally spare u the annoying questions ! :rolleyes:
did the doctor explain further why the bacterial issues happen ?
i heard cranberries are good to clear bacterial infections ....
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Hi thks for checking. I had a blood infection n still on super antibiotics for it. But the same thing happened the first time though no infection was found. I will go for checks in case I have chronic infection that always causes my water bag to be infected. :(
 
dun worry. not only u face the prob. i married for 4 years and ppl around me keep asking. both of us check and no problem. waiting for the fated time and to be our children :) when it is your is yours :) juz relaxed
 
Sigh I wish there was a way to shut these nosy people off as well. I believe all married women face this especially if they do not conceive shortly after marriage.

Most of the time, these people are they genuinely concerned? I really doubt so, most are just being nosy and finding topic for gossip where they do not know deep down inside how we feel. Or some are just finding topic for conversation, and I usually do not know how to answer them as I feel this is a rather personal question (whether trying or not, whether having difficulties or not).

These people do not know that it's not that easy to conceive unless they have been once in our shoes I guess. Try to change the topic if you can, walk away or laugh it off.
 
Rainbowskies said:
Sigh I wish there was a way to shut these nosy people off as well. I believe all married women face this especially if they do not conceive shortly after marriage.

Most of the time, these people are they genuinely concerned? I really doubt so, most are just being nosy and finding topic for gossip where they do not know deep down inside how we feel. Or some are just finding topic for conversation, and I usually do not know how to answer them as I feel this is a rather personal question (whether trying or not, whether having difficulties or not).

These people do not know that it's not that easy to conceive unless they have been once in our shoes I guess. Try to change the topic if you can, walk away or laugh it off.
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Yah usually just finding topic only. Usually I'll just laugh it off, saying you ask me everytime also no use cos I'm not trying to conceive yet. Then they will nag nag nag say must quickly try. I will say not ready yet la. Lol
 
CTTC said:
Yah usually just finding topic only. Usually I'll just laugh it off, saying you ask me everytime also no use cos I'm not trying to conceive yet. Then they will nag nag nag say must quickly try. I will say not ready yet la. Lol
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Ya I ever had rude comments of people looking at my non-existent tummy and saying "nothing ah? why nothing?"

Lols I ever read an article online called Mind Your Own Womb... Shall share it here for you all

https://nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/
 
i must confess that before infertility struck me, i was always one of those kpo pple who would ask others when they were gonna have a baby! i'm a very direct person, so i thought hey it's ok! if they don't want to answer, they just don't answer lor! i won't mind if pple ask me too..

to me at that time, i really did not know the range of infertility problems there are out there as well as how painful and REAL it is for someone struggling!! i feel so bad now!!!

now if someone asks me, i try to brush it off cos i know they definitely don't realise too.. but some of my friends who know what i am going through, those with and without babies, actually still keep asking me or sharing random other people's pregnancy news with me!!!!! ??!?!!?!? puzzling right?!??? i feel that facing this problem has made me close up more and i'm slowing distancing from some of my good friends..
 
My Hub and I also late 30s and married 6 years... never conceived so far. TTC a long time.

Actually, in the beginning years many people question us why never have BB... I used to just try to laugh it off but the questions keep coming.

Now I find the BEST way to handle them was to tell them straight that we TTC all these years but unsuccessful and thinking to go IVF. That really shut them up.

