MIL to do confinement

henkitty

Member
Dear All,



Could anyone can advise how much you will give to your MIL if she helps to do your confinement?



Thks

 


We gif her the rate as per market....but tat was in 2008. Think we gif her $1.8k ba....then all meals on us + all marketing expenses on us.

 
Diana,



Wah same as market rate..did she stay overnite to look after the baby for you?

I was thinking to give lower cos we look after bb at night..if I pay almost the same I might as well get a confinement lady ley..

 
Kitty,



yes, she stay. but the thing is we did nt gif her any ang paos when she arrived and before she left. also we dun hv to gif her dome as request by some confinement lady mah....



we gif her 1.8 as ang pao for the 1 month lor...

 
in fact, i try to handle my baby myself lor....she merely hv to cook for me and wash baby clothes nia....

 
Maybe ask your hubby? :p Hubby maybe can talk to her to try to subtlely check how much she is expecting.



Personally dont think you need to pay the market rate, cos (1) she is MIL, and (2) like what you said, if u pay mkt rate, might as well get a real CL. If get CL you can still order the CL around, not so much for MIL

 
My MIL wanted to do confinement for my 1st child. So we didn't think of getting anyone else. When my daughter was born, my MIL felt my daughter was too difficult (one of those newborns that cry 6 hours non-stop on the first day home). So, in the end, it was me, my hubby and my brand-new maid. It was a terrible experience. Make sure MIL is really serious about it!

 
MIL do confinement still got to pay? after all she's looking after her own grandchild.. more to help out only.. maybe just few hundred ang pow will be good enough..



If giving 1.8k I rather u get a good CL when she really go to details, preparing ur meals, bathe water etc.. and have to prior ur words to you.. which can avoid spoiling ur r/s with MIL if there's diff view on issue over taking care the baby..

 
Hi Kitty,

My mum did the confinement for me in 2008, and I gave her $1000 ang pao as a token. She then gave my gal $500 ang pao for her shower party [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Give her the money as a token but not so much for the service provided... discussed with your hb, he should know his mum better than you.

 
Hi Diana,

I'm not too sure but i think traits like whether the mum is easy (will do the confinement as a favor cos of her son/grandchild) or "money-face" (everything about money) can be identified by the children as they have been staying together for so long.... and that can be 1 of the factors to determine the amount to be given to TS' MIL.

 
well, some guys will just ask their mum straight and take watever they say as final without even checking out their mum body language etc.

 
Hi mummies,



I got my MIL to do my confinement.... i think its a wrong decision. that 4 months at home werent enjoyable.



I am those ladies that have to stay with mil for life. SO i am traumatis by her, her expections.



Anyway, always be confident that u r the MOTHER not ur CL or MIL. My final advise: get CL is much better than MIL

 
Hi



I got my MIL to do my confinement and FIL tagged along as well.. It was very very crowded and noisy at my place as I stayed in a 3-room flat.. In the end, I locked myself in my bedroom for 20 hours a day with no TV or internet access, just books.. nearly jumped from the bedroom window several times..



My MIL took care of my baby at night cos I felt that I was not getting enough rest, having to breastfeed and express every 3 hours..



My MIL initially wanted to use some weird oinment on my baby as she said tt there's wind in her tummy but i rejected and she threw tantrum at me the following morning saying tt the baby kept waking her up at night due to the wind..



At the end of the confinement period, my kitchen was very dirty, stove with the stubborn oil stain not cleaned for the month, leftover food everywhere and the flat was in a mess.



My SIL sarcastically commented that old people should not keep waking up at night cos their blood pressure will shoot up and I should appreciate their help..



Haiz.. a lot more to say.. but all these incidents really made me shun the next pregnancy..

 
Hi mummies, i personally feel that hiring a CL is better than asking your MIL to do confinement. Coz we can't tell her what to do, instead we have to listen to her thou sometimes, their way of doing things are wrong. Moreover, there will definitely be some conflicts. Best is to get your own mum, if possible.



