In a dilemma!!! Divorce, Flat,Custody & Maintenance - Need advice

the thing is nothing is 100%... you must be prepare that you have to find a stable job in future so that you can really secure a future for your kids and yourself...
lets say you won and courts say he has to pay you alimony and child maintenance.. but if your ex is a b@stard, he can stop working (or find part time job just enough to support himself) and declare bankrupt. then he needs not pay alimony and child maintenance...

after spending so many years with a man, cant you see you cannot depend on man forever?


I'm in a stable job but not earning as much as him.. im confident that custody of our son will go to me as throughout his birth, ive been supporting all the expenses. If hes not able to pay any alimony to me ,fine, I'll request to deduct it from his shares. Ive not be dependent on him all this while... With his history of violence & nw adultery, is more than enough for us to be divorced.

Ive already spoken to my lawyer & im going with his flow to just send to his last knwn address & will get a court hearing date to settle down.
 


not true... you are only entitled what you have pay for... co-owner doesnt mean you are entitled 50/50...
like my ex pays 20%, i pay 80%.. so i buy over his shares, i need to pay him 20% + 2.5% (accrued interest)
if you dont have money in CPF or cash to buy over... you have to take bank loan because you need to clear the remaining loan with HDB before any transfer of ownership of HDB

for example your house your ex pays 50K, you pays 50K, hdb loan left 100K.. you need to pay your ex 50K + 1250 and hdb 100K in total then you can own 100% of the hdb..

if you really check with HDB, HDB will never tell you u r entitled 50/50 if you are co-owner

when you buying HDB and signing the deed, HDB also explain to owner and co-owner that in the events that any sales of the HDB, they will determine by the % of owner and co-owner paid. hence if can, do not pay by cash because it is hard to trace. pay by CPF is the best


I see.. but will bank be able to provide the loan that hdb cannot give me just cos i had taken their loan is it? I have to also see if im financially able to secure the place on my own..
 
I'm in a stable job but not earning as much as him.. im confident that custody of our son will go to me as throughout his birth, ive been supporting all the expenses. If hes not able to pay any alimony to me ,fine, I'll request to deduct it from his shares. Ive not be dependent on him all this while... With his history of violence & nw adultery, is more than enough for us to be divorced.

Ive already spoken to my lawyer & im going with his flow to just send to his last knwn address & will get a court hearing date to settle down.

if you do not have address, you can send email to him...
coz my ex seldom in sg, and most of the time in overseas.. so the letter is sent via email.. as long as he appear on the date to sign the agreement, then ok liao
 
I see.. but will bank be able to provide the loan that hdb cannot give me just cos i had taken their loan is it? I have to also see if im financially able to secure the place on my own..
i not sure because i didnt take bank loan as it takes too long.. 6months for approval, and i want to take over his shares immediately so i just pay everything by cpf & cash
maybe you can enquire for bank loan first, see which bank will approve...
you are right, hdb loan you can only take once. so you need to apply bank loan to buy over his share.
 
if you do not have address, you can send email to him...
coz my ex seldom in sg, and most of the time in overseas.. so the letter is sent via email.. as long as he appear on the date to sign the agreement, then ok liao

Hi pixie,
Mind sharing ur lawyer & the cost involved? Seems like my lawyer is tryna pull a fast one..
In cases whereby the court has to issue a summon for the writ of divorce to be served, any1 encountered paying extra on top of the agreed amt w your lawyer?
 
Hi pixie,
Mind sharing ur lawyer & the cost involved? Seems like my lawyer is tryna pull a fast one..
In cases whereby the court has to issue a summon for the writ of divorce to be served, any1 encountered paying extra on top of the agreed amt w your lawyer?

in total i paid 3k....
when first meeting with my lawyer, she will have this flow chart for you stating what stage do what thing. and when you need to make payment. very clear cut.

if i remember correctly, i pay 1.5K to them before they draft the divorce paper.
when court approve the interim judgement and gt a date for Hearing of Divorce Writ, i pay remaining 1.5K to the lawyer

Please note my case is non-contested divorce due to irreconcilable differences. I do not want any alimony from my ex, and no dispute in terms of any assets

Any additional time spend or any additional papers lawyer need to issue, all will cost money. so it's best for you to settle everything with ur partner first. ask the lawyer to draft accordingly, both of you sign, and all you need to do is just wait.

