That wretched MIL

happymummie88

New Member
This shall be the first and last time I would write about my MIL and I hope I could close this awful chapter of my life after penning down all my frustrations and trauma I experienced with this person. I really hope I have nothing more to do with this person ever again and she stops poisoning my marriage. I feel sorry for my husband that he has to be caught between us but there is no other way. I give up on this woman.

Things were fine between us until husband & I invited her to stay with us to take care of my baby while I resumed work after maternity leave. It was also then that I got to witness her true character. We had a maid and she was mainly responsible for the baby, cooking and household chores. That maid was intelligent, picked things up fast and would follow our instructions in taking care of the baby. Unlike the MIL, she was stuck in her old ways of handling children and could not read English, she had to take instructions from the maid instead while we were away at work. The maid also spoke to her rudely knowing that MIL depended on her to handle the baby. That caused her unhappiness and grievances toward the maid, however MIL was good at hiding her disdain for the maid infront of the maid but she would find every opportunity to complain about her to us. I felt bad for her and we spoke with the maid but things did not get better. The MIL continued to complain about how devious the maid was, behaving well infront of us but treated her badly when she was alone with her. But when I checked the IP camera, she was always laughing and chatting with the maid. I did not see how the maid was ill-treating her. She also accused the maid of stealing her supplements and food. When we became weary of her complaints, she would say that we don’t trust her.

The MIL had a peculiar mindset. Though she said she did not trust the maid, she could actually leave my baby with the maid while she went for her swim and lunch. She would go out for lunch and shop every day. My baby was 4-5 months old then. She did not inform us she was going out for these activities and I found it out myself. I told my husband that I was very uncomfortable that the baby was in the maid’s care without supervision. Being a first-time mother and having read horrid stories about how maids abused babies, I was very paranoid about my baby’s safety. But he argued his mother needed the freedom and space too. I did not understand, until today, I still cannot understand how can a guardian be so irresponsible thinking only of her own needs and disregards the baby’s safety. That was also when my attitude towards her changed.

The final straw came when she notified us that she had to leave to take care of her elder son’s baby (his wife delivered 2 months after ours) for a full week, just one week before she had to go. We raised our concerns as we could not take leave that week and we could not get anyone else to help. But she insisted that she must go as the brother’s wife who would be alone with the baby and the brother also pressured her. However in my opinion, she was eager to please her elder son. Her elder son married a Chinese woman and bought a landed property. Her parents were here taking care of the baby, while she was pushed aside. She expressed her jealously and unhappiness to us during the baby’s first month celebration that her son had forgotten her.

We tried to dissuade her but she started to come up with ridiculous excuses saying she had nightmares of the maid killing her so she was feeling very terrified and she felt imprisoned here. When we told her we had no one else to look after the baby, she said we had the maid. We had to let her go in the end but I nailed the coffin and told my husband to send her back for good since she was so irresponsible.

Without alternatives, I had to let the maid took care of my baby unsupervised, while I watched over the IP camera with a heavy heart every day and could hardly focus on my work. It affected my work performance. My husband on the other hand was totally cool with it, which frustrated me alot. We quarrelled many times over it but there was no alternative. We were exploring to send my baby to infant care but then she had severe strangers’ anxiety and could cry till her voice hoarse. I decided to continue with the existing arrangement, but with me checking the IP camera every hour every day. My husband instead of comforting me would make sneer remarks that I am the problematic one. Other mothers were fine, why was I so paranoid. He simply did not understand the pain and guilt of a working mother and adding on to the guilt, I had to leave my 6-month old baby in maid’s care unsupervised.

After she left, the MIL also did not bother to call my husband to find out how we were coping. She went quiet for a long time and one day she came over unannounced and claimed that she wanted to see her grandchild on her birthday. She was so rude when she entered our house (she still had our door pin) and assumed we were all ready to greet her. She barged into my bedroom while the baby was asleep and demanded to see the baby. I was so pissed at her and told her to leave the room. She did and hung around for awhile and left when my baby did not wake up. However she returned after 2 hours and my baby was awoke then. Initially I did not stop her from carrying my baby but I really could not get over how she betrayed our trust and left us in lurch despite our cried for help and not caring what happened to us after she left till she emerged out of the blue because she wanted to celebrate her birthday, so I took my baby back from her and told her that how could she come again when she left us despite us pleading her to stay. I told her not to come back again. My husband was angry with me for doing that and said my parents should not come also. I wanted to reason with him but it only ended up in fights.

However the MIL did not stop there, she started to approach my husband and told him that she wished she could visit us or asked him to visit her. After these calls, my husband would end up quarrelling with me. I felt so helpless as if the entire situation was my fault. I was a victim turned perpetrator. All thanks to the MIL and I got to see her true colours. So CNY came, to humour my husband, I agreed to bring my baby and joined in the reunion dinner and visiting. I could see the rift between me and his mom was hurting him, so I tried to salvage the relationship. My mom helped to call the MIL to ask her to come again and help out since my baby was taken care by maid (a new maid) unsupervised. She agreed but started coming in March but only twice a week. Each time she came she would quiz my maid for info about me and my maid would tell her everything. I tried to put up with it but today was the ultimatum. My stupid maid told her I scolded her this morning because she gave the wrong medicine to my baby. She also told the MIL that husband and I fought. The MIL jumped in and said she did not like me and would not have come if it wasn’t my mother who called her over. I overheard their conversation through the IP camera. Upon hearing that, I called home and gave my maid a stern warning to shut her mouth. I also told my husband to tell the MIL she can don’t come anymore. He did and shortly she called him and told him that she will not come if I don’t want her to come but she did not tell him that she told my maid she hated seeing me and coming here. How I wish I had recorded it so I can show it to my husband how fake his mom is.

I really do not wish to deal with this woman anymore. I also wish that with this post it could relieve me all frustrations I felt over the last 6 months because of her.
 


I understand how u feel.my mil also another knn person.she would rather go take care other ppal bb and not to take care my kid.even to the extend of i m sick,also cant send my kid to her hse a while to let me rest.and all i can do was to bite the bullet and hang on.in ur case,since ur worry abt leaving ur bb with maid alone,might just dun get the maid and leave ur bb in infant care.u will feel safer to leave ur bb in infant care than with maid alone.dun worry..bb will adapt to enviroment fast.yes.it will be tough at first but after a while it will be ok.and kid grow up in childcare are more indepenent..
 
Hope everything will goes well for u.i m gladi hv "survive" thru and now my toddler is easy to handle and take care.so i will tell my mil to fxxx off!
 
Best to send your child away to infantcare/playgroup and not rely on the maid to take care of your child. I’m glad that you have at least gotten the hard part out of the way – having MIL stay away, especially since it is such a big source of frustration for you.
 

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