It also helps a lot especially with close family.. they can then understand the struggles we are facing in TTC and not stress us about it. In fact now they keep telling us to relax, let nature takes its course. :)
 
just this morning, i was happy going about my work, when midway this fren whatsapp me n then pretend to ask me again if i taking care of my bb now :confused: I told him no, i did not have children yet, and who told u i have??
Fyi, this is an ex from my schooling days, who have had 2 kids by now, 1 after 1 year of marriage. he asked me again why do i need to *wait* ? i straight away shoot him n say who is waiting?? how u know we have not tried hard, and if God has not given us, then how??
He still seems to imply that we have not tried hard enough :confused: & he was just sharing his happiness. He says that im getting sensitive & stress up (yeah, his being nosy in our personal affairs again). For gods sake, i know u are happy family, but do u have to rub it in?? i get pissed off that it almost half spoiled my happy morning. But i told him in all honestly how much we tried, and he seemed to back off.
Those we keep asking should really 'back off' unless u have some sound advice or we ask for your advice. It is not helpful at all.
Im frustrated sometimes cos we don't have yet, but trying to brush off the stress and being happy, hopefully in the meantime will lead to happy result.
Sorry, just venting out .....hopefully 'friends" who read this can be more tactful on this sensitive issue o_O
 
memy said:
just this morning, i was happy going about my work, when midway this fren whatsapp me n then pretend to ask me again if i taking care of my bb now :confused: I told him no, i did not have children yet, and who told u i have??
Fyi, this is an ex from my schooling days, who have had 2 kids by now, 1 after 1 year of marriage. he asked me again why do i need to *wait* ? i straight away shoot him n say who is waiting?? how u know we have not tried hard, and if God has not given us, then how??
He still seems to imply that we have not tried hard enough :confused: & he was just sharing his happiness. He says that im getting sensitive & stress up (yeah, his being nosy in our personal affairs again). For gods sake, i know u are happy family, but do u have to rub it in?? i get pissed off that it almost half spoiled my happy morning. But i told him in all honestly how much we tried, and he seemed to back off.
Those we keep asking should really 'back off' unless u have some sound advice or we ask for your advice. It is not helpful at all.
Im frustrated sometimes cos we don't have yet, but trying to brush off the stress and being happy, hopefully in the meantime will lead to happy result.
Sorry, just venting out .....hopefully 'friends" who read this can be more tactful on this sensitive issue o_O
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Hi Memy,

By "ex", did you mean an ex-boyfriend? :) Maybe he was just being nosy or "competitive". It's really none of his business or anyone's business. I have friends who choose not to have kids and they too have lots of relatives and friends asking them why. I don't think we need to answer to anyone or else we can also ask those with kids why they have kids. Btw, I like your attitude about staying happy in the mean time instead of stressing yourself out and not enjoying life as it comes along. Hope you have a happier afternoon then. :)
 
LadyP said:
Hi Memy,

By "ex", did you mean an ex-boyfriend? :) Maybe he was just being nosy or "competitive". It's really none of his business or anyone's business. I have friends who choose not to have kids and they too have lots of relatives and friends asking them why. I don't think we need to answer to anyone or else we can also ask those with kids why they have kids. Btw, I like your attitude about staying happy in the mean time instead of stressing yourself out and not enjoying life as it comes along. Hope you have a happier afternoon then. :)
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Hi LadyP,
yep, it was an old ex- bf ages ago (while in school lol) ...yeah, i got a feeling it was competitive, and yet he keep saying he just wants to share his "happiness" with me lol. Probably he's bursting with happiness with his extending family unit and can't wait to "share" with me, although im still waiting for mine :rolleyes: I think he got it all wrong about "sharing"
well, there's no reason to quit enjoying life just cos we have an obstacle right now. better to be smiling than sad. I have a fren who told me that good news will come when we are really ready for it
Thanks, im feeling better now, and hope u have a Happy Afternoon too ;)
 
Hi @memy thx for opening this thread. It's the most common prob we faced yet no one asked.

I had similar encounters n still trying my best to put them down nicely. Sometimes when qn strike me at my not so good mood but still dont want to ruin situation i take a deep breath n in a calm manner ask them - "U think make baby like bake cake? Today want today bake..?" U give them that sarcastic look but with a smile. If they still want to open their mouth.. "U think raise child like raise kitten?" Or "U ready to quit ur job n become my babysitter?" Insist them to answer ur qns. "Yes or No?" Confirm they say no n shut up.