Though I engaged a CL during my confinement and my MIL will come over to see her grandson, I already have conflicts with her. She assumes that I dunno how to take care of my son coz I'm a 1st time mummy and keep waking the baby up for feed even thou I told her if baby is sleeping, the feed can be extended. She simply ignore my words and insist on her way...

 
Lotusmum,



My MIL also do my confinement for my 1st child and along wif tat came alot of conflicts and strain our r/s. nw me is hving my no. 2 and both hb and me hv agreed on getting a CL as hb also see and know what happen the last time. Then my MIL can act blur when we hv been talking to my BIL that we hv engage a CL and hb hv also causally tell her, and out the blue one day over dinner ask if I like zhu jio chu and when i tell her tat if CL cook i will try then she suddenly say, "oh, u all dun wan me to do confinement for you this time huh".

 
I 100% agreed that asking MIL to do confinement is a big mistake.MIL is afterall MIL not own mother. She won't really take care of your health. I am staying with my MIL. our r/s turn sour right after I gave birth. Alot of conflict arise when my MIL doing my confinement when I am having my first baby.



i am expecting my 2nd child next year. Insist to move back to my mum hse and having a CL.

 
Diana

Totally reckon with what perfect moment said, MIL is still MIL, not our own mother..

Seriously with the 1st child experience, I don't even dare to think about having 2nd one.. And my MIL still keep commenting that when people looked at my gal, most of them said that she looked like a boy so most likely the 2nd one shall be a boy... I was thinking.. ya right, 2nd one.. unless your son has an affair, forget about having a grandson..

 
perfect_moment

It must be very tough on you to stay with MIL..I almost committed suicide several times during the 1st 2 weeks when ILs were with me for confinement.. thinking of staying with them.. arrggghh.. how to survive?

To be a bit mean.. at times I do envy people with no ILs..May be tired and not much support, but isn't this better than having to face them and worse, at the end of the day, when they are old, still need to stay with them and take care of them..

 
Lotusmum,



Yah…at times I do regret of marrying to my hubby .. coz if I did not chose him at the first place I probably won’t have to face his mum for the rest of my life…



I alway hide myself in my room whenever I at home.. I can’t imagine doing this when I have my own house . . Initially she is suppose to move together with us when our new house is ready …after my confinement, .I have already voice my concern that we won’t be staying together with his mum anymore…after staying with her for a few years , I can’t stand it anymore ..No freedom at all …



I told my hubby . “I don’t want to stay with your mum ….I gave you two choice..1) divorce with me or 2) Kill me” ..



I list the number of rubbishs his mum did behind his back and he get it that two woman can’t stay under the same roof … I don’t mind her coming for a short stay once in a while but can’t be everyday ….

 
perfect



Ya ya ya, i agree that mils tend to do funny things behind their sons.. Mine has done so much that I couldn't even remember.. Just ignore her and minimise conversation.. but seriously at times her actions are sooo IRRITATING, e.g. throwing a piece of used tissue or my gal's clothes at me.. call this crazy or what.. haiz...

 
Hey lotusmum



How have you been lately?



Read from the other posts that you were having problems with your HB. So how has it been between your HB and yourself?



Hope to hear positive news from you.

 
one word of advise, better dont! wait things gets strained or whatever, very difficult. esp when normally hubbies don't care about these kinda nitty gritty things.

 
Never ask MIL to do confinement. Cos' my delivery was earlier than expected, confinement lady cannot make it. Therefore, my MIL do confinement for me when I had my boy last year.



Diaster, everyday complained to my hubby & talk bad things about me when he send her home every evening! I almost every day quarrelled with hubby.



She only help to cook lunch & dinner. Anything on baby is done by me & my family members. Luckily my mum & sis take turn to look after my boy during daytime. If not, I think I will suffer postnatal depression. Not enough rest in the day & also with all those arguments at night after kanna complaint by MIL! After the 1 month confinement, relationship with MIL turn sour!



Better think twice asking MIL for help!

 
i have e same tnking nvr get mil to do confinement. i everyday eat e same food for a mth. she nvr help me much. plus once she help i hv to beg hubby to get her to give me bk plus hubby auntie..

 

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