bottomline if any rejection of paper, your lawyer has to re-draft = additional charge. more court date = more lawyer time = additional charge
 
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in total i paid 3k....
when first meeting with my lawyer, she will have this flow chart for you stating what stage do what thing. and when you need to make payment. very clear cut.

if i remember correctly, i pay 1.5K to them before they draft the divorce paper.
when court approve the interim judgement and gt a date for Hearing of Divorce Writ, i pay remaining 1.5K to the lawyer

Please note my case is non-contested divorce due to irreconcilable differences. I do not want any alimony from my ex, and no dispute in terms of any assets

Any additional time spend or any additional papers lawyer need to issue, all will cost money. so it's best for you to settle everything with ur partner first. ask the lawyer to draft accordingly, both of you sign, and all you need to do is just wait.

bottomline if any rejection of paper, your lawyer has to re-draft = additional charge. more court date = more lawyer time = additional charge


I see.. Was just informed that papers were served abt a week back & was passed to my fil. My spouse hasnt taken the papers & seems like hes not gonna contest the divorce.

Im quite worried right nw hw things are gonna be like as im sure it will be contested when it comes to our flat since its less den 5yrs MOP. My main concern is abt the hse & the maintenance.

Just was thinking if i could drop my current lawyer & seek for legal aid? Will they assist regards to fighting over ancillary matters?
To surrender the flat means lose more money & i will not have a place to stay w my child.
 
how come it's handover to your fil. he have to receive it personally, if not it's he can claim he never received the document
 
how come it's handover to your fil. he have to receive it personally, if not it's he can claim he never received the document

Cos they attempted to hand in person to him but he alws mia. Hence, my lawyer gotten the summon to paste it over at my fil place which is the last known address.

My spouse also trying to be too smart. Change his address to our matrimonial house without paying or staying there. Quite pissed.
 
I see.. Was just informed that papers were served abt a week back & was passed to my fil. My spouse hasnt taken the papers & seems like hes not gonna contest the divorce.

Im quite worried right nw hw things are gonna be like as im sure it will be contested when it comes to our flat since its less den 5yrs MOP. My main concern is abt the hse & the maintenance.

Just was thinking if i could drop my current lawyer & seek for legal aid? Will they assist regards to fighting over ancillary matters?
To surrender the flat means lose more money & i will not have a place to stay w my child.
if pass to fil = never inform your ex at all.. he must be contact directly by your lawyer either by phone, email or courier. and he must sign on the papers first to kick start any divorce procedure..

as long as you have family nucleus, you can buy over his share. if you do not have money to buy over his shares, then only way is HDB will buy back and y0u have to find place to rent. renting from hdb will cost arnd $800 for 3rm flat if i remember correctly.

i dont know seek legal aid or DIY divorce would take how long... but it definitely will be much longer.. i read a blog that a lady has successfully divorce by herself, but i cant find the blog now... if i remember correctly, she took arnd 2yrs..
 
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My spouse also trying to be too smart. Change his address to our matrimonial house without paying or staying there. Quite pissed.
it doesnt matter what address he put in his IC... because as long as is joint tenancy, ur husband has the right for his share...
just like alot of SAHM never pay for the flat, if the flat is under joint tenancy, they have the right for their share...
 
if pass to fil = never inform your ex at all.. he must be contact directly by your lawyer either by phone, email or courier. and he must sign on the papers first to kick start any divorce procedure..

as long as you have family nucleus, you can buy over his share. if you do not have money to buy over his shares, then only way is HDB will buy back and y0u have to find place to rent. renting from hdb will cost arnd $800 for 3rm flat if i remember correctly.

i dont know seek legal aid or DIY divorce would take how long... but it definitely will be much longer.. i read a blog that a lady has successfully divorce by herself, but i cant find the blog now... if i remember correctly, she took arnd 2yrs..


To what i understand, once papers are served, the other party is given 8 days to contest. If there is nothing from him, i can ask for a court settling date which eases everything. 1st hearing for the interim judgement & 2nd part for the ancillary. Im reconsidering the lawyer part.
 
