Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by sillytot, Feb 12, 2008.
Hi, can anyone enlightment me what's up with men and nightclub? Is it nessary for them to go?
for work or for leisure?
unfortunately, for some businessmen, they enjoy the "company" at niteclubs and they do their entertainment there... they may take anyone declining to join them there as personal disagreements...
although, at the end of the day... it does take a very strong spine to say "no" if it is really against one's ethics.
For leisure. Dont quite understand why after marriage there is still a need to go... Is this a norm?
By going to nightclub, men will pay women for their company and sure there will be some touchy feely. Can men accept their wife go clubbing and ended touchy feely with some guys she met there?
Is quite a norm esp if ur man has lots of male frens and spends much time with them. My fren's hubby's male buddies always jio him to go for those "dirty massage session".
To get attention from other willing women and boost their ego.... How would u feel if ur hubby stuff a $10 note into yr breasts cleavage? Those women even if angry also act happy, that's wat men want!
My hubby once said that :" u women go clubbing is to fish for men mah, and the men are waiting there". But he said if I want to go, go lor.
some go because the women there boost their egos... with the things they say, the things they allow the men to do...
some go because of its the guy thing... with their buddies.
would these men accept their wives going to a club and get touchy-feely... some might, most wouldn't...
some men are insensitive about their wives' feelings that way.
i feel that 'those women' whether angry a not it dosent really matter cos
1)they know what there are getting themselves into
2)they are paid for their 'service' which includes fondling by customers.
thus, there shouldnt be any issue on this.
Sorry, but i dont agree with your HB regarding "women go clubbing to fish for men". We dont actively seek men company.Infact we kept within our group.Unless is so and so friend.
By saying if you want to go , go lor.Did he say to "qi gek" you or he really mean it? If you do it, (fish for men) will he be super cool about it?
i think most go cos women there will agree with everything they say including pigs can fly.End of the day it's the money they want.
Most people wouldnt like people of the same sex touchy feely with their other half.Why is it that women have to stomach it cos it's more common for men ?
The way i see it, these men only care about their enjoyment, ego trip and DONT CARE about how their wife's feelings.
so back to the topic.These men dont care about their wife, why would they care about 'the working gals'?
sillytot, perhaps you could let ur hubby knows that you are uncomfortable with the idea that he goes to nightclub.
can he send someone else, a single guy perhaps to entertain on his behalf? or can he just bring the customer there and excuse himself?
hb knows i dont like it. If it's with client i have to live with it cos that will affect his rice bowl.This time round it's his male relatives that jio him.
remind him that you do not like it when it is not for work, so that it becomes a guilt trip ... although you run the risk of him being resentful - watch for the reactions, but not so much that he hides it from you the next time he goes.
if he really has to go, then make sure that he and you have an understanding of what is "tolerated" and what is not. do that once and if only remind him again after 1/2 year or after 5-6 times.
in return, he should also get the adoration and attention, and reminder that he has a wife, kids and family.
what is "tolerated" what is not... well i wont know what is happening while he's there right? My threshold for this is a big fat ZERO!Cant be go there call for gal and stare at each other right?
If he really has to go due to business i dont have a choice.Dont think he'll fool around too much cos got image to upkeep.But for leisure and with his own people (relatives)...
Since i dont like it that he go for leisure, do you think i should still give him my blessing to go enjoy himself and i bang wall at home? Then i'll be resentful to MYSELF and cant complaint cos i said yes you can go?? Hmm...
for my husb, he knows i dont like him to go such places alone with his friends/biz or watever.. and if his friends ask.. he ask me to go too.. his friends never say anything... usually e club pple wont say anything..but in e club, i usually also join in the conversation (be it dirty or wat) and enjoy myself there.. =)
this happen after once, my husb went alone & i voiced out my unhappiness..and he still went ahead (coz of ego issue bla bla bla)... so the next few days, i totally ignored him.. & just went out (with my son, with my friends) without him... and weekend nites, went club with my gf.. it was at that time than he realise he is tasting his own medicine...
& he told me frankly that he enjoys me being there out with him & his friends.. coz basically i talk about everything.. including woman!! haha... & his friends didnt mind me there or watsoever...
so perhaps.. u can suggest to ur husb to bring u along too.... =)
i dont mind going.It's he wont bring me.How is his friends/relatives gonna misbehave infront of me?They have an image to upkeep, also for fear things "leak out"(not that i'll go tell their gf/wife).If they have to pay premium and still cannot "fully" enjoy themselves, then whats the point?