If u not so sarcastic type of person.. Just answer "God has better plans for me" and smile. Short n simple. Yet u feel like smacking that person hard on the face. Hahahaha. I have those moments too.

On another note, i did ask myself if we r even ready to have a child.. If im even ready for a child despite trying so hard. Do i want a child because im ready for all the responsibilities or just to fit in society.. I even took no pay leave just to eliminate work stress. Now that im going thru ivf with all the pains of injections n recently sedated for egg retrieval n the after effect pain. It is an emotional roller coaster ride! Still people wont understand what we go thru n bombard us with qns.

Sometimes i just stay away from family events or any meet ups. Sit at home read books n enjoy my tv series. The best is to slp.
 
i have experienced this before when im ttc more than 2 years, mother in law,relatives and friends keep asking me "when you want to have a baby" :confused: some ppl even said to you "do you know that xx gave birth to a bb boy/ girl?"
these have given me a lot of pressure at sometime in the past.
 
i face this problem too:confused: always ask me “when” and “why”. ttc 3yrs++, still no good news. should i try ivf?
 
bear202 said:
i have experienced this before when im ttc more than 2 years, mother in law,relatives and friends keep asking me "when you want to have a baby" :confused: some ppl even said to you "do you know that xx gave birth to a bb boy/ girl?"
these have given me a lot of pressure at sometime in the past.
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yeah, i can understand that pretty well by now, annoying rite? :confused:
 
irenek said:
i face this problem too:confused: always ask me “when” and “why”. ttc 3yrs++, still no good news. should i try ivf?
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irenek, have u both done fertility tests ie sperm etc? we r also trying to find out the reason from medical point
 
Im married for 4 years already still no good news. Many of my family and friends already have number 2 and more yet i dont even have number 1. It is really very depressing. Nobody can understand how i feel.
 
memy said:
irenek, have u both done fertility tests ie sperm etc? we r also trying to find out the reason from medical point
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only done the blood test, hormone test. but quite a long time ago. hormone is ok. doctor saids motility and sperm count not good. so may have lower chance in natural pregnancy. suggest to do ivf.
 
memy said:
How do u deal with all these nosy 'friends' (who already had children easily/ single etc) ?
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To put it in short, as long as they are still your 'friends', you probably have to bear with it.

I have many crude responses to these type of stupid questions and when I open my mouth, I promise my words will pierce through their hearts. I am learning to refrain from doing all these hurtful stuffs be it questioning or answering because I'm very scare of bad karma. :eek:
 
I married in Sep 2015 and found out I was pregnant in Jul 2016. Throughout the period people were asking when are we having babies since I'm not that young anymore. And his relatives were telling us by next yr's CNY (2017), we must collect ang pao for the kid. However we weren't living tgt then since new house not ready. When I was preggy in Jul, it was a shock. A happy shock though. Until we went for wk7 scan, and gynae says he cannot detect a heartbeat. Neither can he see a yolk. In short, there's no baby inside. Instead of being sympathetic with us, he told us it is normal and live with it. He'll give me 1 more wk to let it try grow a sac but he'd alrdy arrange for a D&C the next wk for me. However, I started naturally miscarriage 3 days after the visit. Had a D&C done at the next wk as arrange to clear the womb as the egg sac is still inside but crushed.

I was devastated. To make matters worse, I had 2 diff friends giving birth like 1-2 wks after my miscarriage. Imagine what I had to go through when I went for their baby showers. People were asking me when is it my turn. I was screaming inside and telling them NO MORE NO MORE!! But I could only smile and say when it comes it comes.

I told some of my close friends what I had gone through. Some were sympathetic. Some asked was it my fault. Some asked was it something I did or say or should do or didn't do. HELLO. BLIGHTED OVUM CANNOT BE CONTROLLED. Some in turn say that it's my fault for telling 2 people during my first tri cause pantang, now baby cannot keep. I was like...wtf.