To what i understand, once papers are served, the other party is given 8 days to contest. If there is nothing from him, i can ask for a court settling date which eases everything. 1st hearing for the interim judgement & 2nd part for the ancillary. Im reconsidering the lawyer part.
maybe you can check with your lawyer... from what my lawyer told me, i definitely need my ex signature on the statement of claim & proposed matrimonial property plan before proceeding with interim judgement. hence tat time die die i also wait for my ex to fly back Singapore to sign on the paper.. without his signature, the courts will take it that your ex did not agree on the claim and matrimonial property plan which means will go to contested divorce...

for contested divorce definitely will be more expensive and lengthy.
 
Hi All,

I am writing this on behalf of my god-sister.

She is 31 this year. Married with 2 lovely boys. She has no next of kin in Singapore as the rest of them are in London. I am the closes to her now.

She got married in Jan 2012. Her husband is self employed but business is not doing well. As for her, she gave up working for the sake of her 2 boys. She currently have a maid as it's not easy for her to handle both boys especially when their age are like 2 years apart and further more the elder boy is hyper active.

Ok so here is what happen.
2 months ago, her husband confessed that he has detached emotionally from the marriage and is on a verge of falling into an affair. My god sis is of course really upset but she thought about it and decided to salvage the marriage. She spoke with the husband and guess what his stupid reply is.
He says that he will not want to salvage the marriage as there is no more love but he will want them to stay married because of the kids as he does not want the kids to grow up without both parents.
This B*stard refuse to let her inform his parents nor her family in London up till today. And my god sis listens to him as she still wants to salvage the marriage.

I have tried speaking to him but it did not work and it made me blew up in a rage. I am so freaking angry with this stupid idiot and I really do wanna bash him up if the law allows me to. He is one stupid Ah Beng and definitely the worse I have met.

So recently, they did mention about divorce, he told my god sis, "If you really want to have a divorce, you are not going to get the kids for sure, 1stly, you have no income and no next of kin. 2ndly, I have income and I definitely can give the best to the kids."
Anyway they just got the keys to their new place about 4 to 5 months back.
He further told my god sis, "In regards to the terms for divorce, I will not give you the kids, but I will give you the property."

I really need advices and help of any for my god sis.
She has been looking after the 2 kids on her own with the help of the maid now, she have been going for interviews for jobs as well but to no avail.

In any case if the marriage is impossible to reconcile and she decides to file for a divorce, is it really true that the 2 boys will go to their stupid father just because my god sis is jobless currently and have no next of kin in Singapore?

FYI, the irresponsible idiot is hurting her with stupid words every single day and by not going home early until wee hours in the morning and he is also brain washing her to give up on the kids as he keep insisting there is no way she can provide for the kids.

Please help!!!

Update: He is confirm going to file for divorce, should my god sis file first? or let him file?
 
why are you repeating your post?

regardless who file first makes no difference... the only difference is who will win the case if it is contested divorce...
 
Pixie Ng,

Please accept my sincere and humble Apologies if repeating of the post is not allowed or if it has actually cause you any frustrations.
This was not the intention to begin with.

Apparently if you are keen on hearing my explanation on repeating of this post, it's because earlier on I created a thread on it and have not gotten much replies or advice thus I copied and pasted this post in a few different threads that was created by others.

I sincerely thank you for the negative comments and opinions which you have given so that we are able to use them as loopholes to fight the case.

Have a great evening.
 
maybe you can check with your lawyer... from what my lawyer told me, i definitely need my ex signature on the statement of claim & proposed matrimonial property plan before proceeding with interim judgement. hence tat time die die i also wait for my ex to fly back Singapore to sign on the paper.. without his signature, the courts will take it that your ex did not agree on the claim and matrimonial property plan which means will go to contested divorce...

for contested divorce definitely will be more expensive and lengthy.


Things have turned worse. Just found out the house has been broken in with the door spoilt & the lock broken. I dunno what is he up to seriously. Not giving us peace. Things also has been stolen from the house. Im soo stressed up. Not sure what to do. Trying to call him but to no avail.
 
hi jokergerl, u cant locked him out. No way. If his IC address is there, he can get locksmith to open the door anytime and not against the law. Police will ask u to open the door if u at home.

Do the right thing, dont fight unnecessary battles, if u wan to win the war. Hahaha

Problem nw has started. He has broke in & stolen things... what can i do?
 