Give him his own medicine.He'll know i do it on purpose and wont show any respond.
What's a married man doing in a nightclub??? For me, this is a BIG NO NO. If the main purpose is just to sing song and drink beer, why not go KBOX or PARTYWORLD?? Instead of saving up the $ for his wife and children, they rather spent the $ to hug, fling and fondle other women.
Frankly speaking, if I really caught my hb going to the nightclub, I definitely pack my bag and leave the family. I can't act gracious and stomach the thought of him flirting with other women and I really salute those who could do so.
Maybe you can tell your hb, if women went clubs to fish for men,then men who went to Geylang are there for hookers lah It made no sense and logic at all.
Personally, I can't stand nightclubs. It's those damn cigarettes. I can't stand the smell in an enclosed space. Plus I have asthma so that doesn't help either. I was told recently by the youngsters in my team though they have more cigarette free zones.
As for the cost aspect, it sure is expensive so better to save money for other stuff. Unless of course it's on company expense, then you should encourage your husband to knock himself out. Forget the beer, go for the hard liquor and bring back the left overs so you can both share a nice drink together at no cost. They let you take way partially finished bottles you know.
As for the women side of it. Who knows? Some guys good, some guys not good. Nightclub or not, probably makes not difference in the end, it's more about the guy involved. For example what about business trips? Same problem right? Also depends on how pretty the girls are I suppose. It's easy to keep your pants on if the place is full of ugly girls, but if the girls are very pretty then it's gonna be a harder proposition.
Some guys just like the companionship with male friends and collegues. I grew up in a western country and certainly to go to a pub was a normal part of life with no implications or indecency or cheating or the such. It was a chance to get out the house, have a drink, and catch up with friends. Usually back home before 10pm as well. Nothing wrong with that. So can't give any opinion on your particular case, unless more facts are disclosed.
As for the work related reason for going to nightclub, I think you are more referring to KTV with girls for hire. And just to be more accurate, putting money down cleavage is the least of your problems if your hubby likes such places. The general level of what's deemed "acceptable behaviour" is of a far more liberal standard. That's the usual meeting ground for people that like to conduct their business in such a manner. But unless your hubby is a ah beng knife wielding gang member there is no strong reason for him to comply even if customer asks and go to such place. So any reason of this nature given is more "excuse" in my books to go have some fun. I sometimes have to entertain clients myself. Nice restaurant and nice conversation is just as good if handled correctly and business wise even more fruitful. We don't want our customers to replace our real job titles with *PIMP* after all.
1st of all, i would like to say - not all man like to go niteclub/ not all men enjoy going to niteclub/ not all men can afford to go.
Niteclub in the first place is not as "dirty" as what many tot of. Of cos there are many classification.
I seriously hope you gals can try to u'stand the culture and need of men needing to entertain customers in a niteclub. Let me cite an example;
my friend once received a group of china customers who were here to discuss about a joint venture with his company. he actually brought them to places of interest like sentosa, east coast, zoo etc, these events took 3 days. He felt he had done so much and since the chinese had no complaints - he think the deal is done. As he was supposed to be the next in line for promotion, a done deal with the chinese would have virtually confirmed it. Never would he expect to hear what the chinese had to say about his entertainment when he was about to go into his boss office.
"John (not his real name) cannot entertain at all, bring us to places like sentosa - it was so hot and we had to act like we love it, feeling was terrible" Needless to say, the deal didn't go through so was his promotion.
Luckily for him, his boss was understanding enough. 3 months later, his boss brought him along to china for another deal with the same group of chinese. I'm sure you must have heard how the chinese entertain their guest. Meals after meals (XO, VSOP), he tasted every delicacy he could ever do. entertainment includes niteclub, KTV. during his time there, he learned the right way of entertainment (towards the chinese) in the niteclub, he is expected to conform with everyone's else action otherwise he would be deemed as not giving face and that means no deal.
Now, during one of the nite - he actually witness his boss (a super nice and homely family man) hugging, groping and fondling the gals (not that he like it) but he got simply no choice at all. Later, he learned that the chinese will take into offence if you reject their kind gesture.
No doubt such places are not for married man but if the need to (to support your family, your need of luxury, your kids) how many no can they afford say?
So if to close a deal, the boss have to go to bed with a prostitute, he will do it?
