Hubby cheated on me while I was pregnant.

hi Ping,
well glad that u r feeling beter..ur kids need u alrite..hope to see a cheerfull mum if we can meet up..hee..well as for ***..i think once a while u should give ur hubby..cz i think guys they have their needs too..i noe how it feels like wen u have no mood then u have to do it..but just have it for the sake of having is not gd too..try to find the mood back..i m trying too..u noe..lol..that will helps alot in the r/s if u can have it back..u noe..aft *** u guys can give eachother a shower then go back to the olden days that u dont have kids..*make sure kids r sleeping*..then wen u talk he will comfirm listen..hee..win-win solution rite??hee..jia you hor..relax dont tink abt him beening bad to u..just treat him nicer..n see how it goes ya..

hey isabellali..
wow..u veri fierce le..haa..i sometime will like that too..wen i was preggi my hubby keep plaing game with his bro..then i want him talk to me he say"wait i come back in 5 mins" omg..u mean gameing is more impt??so i throw my alarm clock at the door then BOTH of them come in n pei me talk..whahaha..well i should say that every house have their own prob..like me too..my MIL n me r okok wan at 1st..we can talk n share clothes*i preggi so cant wear then i give her wear lo*..etc..but wen bb come out i just cant stand her liao..i dono y..everytime she wanna carry bb n touch him i like kana slap like that..i feel veri angry,sad,jelouse..etc..then i will complain to my hubby say can dont carry..etc..then we all had a huge fight..then i also hate the BIL to touch or carry my bb..u noe..i veri protective over my bb de..abit abit cannot..then mk till my hubby n my r/s veri veri veri siean..i reali dono y i feel like that..even like today, i was sleeping..then my MIL come into my room n take the bb to her room to play..i also not happy..then i ask hubby tk back that my MIL ask him get lost n scold him..but i think he is used to it..cz he every time kana scold by his mother over the bb which i think it's veri siean..i alr talk abt it..fight over it lots n lots of time n got one time i wanna tk my bb out of the house my hubby pass bb to his parents n then pin me down..then i like one mad women on the floor kana scold a cray women by the mum n then i try to break free as my bb crying n then they call the ambulance n ammited me to hospital saying that i m crazy..i reali cant tk the marriage animore cz i feel like i have no *family life*..u noe..everytime the MIL n Bil wanna come into the pic wen i wanna have a bonding time with my bb..yea i m a SHM..i have lots of time n they dont have n all i eat,wear,sleep,medical bills..etc all pay by my MIL..i like her for who she is but just can tk the way she treat my bb..lol..crazy me..

aii..so much of my stupit story..
i just find that u mummies out there are like more stronger then me..emotionaly,mentaly n FINACIALY..that's y i say bb r the onli source of light for us..no matter how dark our life mayb..how bad our hubby can b..just tk a look at our kids..we laugh wen they laugh..we cry wen they cry..we be panic wen they r sick..we grow with them..dont we??what we can do is help to mk things works..if it cant work..look at our kids n tell ourself..it for their future that we r enduring this SHIT!!everytink we do now is for them to grow up in a "happY" family..m i rite?
cheers!!
 


Dear Rainie...

No words now can really help you to manage your anger and hurt for the moment. Because your mind is really posion by the thought. But, cannot be blame coz this things just happened in all <1 mths?

That also explain why in 1 mins you can be very happy with him and the next mines it sucks! and you just want to hammer him? Olredy told you to focus yourself in somethings else then to spent time on it, why you keep posioing your own mind?

Who is taking care your baby? There is a lot of work to do there, you know? I also think, do you actually stand in your hubby shoe and think? Yes, it is obvious he made an mistake, but he probably very remoreful and sad as you?

My hubby also work very late at night, one time he work so late that he actually slept in the office? But, since I already forgiven him, I did. But of course, I asked him whose bed did he wake up? (in a humorous way) He was like so serious and give me his colleague number to ask me to counter check them. And during those "sensitive" time, he will call when he come back and call me few times in a day. BUT, now ( 4 years already), did not called me only, too busy for that. Well this is LIFE, isn't it? Everything will be history, only if you let it be!

Take care...
 
rainie
If you really want to get back with your husband, I feel you really, really should let the affair get out of your head. From your posts, I come to understand that despite your willingness to forgive your husband, the affair still hurt you a lot. That's why you cannot stop imagining and questioning him. Also, you still keep on checking on the girl. That shows you still can't get over the affair. To move on properly, I feel you should try to live in the future, and not to keep on going back to the one dreadful year. Stop questioning and stop imagining and wondering. I too think that he did to you during your pregnancy days were very uncalled for, and very hard to forgive. Bawl and shout at him and let him know why those actions of his hurt you so very very much. But after that, let it go. Whenever that thought comes back to your head, shake it off.

Why not take a holiday with your husband? Go back to your honeymoon destination? Relive your past happy days? Or rehaul your house? Do things that will take your mind off the affair.

Ultimately, if you feel you can't do it with your husband, then I say take a little break away from him. Maybe it's for the better.
 
Listen to Merz lah...

I tell you, (of course it always easier to say then done), you are not the only one who experience this trauma. This type of drama is repeating itself always, everyday, evry moment, evrywhere in someone else family. Importantly, have a open heart, your life, your family and your CHILD will benefits from it... It will be history someday (just like mine) only matter is when? Chim>?
 
merz, yes i know im not the only one to experience this trauma. but sometimes i thnk why me?? im the sort of wife who, when he needs to go to work at night, i will wake up and make drinks for him or prepare supper. sometimes he come home at 5am, he say he hungry, i wake up cook something light for him. i run around like crazy chicken pay his bills, i try my best to be good wife. i always pray for his health and happiness etc. so why happen to me and my baby?? we only married 1.5 years!

yes it will be history one day, but it will leave a scar. hopefully only a scar, and not a wound til forever.

i try to put myself in his shoes so many times!!! really i do. but i still dont understand how he can do it to someone he love. i really dont understand and i cant accept it. yes he's remorseful and sad, and told me he dont want tto talk about this anymore because it reminds him of how stupid he is... but wah his life must be so easy isit, everything he say i must do?

karen, actually my husband want to bring me go holiday. but i dont want him to "buy" my love.. so i turn him down. then i change my mind, i say ok can, end of this year. he wants us to plan together. i would rather he plan himself so its a surprise.
 