Things have turned worse. Just found out the house has been broken in with the door spoilt & the lock broken. I dunno what is he up to seriously. Not giving us peace. Things also has been stolen from the house. Im soo stressed up. Not sure what to do. Trying to call him but to no avail.
you can call police and file a report...
as long as you can justify that you & your kids feel unsafe from your hubby, you work with your lawyer to get restraint order
 
it's simple. make a report.

If just happen, call 999. Let them come take finger prints.

Ive made a report with eye witness. Police told me to keep the report for the lawyer. Now im thinking to get an exclusion order since he imposes danger to us.
 
That bloody bitch of my ex, trying to be too smart. They went to terminate my house water & power supply... Even to the extend of calling my lawyer to inform that their lawyer will contact them. Seriously im not interested with fighting with her. She should just be kept at where she should be.. Im gonna see a whole new level of dramas with them. She claims she has half a million dollars yet stoop so low to steal things belonging me. Shes also proud being a cradle snatcher since my ex is 10 years to younger. Gosh i dint know such sick bitch exist. Praying god gives me the strenght.
 
@jokergerl - Hi! I saw your message and I could feel the way you are feeling. You have more anger than sadness, I guess.
Just be patience. I know how much it hurts but the only way out for you to calm down. Use lawyer and get your things done.
God say, ask & it shall be given, seek & you will find, knock & the doors will be open. I am sure God will guide you through this journey and he will strengthen you in everything you do.
 
@jokergerl - Hi! I saw your message and I could feel the way you are feeling. You have more anger than sadness, I guess.
Just be patience. I know how much it hurts but the only way out for you to calm down. Use lawyer and get your things done.
God say, ask & it shall be given, seek & you will find, knock & the doors will be open. I am sure God will guide you through this journey and he will strengthen you in everything you do.


Thanks tiff. Yes now im doing everything via the legal way den to dealth directly with the unethical f**ks. Im sure god os guiding is me through & showing things to me. Am sure ignoring them for now. How i wish theres a push forward button.
 
Yes you are never alone. We will always be here to encourage and motivate you because we know you can do it.....
 
Jokergerl, jia you! We encourage one another here. U are not alone ok? :)



Yes you are never alone. We will always be here to encourage and motivate you because we know you can do it.....

Thank you ladies! Now ive something to share. He engaged a criminal lawyer for this case.. hes not contesting the divorce but over the access to see my son & also the house.. ive checked with hdb regards to the transfer. They claim that i can take over the flat but whatever he paid including the 40k grant which amounts total abt 50k with accrued interest will be return to his cpf ac.. If he is still gonna ask me for share, im sure gonna fight. In the end, im left to take a hdb loan again. Soo sian.... :/ Now worried if they will grant me.. otherwise have to seek bank.. does any1 knows if sibling can transfer some cpf money to account?
 
Thank you ladies! Now ive something to share. He engaged a criminal lawyer for this case.. hes not contesting the divorce but over the access to see my son & also the house.. ive checked with hdb regards to the transfer. They claim that i can take over the flat but whatever he paid including the 40k grant which amounts total abt 50k with accrued interest will be return to his cpf ac.. If he is still gonna ask me for share, im sure gonna fight. In the end, im left to take a hdb loan again. Soo sian.... :/ Now worried if they will grant me.. otherwise have to seek bank.. does any1 knows if sibling can transfer some cpf money to account?
actually how much you suppose to pay is not under courts' decision, it is under HDB. i have already ask you made appt with your estate manager, have you done so? if you have, you would already have a breakdown amount of how much you need to pay back your SO... 40K hdb grant you need not pay to your ex because you will have to pay back HDB with accrued interest if you sell your house. but what your ex paid for the house, you must pay him back with accrued interest...

for cpf, no one can transfer money to you except your spouse. i have already told you to find bank loan. now posb housing loan is 1.38% only, much lesser than hdb loan. if you do not have any money to pay your SO back and clear your HDB loan with another bank loan. your only option is sell the house and downgrade to a smaller flat which you can afford

p.s: you cannot take HDB loan again. everyone only entitle one HDB loan.
 