Oh wells, but now I've recovered and I tell everyone it'll come when it come. If it's meant to be mine it will be here. Jiayou all you ladies. People ignorant, just forgive them. We were also like them until we have been through it ourselves.
 
irenek said:
yes, done blood test and hormone test. sperm test as well. motility and sperm count not good, doctor suggest us to do ivf. :confused:
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i have been ttc 2years ++ too. as for my case, my hormone level is high and advised to take tcm. recuperate body is needed whether trying for natural pregnancy or ivf. :)
then how was your decision? when to start the ivf treatment?
hope this site can helps you https://www.facebook.com/worldwideIVF/?fref=ts
 
memy said:
Hi @littlepooh thanks so much for the encouragemt. Feeling kind of stress already with age catching up. Is there any special method/ food to take that contribute to the success of your 1st child? I have tried tcm for 4 mths , and jus stopped recently cos did not see results.
When i tell the frens ' let nature take its course' the 2 frens i told u about will say ' you are no longer young loh" :(

If any1 have any 'method' for easier to have kids, ie vitamins etc. Pls let me know. My hb Blood pressure is high, abt 150+ i think it might be his problem...
Now we try to eat more healthily , apart from doing exercise.
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Hi! Have you managed to get preggy? Are you a Buddhist? If you are and don't mind trying a new method. Can PM me.
 
Sometimes, i really wonder if I should have a BB first before marriage then people will not be so nosy anymore. TTC after marriage is really a stressy thing especially at the moment me and my hubby not staying together.

I really wonder if these 3Gu 6 Po will stay away to not add stress to already stressed couple.
 
qqduckie said:
Sometimes, i really wonder if I should have a BB first before marriage then people will not be so nosy anymore. TTC after marriage is really a stressy thing especially at the moment me and my hubby not staying together.

I really wonder if these 3Gu 6 Po will stay away to not add stress to already stressed couple.
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Sooner or later they will stay away, my relatives during CNY have stopped kpoh after three years as by now surely can tell something is wrong n not that by choice we don't want kids.
 
kk82 said:
Sooner or later they will stay away, my relatives during CNY have stopped kpoh after three years as by now surely can tell something is wrong n not that by choice we don't want kids.
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Likewise, my mil have also stopped asking by now :p surely can tell is not easy for us due to age & busy work lifestyle. Last time hb younger sibling also have kid after 2 yr+ but they were much much younger & staying with parents
 
I am so glad to come across this thread & i know I am not alone. Married for 5yrs plus, TTC for 3yrs. We had tried TCM, iui & recently ivf. All unsuccessful. For the past 3yrs I have my fair share of insensitive comments & tactless remarks from ppl around me.
Of course during CNY we can't avoid relatives asking why 2 of u still not bringing kid here to collect Ang pow ah? I am actually fine with that as I can just smile & brush it off & I only have to deal with them once a year.

However the worst I had was a conversation I had with a supposedly close Friend late last year. She got pregnant within 5 months trying. Before she was pregnant she kept whining to us how hard it was to get pregnant etc. I encouraged her by telling her I had been trying all this while too. So we can work hard to our goal together. last oct, she got pregnant, she texted me, I congratulated her.

Then in one of our group chats with 2 other close friends, she started firing at me why till now I am still not doing anything to my infertility issue. She said so&so had tried iui etc. I said I tried iui before but failed, trying tcm at the moment. And she started reprimanding me that I am not putting in enough effort. And best thing she said was, she asked me to quit my job. I told her my job is not contributing much stress factor & besides if I quit, who will pay my bills & housing loan. She wouldn't stop. Keep force feeding me with so-called advices. until one of our friends saw that she ain't gonna stop & she knew I am at my breaking point, she tried to change the topic away.

But at that point, i already collapsed inside. I couldn't take it anymore. Her incessant "advices" brought back all the sad moments & I felt like a total failure. Was in office, so I had to hold back my tears. When I finally knocked off, reached my hubby's car, I couldn't take it anymore, I cried, really cried out loud. Now I dread going for her baby shower which will probably be mid of this year..