Hi Rainie,

I think your hb want to reassure you &amp; that's why he wants to be intimate with u...my hb dun wan to touch me...isn't that more hurting ? I feel like a "vase" at one point and I envy others who can hv a healthy "S" life...

Dun fall for the trick of these shameless "B"...they r just trying to make u angry &amp; upset...most important is ur hb choose u...dun push him further away from u...I m sure u will be able to forgive him one day...
 
i dont know dying heart.. sometimes i feel he want sex because he's a sex addict or miss having sex with that woman
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he can admit 2 nights ago that every time they go hotel, she will suck him. SICK!!!

thanks for the adv, it's really true what you say!! now she put on her friendster that she going to study somemore at poly, in the hopes that my husband will be proud of her! then put sad song, say she miss him and really want him back. what the hell??? i kill her then she know.

did you contact the other woman? i want to email her and tell her what i think of her.. but my husband and sister say for what.. better to ignore her, so she know she have no control over my life. but i so angry, i want to tell her what a slut she is. do you know her sister scold my husband, say my husband ruin her life? ask my husband to apologise somemore to her. the whole family is so f*cked up. my husband never apologise, he say she ruin her own life too. his own life is ruined too and he regrets knowing her. GOOD.

i really want to make things better. my husband have been really loving and nice, but sometimes i see he got no patience, he will get angry when i ask questions. i know i should stop askign questions.. sometimes i can stop myself but sometimes i just cant! the other day he got angry, so i told him you just dont make effort in rebuildign this marriage, and he got so angry, he dressed up and wanted to go his mom's house. i nearly slapped him, i was so sad i scream at him "how many times you want to leave me???" then i cried like mad.

He only hugged me like 30 mins after that.. but only say sorry next morning. sigh. Now we are ok.. but how come he dont understand its HIS job to make me feel better? i didnt ask to be put in this position!
 
Hi Rainie,

I am looking at ur thread and follow thru what u have been gg through all these while. I understand why u wanted to ask him all these intimate questions &amp; hates to know the answer yet wanna know. The feeling is very confused.. one moment u wanna “tortured” ur hubby to let him feel the pain that u have gone through (by ur ups and downs tempers), one moment u feel ur behaviour aint getting u anywhere in making ur relationship better. But u oso dunno what u shd do, rite?

But I feel that u shd not be bothered by what they had done in the past. Why shd u let all these bothered u and deprived u of being happy? If u want to make the marriage work, u shd be prepared to forget the past. Thinking too much of what they had done in the past can only make u even more unhappy and revengeful. Remember ur hubby had chosen u in the end proved that u r far more impt than tat slut. So wat if u reply to the slut on how u feel abt her? She prob thinks u find her as a worthy competitor since u mind so much. Best is to totally dun care or dun reply at all.. then she will soon realized that she is not even worthy as a competitor and is a loser cos she lost out in getting ur hubby, making u unhappy, is like a prostitute and lost everything including her “mian zi” aka face. The best revenge is to live better than the slut!

Hope these will make u feel better. I hope the best for u and hope u will be happy again.
 
Dear Rainie,

Can I suggest you take a break for a week? Because everyday, I think you are inside a very small circle and cannot come out. So, free yourself, your mind and go somewhere where there is sun and activities... You should go with your girlfriends. You will realise life is afterall more than just your hubby, your baby, your whatevery problems. There is a whole big world outside, lots of things, people, activities and many many more than here. I feel bad that you are spending so much time in the forum and so much time thinking over the trauma. Cannot say anymore lah, go take a break. I'm not sure whether this place is good for you, but I found it very peaceful and quite. There is a temple "chin swee caves temple" on the genting moutian. It very nice and peaceful, the vegetarian food also very good. Not expensive too! Hope you like it. You can go by coach, very convient. And if like it, can go genting for the fun then rest at the temple hotel.


http://www.genting.com.my/chinswee/en/founder.htm
 
Oops....I think maybe there is some sun @ genting highland. But bring warm clothing there, it is cold when raining...I like that place, if got time, I want to go there do nothing and take rest.
 
Hi Rainie,

Dun ask the details anymore....i never ask my hb wat they hv done behind my back becos I dun wan to know &amp; make myself more upset...those hotel bills &amp; foto of them hugging tog oredi make my heart damn painful...sometimes, the image come into my mind &amp; i will try to shift my focus to other stuff...If u want to heal ur wound, u have to stop digging on the past...

no, i never contact tat B eventhough i hv her mobile...i dun wan to hear her disgusting voice...there r times i feel like taking a knife to stab her becos I HATE her for messy up my happy marriage life...but these r just my evil thots...hehehe....the best revenge towards them is to ignore them &amp; live happily with our man...