Thank you ladies! Now ive something to share. He engaged a criminal lawyer for this case.. hes not contesting the divorce but over the access to see my son & also the house.. ive checked with hdb regards to the transfer. They claim that i can take over the flat but whatever he paid including the 40k grant which amounts total abt 50k with accrued interest will be return to his cpf ac.. If he is still gonna ask me for share, im sure gonna fight. In the end, im left to take a hdb loan again. Soo sian.... :/ Now worried if they will grant me.. otherwise have to seek bank.. does any1 knows if sibling can transfer some cpf money to account?

Click on these link, see if it can help you.

http://mycpf.cpf.gov.sg/CPF/Templat...-40BC-A097-DD3F3ED86260}&NRCACHEHINT=Guest#Q2
 
Thanks tiff. Yes now im doing everything via the legal way den to dealth directly with the unethical f**ks. Im sure god os guiding is me through & showing things to me. Am sure ignoring them for now. How i wish theres a push forward button.

Take things easy, go slowly, step by step and all will be fine soon. Best of Luck!
 
actually how much you suppose to pay is not under courts' decision, it is under HDB. i have already ask you made appt with your estate manager, have you done so? if you have, you would already have a breakdown amount of how much you need to pay back your SO... 40K hdb grant you need not pay to your ex because you will have to pay back HDB with accrued interest if you sell your house. but what your ex paid for the house, you must pay him back with accrued interest...

for cpf, no one can transfer money to you except your spouse. i have already told you to find bank loan. now posb housing loan is 1.38% only, much lesser than hdb loan. if you do not have any money to pay your SO back and clear your HDB loan with another bank loan. your only option is sell the house and downgrade to a smaller flat which you can afford

p.s: you cannot take HDB loan again. everyone only entitle one HDB loan.

I see .. i managed to speak to the estate mgr however she failed to disclose details. I tried contacting her again but shes on long leave hence will get back to the covering personnel on monday. Im settling my divorce hearing first as he has set apperance. My lawyer just told me he will let me know the court date. Even if i apply bank loan now, useless..

They said i could apply 2nd time hdb loan leh. Evey1 is entitled twice.
 
I see .. i managed to speak to the estate mgr however she failed to disclose details. I tried contacting her again but shes on long leave hence will get back to the covering personnel on monday. Im settling my divorce hearing first as he has set apperance. My lawyer just told me he will let me know the court date. Even if i apply bank loan now, useless..

They said i could apply 2nd time hdb loan leh. Evey1 is entitled twice.

that's the problem with HDB! super slow and inefficient... anyway to get my breakdown form, i went down to HDB 3 seperate times (3 appts with the manager)
my estate manager told me only can loan hdb loan once, tat's why she say if i dont have cash to repay the hdb loan, have to get bank loan asap..
but bank loan is much more troublesome than hdb loan and have to wait 6month to know whether they approve or not, so i repay everything by cpf+cash

if they (dont know who is they) say can apply twice then you try see whether HDB will approve or not...
btw, bank loan is cheaper than hdb loan... posb is 1.38 and hdb loan is 2.5 (if i remember correctly)...
why want to loan from hdb when they are charging higher than bank???
 
1) HDB will not repossess your flat if you face difficulty in repaying the loan. HDB will provide you option of downgrading by exchanging with you with a smaller flat. For bank, they will repossess your flat and you will be forced find rental flat ourside. The bottomline is HDB is from the government. The government will at least provide you a shelter but you got accept a rental 1 room flat.
2) If you go for unfixed rate in bank. yes, the interest is much lower now but peg against the sibor rate. Sibor rate is very unstable. When US interest rate increase, you can expect huge increase in this unfixed rate up to 3.5%. That would be the time, cash call kicks forcing those who cannot pay the monthly installment to the bank to sell their flat. So if you want to go for bank loan, pls opt for the fixed rate.
3) HDB allows you to early repay your home loan without any penalty. I know banks also have this option now but prepare to pay higher interest rate.
 
If possible do not go for bank loan unless no choice.

I used to get from bank loan. It was stagnant at 1.8% for abt a year, but after that the interest keep going up to an extend of 6.25%.
 
Thanks all for the advice. I'll get in touch with the estate mgr again tmrw as she will be back. I agree w what littleheroclub says. I have seen cases flats being repossessed & the interest rate is not fixed.
 
If possible do not go for bank loan unless no choice.