I believed in this generation, this kind of things no more exist. There are so many women bosses around , so those women have to hugged and groping and fondling men to get t sign a deal?
Our minister have also to those the above so that they can get their counter part to sign a project or a deal?
What i believed it's just a excuse. If a deal is profitable, no one will reject cos the other party don't know how to 'entertain'
Prior to my earlier post - let me share with you another story.
One of my old colleague (a lady), she was a very fun loving lady. She had a tattoo, rode a bike and she was always smiley.
Prior to joining my company - she was in the shipping line. Every nite (almost), she will be seen ard Geylang area. reason; entertainment. her clients are mostly man (rich man) who have loads of money to spend while away from the wife and her job - bring them to niteclub. She has witness all sort of events that happen during such session (now can the husband start to make noise and complaint the wife cannot go etc etc)
reason is simple..going to a niteclub is not a bad thing - of cos the reason must be right. just because your hubby goes niteclub doesn't mean he's straying, it could just be work (not out of his own choice) but of cos if he's there for fun then it's a total different story.
going to bed with a pro just to seal a deal is of cos wrong. what usually happen after the session at the NC is the chinese will pay for pro to go out with them - what follow next
1.) If is a good man - he will pay the pro and ask her to leave.
2.) Bring her back and the rest is history.
And it seems you're so wrong - in the generation such things do still happen and we are talking about the corporate world (nothing to do with the government at all). If you have doubts, do ask around, don't assume you gals know best and always feel guys are making excuses. That friend of mine is still doing well till date and still entertaining the chinese in the same way, it's the culture of the chinese to do business this way.
my husband's friend had to do such things when he was working in HK - his boss taught him these 'deal-sealing' practices. he became so caught up in it that it's almost like he's a changed man ie asking my husband to bring him to KTVs in Sg. my husband turned him down, saying he's busy looking after me (preggie that time). his longtime gf also cannot tahan and left. then he travelled to indo for work and hooked up with girl working at KTV there. brought her to Sg to visit me (that time i just delivered my no. 1). wah - so good hor, first time outside Indo .. all expenses paid, they even stayed at Marriott. i told the husband that i cannot go out with them because i was still in pain (just discharged from hospital the day before their visit) plus i know his ex-gf well and it feels awkward, almost like i'm condoning his behaviour. yes yes i know at that time they had taken time off but i still felt awkward plus this girl, it's like she cannot talk like that. i tried to be friendly but you ask her one question, she answer one-liners. later when the husband came back, he said that his friend told him that she's shy because she felt like she's not up to the same 'standard' like us because of the job she holds .. anyways, that was the first and last time we saw her .. shortly afterwards, he patched things up with his gf, moved back to their home country and got married. seems like what happened at that time will just remain between me, the husband and his friend ..
I would disagree that it's the only way to do business and failure to do so means lost business as your post implies. I would certainly agree it's a tough call though and to win business and gain relationships without using suck tricks is a harder road and in certain situations very hard to avoid.
I would also agree based on my experience in that there are more dirty perverts out there than family type guys. Not many people would believe the nonsense some of the more older and supposedly respectable businessmen and senior executives get up too.
Side note: I even remember an incident where a senior exec who was 60+ and had dentures was jumping up and down and acting like a fool at a KTV. I had to restrain myself from slapping his foolish ass. He was pretty drunk so I was pretty certain I could get away with giving him a tight slap, but why take the risk? He wasn't trying to deposit his old ass saliva on me after all. Poor girl though, imagine trying to pretend to like fornicating with a guy with freaken dentures and probably a really droopy and wrinkly prick!! I remember another time where this old dude kept on banging the table at a strip joint. Unfortunately for the rest of the patrons, his rhythm wasn't in timing with the songs and was very distracting for dancers and patrons alike. I was really hoping he would get a freaken bout of arthritis and stop the stupid banging. He did it all night. The viagra must have activated his arm instead of his prick.
Anyways back to my point, I think if someone is diplomatic enough, and/or their company products/services are really a lot better than the competitors so all parties win, then it's possible to win business and not have to pay a surcharge to the adult entertainment industry so to speak. But that's tough indeed in the modern world where competition is fierce.
fatherof1, i think u are a very intelligent and witty person. ur replies are always so funny.