At one stage, I feel tat life is so meaningless &amp; I will never feel happy again...but i m happy now with my hb &amp; DD...So I do believe that times is the best healing medicine...u will be able to walk out of this misery one day...
 
dying heart, thank you for the encouragement. honestly i also feel life is meaningless and i dont think i can ever be happy again. i told my counsellor and husband that its as if i have no more dreams, no more future and my past is all shit because my marriage was not real. all along got another woman in it.

i feel like taking knife and kill her also honestly! or start fire at her house (i know where she stay) or something horrible like that. but i dont want to end up in jail, thats why i never do. now she put on her friendster she going to start schooling to make my hubby proud.. with sec 2 education can go poly meh??? what the hell.

merz, i cant go holiday alone, my parents wont let. i dont think hubby will let also. somemore got baby, need to think of him. i sometimes think it'll be nice to just get away from everything also, but at the moment its not possible.

bluecheese, actually i manage to control my thoughts about the past quite well in front of my hubby nowadays. i dont really ask questions unless i reallyreally want to know. but this stupid husband, show no empathy to me. he like machiam dont know the pain i feel. he say he can never know somemore,because he's not in my shoes. idiot or what??!! i was so mad with him. got many other stuff i angry with him, but he dont know how to make things better. that irritates me and makes me want to just walk out sometimes.

u know, he tell our counsellor that one of the reasons why the affair continued is because that slut shaved her pubes every week, whereas i go for brazilian wax once a month or once every 2 months. so everytime that slut is not hairy, whereas mine sometimes hairy, he dont like. BUT LAST TIME HE TELL ME DONT SHAVE, very sharp and prickly, he dont like!!!! Plus, DOES HE GIVE ME MONEY TO GO BRAZILIAN WAX??? NO!!! I pay for it myself, I handle the pain myself!!!

I nearly kill him yesterday when he told me this. Really. I'm lucky I walked out on the conversation and called my friend to vent, if not today I on front page Straits Times for murder already.
 
Raine, I am wondering if it helps to tell ur hubby if u r the one who strayed, how would he feel? Not that u really stray but the degree of hurt is the same lor.

I just feel that u shd trash it all out with him once and for all.. ask whatever qns u want, know exactly why he strayed (e.g. is it bcos he wants to find a solace whenever u all argue or not enuff communication etc), cry as much as u want, get it all out of u and move on since u wanna give ur hubby a 2nd chance.

Give urself some time say 2 months to totally get over this. Know it is hard to totally put this behind u but give urself time to do so if u really want to make this work. On the other hand, ur hubby oso has to put in effort lor.. else he will feel that u forgive him too easily.
 
oh yeah i asked him. in fact not only me ask him, my parents and his parents also ask him. he say he wont like it. but he will give another chance because everybody make mistake.

its not possible to ask all the qns i want at one go. honestly the qns suddenly pop up. new questions pop up all the time. he's working out the reasons why he strayed with the counsellor now (individual counselling)

honestly now i cannot cry already. no more tears in me. i only cry when the reallyreally huge stuff happen like arguments, but other than that i really got no energy to cry already.
 
If arrangment is possible, leave your baby with your mum, go with your hubby to the holiday. A short holiday maybe good...Anyway the place very peaceful, so once you go there you know lah, cannnot scream, cannot fight, cannot s... cannot asked those questions also, maybe after one week you both can find peace? Try lah, not expensive also. The feeling quite refreshing.
 
yeah hubby actually suggested that. go holiday just us 2 people but my mom, who's the primary caretaker of our baby, not really happy. she believe in being married, have kid already, must always bring baby everywhere. thats why hard for us to go dating also. sigh.

and my baby is very attached to my mom and me. if other people, he cry nonstop.

sometimes i really wonder why i stay in the marriage. i know i love him, but its so hard to continue rebuilding and clearing up the shit nonstop.
 
Rainie,

It's never easy to maintain a marriage...esp a happy one...I can understd ur hurt becos being betrayed...esp, someone who u love deeply is very very painful...even now, whenever, i thk abt how he treated me over tat B...I still feel my scars hurting but not as much as before...

Frankly speaking, even till today...there r times when the divorce thots come into my mind...but I know tat I dun bear &amp; dun wan the OW to have him...why must I give up my happiness to the B?

I guess we have to accept the fact that we are no longer the exclusive person in our hb life...nthgs is perfect in life...learn to love yourself...doll urself up...pamper urself by buying nice thgs tat u like to make urself happy...
 
dying heart, have u accepted that fact? that u weren't the only one in his heart? i guess i should accept it too, but so hard. right now it's still so painful. this saturday is 1 month i know of the affair. sigh.

sunflower, thanks for sharing your story with me. i really appreciate. 6 years on and u still sometimes think about it? but its like dull pain? something u can put aside easily? i'm so scared to think that a few years down the road, i'm still as hurt as i am now. yes now my husband give me access to his hp, and if he use the laptop, he ask me sit beside him to show he's hiding nothing. he looking for new job and he do many changes to his life. but he dont know how to romance me back. did your husband "woo" u back? or isit all asian men dont know how to do that???
 
i wrote an email to her. a few nights ago i was so angry with everything, so i wrote the email, but i havent send. alot of people tell me dont let her know she still has control over my life and my thoughts.. by emailing her or having any contct with her, means she will feel like she's still important to us.

so i shall share it here. haha. hopefully one day her hubby cheat on her and she come here look for help, she will read this email hor. hahaha.

----

I really pity you lah. I wasn't going to contact you because honestly you mean lesser than shit to me, but a mutual friend of yours and my husband's showed us your msgs to him and I'm like "ohmygod move on already dear."

you asked Peter how my husband is? he's fine. WE are fine. strangely our marriage is so much stronger now and my husband is so much in love with me now. he wanted to bring me on a trip to Europe for my birthday next year. remember he went to Bali for our anniversary this year, and he told u, and u got upset? you said how come he never ever want to bring u go holiday?? yes he told me all that. hahaha that made me laugh so much. are u deluded or what? what are you to him? nothing but a sex toy, dear. has he ever brought you out watch movies perhaps? dinner? if he never even bring u dating, what more Bali???

he told me u paid for every single thing. really pitiful. with me, he pays for nearly every single thing. he buys me stuff monthly, and of course for our son too. you have to PAY for his attention?? that's how low u will go??? where's your self-esteem? why are ayou desperate for a man to give u scraps of attention like that??

let me tell u this dear. u seriously need to evaluate your life. falling in love with a married man, feeding on scraps of attention from him... you are just getting MY remainders.

your sister told him that he ruined your life. that's not so. you ruined ur own life. u knew he was married. u knew he was never going to leave me. worse of all, u knew he loves me. yet u held on thinking u would get a chance, or u are willing to settle for whatever bit of him that he could give u?

he told me lots of stuff about you and the affair, but mainly he's just horrified he could get involved with a skank like YOU, and do whatever he did. he regrets it like mad, and constantly apologises and says YOU were the worst moment of his life.

i thought he was with u because the sex was good... but he even said that sex with u was crap. i was shocked, but he said really, its very monotonous and u had no reaction. hahaha.

isn't it a waste to give ur body to a person who thinks that? im just telling u so that u can improve ur techniques liao. so embarassing to give ur body to a guy willingly and he says u are crap in bed!! sooooo embarassing!!! i could never demean myself like that.