I used to get from bank loan. It was stagnant at 1.8% for abt a year, but after that the interest keep going up to an extend of 6.25%.
actually the trick is you need to refinance it if the interest goes up... then again there's alot of loop hole here and there to use if you know...
but i guess those who do not have time to monitor, better use hdb loan...
for money saver, i still will choose private banks as they do have fixed interest rates....
for time saver, of course hdb..
 
Yes, u can go for refinancing but prepare to pay a penalty for switching banks. Currently unfixed rate still much lower than HDB rate but has increase almost 100% already. It will raise further as the U.S. Fed is likely to raise interest in June this year. Try to opt for fixed rate if u want to get loan from bank. If possible, still go for HDB loan as it still provide u a safety net if u have prob paying it.
 
tagging on this thread.

If he want to keep the flat but i wish to surrender back to HDB. This will mean it will be a contested divorce on ancillary matters?
 
tagging on this thread.

If he want to keep the flat but i wish to surrender back to HDB. This will mean it will be a contested divorce on ancillary matters?
actually he can just buy over your shares... why want to surrender back to HDB?
try not to have contested divorce because it is lengthy and expensive
 
Yes, u can go for refinancing but prepare to pay a penalty for switching banks. Currently unfixed rate still much lower than HDB rate but has increase almost 100% already. It will raise further as the U.S. Fed is likely to raise interest in June this year. Try to opt for fixed rate if u want to get loan from bank. If possible, still go for HDB loan as it still provide u a safety net if u have prob paying it.
after paying the penalty, the lower interest rate will still benefits more... anyway i always try to get the lowest interest rate and try to clear it asap.. i cleared mine within 5yrs...
 
if the is a dispute where one party doesn't wan to sell to the other party, then have to sell back to HDB.
 
after paying the penalty, the lower interest rate will still benefits more... anyway i always try to get the lowest interest rate and try to clear it asap.. i cleared mine within 5yrs...

Yes, that will be the best scenario but not everyone has the financial means to clear out the housing loan in 5 years especially for single mother. There will also be penalty for early repayment for unfixed rate. For example, if you take loan for 20 years and later found out that you have the mean to pay it within 5 years, you need to pay a penalty for do that but some banks do offer no penalty for early repayment but will charge higher interest rate. So for long term loan, it is still advisable to go for 1) HDB loan or 2) bank loan at fixed rate.
 
Side track a little,

My husband has not consented to the DEO. Thus we are set fr a trial. Im representing myself & hes engaging a lawyer for this. As im already spending money on the divorce, i find it a waste to engage my lawyer for this.

Has any1 encountered this before? Mind sharing the processes. I was told that the report i made for the break in has to be purchased. Would the report number suffice? How about photographs of damage caused, previous breach reports?

Im set for trial on the 1st April.
 
Side track a little,

My husband has not consented to the DEO. Thus we are set fr a trial. Im representing myself & hes engaging a lawyer for this. As im already spending money on the divorce, i find it a waste to engage my lawyer for this.

Has any1 encountered this before? Mind sharing the processes. I was told that the report i made for the break in has to be purchased. Would the report number suffice? How about photographs of damage caused, previous breach reports?

Im set for trial on the 1st April.
I don't think hiring lawyer is wasting money, you spend little time and the expert do all the stuffs for you.... maybe you can check with @gladjo
 
Jokergal .. I'm represending myself n had even 2 court friends attached to me throughout the case ...just overheard from this morning in court, one lawyer was telling another he can charge $10k for ancillary excluding appearance n docs submission .. Pm me if u need help n also law society is appointing a free lawyer to me

Unless u hv $$..feel free to contact a lawyer but b prepared lawyers r not FREE ( only first consult) ..oh by the way, lawyer charges taxi fare n misc incurred plus each time u call, it's clocked..

God bless
 

Jokergal .. I'm represending myself n had even 2 court friends attached to me throughout the case ...just overheard from this morning in court, one lawyer was telling another he can charge $10k for ancillary excluding appearance n docs submission .. Pm me if u need help n also law society is appointing a free lawyer to me

Unless u hv $$..feel free to contact a lawyer but b prepared lawyers r not FREE ( only first consult) ..oh by the way, lawyer charges taxi fare n misc incurred plus each time u call, it's clocked..

God bless

Pm you.
 

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