Each time my husband goes on his China trip, visiting ktv/nightclub is a must. The business associates will ask him to choose a hostess. If he rejects, they will choose one for him and they even paid her to go up to his hotel room. My husband is pretty opened to me and he will tell me details of these visits i.e. what the girl did to him and what he did to the girl. Of course, I will be very unhappy when he told me he hugged them but am glad that he was franked with me. I choose to believe him when he told me that that is all that he had done, he didn't go to bed with them. Call me naive or whatever, but I think trust is very important in maintaining a marriage. I told him straight to his head that should one day he strays and is caught by me, I will simply walk out with our kids. I'll leave it to him to choose between a moment of fun or risk ending our 13 years of marriage and our 4 lovely kids. Nobody can force you to do things that you are not willing to do, you are liable for making your own choices. That is what I strongly believe and that is what I have always been reminding him.
My husband is the very holy type, goes to buddhist temple for prayers once a week. Then, bingo one night he came back very late in the early morning after his entertainment. Nevermind done this before....I felt strange and he also behaves a bit uneasy unlike his usual self. My girl was only 2 years then... So out of curiosity I took a peep in his wallet. Never my style to do that... I don't mean to intrude on his privacy but my six sense this time tells me that something is wrong!! To my surprise I found a receipt from a nightclub place and cost thousand over dollars. Boom! I was very furious, felt cheated, helpless!!! How can he go to such a place .... what happen to his religious teachings he sought himself? Next thing of course I confronted him! He said that he has no choice but to tag along with his boss to entertain this bunch of idiots from Germany who are keen to visit some chinese girls! I asked him why didn't he open his encounter with me... he said that he knew I would get very angry and didn't want to disappoint me. But to let me discover myself is even beyond my expectations! I told him if he has to do it at least tell me there is nothing to hide. I lost my trust for him from this episode onwards, whatever religious teaching he has.... it all boils down to men....they have follow the norm to save face.... maybe due to work they have no choice to turn down but somehow you think about it, what goes on during that encounter in the nightclub... our imagination can go wild. He said he didn't "" with the girls just talk to them and he said he is not the type to do this kind of stuff. How much can you believe him. Firstly when he did not tell me about visiting the nightclub I was already totally flabbergasted! We women cannot do much.... anyway his job has a lot of entertainment so for family survival what can I do, ask him to quit???!! Life is like that.... I don't trust him as much as before, there is always this benefit of doubt.
Maybe your hubby praying in temple to atone for his sins just like the catholics do in their religion. You know.... a type of cleansing. Just like a girl would put on toner to clean out the pores on their face.
Good to see different religions sharing best practices.
I always loved that about catholics, when they talk about forgiveness they're not kidding are they? Just repent on the day you visit the confessional. Talk about an easy deal. My cousin is a catholic. When we went out in the old days, he can pray in front of statue of Mary at 7:00pm, and be drinking and getting girls by 9:00pm (7:30 to 8:30 dinner time, even sinners need to eat).
Instead of praying for good fortune like you assume maybe what your hubby is really praying for is something like the following:
"God of fortune, please let girl number 53 be free tonight since she is my favorite. She always so popular hard to book"
"Oh buddha, why did my condom break last night. Now I have to go visit the clinic for an STD check!!"
Or something like that.
Seriously though, while i totally agree what that other daddy said about easier to do business by KTV entertaining, some guys just use it as an excuse and have even more fun. The work or client just excuse for the wife. That is my sneaky suspicion.
Don't know your hubby of course though, so your hubby could be legitimate and "suffering" for sake of job. So i only make a general comment, no offense meant.
Men always likes to use the " no choice , hv to tag along" & " I dun want u to be angry so i din tell u as i know u will be angry" excuses when being discovered.Then they will quickly add" oh, but i din do anything, just sat there and talked ".
Haiiii....y cant they think of anything better? My hb also gave me dat craps when being discovered.
If they wana go then better make sure to destroy all the evidences lah. Anyway, dun trust a man too much....
LOL i love the "just sat there and talked" crap. mine tells me the same crap too. if all the men "just sat there and talked" who the H*** does all the groping then right?
yes, men are like that, they think we are stupid. if "just sat there and talked" then can do it in coffeeshop, or coffee bean, why pay so much to go there.
This reminds me of someone here,
she told her hubby,
"stay at home & talk to me lah, I'll allow you to place your hand on my tighs"... hehehe...
very simple logic, why are bees attracted to flower. If a plant don't have any flower, will a bee goes there
Separate names with a comma.