Because he gave u abit of attention like that, you assume it's because there is something lacking in me. You justify your behavior with a married man by assuming I'm a bitch who didn't show enough love to her husband, or because I didn't give him sex often enough. You pretend he will leave his awful, unloving shrew of a wife for YOU. You don't know me at all, these are just the little lies you tell yourself so you can sleep at night.

Let me tell you some truth. He didn't cheat on me because I can't satisfy him... he cheated because of circumstances which he couldn't handle at that time. He was weak at that time. He chose you not because you were something special, but because you were there, you came on to him, and you were easy, like sluts are.

ok anyway i just wrote this to inform u that i and him are happy. u dont have to put sad songs on ur friendster anymore lah, so pathetic lah girl. Peter told us, and my husband even laughed hearing that. he never knew u were in so deep, because he wasn't. it was just for fun for him, for him to get away from family responsibilites for abit, and yet u were so into him... goodness, both of us had a laugh over that.

so, heard u wanna go ngee ann poly next year? with sec 2 qualifications, can go meh? i dont think sleeping your way through poly can get you a diploma u know.

with lots of pity,
In's WIFE.

ps - remember you offered me anti-depressants? maybe you need it yeah? I, yes I, In's wife, can send it to you, free-of-charge! i didnt even need any! because my husband came back to me and BEGGED for my love. i dont see him doing that to you. poor thing lah you.
 
haha jane... well done. hope u feel better now.
very curious how will she reply?
actually how ur hubby get to know her?
 
HI,

i don't know how to explain, but i would say it's good (heng ah) that you didn't send her the letter, else you'll become the loser, not her.

Your letter actualy reveal the painful life that you are going through now, and if that Woman read it, she will definetely laugh back at you.

Seriously, if husband is involved with other woman, will the wife be able to laugh? But you keep mentioned that you laughed so much when your hubby told you that how lousy the other woman was, how bad she acted in the bed, how she has paid to get the man's attention, etc. Even if she is really that bad and lousy, i believe no woman could laugh after hearing this. It shows that the "fake" happiness between your hubby at the moment

I have been following your thread and i emphatize with your situation, but my advise is, if you really want to start afresh with your hubby, learn to forgive. Don't take the other woman into the picture anymore, stop talking about her. Honestly, if i were your hubby and you show the letter to me, i would definetely pity the other woman more than you, even though you are the real victim in this case. Learn to forgive and focus in your family life. Don't let this incident affect your life anymore. You've got to overcome it.
 
I read the thread from the start and tears just started flowing coz' like you, my hubby cheated on me when I was pregnant. The bad memories just came back and I really understand what you are going through now. The dilemma of wanting to forgive him and move on and then knowing it's not possible to wipe the betrayal clean off your mind. *sigh*

It has been almost a year since the incidence and somehow, I feel that it has a great impact on our marriage life. I just cannot imagine that the person whom you thought to be so close to you and that you understand so well can actually tell another woman that she's the only person he loves. I now understand that men are all fickled creatures. As said in an earlier posting, men are visual creatures. They are easily led into temptation and their egoistic nature will always tell them that they are capable of having the best of two worlds and keeping it a secret. I now longer trust my hubby fully and I put my emphasis on my baby. She's the one who keeps me going and when comes the day the marrigae no longer works, I know that I will not collapse as she's the reason to keep me going. Cynical and sad, but it's working for me so far....
 
cherie_lim, i tried to pte msg u but u didnt switch it on. can u email me at [email protected]? i have so many things to ask u, if u dont mind. most importantly, is ur marriage any better now? im sorry we are both in the same situation, sometimes i think we deserve so much better than these shit-idiots. did u go for counselling? did it help? is ur husband better now? omg so sorry, i have so many questions because its quite hard to find someone who reallyrealyl understand.

just to share with u, Dr Phil (the psychologist from Oprah show) said "u dont have to trust ur husband anymore. u jsut have to trust that u know what to do if it happens again."

and i know what im going to do when it happens again, and i've told my husband. i've already did up a secret banking account and im going to take care of myself (go facials, go gym) And tomorrow is the one MONTH anniversary of me finding out. somehow it still hurts so much.

mama_G, i didnt send it to her. my counsellor yesterday warned me never to send her anything. she dont deserve it. honestly i dont think i'll ever contact her also, she's worth lesser than shit to me. but sometimes i get so angry i just want to lash out at her, so this is what i do. my counsellor say print out the email and then burn it. i might do that someday.

how my hubby get to know her? he go ktv lounge after work with his colleagues. never tell me at all he go this kind of places also. he say he work overtime but actually go this place. sigh.

cua, inever show my hubby the letter. he's not my best friend any longer, i dont tell him everything anymore. anyway, sorry to ask but have u ever been the betrayed spouse? maybe if you are, you can understand why i wrote that. if not, u will never understand.. its NOT easy at all for me to cope. learn to forgive? even my counsellor say it will take a few more months, or even 1 or 2 years. maybe never.

and honestly yes i laughed when he told me she's bad in bed, and how she ask him to go watch fireworks with her, but he decline because he say he's bringing his wife and son instead. fake happiness? i dont think so. its just whatever happiness i can grab to maek me happy. or maybe im just a cheerful person.. even my counsellor say so. she say everytime i go counselling, i will be smiling. most people in my position would be sad, she said, but im always smiling.

but deep down who knows. haha.

tomorrow is one month i get to know about the affair. pain is still so strong. last night i dreamt she called my husband to ask if he's ok and if the marriage is still ok. if not, she wants to come back in his life. what the hell. i woke up so angry and sad
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why is it so hard to move on? i just wanted the perfect family and married life
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Rainie

I still see that u r still in pain.. Why dun u try to let go of such painful feelings/emotions/etc.. anyway i agree with Cherie's.. it is best to focus on our child rather than husband. U shd not try to be miserable everyday but be more positive n focus on your child. Dun trust your hubby for now n give him more time to prove himself, ok.
 