To be frank I hate going bb showers now. Will avoid them if I could. Cos I couldn't take it when ppl come & ask me when is my turn & we must work hard ok. We r working hard, just that u all cannot see us succeeding doesn't mean we are not trying hard enough. I don't understand why ppl out there is making getting married & having children like a competition. Everyone has their own way of living their lives.
 
Last edited:
Hi all, im glad that i saw this thread. I always wanted a platform to share my dissapointments for these few months.
Im married for 2years and wanted to try for a kid these few mths. This is the third month i tried and i thought im successful this month as my period past due for 3days. I went to buy pregnancy kit and stuff and end up my menses came. I was again dissapointed and sad but i do not want to share this with my husband as i afraid that his dissapointed again.
Im actually lost as i do not know how many months should i try before going for checkup or going to tcm or going for ivf. Anyone care to share? Tks girls!
 
jjbeanie said:
I am so glad to come across this thread & i know I am not alone. Married for 5yrs plus, TTC for 3yrs. We had tried TCM, iui & recently ivf. All unsuccessful. For the past 3yrs I have my fair share of insensitive comments & tactless remarks from ppl around me.
Of course during CNY we can't avoid relatives asking why 2 of u still not bringing kid here to collect Ang pow ah? I am actually fine with that as I can just smile & brush it off & I only have to deal with them once a year.

However the worst I had was a conversation I had with a supposedly close Friend late last year. She got pregnant within 5 months trying. Before she was pregnant she kept whining to us how hard it was to get pregnant etc. I encouraged her by telling her I had been trying all this while too. So we can work hard to our goal together. last oct, she got pregnant, she texted me, I congratulated her.

Then in one of our group chats with 2 other close friends, she started firing at me why till now I am still not doing anything to my infertility issue. She said so&so had tried iui etc. I said I tried iui before but failed, trying tcm at the moment. And she started reprimanding me that I am not putting in enough effort. And best thing she said was, she asked me to quit my job. I told her my job is not contributing much stress factor & besides if I quit, who will pay my bills & housing loan. She wouldn't stop. Keep force feeding me with so-called advices. until one of our friends saw that she ain't gonna stop & she knew I am at my breaking point, she tried to change the topic away.

But at that point, i already collapsed inside. I couldn't take it anymore. Her incessant "advices" brought back all the sad moments & I felt like a total failure. Was in office, so I had to hold back my tears. When I finally knocked off, reached my hubby's car, I couldn't take it anymore, I cried, really cried out loud. Now I dread going for her baby shower which will probably be mid of this year..

To be frank I hate going bb showers now. Will avoid them if I could. Cos I couldn't take it when ppl come & ask me when is my turn & we must work hard ok. We r working hard, just that u all cannot see us succeeding doesn't mean we are not trying hard enough. I don't understand why ppl out there is making getting married & having children like a competition. Everyone has their own way of living their lives.
Click to expand...

That doesn't sound like a close friend to me!! If I were you, I wouldn't attend the baby shower leh. If close friend will understand and not say such things. Just because she could get pregnant easily does not mean everyone is like her
 


Sansan_8 said:
Hi all, im glad that i saw this thread. I always wanted a platform to share my dissapointments for these few months.
Im married for 2years and wanted to try for a kid these few mths. This is the third month i tried and i thought im successful this month as my period past due for 3days. I went to buy pregnancy kit and stuff and end up my menses came. I was again dissapointed and sad but i do not want to share this with my husband as i afraid that his dissapointed again.
Im actually lost as i do not know how many months should i try before going for checkup or going to tcm or going for ivf. Anyone care to share? Tks girls!
Click to expand...

It's normal to try for at least 6 months to a year before going for check up, TCM or ivf. It's also normal to not get pregnant within 3 months of trying. Not so easy tio baby one
 
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