Hi yoko,
this is my long story,
my hb has an affair also.n i oni found out a couple of months ago.
beginning this yr, my hb n i hve very terrible quarrels cos he said tt he does not have much feelings for mi and after those quarrels, all feelings for mi gone,n we dun talk to each other anymore and it seems tt D is the only option during that time.
after tt,i managed to get him to go for counselling,but after 2 sessions,he felt tt it is better that we D.so the counselling failed.then i managed to get him to attend a marriage course.After that things improved,cos we starting to talk and he told mi tt he is trying for the marriage.
actually during the period when we are on bad terms,i already suspected that he has another woman, he has a brand new belt, found some sms in his hp,he went out downstairs to buy kopi everynight n oni return home one hr plus later, then one day found a woman's photo in his hp..all these yrs with him,he does not even have a single photo on mi in his hp..but after tt he deleted the photo..n when i asked if he has another woman,he denied.
the woman is his colleague..n someone i knew who is closed to him but i never met. all these yrs,he told mi tt he just treat her as a xiao mei mei..but things like tt happen..
all these while i realli believed and trusted him. until he went on a biz trip a couple of mths ago.i feel so stupid n naive.i really believed tt he went on biz trip.then i found out tt he went actually went on a trip with her.
i was devastated and heartbroken. he cant sleep in the same room with me, cant go overseas with mi,but he can go with the woman and sleep with her in the same room. he cant hug mi,hold my hands n kiss mi..but he can do tt to the woman..he can treat the woman so nice..talk to her everyday, go movies with her,buy small gifts for her but he cant treat mi nice..reason beingbeing cos he has no feelings for mi..but has feelings for her..
he claimed tt there is no sex bet them..but who will believe right.
he claimed tt it just happened like tt..which i differ..n i cant accept..how can he start the affair so fast..tt is one two mths later after our quarrels..n how can he not control himself.
i met the woman..n both him and her told mi tt they have broken up..the woman initiated it..cos during the trip, she saw how much he cares for the family..keep buying things for his mum, sis, nieces n of cos his children.n they oso have small small quarrels..
he is now back in the family.now his priority is the children.i hve 2 young children, one is 2 and another one is 1.frankly i dunno what he wants.but he is not making effort to make it work.previously we tried going out,watching movies and having dinners..but he find tt all these does not help in getting back the feelings at all.
he noes he has to make effort,but he just cant initiate to do things..he find it very difficult,n no matter how he force himself..he still cant lor..
he appreciate what i have done for him,the kids and the family..n said he can adjust n treat mi as good fren but cant treat mi as wife..n we cant go back to the past..at least tt's how he feels now..but do not know if feelings will come back in the future or not.
well..i oso dunno to leave or stay.it is very stress and tormenting cos i cant seems to make the right decisions. it seems tt every decision i made, will hve an effect.the last time tt i wan to hurt is both my kids..
by staying,they have both the parents..but is this type of lifestyle good for them, seeing parents not loving,sleeping in separate rooms..n who noes,daddy may hve another woman again.
but staying like this,looking at this man everyday,i feel very miserable.i wan to get out cos i'm miserable but i may also be miserable when i already D..cos i noe tt i still love him..i still hope tt our marriage can be saved..but it takes two hands to clap..it seems tt i'm the one clapping oni.
frankly,the future is bleak.i do not know to leave or stay..if he is repenting n wanted to work on the marriage..maybe things will not be so bad.
my sil,my mil, my mum..told mi..feelings will come back..ask mi to give him more time..n wait..
i'm the one waiting and making effort.i'm very very tired emotionally,physically....i dunno if by waiting will he realli hve feelings back for mi or not..haiz
talk to him..no use..he will just tell mi,stay like this n remain as frens n see if feelings can come back or not.
to mi..he is waiting for feelings to fall from the sky..tt is not possible lor..
when i first discover the affair..i feel like dying with my kids..cos i cant bear to leave them alone in the world, while i die..
i noe is a coward way..but the pain is too much to bear n i really trusted him alot..i trust him even more than i trust my parents..
n i cant face the kids..they are so young..i feel tt i hve let them down..i bring them to this world to suffer,bring them to a uncomplete family.
tt's y i feel tt dying is a better solution
u been thru such thing? how u survive?