Hi Rainie,

Yes, I have learn to accept the fact that I am no longer the exclusive woman in his life...he actually told the B tat he love her the most...i got to know this thru a letter I discover...she wrote to him &amp; even sign off as his wife...hahaha...

Hey, i like the way u write the letter...anythgs not happy...just write it down &amp; burnt/delete it after tat...writing is a good way to relief our tension and unhappiness...
 
Hi raine
i have been following your thread. may i know what are the things that your hb and woman has done tgt? or what has the woman done for him?

i really cant stand this type of woman !!!
 
Hi i am new here,

After reading all the articles, i need some advices. My hubby keep lieing to me, he has been contacting his ex-gf, i reali dun kw wat to do.
 
ocean, true what u say. nowadays i think of my child and i smile in my head, he's really the apple of my eye.

dying heart, wahlao that slut no shame ah??! the slut in my marriage told my husband she's willing to wait for me to DIE leh, so she can marry him. NOW I WANT HER TO DIE AH. I HOPE SHE DIES SOON. STUPID IDIOT.

ya i write letters.. got lots of them. some to my husband, some to her.. all never send. hahah. but some i got send to my husband lah actually.

crystal, ummmmmmmmmm i dont want to think about what they do together!!!! PUI!! maybe if u read back the whole thread u will know, but for now i dont want to think about that again. it brings me to a very angry place.

u acnt stand this type of woman? lets kill them together. hahah.

qinqin, what does ur gut feeling say? dont ignore gut feeling. i ignored mine for so long, or maybe i wanted to stay blind. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR HUBBY NOW. I emphasise the NOW. please do so before ur marriage becomes like mine.
 
Hi rainie,

sorry I din on my PM, I just activtaed it. U can PM me now. =)

Actually, we did not go for any counselling. Let me give you some background on what happened.

When I was around 5 months pregnant, I found it a bit fishy to see my hubby dressing up to go for his lessons. He just started a degree programme at some private institute under my encouragement. He'll put on his cologne and make it a point to dress nicely. At that time, I didn't suspect much and then he started using the computer till real late at nite. Like 3, 4am, saying that he was watching youtube or playing game on the net. I really can't stay up so late as I was working and need to get up real early to go for work, plus the pregnancy really tires me out.

I was a very giving wife, and whatever help my hubby asks for, I will do it for him, including doing all his assignments. A couple of times, I did his assignments for him till 6am in the morning and then just shower and go to work. Almost killed me, especially when I was already in my 3rd trimester. But he did not appreciate all these. He sort of took it for granted that I had to help him and he can go to sleep while I was doing everything for him.

Then, he started going out to do group projects with his group mates. He said he needed to discuss with them and sometimes, he would come back very late. There were times when he told me to saty at home to wait for him and he'll pack food back for me and when I got really hungry like 9 or 10 and tried calling him, I would not be able to get him on the phone. He would come back late and then conveniently said that phone low batt etc. I always let it go coz' it never occurred to me that he would be up to no good. But there was once I really blew up coz' there was nothing to eat at home and again he said that he would bring me food back, which again he MIA and then turn up late in the night. I was very hungry and there was no shops near my place that sold food. I was really upset and he had the audacity to scream at me! He said that I was too needy and I should have gone out to find food instead of nagging at him when he just came back. I was like, hello, you were the one who volunteered to bring dinner back, no one asked you to.

Then, one night, when I was around 7 months, I was doing some work on the computer and had to search for some files which I could not locate. So I checked through a lot of folders and came across his MSN history. He forgot to uncheck the option of autosaving a history of all your online chats. To my horror, I saw all the mushy things he wrote to this girl, one of his groupmate. He called her his wife and said that he never believed in love at first sight until he met her. He even said that he was miserable that he could not be with her every day and always dreamt of her in his sleep. I searched deeper and saw the photographs of the girl, which she had sent him trough email. What made the matter worse was, the girl was married and newly married too. I saw a recent photograph of her in her wedding dress. That night, I did not sleep, I took his handphone and checked through his messages, inbox and outbox. Inside, were dozens of messages from and to the woman, each one breaking my heart a little further. I cried till I got no more tears.

I was devastated and I realised that I could talk to no one, even my best friend coz' my pride would not allow me to tell anyone that I married such a person and my marriage was a joke. In the end, I turned to my bro-in-law, coz' he just happened to be online at that time. I told me hubby's younger bro everything and he was pissed. He sent me something and got me to install a spyware on my com so that I could see what my hubby was doing.

The next day, I went to work as usual but I just broke down at work place. My hubby sent me to work in the morning and asked what was wrong as the usual chirpy me was quiet and pale. I just kept quiet. Later, he sent me an sms that said, 'baby, go and take mc and go home if you are really unwell'. To me, calling me 'baby' is an insult coz' that's what he called the woman too.

I went home at around 2pm as I could not take it anymore. I messaged him and told him to think of what great things he had done behind my back. I said that I could no longer trust him. He denied everything at first, calling me unfit to be his wife if I don't trust him, even shouting at me, hoping to intimidate me. I said that I wanted to leave him the very moment and he slammed down the phone on me. And you know, silly me being very vulnerable coz' of baby, actually stupid enough to think that he would rush back and explain and coax me and everything would be fine again. I sat at the bus stop from 2.30pm, trying to see when his car would turn into our carpark. I waited and waited. It rained and I was wearing sleeveless and it was cold but I was so numbed that I could not feel anything. Buses came and go and a kind bus driver actually came down to check on me coz' he passed by 3 times and I was still there (The bus stop only served 1 feeder bus). Finally, at 6.30pm, his car turned in and I got on the bus that had just came. I alighted at the interchange and walked around aimlessly at the shopping mall. He called many many times but I just ignored. He messaged me asking where I was. I continued walking and walking till 9 plus, until he found me....

He said he had been looking me for a long time and asked what was wrong. I couldn't believe that he still thought that he could just cleanly deny and get away with it. My tears just flowed and flowed and I didn't say a word. He dragged me all the way to the car and then all the way home. I told him that I knew everything and it was pointless to deny. He cried and then said that he was sorry. He was just having some fun with the girl coz' he missed the type of courtship fun. There was nothing sexual and it was just merely msn and smsing. I didn't know whether to believe him but for the sake of my baby, I forgave him and warned him that there was to be no 2nd time. He swore that there would not be any more contact with the woman and he even deferred his studies so that he would not see her anymore.

What he didn't know was the spyware I installed. He would wait until I sleep and then use the com again. He betrayed me a second time, immediately after I found out about the affair. The next day, he openly discussed with the girl how I had found out and how it would be more difficult for them to meet and talk. The girl told him that it was impossible between them as she loved her husband and he should think about our baby. She sounded as though she didn't want to ruin my marriage but I not sure if it was just pretense or a ploy to trap my husband in further. I checked what he wrote using the spyware everyday and my heart died a little everyday. He deleted his messages and phone log from his phone everyday which made me suspect that he had been contacting the woman everyday.

I kept everything to myself coz' at that point, I was going to give birth anytime soon I really didn't know what to do. I tolerated and pretended nothing was happening. They carried on secretly and I kept quiet. When my daughter arrived, however, he seemed to have stopped. There was no more msn sessions with the girl.

But I just could not trust or love him the same way as before coz' he betrayed my faith, not once but twice. He must think that I am really stupid and naive to be daring enough to continue after swearing that he would not do it again.

And with the joy my daughter brought, I swept everything under the doormat and really tried hard at forgetting and embracing my happy family. Everything went well till one day, when my daughter was around 4mths, she sms him again. It was a harmless message but I just blew up. Screaming at him, asking him to come clean of what he had done after the first time I confonted him. He got really angry and shouted at me and even stormed off, saying that I didn't trust him and he did not contact the girl after what happened the first time. At that point, I just woke up. Men are not to be trusted. They lied to get themselves out of sticky situations. And when nothing works, they use anger to avoid the real issue.

He left the house and I carried my baby and cried. She stared at me with her innocent eyes and that gave me the strength to go on. I messaged him and told him I wanted a divorce. He ignored me and went on and on with messages about me not trusting him and how fed up he is with such a suspicious wife. Later on, his sister and his brother called me coz' they both knew what was going on. In fact, I told them both of his second betrayal. My hubby was the only one who thought he had fooled the entire world.

His sister called him and gave him a piece of her mind. She told him not to use anger to hide everything and not to deny anymore coz' I knew. I was just too tired. I stayed at home with baby for 3 days and he didn't come home. He stayed over at his mum's. He messaged me and said that he saw how hard and painful labour was and how much he thanked me for giving him a beautiful daughter. He said that he made a clean break with her since my daughter came along coz' he didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the family. I could see how much he loved our baby and my stand weakened.

And for me, I always hated the fact that I always soften after a few days. He knew my weak spot and he made use of it. When he came home, I didn't talk to him for a month. And gradually, things just faded away and we went back to our old lives. We did not talk about the issue at all up to this point. It has almost been a year and everything seemed fine. But I no longer feel the same for him and the trust is gone. We have our good days and bads days, happy times and sad times, just like any married couple. As said, everything is for my daughter. Seeing how much he loves her, I'm merely carrying on with this marriage. The two of us don't talk that much now and sometimes, anger will rise when our tone of voice is not so nice. I don't know how long more the marriage will last but one thing I know, my baby gives me strength to go on.

Sorry for the long post... Just reminicsing about the past...
 
cherie, I feel sad after reading your post abt ur past but I admire you for being such a strong woman for the sake of your dotter. Men cant be trusted... or should i say, never trust a man 100%. I hope the best for you.

Rainie, after reading your letter to the slut, I kinda agree with wat cua said. The letter kinda revealed that u r deluding yourself but luckily u din send. However I must say, I m glad that u write out ur thoughts and bet it is a shiok feeling rite? Whenever i m unhappy, I like to write out my feelings and somehow I feel better after letting things out.

I can sense that u really want to make ur marriage work and i really hope ur hubby will put in effort. U mentioned ur hubby wanna bring u for a trip.. go for it and let him hv a chance to make things up.
 
Seems like I am not the only one who went through all the pain.....
There are actually so many sisters here that went through it and silently suffering cos of our little one.....

I asked myself why should we give in to men like these.....What's holding us back especially when they betrayed our trust more than once.

Me too, am in the exact position whereby I found out husband is cheating on me for at least the 2nd time. Why am i still holding onto the marriage then?

Just got a 8mth old baby boy and just bought a new house that is under going reno right now. Really didn't know what to do!
 
Just to share

After reading the posting from rainie jane and cherie, I find the both of you hv one thing in common that you are a very giving wife. You will do anything for yr husband and you take care of him very well.

What I feel is women cannot be too giving to their husbands cos they will take it for granted and not appreciate you at all. Like what my ex colleague said never give in to yr husband all the time, get him to share the hsework(esp when you are pregnant) and make sure he do it esp men who do not hv the initiative to help out at all.
By doing everything by yrself will only make them think that you can do it on yr own without their help and let them hv the free time to do their own things.

My husband didn't cheat on me, when I was pregnant, he didn't hv the initiative to help out with the chores. So I listened to my ex colleague's words and get him to help out(to train him), but hv to remind him all the time.
I was emotionally hurt cos he rarely talked to me, and I get depressed(I felt he doesn't care). I was very emotionally fragile when I was pregnant.

Whatever it is, women should get their husbands to help out in the house,run errands, pay the bills. Even if you may be working, he shld give you monthly allowance cos you are his wife and bore him children(even if you don't hv children, you still deserve the allowance cos it's his responsibilty to take care of you). It doesn't mean you are working that he don't need to give you allowance, if you don't do that, they will take you for granted even more. This is how I feel about men, from my husband, brother and father, they just take women for granted like li suo tang ran. Just my thoughts.
 
Rainie

this slut told ur hubby she is willing to wait for u to die first then she could marry your hubby, then, u can tell her fine no problem wait long long long... till u grow old with your hubby then might die in your ripe age (more likely to be 70-80s), then die, and let her take your hubby when he might be toothless n wrinkled...and she dun mind the future fact that your hubby might not be able to stand anymore..

the slut really stupid n bi***y.. wait she will get her just dessert in no time.
 
I hv seen some sisters's real life story n could empathise with them.

And one more thing is i also knew one daddy of two kids from here(SMF), and think his wife is a school primary teacher in sengkang area. She was also like u, being pregnant twice n yet still in the dark.. i dunno if she did found out or not that her hubby went for sex flings with several gals. i dunno how to tell her cos i dunno her. sigh.. seems that every hubby for sure hv cheated on their wives before. It will be a matter of time before their other halves will find out somedays.
 
Thanks Rainie
but my hubby always turn mi down when i wanted to tok to him.Its really hard to communciate with him. This incident has been dragging since 2006. We have been together for almost 16 years, and i have a daughter who is now in primary school. I dont know he has an affair until one night i started to check on his handphone. That message was send by that bitch, is a good night message and she call my hubby "lau gong". At that moment, i was so angry but i did not confront him.
I start to check on him after that day. I started to check on him, I ask my friend to check on the gal background, where she stay, where she work. I become very paranoid whenever my hubby handphone rings n got message. This gal is married and with a son. I was very surprise to find out that she had a son... After i have find out everything, i started to confront him, he request to divorce with me.
I cry like hell when i heard the word divorce, just because of that bitch, he wanted to give up a 10 overs years relationship. I got depression after that, and i refuse to divorce with him. I ever commit sucide and admitted in TTS. Few months later, i think we did not tok for at least 3 months, my sisters took me to the lawyer firm to file for divorce. I was really unwilling to go, and i wish that he could stop me in time.
Just when i step into the firm, he sms me. He beg me to give him another chance to be together. At that moment i was really very happy, but my sisters ask me to think twice before giving him the answer. After talking to the lawyer, i decided to give him one more chance. But since last year, I dont feel secure when i am with him. I will tends to check his handphone everyday since tis thing happen. I become very nevous whenvever he say he want to go out. I will keep guessing n guessing who he go out with, will he meet her again. But i find out tat that bitch sure message him once a month wan. I suspect that they still meet up during working hours. Everytime i will question him, but end up i'm the one who is at fault, he will scold me that i check on his handphone. He will keep blaming me that i dont trust him at all.. He will keep saying that they have really break off, never betray me.. start all craps..want me to belief him.
I really had enough but i still love him alot. I really dont know what to do, to make myself to trust him again.My story is really really damn long, I dont know how to continue with the story.. haiz.. I really need advices in how to cope with hubby if i dont totally trust him.
 
sometimes i was wondering, how come a married woman with children, can be so cruel to break others people family.. haha...
 
cherie, thanks for sharing your story. same like u, i also dont know if the marraige will last. i want it to. i want it to last SO BADLY. he doesnt know this but i really still love him a lot, despite all that he has done. although not as much as last time lah, but still alot. but he really broke my heart. sometimes i ask myslef why i stay, why im so stupid.

saturday night i cry nonstop. i just couldn't do anything, i kept sobbing nonstop. i feel like he really destroy my dreams of having happy family and perfect life. i know no such thing as perfect life but i feel he really destroy my life so much.

you are a veryvery strong lady btw.

bluecheese, i have more letters to send to her. but my counsellor dont let me. that is one of the nicest. honestly i dont know if im deluding myself. i always make fun of her to my husband, it makes me feel better. she used to use those 10cents payphone to call my husband. so pathetic can!!! no money buy handphone because all her salary go to pay for hotel and condom ah??? stupid idiot.

patricia_koh, *hugs* I'm sorry you are in the same position. i really hate what i feel and i feel so sad when i hear someone same position as me. he cheated on you again?? what are u going to do now? i told my husband if it happens 2nd time, im leaving him. im out of here. but i dont know liao.. haha. i just hope i will have the strength to leave if it really happens.

pingping, he give me montly money. and he bring me out, etc etc. so he think his job as husband done. esp since he only met her at night, after i and baby sleep already. so he say its not really interefering with our time. STUPID. where got such thing??!

ocean, yes i truly believe in retribution for her. i hope she will be a betrayed wife one day and her husband really leave her and she's stuck with a million kids and she get AIDS. promiscious bitch.

i alwyas tell my husband also, u tell a lie, one day people sure find out. u think u such a good liar.. it doesnt matter. God is fair. one day people will surely find out and your life will be ruined. and i also tell him, behidn one successful man is a woman. behind every unsuccessful man is TWO women.

now he want to quit his job. i want him to quit his job also because our counsellor got told us, his job provides lots of opportunities to stray. if he job change, his salary will be cut at least by 30%. sigh. what to do, his stupidity did it to him.

qinqin, i know what u mean. i sometmies feel like i've had enough too but i still love him. why not try go counselling? call Family service centre lah.. they can help. im going for counselling but actually im finding a new counsellor trained in infidelity.

actually no need say married woman with children. how can PEOPLE in general be so cruel???!!!
 
Thanks for ur advices Rainie, I have try going to counselling but no use..whenever i go counsel, he will start to say i am crazy lah, siao ah, go counselling for wat.. he won't be able to know how hurt and how bad i am suffering. Alone couselling is no use loh, i wanted him to follow me, but always get scolded.
I am really tired of checking his handphone or trying to call him during working time to check his background. Almost every month, we will quarrel becos of the message.Haiz...
Why we woman gotto suffer so much while they can enjoy themselves outside. I got ever think of revenge by knowing other guys outside, to act wat he did on mi. But is unless loh, my sister told mi not to harm other man outside. She belief in retribution. Recently I saw that bitch messaging him, i straight away confront him, he say she accidentally msg him wan. U belief????
Really treat me like a fool loh.. I was really very upset after tat. Everyday keep tinking of wat he is doing during working time.Me aso suffer from insomina which i tink really cant go on like that. I am trying very hard to trust him again but whenever i reach home, i will automatic hold his hp n start checking..
How to trust my hubby again????? Got pills to take???
 
ya at first when i still didnt know my husband got affair, i told him lets go counselling. (that time i suspect already) he say for what, we not crazy and our marriage is fine, for what go counselling.

after i found out, then he ok go counselling. now he likes it.

i also check my husband's hp again and again. now he leave it around lah, he dont carry it with him at all times like last time. but still, im very scared. i check the log all the time. and yes i also 3G call him and he also 3G call me when he's at work. i really dont trust him at all.

EH i got think of revenge too. get to know many guys outside, go clubbing maybe, or wear sexy clothes to attract guys. but wont stoop to their level and have sex lah.

but for what right.. make myself dirty. at least now i can be proud of myself, im clean and i got my self worth. i never make myself dirty like him.

if only got pills to take!!! sometimse the hurt is soooo raw soooo painful!!!
 
Hi rainie,

So sorry to hear from you, that your husband does not hv the responsibility to keep the marriage together by rejecting advances from other women. I think he is being ridiculous by saying that he's not intefering with yr time by meeting that woman at night. To me. he didn't think about how you would feel when he committed adultery.

Actually I'm surprised that husbands of today still do this kind of thing, as like in our grandparents' time. They should be taught a lesson cos women today has much more stress (work to support the family, take care of kids, do hsework, etc) compared to our grandmothers. I think you shld hv yr revenge, let him hv a taste of his own medicine. Let him worry if it makes u happy, it also shows he cares abt you.
 
Really very tired to keep checking n checking. My sisters always tell me to leave him becos i dont trust him at all. And i will die earlier than him as i keep stressing myself. But i still love him loh, using my daughter as an excuse is bullshit loh.. At first mi tot that becos of my daughter, i need to endure n keep giving him chances.. but when things happens again, i found out that the reason why i dont want to leave is becos i too love him, not becos of children.
This thing has been dragging since 2006, dont know when that bitch will stop contacting him.
 
hi mar, ok i just on
happy.gif


qinqin, yeah i know what u mean. sometimes i lie to myself too, that i give him 2nd chance because of my son, but actually because i love him. he means a lot to me.

pingping, yes he was being VERY ridiculous!!! but i've read books, they always say when men commit adultery, they just cannot think anymore. its like in a fog. i dont know why until so bad also.. sigh.

i want to have my revenge, but i dont want to stoop to his level. go out with other men? in fact i told him sometimes i feel like i want to have sex with other men just to let him know how i feel. but i dont want to make myslf dirty. he's not worth it.
 
Yes, i agreed with qin qin....It's very tiring to check and check.....
Honestly, its not the continuous checking that is tiring, its the pain, hurt and emotional turnmoils that will pierce through our hearts when we see what we really don't wish to see or find out.....

Yes, truth hurts the most.
No one can and will understand the pain unless they been thru themselves.
Sometimes it's not as easy just telling or consoling the victims.
For we would be lost in the pain and betrayal.
I see that lucky for many of us here, we do have our little ones to keep us going on strong.

This time when I found out abt his affair. I told myself I wouldn't check anymore. When I first sensed something is wrong, I wrote him a note and told him perhaps to him " What I don't know wouldnt hurt! " but I asked him to spare a thought for our baby boy....He actually called me and lied through his bloody teeth saying he is not having an affair.

2 weeks later, I wrote another note. Tell him don't bother to lie anymore cos I know all abt it. As I was there, seeing the both of them leaving happily together after his work....Clubbing happily together at MOS. I told him I would stop questioning him for I am hurt, more deeply hurt than the last time for old wound reopen, it cuts deeper. He can choose to do whatever he wants, I only asked him once again not to hurt our little one.

After reading, he came to me and said he had never stopped loving me. He said he is too much like his father and hence he hated his father for it. His father had caused so much pain and hurt to his mother. I was like since you have seen how painful it was for your mother, how could you do it to me over and over again. He also said he wouldn't give us up when I told him I am more than willing to give him my blessings should he really thinks the other woman is really worth it.

At this point of time, we carry on life as per normal. Do see that he is no longer as cold to me like before and did try to make effort in spending time with our boy. I dind't ask what is happening on the other side either, but one thing for sure is that I won't let him have the best of both worlds for too long. Am just waiting for the right moment to ask what does he intend to do.
 
Hi rainie

You don't hv to stoop to his level, just make him jealous is enough. Cos whatever women do, we are always at the losing end esp in affairs, if you know what I mean. Either you spend more time outside and don't let him know who you are going out with, actually you are going out with yr friends. Anyway he didn't tell u who he is going out with in the first place.
 


Patricia, how long has ur hubby been cheating u? You are really brave to follow him to MOS to see both together.
 
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